Author Archive Hoover

This one time at SACS …

The following is equal parts Thang/Moleskin-age and the ramblings of a guy about to go on vacation who has mentally checked out … you have been warned.

3 dudes, who may or may not all be GRTs, made it to SACS today.  Not surprising the low number considering Cheese Curd and Wild Turkey were both DR (separately of course).  But not one to be deterred by something as trivial as people having better places to be at 0515 on a Wednesday, YHC was ready to lead these men into the unknown.  Or at least whatever madness was conjured up in a fever dream during a nap on a Zoom call the day before.  Inspired by the Saturday night ruck, Star Dog, a weinke was assembled and promptly ignored.  A workout was completed and pax put the work in.  What you really want to know is, what happened with “This one time at SACS”

Here goes …

At 0509 YHC made the left onto Strawberry Ln behind Snowflake.  He decided to show up on time this week.  Generous of the guy, considering he advertised the start time on Slack.  But also much appreciated.  As we rolled into the SCMS parking lot with Geraldo hot on our heels, YHC noticed a large Chevy Suburban already in the parking lot.  First assumption was Logjam had joined us but it wasn’t a black Suburban.  Thinking nothing of it, pax got out, rucked up, grabbed sandbags, and at this point YHC decided to toss the opener of the weinke in favor of some adventuring.  Down to the ball fields.  At one point Geraldo mentioned something about a woman running the track last week.  That detail was filed away as noted yet not impacting the plan.  The same plan that was just trashed in favor of a new plan that included heavy doses of winging it.

Head to the ballfields.  First up a little modified APFT.  3 men = 3 stations.  First are the sit-ups, fingers interlocked behind the head.  Full sit-up, 52 in 2 minutes.  One guy holds your feet down.  The other does merkins 42 in 2 minutes.  Rotate through exercises and everyone gets a 2 minute break at some point.  That was a solid warmup.

Next lineup on the 3rd baseline with the sandbags and rucks off.  sandbag toss across the infield to the first baseline, 5 burpees, and go back to get your ruck.  Rinse and repeat back across the infield.

Head up the sidewalk and over to the track with sandbags and rucks.  At this point YHC saw the someone running the track.  Minor detail remembered and yet still filed away.  Hit the track to complete one 400.  Said runner passes us.  It is quickly determined that this runner is female and what one might consider attractive wearing short shorts and a sports bra.  She also boasted a 6 pack that would make my Miller Lite cry tears of jealousy.

After our 400 we dropped the coupons and lined up for 50 meter ruck on bear crawls with 50 meter ruck rifle carry back.  Do this twice.  Runner continues to run.

After this (and totally because YHC was shooting from the hip) time for another lap.  About halfway around the track Geraldo starts telling a story about “This one time at GoRuck” that involved Human Centipede merkins.  Basically merkins where GRTs are lined up, in plank position, with their feet on the shoulders of the person behind them (obviously pre-covid).  Geraldo happened to be behind a smaller female during this story as luck would have it.  Now let it be said that Gerlado embodies many admirable traits, one being his gentlemanly charm in public settings and YHC assumes this extends to GoRuck events. But in this particular story Geraldo was in the awkward position of having his head … well you can imagine where in reference to the female, whose legs were on his shoulders.  There were no “Oh” faces involved.  It’s at this point in telling the story where the runner catches up to this group of middle-aged men carrying heavy stuff.  She slows down to ask what we’re doing and we all have this shocked silence of “there’s an attractive woman talking to a bunch of married middle-aged men, and she wants to know what we’re doing”.  You know the kind of stuff the writers on the Big Bang Theory would have whipped into a funny 2 minute sketch to accompany transition through a 22.5 minute plot.  Anyway, Snowflake, quick on his feet as always, tells her that we’re training for a GoRuck endurance event.  12 – 13 hours, many miles, heavy things, manly stuff etc. etc.  She grins and enthusiastically says something to the effect of “That’s so cool, good luck.” and proceeds to keep running.

She wasn’t 20 feet away when Geraldo picked right back up on his story, like he hadn’t even stopped to take a breath.  “So there I was with my head up this girl’s crotch.”

To her credit the woman kept running and even waved to us in the parking lot after.  Maybe she was intrigued by the awkward yet challenging positions situations that a GoRuck event puts you in, or maybe she was trying to keep the fear from her eyes as she frantically googled any other middle school in the area without a secluded track that’s empty at 0500.  We may never know.

The rest of the workout was uneventful, yet challenging.  It included 30+ sandbag cleans/thrusters across the parking lot with ruck on.  Snowflake mentioned something about trying not to pass out during those.  A ruck around the grounds and some ruck on dips & little hazes.  All told under 2 miles with a solid bit of work.

Afterward, Geraldo led the group in a lesson on how to attach a hip belt to your ruck.  Spoiler alert: it’s way more complicated than one would think but surprisingly easy enough to accomplish.  Go figure, that’s sounds like something an individual trained by the US government, at the expense of a few million tax payer dollars, would develop.

Thanks to Snowflake and Geraldo for putting in the effort today and to Cheese Curd and Geraldo for the opportunity to lead.

Announcements:

GrowRuck – August 6th

HDHH Tour continues, somewhere new in July.  Probably on the 14th.  There will be a poll and updates on Slack.

Parking Lot Shenanigans with the Ladies

13 men mostly behaved themselves on a cool Thursday morning at Nightmare on Elm.  Site Q Circuit City was absent due to a lingering injury but with his partner in crime, Mic Check, and the Man-Tan, War Eagle, SOB leadership was present.  With a quorum established, a disclaimer was (not really) delivered, and at ~0530 pax set off for a run over to the NE corner of the theater.

Two things YHC didn’t expect in a post-lockdown/pandemic movie theater parking lot was

  1. how nice and freshly paved the parking lot was (they must be betting on Fast and Furious 17 to really hit it big at the box office) and
  2. how this place has turned into a NASCAR and truck driving training ground.  No sooner did the pax head out across the parking lot then a massive pickup truck sped through the lot right in front of us with little regard to the pedestrians dressed in dark colors who were not highly visible.  The nerve of some people.

Pax hands were saved from a terrible cheese-grater experience with new asphalt in front of Stonecrest Regal, so this seemed like the perfect place to do some burpees and we did.  Frehley’s Comet was quick to point out his 10 burpee limit.  But not if it was 10 total or 10 at once.  YHC erred on the side of caution and only called for 5 burpees, twice.

Thang:

Mosey to NE corner of Theater
5 burpees, IW, Low Slow Squats
Mosey around the horn of the parking lot
5 burpees, merkins/Peter Parker/Parker Peter
Mosey back in towards the theater SE entrance

Parking Lot stupi-cides
Start at first island run to the end, 10 jump squats
Back to start and go to next island in, 10 jump squats
Back to start and go to next island in, 10 jump squats
Rinse and Repeat but flapjack (closest island) and do merkins

Head back to YHC’s car, grab coupons the ladies, and partner up.  Rule #1, the ladies don’t touch the ground
P1 runs to the stop sign, P2 does exercise, reps are cumulative by partners and when exercises are done one partner holds the coupon in the OH rifle carry position while the other partner planks up

100 OH Presses
100 Upright Rows
100 Good Morning
100 Squats
100 Curls
100 Tricep Ext

Fat-Man Murray (Mary) with the coupons got us to time

Moldy-oldy-skine:

Good crew today.  Some new faces for YHC, which was nice and some pax who have ventured north to the land of the alien, Area 51.  Pax covered around 2 miles.  Another fun edition was bringing out the “ladies”.  Long have they languished in YHC’s garage because covid-forbid they be allowed out for the men of F3 to pass around like a bottle of Thunderbird.   Since many of you have yet to meet these darlings of YHCs coupon repertoire, here’s a little backstory to get you familiar with each of them.

25 pound plate, AKA Brandi:  She’s a fine girl, what a good wife she would be should have been.  But her twin sister, Mandi, objected to the proposed nuptials on the grounds that the husband to-be was their half-brother and part-time cousin.  these days she shares a room with Mandi and her collection of Bob Ross knock-off paintings and mumbles constantly about happy little trees.

25 pound plate, AKA Mandi: Brandi’s b**chy twin sister, a former Madame of a brothel in Hyderabad India.  She, unknowingly, is the love-child of a Bugs Bunny pez dispenser and a whirling dervish.  A bitter woman her goal in life is to crush men’s souls like an egg dropped on a sidewalk.

35 pound plate, AKA Cindi:  After growing up on the mean streets of Bethesda, Mary-land, she took a job as an airline stewardess for SpiceJet to “get away from it all”.  She once beat up a a dude with the muffler off his own car.  He came at her with a knife.   The lesson there, don’t bring a knife to a muffler fight.

35 pound plate, AKA Mindi:  She’s the smart one.  She was arrested once for trying to pass off some counterfeit Longhorn gift certificates for a 70% ownership stake in a hybrid waterpark and alligator petting zoo.  Every morning she wakes up and recites the same line over and over to herself in the mirror, “It’s you, Paris Hilton, and Katy Perry vs. the world”.  No relation to Cindi.

A (mostly) empty Miller Lite keg, AKA “The Fat One”:  A connoisseur of the finest lite beer this side of the Atlantic Ocean, don’t let her high quality choice of top shelf gas station beer fool you.  She may look high-class but she can get down and dirty with the best of them.

A ruck plate, AKA “The Skinny One”:  20 pounds of nicotine and hatred.  It doesn’t care about your feelings, it just takes what it wants.  It was raised by a pack of wild African Honey Badgers and is currently in talks with the Florida Game and wildlife Department to single-handedly rid the everglades of it’s invasive python problem.

A 50 pound sand-bag filler in a 120 lb sandbag, AKA The Bearded Lady-Boy: Hailing from a Bangkok rest stop.  Her claim to fame is having a bad-ass mustache.  It’s one hell of a self-esteem builder.

Sound off below in the comments with your fondest memory of the ladies.

Thanks to Circuity City and Mic Check for the opportunity to lead.  It was a great morning and a great crew.

Announcements:

  • New parking spot for workouts at Stonecrest, park by Jimmy Johns.  Apparently the riff raff have been stealing those little pine tree air fresheners out of your car
  • Grow Ruck, first weekend in August.  Lots of opporyunitites for leadership training with over 100 of your fellow pax.
  • Crane Relay, August 13th.  It’s like BRR Lite
  • Monday, July 5th, 0800 at the now defunct giant golf course in Ballantyne’s corporate space.  Bring your 2.0s.  It’ll be fun.

#SYITG

Skunk-blast: Give ’em the Boot

13 lucky skunks got “booted” on Tuesday.  They decided to show up to YHC’s Q assuming it would be easy-ish, since YHC can’t walk fast or far and running is completely out.  9 out of 5 pax agree that when mobility challenged, kettlebells provide a solid alternative to fartsacking.  Anyhow, YHC was lucky enough to get tapped to Q last week after showing up to Skunkworks with the boot on and Stone Cold made a reference to Lois’ tabata q (which had a top-notch backblast BTW unlike my usual ramblings).  So feeling slightly intimidated having to follow in Lois’ boot steps, YHC agreed.

According to Baracus the given disclaimer was top notch, but what else can you expect from a chiseled veteran?  Probably an on-time backblast.  It should be noted that said backblast is terribly late and YHC felt the shame (x3) when Voodoo, Mr. Magoo, and Udder posted their respective Wednesday backblasts before YHC even got the F3 South Charlotte Word Press thing-y up and running.  YHC could go on and on but this Miller Lite ain’t gonna drink itself and YHC only has about 5 minutes before the 2.0’s start sneaking behind my desk during my next zoom call.  YHC doesn’t care how many Power Ranger Ninja shows you’ve watched in the last 3 days.  You’re not invisible to the camera, son.

Here’s the Thang:

Warmup:
15 two handed swings
IW x 10
10 two handed swings
Sharon Towers x 10
15 two handed-swings

Swinging Deadlift Lawnmowers:
Two-handed swing x 20, Deadlift x 20, Lawnmowers x 10 per side
Run this a few times, wait for the 6 after each round then give it a 10 count before moving on

Modified Voodoo Complex Pyramid: 1/2/3/4/5/4/3/2/1
Left side then right side, up and down the pyramid
One handed swing, high pull, snatch, clean and press
Wait for the 6 give it a 10 count then do the second round

Some stuff you wouldn’t be caught dead doing at Meathead:
10 Upright Rows
10 bicep curls
10 tricep extensions
10 OH Press

50 swings pax choice (one handed, two handed, all in a row, by sets of 10, etc.)

30 second holds: waiter, rack, suitcase both sides, 30 seconds rest between sets

SkunkStripe:

Solid crew out there.  YHC thinks we need some cross-pollination with the Meathead and Swole crew.  5 years ago kettlebells were a Thursday thing and skunkworks was a running with kettlebells workout.  Oh yeah, and there was something at the SC state line at a literal dump where they supposedly used kettlebells and chased furry animals.

A few notable occurrences:

  • Smokey got curious how heavy YHC’s bell was and switched his 30 pound bell with YHC for a round of that stuff you wouldn’t be caught dead Qing at Meathead.  Think he learned quickly that unlike frisbees not all kettlebells weigh the same.  This kettlebell then made the rounds with some other pax.
  • Horsehead pulls a 62 lb. bell before the 50 swings.  One he just so happens to keep in his tool box in the back of the ‘yota.  Upon inspection it looked like it had a Road Runner emblem on it or some such nonsense.  but it was dark and YHC didn’t have his glasses on.
  • Baracus ended up with YHC’s bell and gave it a shot during the 50 swings.  Reports are he later went home with forearms so large (in his mind) he now sports matching fore-arm anchor tattoos, smokes a pipe, and keeps a can of spinach in the glove box.  Just in case.
  • Lois was boot-less.  Good for him for getting out of that thing.  Continue the speedy recovery, brother.
  • If you did all the exercises, then you exceeded 200 swings.  good work, men.

Other stuff YHC missed?  Sound off in the comments below.

This was a good crew, they didn’t cover any miles but were smoked by the end.  Good to meet Grits.  This was one of his first posts back at F3 in a while.  #kotters

Thanks to Horsehead and Stone cold for the opportunity to lead.

Announcements

  • Functional Strength Challenge 5/22
  • HDHH on 5/19

Thanks to Baracus for the take-out

SYITG

Titles are hard, man

7 men gathered on a rainy start to the week at the covered section of McAlpine Elementary Invue Parking Lot to get Swole on a Monday.

Pax diligently showed up at 0530 to McAlipne Elementary but no one wanted to swing hard iron in the rain so Voodoo made the call to relocate to InVue (they have his phone number anyway when they call to complain about a bunch of middle-ish aged men standing around the parking lot before working hours).  Pax found shelter by the Comet Pizza Riccio’s Italian Restaurant and proceeded to follow YHC’s instructions.  That might have been their first mistake.

Site Q, Mighty Mite, was not present sporting some kind of shoulder injury.  Hopefully it’s nothing serious.  Which, as anyone who’s had a shoulder injury can attest, is more restrictive than hobbling around in a plastic boot.  Speaking of, being in a boot limits the exercises one can do (no squats, no lunges, bad merkin form, getting off the floor from doing anything Mary related requires a team of clydesdales) so YHC made the best of it and channeled some upcoming Functional Strength Challenge material into the weinke.

Here’s what went down:

25 two handed-swings

IW

Sharon Towers 

25 two handed-swings

10 sets of 4 DBL Clean and Press

Single Side Jack Webb Snatch and Swing Pyramid: Stay on L side increasing reps, Switch to R side decreasing reps

1,04 then 2,08 then 3,12 then 4,16 then 5,20 start at the top and go back to 1,04

Pyramid:

2/4/6/8/10 Double Deadlift, Double High Pulls

8/6/4/2 Single Side Lawnmower, Single Side Snatch

Carries:

30 seconds OH hold

30 seconds racked hold

30 second suitcase hold 

30 seconds rest

Rinse and repeat on the other side

Moldskine:

Technology fail.  YHC had spent some time the night before setting up the timer on the phone.  The timer was all FUBAR in the AM.  As for the playlist, YHC delivered a strong disclaimer that included something to the effect of anyone talking smack on Jimi Hendrix was going to get a kettlebell to the face.  That seemed to quiet everyone down.  No fists were thrown and no one was butt-hurt over their favorite band being called out as worse than the Foo Fighters.

There was plenty of reason to complain though.  This was a tough weinke. The Jack Webb was rough enough, the pyramid was rougher.  Not sure if YHC will ever be invited back to Q.  Who are we kidding, of course YHC will be back.

One other thing, Frehley’s Comet is full of hot air.  Voodoo might be vaccinated for Covid-19 but pretty sure whatever forcefully exited Frehley’s system on Monday killed the vaccine.

It might also be the cure for Covid.

Announcments:

  • Aforementioned Functional Strength Challenge
  • HDHH is back on 5/19 at Seaboard in Matthews

Thanks to Wild Turkey for the takeout

Until next time, SYITG

The HDHH Tour, First Stop: Seaboard

Gents, mark your calendars.  The HDHH is back.  Starting this month on Wednesday, May 19th, Area 51 is kicking off the HDHH summer tour.

It’s no secret, YHC likes to drink beer as much as the next three legged dog in a tuna factory.  YHC is a little like that Sam critter from the moldy colored-breakfast food book for children, Green Eggs and Ham.  In that beer can be drank here or there, beer can be drank anywhere.  Fun fact, YHC has consumed beer on just about every nautical vessel known to man.  The fact that most of those vessels were not in the water at the time of said consumption doesn’t need to be mentioned, but it’s not like the people at the Guinness Book of World Records will ever know.  Despite numerous attempts by YHC, they just refuse to recognize the fortisitude required to achieve these monumental successes of the human spirit.

But, you may ask, what does all this have to do with the aforementioned HDHH tour?  Glad you asked.

Just like those washed up card carrying AARP members of the 80’s rock band Poison, Motley Crue, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, and/or Def Leppard we’re going on a tour this summer.  No tour bus, the M won’t let YHC have the family wagon.  No hot chicks on motorcycles, surprisingly none of them would return YHC’s calls.  And we’re really not crossing state lines here, so maybe less of a tour and more of a jaunt around South Charlotte.

First stop on this tour, Seaboard.  Located in the heart of Stumptown, AKA Matthews, AKA that spot between Charlotte and Mint Hill that doesn’t want to be Charlotte but also does want to be Mint Hill.  Park nearby in the Sparta AO parking lot and join us at 5:30 PM or 1730 for you military types.  Outdoor seating is available.

Have you got a request for the next stop on the HDHH tour?  Sound off in the comments below.

#SYITHDHH

GrowRuck 24 Pre-Blast

You’re reading this pre-blast because:

  • You’re thinking about participating in GrowRuck 24 in the gateway to Gastonia, Charlotte NC
  • You’re not doing GrowRuck 24 and you just need the reading material to keep you sane before your next conference call
  • It’s 0500, you’re on the can, flipping through your phone and about to head out the door to a workout

If you don’t fit neatly into one of these categories, sound off in the comments.  While you’re coming up with something witty to say, here are the top-ten reasons you should do GrowRuck in Charlotte, this year.

  1. When was the last time you played army in the woods with a bunch of your buddies?  That corporate paintball trip doesn’t count.  Even when you went all Apocalypse Now on Tucker from logistics, like you were some kind of Martin Sheen to his Marlon Brando.  Next time Kyle from accounting offers you that crappy camo face-paint, just say no.
  2. You get to buy an expensive backpack.  Why does the M get to have all the fun and spend all the money on pointless accessories?  This is your opportunity to match her $ for $*. 
  3. Because DREDD likes to talk .. and talk … and talk … and talk for 2 days. GrowRuck will give you plenty of that.  Led by F3 Cadre, most notably Cadre DREDD.  You will get to pontificate with and listen to the musing of the mind that brought us F3.  While rucking your @$$ off.  If you’ve ever been to Speed Ruck on Fridays (or any other Metro workout) with DREDD you’ll know what YHC means.  Meet and learn from one of the founders of F3, DREDD aka: David Redding.
  4. Lack of sleep.  GrowRuck starts at sundown and ends at sunrise or whenever the Cadre calls it.  You’ll never see a better sunrise than at the end of a GrowRuck Tough or you won’t …
  5. Carry heavy things long distances.  GoRuck was founded on the foundation of Special Forces training. Green Berets are well versed in shouldering heavy rucks through cities, mountains, jungles and deserts, in war and in peace.  You’ll carry a ruck. and probably a sandbag or 9.  If you’re really lucky someone will find a log for you to carry.  Doesn’t this sound wonderful?  Covid restrictions do not apply.
  6. It’s the perfect excuse to go train at Area 51’s premier (and only) ruck workout, SACS.  It’s the best (and worst) ruck workout in South Charlotte.  Winner of every prestigious new workout award (of which there are none).  You’ll find your favorite regulars at 0515 SCMS parking lot including (but not limited to) Geraldo, Wild Turkey, Dora, and Cheese Curd.  Reach out to one of them if you need a spare ruck.
  7. You get to be called a weirdo by people who have no idea what rucking is or why they should be doing it.  Just wait until that carload of 20 somethings pulls up next to you at 2:37 AM and asks “what are you guys doing?” “What’s F3?” “Are you some kind of militia?” “That looks heavy.  Is it?” “Hey my uncle stormed the capitol, will you say hi to him in prison?”
  8. It’s a CSAUP and makes for really cool stories to tell your kids, co-workers, and other pax.  Like your favorite fishing story, “Man you should have been there, by the time we pulled this thing out of the water it was over 40 feet long and must have weighed 2-ga-jillion pounds.  What Cadre hides their snack in the glove box of a rusty El Camino at the bottom of a lake, weighed down with cinder blocks, and conveniently has a rope tied to its front bumper for retrieval?”
  9. You get to put reflective gear on your ruck.  And reflective gear has proven to be 100% effective at defending against, and repelling, small arms fire, mortar attacks, rocket propelled ordinance, fat girls on roller blades, ninja attacks, zombie hordes, gay vampires, gremlins, bigfoot, UFO abductions, el chupacabra, great white sharks, creepy little girls in horror movies, Jehovah’s witnesses, mimes, Rosie O’Donnell, that sham-wow guy, sith lords, decepticons, goth kids, charlie horses, purple nurples, and gingivitis.  All in all reflective gear is the best accessory for your ruck.
  10. These things typically end with a cold beer, a cool 2×3 patch, and knowing you’ve done more by sunrise than most people will do all week.

Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

* F3 does not take responsibility for pax choosing to match their M’s handbag spending $ for $.  Any pax choosing to do so, will proceed at their own risk.  Your safety is not F3’s responsibility, but is our priority and all pax are encouraged to modify as necessary.  We are not professionals and F3 does not endorse the statements above nor recommends spending obscene sums of money, unless it’s at The F3 Gear Store or goruckdotcom (not a paid promotion).

Weird Mountain Stuff

Crazy things happened this weekend in and around the great mega state mountains of Caro-lossus.  Things that highlight the S in stupid and the U & P in utterly pointless.  5 men ran 103.6 miles in, around, and out of the mountains in our beautiful mega state.  4 of the men were smart enough to rent a swagger wagon, 3 of them went shirtless at some point, 2 of them covered over a combined 50 miles of that distance, and 1 of them did all their running solo.

This weekend was all about Weird Mountain Stuff.

Start with how Midriff decided to run all of South Mountain.  By himself.  With no shirt on and taking selfies.  Which is awesome BTW.  (Disclaimer:  the running part of course, jury’s still out on the selfies in the woods)  Huge shout-out to Midriff, humble and easy-going in the gloom, but don’t be fooled.  Dude is legit.  Never done a 50K before?  Not a problem.  All those “runners” suddenly found something better to do?  Their loss.  His M was in pre-labor for 10 days?  Alright he can’t beat that … yet, but this was a strong second.

In comparison, 4 other men did a slightly less impressive thing.  They ran from Asheville NC to Greenville SC in a day.  Also known as the Ville to Ville Craft Beer Relay.  70.6 miles from Highland Brewing to Hampton Station.  The race is a relay style format with 12 legs.  Teams of 6, 4, and 3 are allowed.  You accountant types can calculate the square root of who gives a rat’s @$$ to determine how the legs and mileage breakdown.  Weather was a fine spring day, no rain, lots of sun, and all the bad clothing decisions you’d expect from people who spent a year on zoom calls while day drinking.

YHC called it BRR Lite, and it is.  1/3 of the miles, 1/3 of the time to complete, and 100% of the chafing.  With stops at two breweries along the way and the finish line at Hampton Station in Greenville, SC it’s basically running to the next parking lot so you can drink a beer in a koozie and keep the party going.  YHC snagged a spot early in the limited Ville to Ville running field because this thing sells out fast.  Spots in this race are gone faster than Willie Nelson can smoke a joint.  It’s so fast that the 2022 race is already sold out 3 days after the 2021 race ended.

As Cap’n, YHC wanted to keep the team small.  No 15 passenger vans, no extra driver, just 4 men on a mission.  BRR veteran a plus, but not a requirement.  4 committed runners, who probably need to be committed to a state run institution.  To Flipper’s credit he was the first to HC.  Our other two team members would be new and valuable additions to the ever growing roster of Team Up ‘n Over.  Fear not UNO alumni, these new comers proved their worth.

Here’s the team breakdown

Flipper:  Marathon training may not have netted him a BQ but he got faster, no doubt.  In typical Flipper fashion, he took the highest mileage and hardest legs.  No surprise, his big personality was only upstaged by a big performance.  As captain, YHC was nervous that the marathon recovery might sideline Flipper from Ville to Ville.  But not only did he bring the marathon swagger but so the performance to back it up.  Flipper crushed 2,000 ft. of elevation gain over 20 miles.  Highlight of the day, throwing his sweaty shirt in the driver’s side window of the van as we passed him running.  *not* Refreshing.

Day-Z (or Daisy):  The story behind the name is worth the rename to Day-Z.  Prove that it’s not.  Originally hailing from Area 51 but relocated to Metro along with his living situation.  A chance encounter at SIBling Rivalry got him on the team and he did not disappoint.  Due to a last minute change in the race course, Day-Z had inherited the second hardest set of legs and second highest mileage for the team.  Including a 23% incline in the first two miles of his first leg.  You wouldn’t know it from his even pacing on Strava.  A solid BRR veteran, nothing phased him.  Find him running at all the brewery runs during the week in CLT.

Hot Wing:  His claim to fame in Area 51 is being related to me.  By marriage.  There’s no way we share a blood line, he’s like Sprockets with no hair.  Shorter than short.  Definite contender for rookie of the year, though.  YHC got him running during Covid and on our first run together he was outpacing YHC and chatting it up the whole way.  This carried over to Makeshift Marathon in November.  Mile 10 and all smiles.  When I told him about this race he put his game face on 8 months in advance and it showed.  If you’re putting a BRR team together, he should be on your short list.  He assumed an 8:45 pace but came in way under, like closer to 8:00’s.

YHC:  Not one to toot his own horn, YHC took the glory leg.  Also got about .10 miles short of a PR on the 10K, sub 50:00.  Original distance was over 18 miles, but some construction outside of Henderson-ville-town-ship-burg changed up the route and cut off two miles.  YHC ain’t no defeatist, and ain’t no complainer, the motto is to just keep kicking with bigger and better things.  YHC decided the end of the race was a good place to run an extra two miles.  And by run an extra two miles, YHC means to blow through the last turn and keep going.  Serves YHC right for passing like 8 people in 3 miles on that leg and running all alone.  (hums Eric Carmen’s “All by Myself”).  Eventually, YHC figured out that the finish was the OTHER way and turned around.  The poor volunteer at the end of the race was not impressed with the sweaty-yeti loudly explaining that the sign was missing.  #YetiKaren

Of course the usual antics happened during the race.  Yelling inappropriate things at your runner as you drive by, staring slack-jawed with the 250 other middle-aged men at the female runners way too young for you and way too out of our league on our best day, dirty jokes, and dirty smelly vans.  The BRR veterans know that smell, open up that door and it smells like success, or pheromones.  Whatever you college types like to call it.

At the end of the day these fellas left their mark on ‘dem ‘der hills.  Midriff was the champion/gold-medal/MVP of the South Mountain Slog.  Team UNO only took 81 out of 236 with an average pace of 8:15/mile, the slackers that we are.  Can’t win them all, but it’s never about winning when it’s Completely Stupid and Utterly Pointless.

Next up, BRR.

#SYITG

Cap’n Hoover

EZ strength? What is this, a luxury resort?

10 men rolled into the Calvary parking lot (not all at 0530) for this week’s episode of Meathead.  Some were early, some were late, some were right on time.  All in attendance agreed it was the best workout in the history of workouts conducted on 04/14/21.

According to the holy text of the SwOle-mpus-Meathead weinke, that spreadsheet of fame and infamy.  Created by Voodoo, from the depths of a fever dream that sounds like a collaboration between A Christmas Carol and Terminator 3 (you remember that one, the good terminator movie).  Delivered unto him in the middle of the night by the angry and vengeful spirits of Ronald and Nancy Regan on behalf of Geoff Neupert the Patron Saint of EZ-Strength, deemed that today was double swings day.  And if Saint Neupert says double swings, you better have double swings in your weinke or else …

Here’s what went down.

Warmup

  • 25 two handed-swings
  • IW
  • Sharon Towers 
  • Prying squat
  • 25 two handed-swings

Main Event

Round 1: 10 sets of 6 DBL Swings (1 minute each) 10 minutes

Round 2: Armor building: 2 x DCL, 1 x DMP, 3 x DFFS for 15:00 (60 seconds on, 15 seconds off, 12 sets total)

Round 3: EMOM and AMRAP (10 minutes)

  • EMOM: 1 snatch per side
  • AMRAP between the EMOM
    • Lawnmowers (5 left, 5 right)
    • Romanian DL (5 left, 5 right)
    • High pulls (5 left, 5 right)
    • Reverse lunge (5 left, 5 right)

Carry and Mary

  • 30 seconds pax choice carry (L), 30 seconds plank
  • 30 seconds pax choice carry (R), 30 seconds plank
  • 30 seconds pax choice carry (L), 30 seconds plank
  • 30 seconds pax choice carry (R), 30 seconds plank

Somewhere in there, we talked about the volume of poop from 8 dogs.  Bullwinkle was slightly intimidated by this thought.

Moley-skin

The weinke was designed to prep us for the Functional Strength Challenge on 05/22.  YHC knows the EMOM snatches were a big hit.  They were such a big hit that Voodoo had to ask why YHC deviated from the EZ-Strength portion of Our Lord of the Kettlebell Neupert’s Worksheet.  The answer is simple, just because you can do something, doesn’t mean it’s always a good idea.  Is YHC right, Bernie Madoff?

And EMOM snatches are a great idea.  Up there with getting a pat on the back with a handful of thumbtacks dipped in jalapeno juice and then skipping the tetanus shot.

Enough about stuff you wish you were part of this AM, YHC has to get back to making a living.  YHC’s stories about Possum Voltron or that time YHC liberated a Bradley fighting vehicle and entered it into the Pierce County Demolition Derby, into which YHC may or may not have won 3rd place (until being disqualified for failure to produce a vehicle registration and/or title confirming ownership of said Bradley fighting vehicle) …  That and other stories will have to wait until the next backblast.

Thanks to Unplugged for the take-out.

Announcements:

  • Lots of CSAUPS, because it’s getting warm
  • Forrest “Midriff” Gump is running on a mountain alone

Ever Given

This backblast was ghost-written by Hoover for Runstopper.  Why?  Because Flipper is a Disney princess and won’t let it go …

 

and Gummy is no longer on contract as Runstopper’s ghost writer so YHC was tapped in the dugout and pinch hit this one.

 

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to read this Rock Zero backblast, now posted so the world (and Flipper) can get on with their lives and harass other site Q’s to post backblasts for their Qs who didn’t.  We run a highly regulated, respectable, and tight ship here.  Your shenanigans should be memorialized in a backblast.  Not posting a backblasts subjects your site Qs to being harassed and in YHC’s case this will continue until Dora Qs Rock Zero this Saturday.  Another backblast won’t be written and somewhere around Wednesday of next week, YHC will be harassed, again, to commence with the mental exercise of writing a Pulitzer-prize worthy backblast.  This is the new normal.  #2020 is over, #2021 is here.

Like the Ever Given, finally freed from the Suez canal, the unclogging of a toilet of the mind, for the benefit of global F3 commerce.  You’re welcome pax for this fine literary masterpiece.  Of course, blaming YHC for not posting a backblast is like blaming, Marwa Elselehdar Egypt’s first female captain, for grounding a ship she never captained.  Geraldo and YHC are just the site Qs.  Like typical management, we own nothing but the blame and shame when something goes off the rails.  Rule #1:  Manage the chaos and keep your fingers crossed that everyone makes it out alive.

Rule #2, for the love of god, someone please WRITE THE DAMN BACKBLAST!!

 

But I digress, back to the workout.  7 men showed up to see what color tights Runstopper was wearing.  It was as usual, the burning question on everyone’s mind.  What color tights?  Vegas odds had neon yellow but the man chose black.  It was a good decision considering it was paired with a hi-viz running jacket.  So hi-viz that pax couldn’t look directly at him in the sunlight without burning a retina.  Kind of like looking at the sun during a solar eclipse. 

 

 

 

It was a smart clothing option.  Just not for after 0700 when the sun is up.  Pretty sure people driving on Rt 51 slowed down trying to understand what that blinding light was hovering 18 inches off the sidewalk being followed by 7 men in F3 black.  That thing was so hi-viz that if it was paired with the usual neon tights pax faces would have melted off like Paul Freeman’s at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.

 

 

Where was I?  Oh yeah, the Thang …

Mosey out onto the front lawn of Calvary for a warmup.  Surprised we haven’t been banned from the front yard, yet.  But then again, the geese are allowed to crap all over that church so I guess we’re slightly less annoying.  After the warmup, mosey down to Davies park.  Fireman Ed was not impressed with the running, BTW.  Once at the park, do some Mary in the frost covered grass.  Head over to the soccer area where families were gathering for that Saturday ritual of watching their kids not be the next Mia Hamm or David Beckham but still cheering them on.  Grab a rock.  Stay socially distanced and do some stuff with rocks across the parking lot.  Hit the playground for 3 sets of merkins, pull-ups, and step-ups (they’re not little hazes because we weren’t at the Calvary Hot Box).  Back to the rocks (which we left in the parking lot for cars to run over, because this is not Calvary church) for some more parking lot shenanigans.  Mosey to the side road that leads to the dog park.  Mosey up to the middle light and split into two groups.  Some type of suicide was called with pax doing an exercise and running to each light with both groups going in opposite directions.  Cover every light then back to the frosty grass for some more Mary.  Finally an indian run back to Calvary for sprints to the end.

The Skine of a Mole:

Solid group of pax on Saturday.  YHC almost has them all posted here.  Almost.  In order to keep the HR files up to date, please sound off in the comments with the one pax YHC missed.  He wasn’t a regular and YHC has a bad memory for these things.

#Cotters to Fireman Ed for posting for the first time in a long time.  The last time I saw Fireman Ed, he was getting berated by Brown at Skunkworks.  You know, back when management made you run with a kettlebell.

For all my hating on Flipper, he has a point about backblasts.  Post them, they don’t have to be funny or even entirely accurate.  But post what went down and who showed up.  Your fellow pax will appreciate it and you won’t get called out by the porpoise with a purpose.  I’ll repeat this for your benefit, we run a highly regulated, respectable, and tight ship here.  Your shenanigans should be memorialized in a backblast.

SYITG

What’s your is mine, what’s mine is mine …

We all know how marriage works, right?  It’s hers.  You own nothing, she owns everything.  “Oh, you spent this month’s paycheck at GoRuck.com?  What did you get me?”  This was the first lesson 6 men learned today at SACS.

YHC pulled into the parking lot at SCMS around 0510 to find most of the pax assembled and watching Cheese Curd unload his car.  Midriff was site FNG today, and not one to slouch on the job, brought 2 cinderblocks with his own handmade F3 stencil painted on the side.  Someone asked if his kids did it, and he proudly proclaimed to be the artist responsible for such a fine masterpiece.  Based on YHC’s observation of said arts and craft skills, he’s safe from any copyright infringement lawsuits.  Geraldo stayed away from cinder blocks today, something about PTSD from murdering bunnies.

What was heard repeatedly, as Cheese Curd unloaded the gear from his car, was “that belongs to my wife”.  Midriff was curious about which ruck to try and which sandbag to grab.  Everything Midriff picked up, Cheese Curd quickly acknowledged he didn’t own.  As if it was a veiled request to return it exactly as you found it, Cheese Curd doesn’t want to sleep in the garage again.  He may have paid for it, but it was hers.

The second lesson?  If your phone is in your ruck, put it in a Pelican Case.  Because Cheese Curd happens.  As YHC unpacked the car, the Bag of S#!t (BOS) was brought out as the coupon of choice.  The BOS is a large army surplus duffle that weighs in at 50 pounds +/-.  YHC had his ruck placed on top of BOS with said phone inside the top pocket.  Cheese Curd, in an attempt to discover what the BOS was, flipped YHCs ruck off the BOS and crushing YHCs phone under the ruck plate.  Damage was contained to the screen.  But the screen replacement is more than the phone is worth, so YHC is currently shopping a new phone.  That likely puts Cheese Curd and I at even since YHC broke his M’s hand last year.  And resolves an awkward “you owe me” involving tornadoes, wood, and a certain person’s hands being at the wrong place at the wrong time.

You will note, the workout hasn’t even started yet.

0516 we get down to it.

The Thang:

Ruck down 51 to the first street light at William R Davie Park

At the light, rucks off
10 Merkins IC
10 Low slow Squats IC
10 Sit Ups

Rucks on, grab coupons and ruck to the next light
1 Coupon OH Presses
1 Coupon Front Squats

Ruck to the next light and up the reps to 2 of each and continue to the end of the road

At the back end of the road, coupons down bear crawl part way and overhead carry your ruck all around the little traffic circle.

Back to the first light, rucks off
10 Push Ups IC
10 Low slow Squats IC
10 Sit Ups

Rucks on, grab coupons and ruck to the next light
5 Coupon deadlifts
5 Coupon rows

Ruck to the next light and reduce the rep count by 1 until you get to the end of the entrance of the park

Ruck back to SCMS parking lot with coupons

Still have 10 minutes to kill so ruck over to Semi-Gloss’ office curls, triceps, ruck to chest squats, some mary and that got us to time.

Moleskinny:

This didn’t seem like much on paper but everyone was sweating well before the end.  Moving under weight with coupons and rucks is a challenge.  We didn’t try for any land-speed records but we moved at a decent clip.  The BOS was an awkward choice.  It’s bulky and doesn’t have convenient handles.  Making it a challenge to stand up straight while under that coupon.  But that’s the point right?  Getting comfortable being uncomfortable.

The crew today was solid.  For Midriff’s first time out to SACS he jumped right in like he was a veteran.  Cheese Curd must like to play with all the new toys that come to the yard, because he decided that of the 200+ sandbags his M let him borrow, he took one of Midriff’s cinder blocks.  Wild Turkey and Cheese Curd are both working through Pathfinder and have a coupon challenge coming up soon.  This was a good practice run for them.  Geraldo is the consummate veteran professional.  Smart choice on weight, no need to humble-brag because this guy knows his way around a ruck and sandbag.   He also knows how to hum along to every Led Zeppelin song out there.  I have only posted a handful of times with Focker.  Nice guy and I remember him getting the name at that frisbee workout on Fridays.  Glad to see he’s gotten away from that crew and sticking to something smarter, like hauling around weighted backpacks.

Announcements:

  • Stoned-chicken SOB CSAUP
  • Get your FNGs email right on the website a newsletter is coming!
  • WTF, it’s a CSAUP not just another acronym
  • Functional Strength Challenge, pick things up, put them down
  • Rutbreaker, get out there and break a rut or 3
  • 20 mile ruck with Purple Haze, beer and BBQ after

Somewhere along the way we put all the CSAUPs happening across 3 regions together and figured that over the course of 4ish weeks most pax could hit all the CSAUPs, and would likely cover 60 miles or something like that.

YHC had the take-out.