Doodie, Doodie, DON’T TOUCH IT!!!

Doodie, Doodie, DON’T TOUCH IT!!!

34 men touched cotton at The Floater.

Thursday, February 1st 5:25 am- Stomachs are churning, people are flop sweating, we all have chills. YHC and Bottlecap arrive at the Water Tower. We exit the car and notice an armada of vehicles and see men with headlamps running our direction. SOB had a case of the pre-runs.

Clearly they weren’t aware of the WUC boys’ ability to fully purge the bowels!

Introduction: Circle Up…Big circle. 34 pax. Disclaimer filed, notification of the Burpee Train tradition (is it a tradition if its never happened before?). And that was it.

Everybody assumed the position and we began.

Warmup IC:

Mosey past Doughboy’s office. Transporter wasn’t having that. Late in the workout, he  got jealous and decided to leave his ‘mark’ on the toilet there as well. #OfficeForTwo #SharedSpace #OpenConcept

Mtn Climber x 20

Peter Parker x 20

Merkins x 10

Squats x 20

Count 1/2/1/2 around the Bowl. Bottlecap took the #1’s and YHC took the #2’s. Let’s Mosey

Two Stations- The Half Wall (aka The Full Goodfella) and Station 2 “The Upper Decker”

Station 1 (The Full Goodfella)

Interval Work. #StrainAndBreathe 1 minute on/30 second recovery…because hemorrhoids suck and toilet paper is expensive.

Box Jumps 1:00

LBC :30

Derkins 1:00

Flutters :30

Left Leg Step Ups 1:00

American Hammer:30

Right Leg Step Ups 1:00


Irkins 1:00

Diamonds :30

Dips 1:00

Dolly :30

Station 2 (The Upper Decker)

At each ‘portico’ or deck, to the SOB’ers, do 30 exercises, and run over the rail bridge. On the top of the bridge, do 40 of the same. x2

First Exercise: Squats. 2nd exercise, Bobby Hurley’s. We flushed it once and then gave it a courtesy half-flush to end it. We then walked away. Also, Goodfella decided against cheek to seat and did half reps. Nobody was surprised.As it turns out, the #1’s couldn’t find toilet paper so instead of 40 of the exercises on top of the bridge, they waddled as if they had no toilet paper. Sorry, #2’s. we all walked away feeling dirty.

Groups mosey to Keith Jong Hill. Keith Jong Hill is named after our #respectaBALL pax Recalculating. He turned 50 here…once. We run the hill in his honor- time and again.

Oddly enough, the #2’s show up before the #1’s. This is a direct violation to nature’s design, but regardless, we MARY’d until they all made it down ‘main street’. It’s time for Keith Jong Hill. Yes, it is a hill. Yes, it is a nightmare. Here we go:

Keith Jong Hill- 300 each of Merkins and Squats

Partner up (preferably with somebody you’ve never met)

Partner 1 runs to bottom of hill towards the light (like a turd) and return. Partner 2 does merkins or squats. We need 300 of each, so you better push like you have a meeting in 5! Everybody gets to 300 of each and we jog back to the Water Tower. Great Success!

Moleskine/Mumblechatter combo (Mumblechatter here was too good not to call out):

  • Chocolate Delight: Hollywood lost his keys…before we ever worked out. We likened this for him reaching under the stall for a spare square of TP
  • Keyster Cakes: 4 headlamps from SOB showed up post-pre-run sooner than 4 car headlights from WUC showed up to workout
  • Craic Splitters: SOB boys surprised at the actual Crack sales taking place at Mary O’Neill’s
  • Brown Tears: Teller can talk. Those of us who know who Penn and Teller are cried and laughed… a LOT
  • Skidmarks Scrubbers: Wingman looking to push the Floater to 7, meanwhile YHC and Cheddar had problems counting to 7


  • Scepter presentation to Thin Mint . . . Our #Mantan
  • Church on the Street:  First Sunday of every month.  Great opportunity to serve with M’s and 2.0’s.  Please reach out to Strawberry for more details
  • F3 Dads Camp in April:  Check #F3Dads channel on Slack or check with Frazier for more details
  • Bro-Lympics:  Feb 24th at Weddington High School.  Check with Tuck for more details.  Also, please remember that Frack will win the Bench Press again
  • Richard Sheltra Memorial 5k/10k on April 28th in Pineville


About the author

MoneyBall author

You must be logged in to post a comment.