Author Archive Hoover

GrowRuck 24 Pre-Blast

You’re reading this pre-blast because:

  • You’re thinking about participating in GrowRuck 24 in the gateway to Gastonia, Charlotte NC
  • You’re not doing GrowRuck 24 and you just need the reading material to keep you sane before your next conference call
  • It’s 0500, you’re on the can, flipping through your phone and about to head out the door to a workout

If you don’t fit neatly into one of these categories, sound off in the comments.  While you’re coming up with something witty to say, here are the top-ten reasons you should do GrowRuck in Charlotte, this year.

  1. When was the last time you played army in the woods with a bunch of your buddies?  That corporate paintball trip doesn’t count.  Even when you went all Apocalypse Now on Tucker from logistics, like you were some kind of Martin Sheen to his Marlon Brando.  Next time Kyle from accounting offers you that crappy camo face-paint, just say no.
  2. You get to buy an expensive backpack.  Why does the M get to have all the fun and spend all the money on pointless accessories?  This is your opportunity to match her $ for $*. 
  3. Because DREDD likes to talk .. and talk … and talk … and talk for 2 days. GrowRuck will give you plenty of that.  Led by F3 Cadre, most notably Cadre DREDD.  You will get to pontificate with and listen to the musing of the mind that brought us F3.  While rucking your @$$ off.  If you’ve ever been to Speed Ruck on Fridays (or any other Metro workout) with DREDD you’ll know what YHC means.  Meet and learn from one of the founders of F3, DREDD aka: David Redding.
  4. Lack of sleep.  GrowRuck starts at sundown and ends at sunrise or whenever the Cadre calls it.  You’ll never see a better sunrise than at the end of a GrowRuck Tough or you won’t …
  5. Carry heavy things long distances.  GoRuck was founded on the foundation of Special Forces training. Green Berets are well versed in shouldering heavy rucks through cities, mountains, jungles and deserts, in war and in peace.  You’ll carry a ruck. and probably a sandbag or 9.  If you’re really lucky someone will find a log for you to carry.  Doesn’t this sound wonderful?  Covid restrictions do not apply.
  6. It’s the perfect excuse to go train at Area 51’s premier (and only) ruck workout, SACS.  It’s the best (and worst) ruck workout in South Charlotte.  Winner of every prestigious new workout award (of which there are none).  You’ll find your favorite regulars at 0515 SCMS parking lot including (but not limited to) Geraldo, Wild Turkey, Dora, and Cheese Curd.  Reach out to one of them if you need a spare ruck.
  7. You get to be called a weirdo by people who have no idea what rucking is or why they should be doing it.  Just wait until that carload of 20 somethings pulls up next to you at 2:37 AM and asks “what are you guys doing?” “What’s F3?” “Are you some kind of militia?” “That looks heavy.  Is it?” “Hey my uncle stormed the capitol, will you say hi to him in prison?”
  8. It’s a CSAUP and makes for really cool stories to tell your kids, co-workers, and other pax.  Like your favorite fishing story, “Man you should have been there, by the time we pulled this thing out of the water it was over 40 feet long and must have weighed 2-ga-jillion pounds.  What Cadre hides their snack in the glove box of a rusty El Camino at the bottom of a lake, weighed down with cinder blocks, and conveniently has a rope tied to its front bumper for retrieval?”
  9. You get to put reflective gear on your ruck.  And reflective gear has proven to be 100% effective at defending against, and repelling, small arms fire, mortar attacks, rocket propelled ordinance, fat girls on roller blades, ninja attacks, zombie hordes, gay vampires, gremlins, bigfoot, UFO abductions, el chupacabra, great white sharks, creepy little girls in horror movies, Jehovah’s witnesses, mimes, Rosie O’Donnell, that sham-wow guy, sith lords, decepticons, goth kids, charlie horses, purple nurples, and gingivitis.  All in all reflective gear is the best accessory for your ruck.
  10. These things typically end with a cold beer, a cool 2×3 patch, and knowing you’ve done more by sunrise than most people will do all week.

Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

* F3 does not take responsibility for pax choosing to match their M’s handbag spending $ for $.  Any pax choosing to do so, will proceed at their own risk.  Your safety is not F3’s responsibility, but is our priority and all pax are encouraged to modify as necessary.  We are not professionals and F3 does not endorse the statements above nor recommends spending obscene sums of money, unless it’s at The F3 Gear Store or goruckdotcom (not a paid promotion).

Weird Mountain Stuff

Crazy things happened this weekend in and around the great mega state mountains of Caro-lossus.  Things that highlight the S in stupid and the U & P in utterly pointless.  5 men ran 103.6 miles in, around, and out of the mountains in our beautiful mega state.  4 of the men were smart enough to rent a swagger wagon, 3 of them went shirtless at some point, 2 of them covered over a combined 50 miles of that distance, and 1 of them did all their running solo.

This weekend was all about Weird Mountain Stuff.

Start with how Midriff decided to run all of South Mountain.  By himself.  With no shirt on and taking selfies.  Which is awesome BTW.  (Disclaimer:  the running part of course, jury’s still out on the selfies in the woods)  Huge shout-out to Midriff, humble and easy-going in the gloom, but don’t be fooled.  Dude is legit.  Never done a 50K before?  Not a problem.  All those “runners” suddenly found something better to do?  Their loss.  His M was in pre-labor for 10 days?  Alright he can’t beat that … yet, but this was a strong second.

In comparison, 4 other men did a slightly less impressive thing.  They ran from Asheville NC to Greenville SC in a day.  Also known as the Ville to Ville Craft Beer Relay.  70.6 miles from Highland Brewing to Hampton Station.  The race is a relay style format with 12 legs.  Teams of 6, 4, and 3 are allowed.  You accountant types can calculate the square root of who gives a rat’s @$$ to determine how the legs and mileage breakdown.  Weather was a fine spring day, no rain, lots of sun, and all the bad clothing decisions you’d expect from people who spent a year on zoom calls while day drinking.

YHC called it BRR Lite, and it is.  1/3 of the miles, 1/3 of the time to complete, and 100% of the chafing.  With stops at two breweries along the way and the finish line at Hampton Station in Greenville, SC it’s basically running to the next parking lot so you can drink a beer in a koozie and keep the party going.  YHC snagged a spot early in the limited Ville to Ville running field because this thing sells out fast.  Spots in this race are gone faster than Willie Nelson can smoke a joint.  It’s so fast that the 2022 race is already sold out 3 days after the 2021 race ended.

As Cap’n, YHC wanted to keep the team small.  No 15 passenger vans, no extra driver, just 4 men on a mission.  BRR veteran a plus, but not a requirement.  4 committed runners, who probably need to be committed to a state run institution.  To Flipper’s credit he was the first to HC.  Our other two team members would be new and valuable additions to the ever growing roster of Team Up ‘n Over.  Fear not UNO alumni, these new comers proved their worth.

Here’s the team breakdown

Flipper:  Marathon training may not have netted him a BQ but he got faster, no doubt.  In typical Flipper fashion, he took the highest mileage and hardest legs.  No surprise, his big personality was only upstaged by a big performance.  As captain, YHC was nervous that the marathon recovery might sideline Flipper from Ville to Ville.  But not only did he bring the marathon swagger but so the performance to back it up.  Flipper crushed 2,000 ft. of elevation gain over 20 miles.  Highlight of the day, throwing his sweaty shirt in the driver’s side window of the van as we passed him running.  *not* Refreshing.

Day-Z (or Daisy):  The story behind the name is worth the rename to Day-Z.  Prove that it’s not.  Originally hailing from Area 51 but relocated to Metro along with his living situation.  A chance encounter at SIBling Rivalry got him on the team and he did not disappoint.  Due to a last minute change in the race course, Day-Z had inherited the second hardest set of legs and second highest mileage for the team.  Including a 23% incline in the first two miles of his first leg.  You wouldn’t know it from his even pacing on Strava.  A solid BRR veteran, nothing phased him.  Find him running at all the brewery runs during the week in CLT.

Hot Wing:  His claim to fame in Area 51 is being related to me.  By marriage.  There’s no way we share a blood line, he’s like Sprockets with no hair.  Shorter than short.  Definite contender for rookie of the year, though.  YHC got him running during Covid and on our first run together he was outpacing YHC and chatting it up the whole way.  This carried over to Makeshift Marathon in November.  Mile 10 and all smiles.  When I told him about this race he put his game face on 8 months in advance and it showed.  If you’re putting a BRR team together, he should be on your short list.  He assumed an 8:45 pace but came in way under, like closer to 8:00’s.

YHC:  Not one to toot his own horn, YHC took the glory leg.  Also got about .10 miles short of a PR on the 10K, sub 50:00.  Original distance was over 18 miles, but some construction outside of Henderson-ville-town-ship-burg changed up the route and cut off two miles.  YHC ain’t no defeatist, and ain’t no complainer, the motto is to just keep kicking with bigger and better things.  YHC decided the end of the race was a good place to run an extra two miles.  And by run an extra two miles, YHC means to blow through the last turn and keep going.  Serves YHC right for passing like 8 people in 3 miles on that leg and running all alone.  (hums Eric Carmen’s “All by Myself”).  Eventually, YHC figured out that the finish was the OTHER way and turned around.  The poor volunteer at the end of the race was not impressed with the sweaty-yeti loudly explaining that the sign was missing.  #YetiKaren

Of course the usual antics happened during the race.  Yelling inappropriate things at your runner as you drive by, staring slack-jawed with the 250 other middle-aged men at the female runners way too young for you and way too out of our league on our best day, dirty jokes, and dirty smelly vans.  The BRR veterans know that smell, open up that door and it smells like success, or pheromones.  Whatever you college types like to call it.

At the end of the day these fellas left their mark on ‘dem ‘der hills.  Midriff was the champion/gold-medal/MVP of the South Mountain Slog.  Team UNO only took 81 out of 236 with an average pace of 8:15/mile, the slackers that we are.  Can’t win them all, but it’s never about winning when it’s Completely Stupid and Utterly Pointless.

Next up, BRR.

#SYITG

Cap’n Hoover

EZ strength? What is this, a luxury resort?

10 men rolled into the Calvary parking lot (not all at 0530) for this week’s episode of Meathead.  Some were early, some were late, some were right on time.  All in attendance agreed it was the best workout in the history of workouts conducted on 04/14/21.

According to the holy text of the SwOle-mpus-Meathead weinke, that spreadsheet of fame and infamy.  Created by Voodoo, from the depths of a fever dream that sounds like a collaboration between A Christmas Carol and Terminator 3 (you remember that one, the good terminator movie).  Delivered unto him in the middle of the night by the angry and vengeful spirits of Ronald and Nancy Regan on behalf of Geoff Neupert the Patron Saint of EZ-Strength, deemed that today was double swings day.  And if Saint Neupert says double swings, you better have double swings in your weinke or else …

Here’s what went down.

Warmup

  • 25 two handed-swings
  • IW
  • Sharon Towers 
  • Prying squat
  • 25 two handed-swings

Main Event

Round 1: 10 sets of 6 DBL Swings (1 minute each) 10 minutes

Round 2: Armor building: 2 x DCL, 1 x DMP, 3 x DFFS for 15:00 (60 seconds on, 15 seconds off, 12 sets total)

Round 3: EMOM and AMRAP (10 minutes)

  • EMOM: 1 snatch per side
  • AMRAP between the EMOM
    • Lawnmowers (5 left, 5 right)
    • Romanian DL (5 left, 5 right)
    • High pulls (5 left, 5 right)
    • Reverse lunge (5 left, 5 right)

Carry and Mary

  • 30 seconds pax choice carry (L), 30 seconds plank
  • 30 seconds pax choice carry (R), 30 seconds plank
  • 30 seconds pax choice carry (L), 30 seconds plank
  • 30 seconds pax choice carry (R), 30 seconds plank

Somewhere in there, we talked about the volume of poop from 8 dogs.  Bullwinkle was slightly intimidated by this thought.

Moley-skin

The weinke was designed to prep us for the Functional Strength Challenge on 05/22.  YHC knows the EMOM snatches were a big hit.  They were such a big hit that Voodoo had to ask why YHC deviated from the EZ-Strength portion of Our Lord of the Kettlebell Neupert’s Worksheet.  The answer is simple, just because you can do something, doesn’t mean it’s always a good idea.  Is YHC right, Bernie Madoff?

And EMOM snatches are a great idea.  Up there with getting a pat on the back with a handful of thumbtacks dipped in jalapeno juice and then skipping the tetanus shot.

Enough about stuff you wish you were part of this AM, YHC has to get back to making a living.  YHC’s stories about Possum Voltron or that time YHC liberated a Bradley fighting vehicle and entered it into the Pierce County Demolition Derby, into which YHC may or may not have won 3rd place (until being disqualified for failure to produce a vehicle registration and/or title confirming ownership of said Bradley fighting vehicle) …  That and other stories will have to wait until the next backblast.

Thanks to Unplugged for the take-out.

Announcements:

  • Lots of CSAUPS, because it’s getting warm
  • Forrest “Midriff” Gump is running on a mountain alone

Ever Given

This backblast was ghost-written by Hoover for Runstopper.  Why?  Because Flipper is a Disney princess and won’t let it go …

 

and Gummy is no longer on contract as Runstopper’s ghost writer so YHC was tapped in the dugout and pinch hit this one.

 

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to read this Rock Zero backblast, now posted so the world (and Flipper) can get on with their lives and harass other site Q’s to post backblasts for their Qs who didn’t.  We run a highly regulated, respectable, and tight ship here.  Your shenanigans should be memorialized in a backblast.  Not posting a backblasts subjects your site Qs to being harassed and in YHC’s case this will continue until Dora Qs Rock Zero this Saturday.  Another backblast won’t be written and somewhere around Wednesday of next week, YHC will be harassed, again, to commence with the mental exercise of writing a Pulitzer-prize worthy backblast.  This is the new normal.  #2020 is over, #2021 is here.

Like the Ever Given, finally freed from the Suez canal, the unclogging of a toilet of the mind, for the benefit of global F3 commerce.  You’re welcome pax for this fine literary masterpiece.  Of course, blaming YHC for not posting a backblast is like blaming, Marwa Elselehdar Egypt’s first female captain, for grounding a ship she never captained.  Geraldo and YHC are just the site Qs.  Like typical management, we own nothing but the blame and shame when something goes off the rails.  Rule #1:  Manage the chaos and keep your fingers crossed that everyone makes it out alive.

Rule #2, for the love of god, someone please WRITE THE DAMN BACKBLAST!!

 

But I digress, back to the workout.  7 men showed up to see what color tights Runstopper was wearing.  It was as usual, the burning question on everyone’s mind.  What color tights?  Vegas odds had neon yellow but the man chose black.  It was a good decision considering it was paired with a hi-viz running jacket.  So hi-viz that pax couldn’t look directly at him in the sunlight without burning a retina.  Kind of like looking at the sun during a solar eclipse. 

 

 

 

It was a smart clothing option.  Just not for after 0700 when the sun is up.  Pretty sure people driving on Rt 51 slowed down trying to understand what that blinding light was hovering 18 inches off the sidewalk being followed by 7 men in F3 black.  That thing was so hi-viz that if it was paired with the usual neon tights pax faces would have melted off like Paul Freeman’s at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.

 

 

Where was I?  Oh yeah, the Thang …

Mosey out onto the front lawn of Calvary for a warmup.  Surprised we haven’t been banned from the front yard, yet.  But then again, the geese are allowed to crap all over that church so I guess we’re slightly less annoying.  After the warmup, mosey down to Davies park.  Fireman Ed was not impressed with the running, BTW.  Once at the park, do some Mary in the frost covered grass.  Head over to the soccer area where families were gathering for that Saturday ritual of watching their kids not be the next Mia Hamm or David Beckham but still cheering them on.  Grab a rock.  Stay socially distanced and do some stuff with rocks across the parking lot.  Hit the playground for 3 sets of merkins, pull-ups, and step-ups (they’re not little hazes because we weren’t at the Calvary Hot Box).  Back to the rocks (which we left in the parking lot for cars to run over, because this is not Calvary church) for some more parking lot shenanigans.  Mosey to the side road that leads to the dog park.  Mosey up to the middle light and split into two groups.  Some type of suicide was called with pax doing an exercise and running to each light with both groups going in opposite directions.  Cover every light then back to the frosty grass for some more Mary.  Finally an indian run back to Calvary for sprints to the end.

The Skine of a Mole:

Solid group of pax on Saturday.  YHC almost has them all posted here.  Almost.  In order to keep the HR files up to date, please sound off in the comments with the one pax YHC missed.  He wasn’t a regular and YHC has a bad memory for these things.

#Cotters to Fireman Ed for posting for the first time in a long time.  The last time I saw Fireman Ed, he was getting berated by Brown at Skunkworks.  You know, back when management made you run with a kettlebell.

For all my hating on Flipper, he has a point about backblasts.  Post them, they don’t have to be funny or even entirely accurate.  But post what went down and who showed up.  Your fellow pax will appreciate it and you won’t get called out by the porpoise with a purpose.  I’ll repeat this for your benefit, we run a highly regulated, respectable, and tight ship here.  Your shenanigans should be memorialized in a backblast.

SYITG

What’s your is mine, what’s mine is mine …

We all know how marriage works, right?  It’s hers.  You own nothing, she owns everything.  “Oh, you spent this month’s paycheck at GoRuck.com?  What did you get me?”  This was the first lesson 6 men learned today at SACS.

YHC pulled into the parking lot at SCMS around 0510 to find most of the pax assembled and watching Cheese Curd unload his car.  Midriff was site FNG today, and not one to slouch on the job, brought 2 cinderblocks with his own handmade F3 stencil painted on the side.  Someone asked if his kids did it, and he proudly proclaimed to be the artist responsible for such a fine masterpiece.  Based on YHC’s observation of said arts and craft skills, he’s safe from any copyright infringement lawsuits.  Geraldo stayed away from cinder blocks today, something about PTSD from murdering bunnies.

What was heard repeatedly, as Cheese Curd unloaded the gear from his car, was “that belongs to my wife”.  Midriff was curious about which ruck to try and which sandbag to grab.  Everything Midriff picked up, Cheese Curd quickly acknowledged he didn’t own.  As if it was a veiled request to return it exactly as you found it, Cheese Curd doesn’t want to sleep in the garage again.  He may have paid for it, but it was hers.

The second lesson?  If your phone is in your ruck, put it in a Pelican Case.  Because Cheese Curd happens.  As YHC unpacked the car, the Bag of S#!t (BOS) was brought out as the coupon of choice.  The BOS is a large army surplus duffle that weighs in at 50 pounds +/-.  YHC had his ruck placed on top of BOS with said phone inside the top pocket.  Cheese Curd, in an attempt to discover what the BOS was, flipped YHCs ruck off the BOS and crushing YHCs phone under the ruck plate.  Damage was contained to the screen.  But the screen replacement is more than the phone is worth, so YHC is currently shopping a new phone.  That likely puts Cheese Curd and I at even since YHC broke his M’s hand last year.  And resolves an awkward “you owe me” involving tornadoes, wood, and a certain person’s hands being at the wrong place at the wrong time.

You will note, the workout hasn’t even started yet.

0516 we get down to it.

The Thang:

Ruck down 51 to the first street light at William R Davie Park

At the light, rucks off
10 Merkins IC
10 Low slow Squats IC
10 Sit Ups

Rucks on, grab coupons and ruck to the next light
1 Coupon OH Presses
1 Coupon Front Squats

Ruck to the next light and up the reps to 2 of each and continue to the end of the road

At the back end of the road, coupons down bear crawl part way and overhead carry your ruck all around the little traffic circle.

Back to the first light, rucks off
10 Push Ups IC
10 Low slow Squats IC
10 Sit Ups

Rucks on, grab coupons and ruck to the next light
5 Coupon deadlifts
5 Coupon rows

Ruck to the next light and reduce the rep count by 1 until you get to the end of the entrance of the park

Ruck back to SCMS parking lot with coupons

Still have 10 minutes to kill so ruck over to Semi-Gloss’ office curls, triceps, ruck to chest squats, some mary and that got us to time.

Moleskinny:

This didn’t seem like much on paper but everyone was sweating well before the end.  Moving under weight with coupons and rucks is a challenge.  We didn’t try for any land-speed records but we moved at a decent clip.  The BOS was an awkward choice.  It’s bulky and doesn’t have convenient handles.  Making it a challenge to stand up straight while under that coupon.  But that’s the point right?  Getting comfortable being uncomfortable.

The crew today was solid.  For Midriff’s first time out to SACS he jumped right in like he was a veteran.  Cheese Curd must like to play with all the new toys that come to the yard, because he decided that of the 200+ sandbags his M let him borrow, he took one of Midriff’s cinder blocks.  Wild Turkey and Cheese Curd are both working through Pathfinder and have a coupon challenge coming up soon.  This was a good practice run for them.  Geraldo is the consummate veteran professional.  Smart choice on weight, no need to humble-brag because this guy knows his way around a ruck and sandbag.   He also knows how to hum along to every Led Zeppelin song out there.  I have only posted a handful of times with Focker.  Nice guy and I remember him getting the name at that frisbee workout on Fridays.  Glad to see he’s gotten away from that crew and sticking to something smarter, like hauling around weighted backpacks.

Announcements:

  • Stoned-chicken SOB CSAUP
  • Get your FNGs email right on the website a newsletter is coming!
  • WTF, it’s a CSAUP not just another acronym
  • Functional Strength Challenge, pick things up, put them down
  • Rutbreaker, get out there and break a rut or 3
  • 20 mile ruck with Purple Haze, beer and BBQ after

Somewhere along the way we put all the CSAUPs happening across 3 regions together and figured that over the course of 4ish weeks most pax could hit all the CSAUPs, and would likely cover 60 miles or something like that.

YHC had the take-out.

Stick to the classics

“They told me that the classics never go out of style, but … they do, they do. Somehow, baby, I never thought that we do too.”

They said the donut run was over.  No one does that anymore, running is for Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays, and maybe a Friday if you want to tickle the ole Tiger-Ball.  As John Rambo said, nothing is over.  Like the old gods, these things never die they just get renamed and recycled.  Rinse and repeat.  A cycle, or a circle.  Like a donut.  You know, the kind with a hole in the middle.

10 Fast Twitchers ran one direction of the classic donut route today.  Re-living the glory days of a Wednesday run, on a Tuesday.  A running workout that YHC never attended in his 5+ years of F3,  but a route that YHC has run many times.  The site q’s, and Alf, stayed home (their loss) for the a run through familiar territory, an unoriginal oldie but a goodie.  West out of Arbo, down Mt Rea, right at Dunkin, a quick yog past Hops yelling at the trifusenik for their lack of effort (t-claps on the BB BTW), right onto Candlewyck and then pax choice for the extra mile through Beverly Crest OR right onto Providence to bring it back to Arboretum.  6 miles or 7.  Unless you’re Voodoo then you do the whole thing twice because it’s that half marathon time of month.

Not much else to share, mostly because YHC was running alongside Butterknife the whole time.  Please sound off in the comments with any chatter or observations.

On a slightly more serious note, backblasts are a thing and they are real.  They don’t have to be long or overly complicated and ANY workout can have a backblast.  A backblast for Fast Twitch is proof.  So if you’re Q’ing or a site-Q, get a backblast written for your shenanigans that day.  The pax will appreciate you.

Announcements:

  • Flipper’s multitude of challenges continue, see Slack for details and get involved.  April is here and it’s time to break out of your ruts
  • May 22nd:  Functional strength challenge is coming, High Tide has the details and there is a pre-blast
  • April 24th:  The Stone(d)-Chicken is a SOB CSAUP to determine which workout is superior (SPOILER ALERT: Neither is superior to Rock Zero)

Thanks to Purple Haze for the takeout

A Beer Mile for Covid, a backblast

March 19th, 2021. One year of madness that feels like 10 have passed. You can argue the state of the world and our overall mental health has gotten better or worse. Whatever, YHC is over it. #2020 is behind us, #2021 is here. CMS kids are heading back to school, vaccines are being distributed, and the Beer Mile was the perfect end to send that dumpster fire of a year floating upriver sans paddle.

49 men stalked the Beer Mile channel and YHC got nervous that the numbers would get unmanageable. This wasn’t Miami Beach during spring break, but YHC was waiting for Gov Cooper to send in the SWAT teams to tranquilize us. 38 M’s of said stalkers must have gotten word of the shenanigans and decided it was time to tackle some Honey-Do projects. For all you math majors out there, that means 11 men stepped up (or got permission) to compete in the 2021 Beer Mile.

The weeks leading up to this madness were peppered with the usual CSAUP pre-game antics. Trash talk, intimidation tactics, comparing notes on the best “training” methods. Vegas had the early odds on two runners thanks to the Slack chatter. But before we discuss outcomes, one shouldn’t overlook life’s most important millennial rule, “I tried, and therefore no one should criticize me.” Any endorsements there, Joker?

But this is a F3 CSAUP. Those weak-minded participation trophy rules don’t apply. Criticism and cynicism abound. Suck it up buttercup, unless you’re blowing chunks on the track. Then go from suck to blow, deny all knowledge of your actions, and take the penalty lap “for the team”. See Cheese Curd for more details.

It should be noted at this time that small pockets of innocent civilians, who are now dumber for having witnessed this, were attempting healthy activities out there. Some teenagers were learning to throw a shot-put. YHC could have saved them some time and taught them how to launch a kettlebell across a parking lot at Swole or Meathead. There was the slow jogger, who kept passing us. He was jealous and wanted in but was too intimidated by the beer chiseled middle-aged men milling around the track. Finally, some random runner was doing yoga near the starting line. After being subjected to 80’s metal played on an iPhone he wisely and discreetly packed up in the wake of an advance of middle-aged men converging on the track armed with beer and determination. It was as if a posse of venti pumpkin spiced latte fueled Karen’s were showing up at Marshalls for a BOGO sale. Like the manager suddenly disappearing on his lunch break, this dude quit his yoga, mid-pigeon pose, packed up his gear, and rode off into the sunset. There was mumble-chatter that he might call the cops.

Back to the race, the favorites were picked a week before the event, but *spoiler alert* just like THE Ohio State losing to Oral f***ing Roberts in round one, the Beer Mile bracket was busted after the first lap.

Disclaimer aside, and it was a good one, judges were selected/voluntold from the spectators. Runners found their preferred spot for beer placement on the track. Rules were shared and Geraldo manned the clock. At his signal, the first beer was opened and the race was underway.

YHC was a participant, so others will have to chime in on the smart plays, fast chugs, and hot laps. YHC knows he lead the pack early on the first lap and was generally out in front after the first three beer chugs. But to everyone’s surprise, Rousey jumped out of the gate quickly on the second lap and maintained a strong lead throughout the race. He even stopped to bust out a burpee at the start of lap 3 and taunt the rest of us as we caught our breath and tried to finish our beer. If Woodson was there, he would have given Rousey a run for his money. But no one could touch him.

Race results are below, times weren’t captured for all. Sound off in the comments with a challenge to the judges and we’ll go back to the tape to call BS and make fun of you.

  1. Rousey – 8:59
  2. Gummy – 9:26
  3. Hoover – 9:37
  4. Marvel – 9:39
  5. Midriff – 9:42
  6. Polly – 9:52
  7. Poptart
  8. Chris (FNG?)
  9. Safe-Lite
  10. Cheese Curd – 10:36
  11. Joker – 16:18

Big thanks to our judges:

  • Geraldo, looking like a high school track coach and keeping time
  • Mr Magoo threatened to join us for a lap, but decided he would let Rousey win
  • Ductwork, looked intimidating by showing up with a boot on and drinking Jai Alai. YHC half expected the boot to come off and the mighty Ductwork to come roaring back on an IPA fueled rampage
  • Flipper, our eye in the sky with the aerial drone footage
  • Ickey Shuffle, with a hairstyle that would make Anderson Cooper jealous. Delivering embedded coverage of the race. Our boots on the ground.
  • Boerewors and Butter Knife stood just close enough to be involved but far enough away that either could claim no association with the group and take off when the authorities arrived, also YHC’s personal getaway drivers

Race participants covered every F3 athletic shape and size. There were runners, clydesdales, meatheads, Beer Mile and BRR veterans, pax both old and young, Area 51 and SOB. A solid representation of the best (or worst) that we have to offer. As advertised, the Beer Mile isn’t about running fast. Training can’t be done on a weekend with some non-alcoholic seltzer. It’s an after work event on a Friday, where you either succumb to the week’s grind or blow through all the stress and struggle to leave it all on the field. This isn’t Friday night lights. It’s far superior.

Finally thanks to all the runners. This was a fun event and there is already talk of an Oktoberfest Beer Mile later this year. Covid concerns and risks are being managed, the world is getting back to a new normal. These are the fun times we missed and need to bring roaring back. YHC looks forward to the next bout of stupidity y’all.

#SYITG

S.O.T.H. – 5 years in

On a Saturday, in February, 14 men showed up at 0700 (and 1 more showed up at 0703) just so a 6’8″ guy with an awkwardly colored beard could berate them into exercising with rocks and then running.  It was still slightly moist from the 3,597,097th day of rain that month and just warm enough to make you question wearing an extra layer.  But 15 men put in the work for a Saturday morning and got their weekend started off right.  The Q just tried to keep up.

Thang:

Run to the grassy knoll.

1 burpee, IW, 1 burpee, Merkins, 1 burpee, Low Slow Squat, 1 burpee, Plank up: Peter Parker, Parker Peter, 1 burpee = 5 burpees

Mosey to the rock pile at the front of the church
Pick a Rock & Pick a partner, pick your nose, go to handicapped lot (insert joke here), Rifle Carry Rock around the circle

P1 – runs the loop w/rock or rifle carries the rock
P2 – Squat, Reverse Lunges, Rows, Good morning, Curls, OH Press, Tricep, Plank

rinse/repeat/flap-jack

5 Thrusters
Fast lap around the loop with rock
5 Thrusters
Rifle Carry Rock around loop
Repeat 5 times

25 4 count Rock flutter presses
25 weighted LBCs
10 Leuganis
Return rocks

Run to the hotbox, trash can relay, new partners
P1 runs to the last trash can and back
P2 dips, step ups, derkins
Back to launch, a couple of sprints and some merkins sprinkled in, get us to 3 miles

Mary, to run the clock out

 

State of the Hoover

5 years of F3.  Somedays there is a lifetime between then and now, other days it’s “What did I do before F3?”  Same thing I say about my kids.

I could tell you a whole story of how F3 changed my life and made me a better person.  (spoiler alert: It has and jury’s still out).  But I’ll keep it simple.  I remember things I did before F3 but I don’t remember or understand my routines from before F3.  For example, I woke up this Sunday not hungover from bad late-night decisions, and ran almost 7 miles.  5 years back, 7 miles was a joke and there was always a pack of cigarettes hiding in the garage.  One step at a time, to the tune of over 3,500 miles, things changed and life got better.  A quality of life that comes from being active and accountability from working with other like-minded men.

This isn’t a journey I undertook on my own.  Big thanks to a lot of people over the past years.  Too many to list and I’d probably forget someone.  But I couldn’t talk about 5 years of F3 without calling out Boerewors.  It was his EH that got me started on this journey and he’s been a great friend all along the way.  Dankie

Let’s see what another 5 years will change.

#SYITG

Pure Rock Fury

9 men made their regular weekly mistake by showing up to a Hoover Q of Meathead.  YHC is not sure which site q made the worst decision, Voodoo for scheduling YHC #voluntold or Lorax for convincing Bounce to lead that motley crew over at Anvil.  Pretty sure someone’s standards are slipping.  Who puts a Georgia fan in charge of anything?  It’s probably those Clemson fans he keeps hanging out with, bad influence.  And let’s not talk about those Alabama snowflakes.

But I can’t talk trash about Bounce, he and I live within 3 miles of each other and we drive out of the Metro region to post to Area 51.  That’s like a 17 – 19 minute drive to Calvary on a cold Wednesday.  #YoureWelcomeArea51  #SmellsLikeDesperation

On to the terrible idea that was YHC’s Q.  No need to badger Voodoo about the worksheet he probably whipped up between Tuesday morning emails.  It’s structured to keep the weinke from going off the rails with enough flexibility to keep it interesting.

 

Thangs:

Warmup:  25 two handed swings, IW x 10, Sharon Towers x 10, Prying squat, 25 two handed-swings

 

First Round:

Double Swings 10 sets of 6, 30 seconds on, 30 seconds off (10:00)

 

Second Round:

Armor building: 2 x Dbl Hamburger Hands (cleans), 1 x Dbl OH Press, 3 x Dbl Freakin Front Squats  #FFS, 1 minute per set, 15 seconds rest, for 15:00 (12 sets) 

 

Third Round: 5:00 minutes to complete per set, 2 sets

Upper Body Pull, Explosive: 2 sets

Lawnmower (5 per side), Dbl High Pull: 10 or 10 per side, Dbl Up-Right Row:10, scratch that, single upright row is bad enough, 50 swings pax choice #Just DoTheWork

 

Murray: 30 seconds each, because we’re too old and ugly for Mary

Plank & Hollow Body Hold

 

Italian Notebook:

YHC started working on this thing somewhere around 7:00 on Tuesday.  Because, well why not?  It’s the same reason YHC is writing a backblast at 8:30 on a Wednesday.  This work ain’t gonna get done on its own.  Thankfully for YHC, 8 brave souls proved that point this AM.  Legitimately.  They worked hard.  YHC was feeling it the rest of the today.  

It’s also a solid #Respect crew that shows up regularly.  #OldManStrong Pretty sure Focker was the War Baby, and YHC isn’t far ahead of him.

It’s worth noting that the Anvil crew must have gotten lost going “off campus” this AM.  They wound up at Meathead and all had to tie their shoelaces or something at the same time.  Again, this is what one can expect from solid Georgia-influenced leadership being assisted by those Clemson boys.  Couldn’t find their way out of a wet paper bag with a map.

The real fun for YHC is, as always, pulling together a playlist.  It’s one of those cathartic things, like therapy.  Searching through the internet for some good tunes that don’t get overplayed.  Anyone who’s been to a workout when YHC is pumping some tunes #HooversJukebox knows that the musical range can be anywhere between the eclectic, the aggressive, classics, soul, punk, motown, you name it YHC probably has it.

So the flavor of the day was an aggressive mix of hard punk and metal.  Enjoy.  YHC just found the American Sharks recently, they’ve got a solid Motorhead vibe.  If you’re into that sort of thing.

The Flatliners – Calming Collection

American Sharks – Overdrive

Monster Magnet – Powertrip

Deftones – Swerve City

Clutch – Pure Rock Fury

Soundgarden – Room A Thousand Years Wide

AFI – The Lost Souls

Foo Fighters – La Dee Da

Incubus – A Certain Shade of Green

A Perfect Circle – Judith

P.O.D. – Boom

Rage Against the Machine – Know Your Enemy

 

Announcements:

Blood drive – Friday

Beer Mile – a month from Friday

 

Thanks to High Tide for the take-out

Never fear, Hoover’s here

7 men mostly avoided the rain but still had plenty of cold weather for this week’s episode of Kevlar.

Orange Whip reached out to YHC a few weeks ago looking to round out the Q schedule.  While YHC was once a regular at Skunkworks on Tuesday, YHC is pretty sure the HR file will reflect less than five appearances at Kevlar.  It’s not out of reach for YHC just a matter of making it there on a Friday as opposed to running or fartsacking.  The tales of Kevlar’s former glory days have been passed around a workout like a bottle of Thunderbird pre-Covid and they all sound something like an Al Bundy football story.  Talks of gear and some dude named the Hoff and maybe an English chap named Bulldog.  It may all be nonsense, Horsehead will know.  He’s good at nonsense.  Don’t worry men, Kevlar is still a legitimate workout with a solid AO under good leadership.  It just needs better advertising.  Maybe a spot at the Bo Round for all those vaccine recipients to read while waiting to get stuck with a needle.

Anyway, YHC was geared up for the workout.  Weinke at the ready and regretting the possibility of cold and wet weather, a plan was hatched to hit the covered pavilion.  Orange Whip reached out talking about an injury from ultimate soccer with some boyz from the hood.  He was bringing a kettlebell, so no running.  No problem for YHC.  This morning though, YHC got a late start, for no other reason than being slow.  Showing up about 3 minutes early to the covered pavilion to drop off some supplies and pulling into the parking lot at 0530, YHC was met with the pax taking off on a run with Orange Whip in the lead (how’s that injury?)

Never fear, Hoover’s here.  Time to take the reins

 

The thang

Warmup run to the graveyard and back to the pavilion
SSH, IW, Merkins, Peter Parker, Parker Peter, Low Slow Squat

Go to the rock pile, get a medium sized rock
Rifle Carry to covered pavilion, find a partner

Partner runs to driveway entrance across from the graveyard and back while partner does called exercises
OH Presses, Two-legged RDLs, Rows, Squats, Tricep Ext, Curls

Jack Webb – Thrusters and tricep dips up to 5 x 20 and back down

Peoples chair and air presses

Rocking the Mary with Flutter Presses and LBCs

Return rocks, run back to the launch for COT

 

Moleskin:

  • Apparently groin injuries are all the rage right now or at least a popular conversation topic with pax today
  • YHC’s supplies included tunes, to which the pax were exposed to YHCs more soulful roots including Curtis Mayfield and Wilson Pickett
  • Geraldo knows a bunch of useless trivia.  But it’s good music trivia.  YHC has him lined up for Jeopardy next week
  • Turkey Leg gets honorable mention for running in from Arbo and promptly running back, but no credit for the workout
  • Geraldo and YHC almost had a head-on collision that probably broke some social distancing guidelines, thankfully no one was injured and the governor wasn’t around to catch us in the act
  • It did start raining just at 0614, thankfully we mostly avoided that crap
  • Horsehead was sure he saw (or felt) snow at one point during the workout.  We all just nodded and kept going
  • Rhapsody was anxious to get out of the cold and rain at the end
  • Orange Whip did not bring a kettlebell

That’s all YHC has for today.  Now time to go back and listen to garage punk rock from Mississippi.  Because as Tiger Rag, aka: McRib, so wisely said, “If South Carolina lets you down, you can count on Mississippi.” (probably misquoted from what YHC heard this AM, but YHC will be damned if that doesn’t sound like Tiger Rag)  And there ain’t no good garage punk rock from South Carolina

Thanks to Rhapsody for the take-out.

Announcements:

  • Blood drive.  02/19.  Sign up or Mighty Mite will sick his cute puppy on you
  • Beer mile.  03/19.  No sign ups just show up.  there will be a White Claw division for those of you man enough to get abused for drinking White Claw at a beer mile
  • Purple Haze makes his triumphant return to bootcamps tomorrow at Rock Zero, 0700 Calvary