The Eighth Amendment

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The Eighth Amendment

19 months ago, 13 unlikely heros achieved the unthinkable by scaling all seven Ballantyne parking decks in a single 1-hr #F3TheBrave workout.  After that feat, Bissell, sensing the SOB’s were ready for an even more colossal challenge, went ahead and (mostly) built another deck (the eight); this one the biggest and baddest of them all.  Here lies the story of how 18 men from 4 regions authored the Eight Amendment.

Now, the Eight Amendment of the United States Constitution prohibits cruel and unusual punishment, but that most definitely does not apply here.  YHC is referring to the eight parking deck that Bissell has constructed on N. Community House Rd. (#1 in below pic) since our last epic adventure in November of 2015.  Truth be told, it is still under construction as evidenced by the construction workers that were arriving to work as we arrived… to work.  YHC has had his eye on this project ever since ground was broken last year, watching as it slowly inched toward the sky and waiting patiently for the day that it was complete “enough” for us to exploit its ultimately EIGHT levels of goodness.  As we now know, that day was Friday, June 9th 2017.  It was clear to YHC that a deck of this caliber (a full three levels bigger than every other Bally deck) needed a name, one commensurate with its badassery.  Leading the maiden voyage, YHC had the privilege of doing the naming.  After much though, it was christened #Room101, a reference to Orwell’s book ‘1984’.  “You asked me once,” said O’Brien, “what was in Room 101. I told you that you knew the answer already. Everyone knows it. The thing that is in Room 101 is the worst thing in the world.”  ‘Nuff said.

Decks

The Thang

Huddle up at The Vine at 0515 to quickly lay down the challenge and provide blueprint.  The basic framework is to run up the ramps of each deck, performing a called exercise at the top of each ramp.  A different Q was tapped for each deck ahead of time.  Muscle-up and over the wall that is just after the top ramp on 7 out of the 8 decks.  Stairs back down after reaching the top, then on to the next deck.  In an effort to create pace equilibrium within each deck, exercise reps were assigned in an inverse relationship to each man’s current 1-mile race pace.  Less than 6 minutes = 7 reps.  Between 6 and 6:30 minutes = 5 reps.  Greater than 6:30 minutes = 3 reps.  And, we’re off.  Disclaimer: forgot.  COP: nope.

Lots of ground to cover in 1 hour, so take the most direct route to #Room101 through the golf course (actual route from Wingman’s Strava below).  Thanks to a couple fellas for the headlamp assist.  Box jump up 7 consecutive retaining walls on hill behind destination #1.  Ignore construction workers and enter #Room101 through side door accurately labeled with a Room 101 sign.

Route

From there we followed the plan and it went off without a hitch.  Here’s a summary of who Q’d each deck, and what type of exercises they called:

Deck 1 (#Room101): Tuck / 8 levels / Mary

Deck 2: Argonaut / 4 levels / Squats

Deck 3: Bunker / 4 levels / Merkins

Deck 4 (Met Life Building): Thin Mint / 5 levels / Jumps

Deck 5 (Woodward Building): Mr. Bean / 5 levels / Plank-based

Deck 6 (Harris Building): Wingman / 5 levels / Lunges

Deck 7 (Premier Building): Mario / 5 levels / Mary

Deck 8 (Ballantyne Village): Fire Hazard / 5 levels / Burpees

Arrive back at The Vine at 6:17.  Close enough!  Mission Accomplished.  All in all 8 decks were smashed and 10k traveled with 479 feet of elevation change. Your move, Bissell.

Eight Notes

YHC loves it when a plan comes together, especially one this ambitious.  This was truly a team effort.  We stayed together the entire time and encouraged each other along the way.  Feeling very grateful for these men so here are a bunch of thank you’s and T-claps (and one apology).

T-claps to Argonaut, Tolkien, Joe Schmo, Thin Mint and Reborn for a multi-mile pre-run.

Thanks to the seven Q’s that helped out with this one.  YHC was able to enjoy the workout more without having to remember 33 exercises.

T-claps to Mr. Bean, Pop Tart, Wingman and Fire Hazard for posting at both the original triumph back in 2015 and this latest one.  You guys rule.

My apologies to those guys that were a little uncomfortable w/ the pics/videos that YHC was taking along the way.  The plan was to try something new and make a promotional video to get the word out about #F3TheBrave (YHC’s favorite workout in all the land).  Mission accomplished on that as well, but post-workout it became clear to YHC that some guys would have preferred a more anonymous / undocumented experience. Didn’t anticipate that reaction and YHC feels bad if some PAX were unhappy during the workout.

Thanks to Mario, Fire Hazard and Thin Mint for the opportunity and honor of leading this fine group of men.

Thank you Tolkien for the take out.

Announcements

Chopper VQ at #F3daVinci this Saturday 6/15! (Blakeney Chik-fil-A / 0630)

SOB Summer Shirt Pre-Order link is live.  New MudGear v3 shirts available.

Deck the Halls: Nine is Fine!

Here we go again with the 5th iteration of something that shouldn’t have happened once.  15 PAX popped the red pill (and some ibuprofen) and posted at The Brave for the most ambitious and Christmassy Deck Run ever.  We covered 5-6 miles and conquered a world record 9 decks.  It was great on so many levels.

That’s right, 9 decks were ascended; the most of any Deck Run in recorded history.  Here is a little historical context:

  • Deck Run I – 11/20/15 – 13 PAX – 7 decks
  • Deck Run II – 6/9/17 – 18 PAX – 8 decks
  • Deck Run III – 10/19/18 – 23 PAX – 5.5 decks for most (foiled by security), 8 for Kirby/PJ/Mighty
  • Deck Run IV – 10/18/19 – ? PAX – 8 decks (PSA: write backblasts)
  • Deck Run V – 12/4/20 – 15 PAX – 9 decks

Here’s how it went down.  And up.

0520.  Taco Stand heads out early, and solo, looking to keep his heart rate down for his #MAF training.  If you ask YHC, this lone wolf has the biggest heart of the bunch.  No seriously, you should get that checked out Taco, it’s a dangerous condition.

0525.  YHC rolls up and Cheese Curd is already there, strapping on his ruck.  Usually it is not a ruck that Curd is strapping on in dimly lit parking lots, but that is a different story for a different time.  Recuping from a recent injury, Curd has decided to use the sure-fire rehab strategy of walking up concrete ramps while carrying a bunch of extra weight.  Curd is now primed to shatter the glass ceiling of parking deck-related sports by being the first man to ever ruck the Deck Run.  But if he is rucking can we still call it the Deck Run?  It’s definitely not the Deck Ruck because there are runners.  Let’s go with the Deck… Thing.

0526.  The nervous energy and determination are palpable.  YHC can sense the PAX are eager to get started on this unprecedented, audacious feat.  The kind of feat that you tell you grandkids about one day.  The kind of feat that Frehley’s could have told his grandkids about TODAY, if he had shown up.  The kind of feat that you get a tattoo over, like Rock Thrill’s IronMan or Tolkien’s Spartan, except dumber and even more regrettable.  Speaking of which, Wingy how is the logo coming?

0527.  Tagalong reaches into his beard, removes a headlamp and straps it on. He is now ready to finally gain the respect of his family and friends.

0528.  Disclaimer & instructions are urgently and dramatically delivered as Kirby casually searches his car for a headlamp. Even with stakes this high, with everything on the line, Kirby CANNOT be rattled.  He flat out refuses.  One time Kirby and Chuck Norris had a staring contest and Chuck Norris killed himself with a roundhouse kick TO HIS OWN FACE mid-contest. True story.

0529.  Tolkien reluctantly saunters up, looking like he is only there because YHC talked him into it.  YHC is ok with this.

0530.  And just like that, it’s go time.  No more talk.  No more casually looking for personal items.  Let’s do this!

Midriff’s shorts are high but his excitement is higher.  He leads the PAX out of the gate and stays out in front for most of the run. The nine decks start falling, one by one.  A nucleus of YHC/Wingman/Midriff/Softie/Wild Turkey/Tolkien/Tagalong/Brexit/Goonie forms, with smaller groups breaking off and doing what they need to do to get the job done.

It was fun to look up now and then and see PAX in different decks.  While running North on Community House we spotted Kirby and Teddy running in the Hampton Inn deck.  While on the roof of one of the Community House decks we spotted Taco on the roof of the next deck.  We are everywhere and cannot be stopped.

After crushing the 9 decks and honestly just embarrassing them, the various groups coalesced back at launch with a few minutes to spare.  All groups, that is, except the dynamic duo of Sweetwater and Das Boot.  These two overachievers decided to tack on an extra three quarters of a mile to the route before returning home.  Why?  Because they eat pieces of sh*t like you for breakfast, that’s why.

With our spirits high, bolstered by the satisfaction of knowing we had each taken more deck than any man that had come before us, we stood 6 feet apart and pondered life’s great questions.  Who is on Q next week?  Does it make sense to go to the 10-year F3 anniversary (spoiler alert: no it does not).  When is the next Deck Run/Thing?  Are there horse socks?

So what did we learn from Deck Run V?  For YHC it is this.

  1. It is an incredible gift to go on these pointless adventures with you fine fellows
  2. Next year 10 decks is the only option

Be honest, you thought there would be more deck-related puns in this backblast.

Coming in 2021: COVID vaccines but more importantly, Deck Run VI10 decks – “The Deckathalon”

-TUCK