The “Ultimate Warrior” in All of Us

The “Ultimate Warrior” in All of Us

Posted in behalf of Mayhem


Ultimate Warrior

Over the weekend, I was flipping channels at a rapid pace, ‘cause that’s what guys do. I stumbled across
A & E documentaries on wrestlers. Behind the scene stories on the Ultimate Warrior, Mankind, Jake
the Snake, etc. and a carton of ice cream later, I decided to tailor Thursday’s workout at Body Shop to
the wrestler in all of us. Thanks to the Pax for the buy in.

Turnbuckle brought his WWF coupon and 80’s wrestling mixed tape. One Star showed up in a “onesie” and cowboy hat. It was really cool, even though I haven’t gotten the image out of my mind or slept in 28 hours, 13 minutes, and 5 seconds.

OK, let’s roll with the Thang. In order to meet mashers and boot campers needs, I blended some WWF
moseys with mash gear (coupon, chair, rock, etc.).

  • 3 WWF Moseys at different times around the parking lot
  • “Rope Runs”-in WWF fashion, ran into wall (aka rope in ring), bounced off, ran to island, and repeated
    10 times
  • “Karate Kids”-in WWF fashion, used side kicks to drop opponent on their ?x#$
  • “Dusty Rhodes”-in WWF fashion, did a little fancy dance and punched with alternating arms
  • “Undertaker”-in WWF fashion, lifted leg as high as we could and gave boot to opponent’s face (or groin for the cheapshot artist in the group)
  • “Hulk”-in WWF world and Rocky 25, press coupon over head. Centerfold thought we were supposed to chunk them “out of the ring.” Always have 1 outlier in the bunch.
  • “Ric Flair”-while saying “woooooooooooo”, replicate slap across chest movement with arm extended across body.
  • “Mulkies”-for true WWF fans, they may remember the Mulky twins. They were famous for losing every match and getting the crap beat out of them. Their opponent would grab one of their feet coming off the rope and toss them over their head. To replicate this move, we did coupon swings.
  • “Headbangers”-image ramming your opponent’s face into the concrete. When Big Ben started to grab La-Z-Boy, I had to stop him and explain it meant taking coupon and completing lawn mower pulls.
  • Escape moves are a must in the wresting move. In order to kick out of a submission hold in 2.999999 seconds (before the 3 count), your abs have to be rock solid. Das Boot led us in outlaws, Stormy Daniels, and side scissor kicks.


I started a new job this week, so I have to cut this backblast short. If you don’t like it, fire me. Like
Kramer, “I don’t even work here.”

-Blood Drive is June 19th at Five Stone Church from9:00-1:30. Sign up or see Turnbuckle or Radar.
-Prayers for Premature as he is going through medical testing process. With you brother.
-Christ’s Closet needs socks, UNUSED underwear guys, and belts. Centerfold or Turnbuckle can take
them to Rice and Beans in Uptown Charlotte.

Love you brothers…in the most manly way possible. Peace out.


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