Weird Mountain Stuff

Weird Mountain Stuff

Crazy things happened this weekend in and around the great mega state mountains of Caro-lossus.  Things that highlight the S in stupid and the U & P in utterly pointless.  5 men ran 103.6 miles in, around, and out of the mountains in our beautiful mega state.  4 of the men were smart enough to rent a swagger wagon, 3 of them went shirtless at some point, 2 of them covered over a combined 50 miles of that distance, and 1 of them did all their running solo.

This weekend was all about Weird Mountain Stuff.

Start with how Midriff decided to run all of South Mountain.  By himself.  With no shirt on and taking selfies.  Which is awesome BTW.  (Disclaimer:  the running part of course, jury’s still out on the selfies in the woods)  Huge shout-out to Midriff, humble and easy-going in the gloom, but don’t be fooled.  Dude is legit.  Never done a 50K before?  Not a problem.  All those “runners” suddenly found something better to do?  Their loss.  His M was in pre-labor for 10 days?  Alright he can’t beat that … yet, but this was a strong second.

In comparison, 4 other men did a slightly less impressive thing.  They ran from Asheville NC to Greenville SC in a day.  Also known as the Ville to Ville Craft Beer Relay.  70.6 miles from Highland Brewing to Hampton Station.  The race is a relay style format with 12 legs.  Teams of 6, 4, and 3 are allowed.  You accountant types can calculate the square root of who gives a rat’s @$$ to determine how the legs and mileage breakdown.  Weather was a fine spring day, no rain, lots of sun, and all the bad clothing decisions you’d expect from people who spent a year on zoom calls while day drinking.

YHC called it BRR Lite, and it is.  1/3 of the miles, 1/3 of the time to complete, and 100% of the chafing.  With stops at two breweries along the way and the finish line at Hampton Station in Greenville, SC it’s basically running to the next parking lot so you can drink a beer in a koozie and keep the party going.  YHC snagged a spot early in the limited Ville to Ville running field because this thing sells out fast.  Spots in this race are gone faster than Willie Nelson can smoke a joint.  It’s so fast that the 2022 race is already sold out 3 days after the 2021 race ended.

As Cap’n, YHC wanted to keep the team small.  No 15 passenger vans, no extra driver, just 4 men on a mission.  BRR veteran a plus, but not a requirement.  4 committed runners, who probably need to be committed to a state run institution.  To Flipper’s credit he was the first to HC.  Our other two team members would be new and valuable additions to the ever growing roster of Team Up ‘n Over.  Fear not UNO alumni, these new comers proved their worth.

Here’s the team breakdown

Flipper:  Marathon training may not have netted him a BQ but he got faster, no doubt.  In typical Flipper fashion, he took the highest mileage and hardest legs.  No surprise, his big personality was only upstaged by a big performance.  As captain, YHC was nervous that the marathon recovery might sideline Flipper from Ville to Ville.  But not only did he bring the marathon swagger but so the performance to back it up.  Flipper crushed 2,000 ft. of elevation gain over 20 miles.  Highlight of the day, throwing his sweaty shirt in the driver’s side window of the van as we passed him running.  *not* Refreshing.

Day-Z (or Daisy):  The story behind the name is worth the rename to Day-Z.  Prove that it’s not.  Originally hailing from Area 51 but relocated to Metro along with his living situation.  A chance encounter at SIBling Rivalry got him on the team and he did not disappoint.  Due to a last minute change in the race course, Day-Z had inherited the second hardest set of legs and second highest mileage for the team.  Including a 23% incline in the first two miles of his first leg.  You wouldn’t know it from his even pacing on Strava.  A solid BRR veteran, nothing phased him.  Find him running at all the brewery runs during the week in CLT.

Hot Wing:  His claim to fame in Area 51 is being related to me.  By marriage.  There’s no way we share a blood line, he’s like Sprockets with no hair.  Shorter than short.  Definite contender for rookie of the year, though.  YHC got him running during Covid and on our first run together he was outpacing YHC and chatting it up the whole way.  This carried over to Makeshift Marathon in November.  Mile 10 and all smiles.  When I told him about this race he put his game face on 8 months in advance and it showed.  If you’re putting a BRR team together, he should be on your short list.  He assumed an 8:45 pace but came in way under, like closer to 8:00’s.

YHC:  Not one to toot his own horn, YHC took the glory leg.  Also got about .10 miles short of a PR on the 10K, sub 50:00.  Original distance was over 18 miles, but some construction outside of Henderson-ville-town-ship-burg changed up the route and cut off two miles.  YHC ain’t no defeatist, and ain’t no complainer, the motto is to just keep kicking with bigger and better things.  YHC decided the end of the race was a good place to run an extra two miles.  And by run an extra two miles, YHC means to blow through the last turn and keep going.  Serves YHC right for passing like 8 people in 3 miles on that leg and running all alone.  (hums Eric Carmen’s “All by Myself”).  Eventually, YHC figured out that the finish was the OTHER way and turned around.  The poor volunteer at the end of the race was not impressed with the sweaty-yeti loudly explaining that the sign was missing.  #YetiKaren

Of course the usual antics happened during the race.  Yelling inappropriate things at your runner as you drive by, staring slack-jawed with the 250 other middle-aged men at the female runners way too young for you and way too out of our league on our best day, dirty jokes, and dirty smelly vans.  The BRR veterans know that smell, open up that door and it smells like success, or pheromones.  Whatever you college types like to call it.

At the end of the day these fellas left their mark on ‘dem ‘der hills.  Midriff was the champion/gold-medal/MVP of the South Mountain Slog.  Team UNO only took 81 out of 236 with an average pace of 8:15/mile, the slackers that we are.  Can’t win them all, but it’s never about winning when it’s Completely Stupid and Utterly Pointless.

Next up, BRR.


Cap’n Hoover

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Hoover author

Commonly mistaken for sasquatch

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