Deck the Halls: Nine is Fine!

Deck the Halls: Nine is Fine!

Here we go again with the 5th iteration of something that shouldn’t have happened once.  15 PAX popped the red pill (and some ibuprofen) and posted at The Brave for the most ambitious and Christmassy Deck Run ever.  We covered 5-6 miles and conquered a world record 9 decks.  It was great on so many levels.

That’s right, 9 decks were ascended; the most of any Deck Run in recorded history.  Here is a little historical context:

• Deck Run I – 11/20/15 – 13 PAX – 7 decks
• Deck Run II – 6/9/17 – 18 PAX – 8 decks
• Deck Run III – 10/19/18 – 23 PAX – 5.5 decks for most (foiled by security), 8 for Kirby/PJ/Mighty
• Deck Run IV – 10/18/19 – ? PAX – 8 decks (PSA: write backblasts)
• Deck Run V – 12/4/20 – 15 PAX – 9 decks

Here’s how it went down.  And up.

0520.  Taco Stand heads out early, and solo, looking to keep his heart rate down for his #MAF training.  If you ask YHC, this lone wolf has the biggest heart of the bunch.  No seriously, you should get that checked out Taco, it’s a dangerous condition.

0525.  YHC rolls up and Cheese Curd is already there, strapping on his ruck.  Usually it is not a ruck that Curd is strapping on in dimly lit parking lots, but that is a different story for a different time.  Recuping from a recent injury, Curd has decided to use the sure-fire rehab strategy of walking up concrete ramps while carrying a bunch of extra weight.  Curd is now primed to shatter the glass ceiling of parking deck-related sports by being the first man to ever ruck the Deck Run.  But if he is rucking can we still call it the Deck Run?  It’s definitely not the Deck Ruck because there are runners.  Let’s go with the Deck… Thing.

0526.  The nervous energy and determination are palpable.  YHC can sense the PAX are eager to get started on this unprecedented, audacious feat.  The kind of feat that you tell you grandkids about one day.  The kind of feat that Frehley’s could have told his grandkids about TODAY, if he had shown up.  The kind of feat that you get a tattoo over, like Rock Thrill’s IronMan or Tolkien’s Spartan, except dumber and even more regrettable.  Speaking of which, Wingy how is the logo coming?

0527.  Tagalong reaches into his beard, removes a headlamp and straps it on. He is now ready to finally gain the respect of his family and friends.

0528.  Disclaimer & instructions are urgently and dramatically delivered as Kirby casually searches his car for a headlamp. Even with stakes this high, with everything on the line, Kirby CANNOT be rattled.  He flat out refuses.  One time Kirby and Chuck Norris had a staring contest and Chuck Norris killed himself with a roundhouse kick TO HIS OWN FACE mid-contest. True story.

0529.  Tolkien reluctantly saunters up, looking like he is only there because YHC talked him into it.  YHC is ok with this.

0530.  And just like that, it’s go time.  No more talk.  No more casually looking for personal items.  Let’s do this!

Midriff’s shorts are high but his excitement is higher.  He leads the PAX out of the gate and stays out in front for most of the run. The nine decks start falling, one by one.  A nucleus of YHC/Wingman/Midriff/Softie/Wild Turkey/Tolkien/Tagalong/Brexit/Goonie forms, with smaller groups breaking off and doing what they need to do to get the job done.

It was fun to look up now and then and see PAX in different decks.  While running North on Community House we spotted Kirby and Teddy running in the Hampton Inn deck.  While on the roof of one of the Community House decks we spotted Taco on the roof of the next deck.  We are everywhere and cannot be stopped.

After crushing the 9 decks and honestly just embarrassing them, the various groups coalesced back at launch with a few minutes to spare.  All groups, that is, except the dynamic duo of Sweetwater and Das Boot.  These two overachievers decided to tack on an extra three quarters of a mile to the route before returning home.  Why?  Because they eat pieces of sh*t like you for breakfast, that’s why.

With our spirits high, bolstered by the satisfaction of knowing we had each taken more deck than any man that had come before us, we stood 6 feet apart and pondered life’s great questions.  Who is on Q next week?  Does it make sense to go to the 10-year F3 anniversary (spoiler alert: no it does not).  When is the next Deck Run/Thing?  Are there horse socks?

So what did we learn from Deck Run V?  For YHC it is this.

1. It is an incredible gift to go on these pointless adventures with you fine fellows
2. Next year 10 decks is the only option

Be honest, you thought there would be more deck-related puns in this backblast.

Coming in 2021: COVID vaccines but more importantly, Deck Run VI – 10 decks – “The Deckathalon”

-TUCK