Hank Hill: [Presses his tongs into the steak cooking on the grill] Firm but with a little give. Yup, these are medium-rare.
Bobby Hill: What if somebody wants theirs well-done?
Hank Hill: We ask them politely, yet firmly, to leave.
9 Skunks for some King of the Hill
Smokey, Stone Cold, Baracus, Chicken Wing, Cage, Les Mis, Tweetsie, Little King, Horsehead (Q)
Tote your metal to the hill
Warmup a little bit – SSH, Grandpa Jack, Swings, Squats, Lunges, etc . . .
Run around the parking lot
Warmup up little bit more
Line up at the hill. Do a called KB thing, run to stop sign, Do another thing, run to other stop sign, Do a 3rd thing, run up the hill. Drop down a level and repeat all the way down to the lighted baptismal (sprinkling) drive thru. We did most of the favorites, swings, squats, clean and press, snatch, etc . . . No curls or TRicep extensions, because those aren’t kettlebell exercises. When we got to the bottom, nobody wanted to go back up again so we did something else next.
7 snatches each arm, run a lap around the parking lot. We gave Smokey the impression that he had some sort of decision making responsibility but not really. We did one large and two medium laps. We reversed the last one to even out the NASCAR shoe wear pattern.
2 mins left. Tote your metal back to your car with a happy heart.
It’s worth mentioning that Stone Cold and Baracus decided to pre-run this morning. They did not exactly look refreshed and invigorated upon return. Apparently Baracus (who sometimes goes by Brian) had a dry cleaning tag stuck on his back that said Brian’s Laundry , which to a nosey powerwalking passerby from the Del Boca Vista looked like Brian Laundrie, the nationally most wanted man of the hour. Well, dang right they called the law on him and he had to cut through two more retirement villages to get here in one piece. Who dry cleans their workout gear anyway? Sheeeeesh.
Cobains to Smokey for giving him the illusion of assigned leadership and then pulling a Lucy Van Pelt move on the running assignment. I think it was for the greater good though.
I hear Facebook was down all day yesterday. Facebook is still a thing right? It’s not like MySpace or AOL Instant message now is it? I really don’t keep up with the social medias. I deleted my Twitter account a couple of years ago and never looked back. God forbid I’d find a bunch of like-minded folks on the internet to encourage my nonsense. Anybody watch the Social Dilemma? It’s worth a look. You can pretty much get the entire message in the first 5 mins, but still worth it.
Continuing the Skunkworks tradition of selecting the next Q at COT. I’m not 100% sure if Cage accepted the assignment or not, but he mumbled something. We’ll come ready next week. It’s much better that SUG, which is just no fun at all. Where’s the excitement in assigning Qs for the next 6 months? Get em fresh and unsuspecting at COT or in a text message the night before I say.
Behold the Martin Luther Insult generator
Some choice selections
All I have time for today my friends.
Until next time,
Orange Whip, Baracus, Picasso, Mile High, Cold Cuts Horsehead
What’s this? A backblast? No I didn’t move to Waxhaw (although I hear they throw a mean kegger). Cheese Curd made me do it, and he wasn’t even there.
6 for an on-campus adventure this morning. Bit lame on the disclaim, but we headed off anyways.
your friend and advisor,
Cage, Baracus, Lois, Madison, Horsehead
What had happened:
Definitely some emotional (and audible) harumphing on the hills today. Without a doubt.
Baracus barely made it, and must have ran out of the door while dressing because he had on his kids tank top.
Lois still on the mend from his AAA towing injury but getting after it. We caught him in a moment of deep introspection during one of the hill repeats.
Cage did his thing, like he always does. Watch out retirement.
Madison offered up his bag of fartsacking excuses, free of charge. He didn’t need one today though #LIFO
Missing many of the regulars. We expect that they all have reasonable excuses, unlike the ones previously mentioned by Madison. Here are a few:
Should harumph have two Rs? That seems to be undecided. I’m going with one but my autocorrect is not happy.
That’s all I have time for today.
11 curious and most certainly uninformed men arrived at the Cathedral of the Patron Saint Mary Kay to subject themselves to the whims of an unqualified and unprofessional authority this morning. 1 additional lonely Meat Puppet was convinced into joining the party, as his Meat Puppet friends were home recovering from neck tattoo complications.
This was a non-traditional workout, with 3 teams of 4 each competing for a grand prize of both fame and infamy that would make El Guapo himself jealous. Team Captains were selected by age, who then participated in a moderately embarrassing playground style kickball team draft of which the selection order will remain on the field and in our hearts, but not on the internet. The final results were as follows:
Team Frehley (T 2nd):
Team BLC (T 2nd):
Team Runstopper (winner and supreme champions):
Instructions were fairly simple, select one of the 9 numbered slips of paper from the discarded box of Kirkland’s Signature somethings in the hotbox and complete a task that earns your team an impressive 10 points. Return for another task, and keep it going until we run out of time. The team with the most points wins.
The total gamut of challenges was just over a 4 mile experience, and took our victorious Team C up to the final few mins to complete. The other two teams enjoyed a hard fought battle, but decided to call it quits after 7/9 tasks.
Winning strategy for Team Runstopper employed a combination of A) having Proehl on your team, B) tackling the North Face and Triple Nick tasks first, and C) dragging Boerewors around like a dog chained to a pickup truck bumper on I-77. Boerewors claims to have gone completely numb after the first trip up North Face.
I’m not sure what exactly happened on Team BLC, but they appeared to be getting after it. I think that they probably spent the entire time telling “getting after it” jokes about Jet Fuel and his recent honeymoon, but I’d frankly be disappointed if they didn’t. They appeared to be as disinterested in doing the North Face challenge at least as much as our team was, which I can respect.
Team Frehley hung in there, mostly trying to avoid sweating to death or making eye contact with that awful bloated Cat Tattoo that Hoover has right at human eye level. Seriously, that thing looks like someone buried one of my eyebrows in the Pet Sematary and it came back to life addicted to stale marshmallow peeps. The eyes follow you and everything.
That about sums up everything I experienced today. Saturday beckons, so I’ll end it here.
Madison, Chicken Wing, Retread, CRS, Jock Strap, Cage, Lex Luthor, Horsehead
8 pax, no snax
Run to the Matthews UMC, often confused with RUN DMC, especially by the Plantation Estates crew across the street.
Brief warmup with standard warmup fare.
Three giant Partner loops w/ partner merkins and partner jump squats at each end. What’s a partner jump squat you might ask? That’s a good question. I was looking for something between a Double Dragon jump kick and the Kid N’ Play dance move where one guy kicks over the other guys’ head. Everyone failed. Also note the 2nd old skool rap reference, which really doesn’t fit the John Denver title of this backblast so I’m not sure where this is going.
½ mile Triple Nickel down the Country Road, which was much more fun going down than it was coming back up. After some carnage, we took a vote and decided that two trips up was enough so we headed back to launch. Nobody did the burpees I requested upon passing another pax, but I didn’t want to do them either so meh.
Back to launch, where Madison tried to do some weak QJack shizz while runing around staring at his watch and yelling in efforts to get some precise mileage amount that nobody cares about. After foiling that mutiny, we did a few AYG sprints and then joined the P51 crew for some random wall thing that Slim Fast was trying to kill the last 5 mins with. We then tied Madison to the anchor and dropped in into Davy Jones Locker.
It’s always nice being reminded that you are leading a running workout that you have completely forgotten about. It did prompt a few days of trading snacks for miles though, of which I am thankful for. I have admittedly been pretty low effort with the workouts over the past few months and I’m feeling it for sure. Thanks to Madison for keeping me honest and signing me up to Q.
I’m not sure I’ve ever had the pleasure of posting with CRS, but he was getting after it. Good nickname.
Jock Strap, who does not have a good nickname, was right on his heels the whole time. If you’ve ever worried about scaring off new guys by giving them a terrible nickname, this should assuage your fears a little.
Cage did his typical thing where he appeared out of nowhere. All I can think of is the butler from Mr. Deeds. Sneaky Sneaky.
Lex Luthor is doing some thing where he runs 4 times per hour every 4th hour for 4 mins on the 4th of July. Awesome.
Chicken Wing made the mistake of telling us all about his wife’s foot surgery recovery, to which he was mercilessly heckled about with many assumptions about the subpar support system he provides for his better-half. It was rough, I tell you. I mean, he left her home hobbled like Paul Sheldon in Misery, telling her that the Uber app was halfway loaded on her iPhone and she could “figure it out” , so I’m not sure what you guys were expecting the man to do.
Retread just did retread things. Steady pace, not much chatter. Always there, always watching.
I’ll be looking to trying to get after it a little harder in the upcoming weeks – need to get the fitness up a bit and unchain Princess Leia from my leg. Summer time is the best time to drop a few lbs. Time to get a sweat on. I hear there’s a chocolate milk with my name on it at an upcoming Ghost Runner.
Something about a Grow Ruck, or Glow Ruck? I think you buy a $400 book bag and then pay $800 to have Dredd yell at you for 24 hours. Who’s in?
TR, EE, HH, Beetlejuice
Knowing the tradition of being assigned the Q upon inquiry via the WAMRAP Slack channel, I attempted a foolish end-around via iMessage. Deep down in my little heart I knew what was going to happen, but I’ve been slacking myself a bit lately and needed a good Wednesday workout. So, I texted Alfalfa and “you got it” came back at me pretty quickly.
I got it.
Medium-Large Quatrofish at Traffic Circle #1. Pax choose 20 reps of a Chest, Leg, Ab, and Wildcard exercise at each leg. 5 burpee center. Bonus bear crawl the circle after every cycle. No repeat exercises allowed, so spend those imperial walkers and calf raises wisely.
Slackless EE just shows up and deals with whatever is being dealt. He puts his head down and just pulls the cart. What a man. He has the inlaws staying with him all week, so I think he slept in the parking lot. His phone kept ringing and he looked as nervous as a one-eyed man surrounded by seagulls.
Beetlejuice (Betelgeuse) kept in good spirits, doing a pro-level mod on a few of the legs. The best part was watching his headlamp bounce up and down behind the hedges on Leg #4 like an avant-garde prairie dog of the future with all the right gear but a mild case of speluncaphobia.
TR was a nice surprise, like the McRib he is. What wasn’t a surprise was him skipping pert near all of the exercises. Never even phased me. He was nice and spry on the runs though. Word has it that he’s Boston Ready. Or maybe Boston Market ready? Something like that.
Speaking of TR, apparently he threw down the cake for a new washing machine but wouldn’t pony up the extra $25 for delivery and haul-off so now he’s trying to unload (pun intended) a defunct giant front-loader from his upstairs to anyone gullible enough to haul it away. I think that $25 is going to look pretty good once the wife gets tired of the giant cube in the hallway, but what do I know?
I think we talked about P90X at some point, namely the plyo video where I puked in my bonus room many years ago. That was awesome.
I was thinking about some things. We call the workout leaders Qs, also the name of the head of Q Branch with the British Secret Service (the guy who makes the James Bond gadgets). It also seems to be the name of the mysterious leader of the possum-pelted ruffians who stormed the Capitol and hawked Beech Nut lougies in Nancy Peloci’s secret diary. Qincidence? Hmmmm . . . Strange things are afoot.
There is a 5k to benefit something somewhere.
Also please sign up for the cross-regional-national ironman workout marathon challenge, sponsored by the Calvary Food Pantry. Workout in all of the US time zones in the same day and get a custom shirt designed by some guy from F3 Cleveland, complete with moisture wicking Drew Carey workout glasses.
Voodoo’s BRR team said we had to write moar backblasts, so hear goez.
Actually, I never stopped writing them. I just haven’t Q’d much lately.
7 Skunks – one as funky smelling as his namesake.
Funky Cold, Chicken Wing, Smokey, Stone Cold, Baracus, Chubbs, HH
1H Swing to Clean to Clean & Press to Snatch complex
Start at 1 rep each arm, then go up by 1 until 5 (or failure), then back down 10 Burpees
This was one of the original 3 “Vevlar” workouts that we powered through when F3 was shut down exactly a year ago. Stone Cold and I used these over and over to get us through the worst of it. We tweaked them slightly and each variation ended up at right around 45 mins. We tried it on Zoom originally, but working out on Zoom might be worse than actual Zoom meetings at work so we ended up just doing them whenever we could.
The playlist was a random “Ultimate 80’s Hit Songs” that I found on Deezer. We just took in whatever came at us from the speaker.
Smokey kept complaining about wanting to hear 90’s hairband songs. I’ll let you in on a little secret. The Horsehead isn’t really a big fan of the 90’s hairband action. Bunch of guys in makeup and hairspray wearing tight leather isn’t my jam. I’ll take the random fashion and awkwardness of the 80’s, but to each his own.
Stone Cold kept texting me before the workout wanting specific terrain details for footwear selection. We all know he just only wears those Purple Haze knockoff all black shoes that you order from the back page of Prevention Magazines in the doctors office waiting room, so I’m not sure why he tries to put on such a show.
Lois was out. Visor injury. Ice up son.
Funky Cold pre-ran, but apparently did not pre &*!@ since he proceeded to &*!@ all over us during the workout.
Baracus wants to start a chubby hubby 9+min pace running club and I’m all in.
Chubbs is 23 years old. That old Tacoma pickup that I drive to the workouts is 21 years old.
Chicken Wing has the Q next week and promises to write an even better backblast than this.
Word of the Day is Quiddity – 1) The inherent nature of essence of someone or something or 2) A distinctive feature; a peculiarity.
Horsehead’s jovial demeanor is as much a quiddity as his giant eyebrow is.
BLC, Clover, Manziel, Geraldo, Chubbs, Mile High, Orange Whip, Tupperware, Brownout(FNG), Marvel, Wormwood, Stinger, Horsehead
13 Kevlarinians for a Q that was most definitely not made up on the fly. Actually . . .
Tapped for the Kevlar Q this week, which I most gladly accepted. The old Trapper Keeper was out of pre-canned workouts, but I had this one rolled up in the handle of my Rambo Survival Knife. I still remember when my pops got me that jewel from the Florence Flea Market. My buddies and I spent 4 hours trying to cut down a giant oak tree with the stupid little cable saw that hooked to the two keyrings that you put on your fingers and managed to saw through more of our fingers than the tree. The oak tree was right beside my house, so I’m not sure what our plan was anyways for dropping that bad boy right on the roof. It’s probably best that it didn’t work out.
We kept it fairly simple, like the Flipper challenges that keep coming out on Slack. Actually, those things are complicated as all get out. I think that only one person has ever completed one and he ended up finding One Eye Willie’s hidden treasure stash. He was so confused at the end that he only took home a backpack full of Baby Ruths #Sloth and now lives in poverty.
Nice fly by from the TigerBall running crew. TR is looking lean and mean. I think he orders the grilled nuggets at Chick Fil A. Nobody else eats those, they are disgusting. The results speak for themselves though. He looks like the bearded knight guardian of the Holy Grail on Indiana Jones and Last Crusade, but with a little more color. I hear they are making a new movie soon. Harrison Ford is 127 years old and it’s called Raiders of the Lost Remote.
Maybe I should talk about the people who actually came to the workout now that I’m on a roll. Chubbs is getting pretty fast. He’s like 19 years old though. He’s priming up for Site Q material. I wouldn’t answer any texts from Orange Whip if I were him.
BLC is always ready for action. When the white Dodge rolls up we know what’s up. Nobody has any idea what he is saying, but we like it that way. Usually those types of confused stares are reserved for folks listening to me speak, so it’s nice to see it taken to the next level sometimes.
Manziel seemed a bit perplexed by the uneven stairs of death on the hill. For some reason, he decided to keep running up and down them when literally everyone else at the workout was running on the grassy hill . There is a good Polish joke in here somewhere, but I’ll let you guys figure it out.
Good to have Stinger out, even though he missed the memo and parked at the old lot. He pulled an OT and ran around for a while before he caught up with us. If this were a Metro workout, we would have purposely left you but it’s all hugs and shrugs down here in the South.
Welcome First Time Kevlar poster Tupperware and FNG Brownout. Come back out and see us.
That’s all I have time for today. I’m petitioning for Pluto to regain planet status so I’ll probably be cancelled soon. It was nice knowing you.
One, two princes kneel before you
That what I said now
Princes, princes who adore you
Just go ahead now
One has diamonds in his pockets
That’s some bread, now
This one said he wants to buy you rockets
Ain’t in his head, now
Who it was:
Madison, Chicken Wing, Full House, Cage, OT, Christmas, Retread, HH
What it was:
How it was:
It was cold, that’s how it was. I’m not sure I ever warmed up. Parts of my body may never be seen again.
Not a ton of chatter out there . . . friendly group. All of the hate must funnel over to the Colony Place Teeter on Thursdays for the DST workout, because this is a pretty nice group of chaps.
It was nice working out in the Rona Testing/Vaccination parking lot for a bit. I think I’ll burn my shoes now.
Fun Fact: In 9 years of syndication, Hamilton Burger only defeated Perry Mason twice in court.
Gotta run – date night at Showbiz Pizza, where a kid can be a kid. This neckbeard ain’t gonna comb itself.
Baracus, Hoover, Smokey, Cage, Madison, Lex Luthor, Yeti, Header, Tweetsie, Lois, Chicken Wing, Horsehead
A rowdy dozen braved the chilly air for Groundhog Day Skunk, where we all eagerly anticipated the reaction of Puxtawny Phil, who was nestled deep in the warmth of Hoovers multi-colored beard. When he finally emerged, he saw his own shadow and peed himself, so we had to end the workout with the same thing we started with.
Short BB today due to work and spending too much time at the Fahrvergnügen dealer. Just a few nuggs.
Spackler on Q next week. The game is afoot.
Blood Mile coming up at SCMS. Give a pint, run a lap. Bring the kids.