Classy AF: The Area 51 Holiday (Keg) Party Pre-Blast

Classy AF: The Area 51 Holiday (Keg) Party Pre-Blast

Holiday gatherings, the time honored tradition of cramming ourselves into an enclosed space during the annual global pandemic that is flu season.  Like watching aircraft try to land at Cheese Curd’s house due to the excessive volume of overly festive lights that confuse red-eye pilots coming from Vegas, it’s a train-wreck waiting to happen.  But who doesn’t love the Festivus-inspired airing of our grievances while imbibing on expired eggnog or a keg of classy beer like Schlitz Malt Liquor.  And why should the SLT of Area 51 deny pax an opportunity to gather and celebrate the holidays in style?  So as the dually appointed 2nd F Q of Area 51, I present to you the Area 51 2021 Holiday Kegger, or Holiday Gathering for the grown-ups that have to sell this to their Ms.

It’s an opportunity to catch up with people you’ve only seen in the dark at 0530, so you won’t recognize them in the harsh halogen infused light of a rented space with dropped ceilings.  And since Thanksgiving is close enough in our rearview that the “Objects in mirror are closer than they appear” disclaimer isn’t warranted, our super-spreader turkey gatherings have enough time to process the Omicron variant and gear up for another classy super-spreader event.  Because how could your holidays get any worse?  Take a look around you, Ellen! We’re at the threshold of hell!  So let’s get some alcohol and put it to work killing the germs it was designed to kill.

Here are the details that you need to know:

  • When:  December 16th
  • Where:  The Clubhouse at Candlewyck Swim Club (here)
  • What time:  6:30 – 9:30 PM ET
  • How much:  Donate the amount you see fit to
  • What do I need to do Hoover?  HC.  Because we need a headcount.  See signup-sheet here.

The Area 51 SLT will graciously be providing the following.

  • A keg of (mostly) undrunken Schlitz for the men
  • Some kind of crap craft beer for the not as manly men
  • Catered food
  • A Bluetooth speaker playing all your favorite workout tunes holiday hits
  • Red solo cups to keep it classy AF

And remember, your donations are going towards a good cause shoring up the Area 51 paypal account.  Not just a lift kit for Purple Haze’s truck.  Because nothing says over compensating like needing a step-stool to get into your mid-size truck.

T-Claps to High Tide for pulling some strings and getting us these sweet digs.  More details to follow.

Looking forward to it, men.

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Hoover author

Commonly mistaken for sasquatch

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1 year ago

What time on Thursday the 16th?

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