This one time at SACS …



This one time at SACS …

The following is equal parts Thang/Moleskin-age and the ramblings of a guy about to go on vacation who has mentally checked out … you have been warned.

3 dudes, who may or may not all be GRTs, made it to SACS today.  Not surprising the low number considering Cheese Curd and Wild Turkey were both DR (separately of course).  But not one to be deterred by something as trivial as people having better places to be at 0515 on a Wednesday, YHC was ready to lead these men into the unknown.  Or at least whatever madness was conjured up in a fever dream during a nap on a Zoom call the day before.  Inspired by the Saturday night ruck, Star Dog, a weinke was assembled and promptly ignored.  A workout was completed and pax put the work in.  What you really want to know is, what happened with “This one time at SACS”

Here goes …

At 0509 YHC made the left onto Strawberry Ln behind Snowflake.  He decided to show up on time this week.  Generous of the guy, considering he advertised the start time on Slack.  But also much appreciated.  As we rolled into the SCMS parking lot with Geraldo hot on our heels, YHC noticed a large Chevy Suburban already in the parking lot.  First assumption was Logjam had joined us but it wasn’t a black Suburban.  Thinking nothing of it, pax got out, rucked up, grabbed sandbags, and at this point YHC decided to toss the opener of the weinke in favor of some adventuring.  Down to the ball fields.  At one point Geraldo mentioned something about a woman running the track last week.  That detail was filed away as noted yet not impacting the plan.  The same plan that was just trashed in favor of a new plan that included heavy doses of winging it.

Head to the ballfields.  First up a little modified APFT.  3 men = 3 stations.  First are the sit-ups, fingers interlocked behind the head.  Full sit-up, 52 in 2 minutes.  One guy holds your feet down.  The other does merkins 42 in 2 minutes.  Rotate through exercises and everyone gets a 2 minute break at some point.  That was a solid warmup.

Next lineup on the 3rd baseline with the sandbags and rucks off.  sandbag toss across the infield to the first baseline, 5 burpees, and go back to get your ruck.  Rinse and repeat back across the infield.

Head up the sidewalk and over to the track with sandbags and rucks.  At this point YHC saw the someone running the track.  Minor detail remembered and yet still filed away.  Hit the track to complete one 400.  Said runner passes us.  It is quickly determined that this runner is female and what one might consider attractive wearing short shorts and a sports bra.  She also boasted a 6 pack that would make my Miller Lite cry tears of jealousy.

After our 400 we dropped the coupons and lined up for 50 meter ruck on bear crawls with 50 meter ruck rifle carry back.  Do this twice.  Runner continues to run.

After this (and totally because YHC was shooting from the hip) time for another lap.  About halfway around the track Geraldo starts telling a story about “This one time at GoRuck” that involved Human Centipede merkins.  Basically merkins where GRTs are lined up, in plank position, with their feet on the shoulders of the person behind them (obviously pre-covid).  Geraldo happened to be behind a smaller female during this story as luck would have it.  Now let it be said that Gerlado embodies many admirable traits, one being his gentlemanly charm in public settings and YHC assumes this extends to GoRuck events. But in this particular story Geraldo was in the awkward position of having his head … well you can imagine where in reference to the female, whose legs were on his shoulders.  There were no “Oh” faces involved.  It’s at this point in telling the story where the runner catches up to this group of middle-aged men carrying heavy stuff.  She slows down to ask what we’re doing and we all have this shocked silence of “there’s an attractive woman talking to a bunch of married middle-aged men, and she wants to know what we’re doing”.  You know the kind of stuff the writers on the Big Bang Theory would have whipped into a funny 2 minute sketch to accompany transition through a 22.5 minute plot.  Anyway, Snowflake, quick on his feet as always, tells her that we’re training for a GoRuck endurance event.  12 – 13 hours, many miles, heavy things, manly stuff etc. etc.  She grins and enthusiastically says something to the effect of “That’s so cool, good luck.” and proceeds to keep running.

She wasn’t 20 feet away when Geraldo picked right back up on his story, like he hadn’t even stopped to take a breath.  “So there I was with my head up this girl’s crotch.”

To her credit the woman kept running and even waved to us in the parking lot after.  Maybe she was intrigued by the awkward yet challenging positions situations that a GoRuck event puts you in, or maybe she was trying to keep the fear from her eyes as she frantically googled any other middle school in the area without a secluded track that’s empty at 0500.  We may never know.

The rest of the workout was uneventful, yet challenging.  It included 30+ sandbag cleans/thrusters across the parking lot with ruck on.  Snowflake mentioned something about trying not to pass out during those.  A ruck around the grounds and some ruck on dips & little hazes.  All told under 2 miles with a solid bit of work.

Afterward, Geraldo led the group in a lesson on how to attach a hip belt to your ruck.  Spoiler alert: it’s way more complicated than one would think but surprisingly easy enough to accomplish.  Go figure, that’s sounds like something an individual trained by the US government, at the expense of a few million tax payer dollars, would develop.

Thanks to Snowflake and Geraldo for putting in the effort today and to Cheese Curd and Geraldo for the opportunity to lead.

Announcements:

GrowRuck – August 6th

HDHH Tour continues, somewhere new in July.  Probably on the 14th.  There will be a poll and updates on Slack.

About the author

Hoover author

Commonly mistaken for sasquatch

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Geraldo
4 months ago

Solid Weinke Hoover, thanks for leading. That truly was one of my more awkward GORUCK experiences, what happens at GORUCK stays at GORUCK.

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