Parking Lot Shenanigans with the Ladies

Parking Lot Shenanigans with the Ladies

13 men mostly behaved themselves on a cool Thursday morning at Nightmare on Elm.  Site Q Circuit City was absent due to a lingering injury but with his partner in crime, Mic Check, and the Man-Tan, War Eagle, SOB leadership was present.  With a quorum established, a disclaimer was (not really) delivered, and at ~0530 pax set off for a run over to the NE corner of the theater.

Two things YHC didn’t expect in a post-lockdown/pandemic movie theater parking lot was

  1. how nice and freshly paved the parking lot was (they must be betting on Fast and Furious 17 to really hit it big at the box office) and
  2. how this place has turned into a NASCAR and truck driving training ground.  No sooner did the pax head out across the parking lot then a massive pickup truck sped through the lot right in front of us with little regard to the pedestrians dressed in dark colors who were not highly visible.  The nerve of some people.

Pax hands were saved from a terrible cheese-grater experience with new asphalt in front of Stonecrest Regal, so this seemed like the perfect place to do some burpees and we did.  Frehley’s Comet was quick to point out his 10 burpee limit.  But not if it was 10 total or 10 at once.  YHC erred on the side of caution and only called for 5 burpees, twice.


Mosey to NE corner of Theater
5 burpees, IW, Low Slow Squats
Mosey around the horn of the parking lot
5 burpees, merkins/Peter Parker/Parker Peter
Mosey back in towards the theater SE entrance

Parking Lot stupi-cides
Start at first island run to the end, 10 jump squats
Back to start and go to next island in, 10 jump squats
Back to start and go to next island in, 10 jump squats
Rinse and Repeat but flapjack (closest island) and do merkins

Head back to YHC’s car, grab coupons the ladies, and partner up.  Rule #1, the ladies don’t touch the ground
P1 runs to the stop sign, P2 does exercise, reps are cumulative by partners and when exercises are done one partner holds the coupon in the OH rifle carry position while the other partner planks up

100 OH Presses
100 Upright Rows
100 Good Morning
100 Squats
100 Curls
100 Tricep Ext

Fat-Man Murray (Mary) with the coupons got us to time


Good crew today.  Some new faces for YHC, which was nice and some pax who have ventured north to the land of the alien, Area 51.  Pax covered around 2 miles.  Another fun edition was bringing out the “ladies”.  Long have they languished in YHC’s garage because covid-forbid they be allowed out for the men of F3 to pass around like a bottle of Thunderbird.   Since many of you have yet to meet these darlings of YHCs coupon repertoire, here’s a little backstory to get you familiar with each of them.

25 pound plate, AKA Brandi:  She’s a fine girl, what a good wife she would be should have been.  But her twin sister, Mandi, objected to the proposed nuptials on the grounds that the husband to-be was their half-brother and part-time cousin.  these days she shares a room with Mandi and her collection of Bob Ross knock-off paintings and mumbles constantly about happy little trees.

25 pound plate, AKA Mandi: Brandi’s b**chy twin sister, a former Madame of a brothel in Hyderabad India.  She, unknowingly, is the love-child of a Bugs Bunny pez dispenser and a whirling dervish.  A bitter woman her goal in life is to crush men’s souls like an egg dropped on a sidewalk.

35 pound plate, AKA Cindi:  After growing up on the mean streets of Bethesda, Mary-land, she took a job as an airline stewardess for SpiceJet to “get away from it all”.  She once beat up a a dude with the muffler off his own car.  He came at her with a knife.   The lesson there, don’t bring a knife to a muffler fight.

35 pound plate, AKA Mindi:  She’s the smart one.  She was arrested once for trying to pass off some counterfeit Longhorn gift certificates for a 70% ownership stake in a hybrid waterpark and alligator petting zoo.  Every morning she wakes up and recites the same line over and over to herself in the mirror, “It’s you, Paris Hilton, and Katy Perry vs. the world”.  No relation to Cindi.

A (mostly) empty Miller Lite keg, AKA “The Fat One”:  A connoisseur of the finest lite beer this side of the Atlantic Ocean, don’t let her high quality choice of top shelf gas station beer fool you.  She may look high-class but she can get down and dirty with the best of them.

A ruck plate, AKA “The Skinny One”:  20 pounds of nicotine and hatred.  It doesn’t care about your feelings, it just takes what it wants.  It was raised by a pack of wild African Honey Badgers and is currently in talks with the Florida Game and wildlife Department to single-handedly rid the everglades of it’s invasive python problem.

A 50 pound sand-bag filler in a 120 lb sandbag, AKA The Bearded Lady-Boy: Hailing from a Bangkok rest stop.  Her claim to fame is having a bad-ass mustache.  It’s one hell of a self-esteem builder.

Sound off below in the comments with your fondest memory of the ladies.

Thanks to Circuity City and Mic Check for the opportunity to lead.  It was a great morning and a great crew.


  • New parking spot for workouts at Stonecrest, park by Jimmy Johns.  Apparently the riff raff have been stealing those little pine tree air fresheners out of your car
  • Grow Ruck, first weekend in August.  Lots of opporyunitites for leadership training with over 100 of your fellow pax.
  • Crane Relay, August 13th.  It’s like BRR Lite
  • Monday, July 5th, 0800 at the now defunct giant golf course in Ballantyne’s corporate space.  Bring your 2.0s.  It’ll be fun.


About the author

Hoover author

Commonly mistaken for sasquatch

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1 year ago

Hoov – this reads like some bizarre snizz that I would usually get blamed for.

Well done.

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