12 Pax relive my Mardi Gras night on Bourbon Street back in college
Having listened to F3 Roundtable discussion about the importance of a disclaimer, I decided to make sure that we got fully disclaimed before we even took the first step. Unfortunately, Delta decided to walk away as I was giving the disclaimer. And then somebody else skidding in on two wheels never heard it (no, that wasn’t me at the last minute; I’m never more than 10 minutes late for my own Q’s). So to prevent any lawsuits from those two for today’s ass-clownery, here is the disclaimer:
“I am not a professional, and that’s probably the nicest thing anyone’s ever said about me. You are an idiot if you follow me. I have a series of bad ideas that get worse as we go along. You should modify these so called exercises in whatever fashion you choose of your own free will, up to and including getting in your car and going home right now. Suing me, the school, or F3 is the highest form of douchebaggery and ass-hattery there is, and you will not be my friend anymore if you do.
With a shout of the start of Mardi Gras, I ran off in a completely straight line to get us started. Those behind me claim that I was running across curbs and in the grass, but I think they were drunk. Fusebox asked “Posse, am I supposed to be following right behind you?” Seemed like an odd question.
I stopped to catch my breath at the end of the parking lot. That was a lot longer than I expected. I feel like I ran a mile just now, while everyone else is barely at the quarter mile. Are we done yet?
We continue to the small bus parking lot where I kind of got turned around and didn’t quite remember where I was supposed to be going. We ended up at the green benches under the portico. There I led some side straddle hops, but my speech was a little slurry, so they didn’t quite understand me. I think I talked about my childhood dog, Smush.
Guys guys guys! I got a great idea! Let’s go grab a rock! Curls x20
Okay I got an even better idea! Let’s take this rock and run to the W on the far side of the parking lot! We’ll go in a straight line, which means go around the outside parking lot loop. Once there, we did flutter presses with the rock (on your back doing bench presses while doing flutters simultaneously) until everyone got in. Great drunk simulator, BTW. Then set the rock down in space 318 and let’s side skip down to the rock pile closer to the highway.
Grab a rock from the rock pile. This time curl to press x 20.
Guys I got a better idea! Let’s run back to that other corner that we were just at and do Dolly presses until everyone gets in. Set the rocks down at spot 243.
This place sucks.
Backwards run to the ORIGINAL rock pile and do mountain climbers until everyone gets in.
Grab a rock from the rock pile – this time we’ll do bent over rows x20.
Hey guys! Let’s run back to the other rock pile with this rock. I think the band’s about to get started. Triceps until everyone gets in.
Set the rock down on spot 30.
Grab another rock. This time halos: 6 in one direction and 6 in the other.
Hey guys, let’s take these rocks back to where we just were on the other side of the rock pile. I like the bartender better over there anyway. Thrusters until everyone gets in.
Set your rock down on space 80. Let’s Mosey.
We mosey to the middle of the parking lot where we plank up, because I lost a contact. Nobody bothered to help me. Bastards.
Then I realized Mom and Dad are going to be home soon. Guys! This place is a mess! We got to get all these rocks cleaned up before Mom and Dad get home! Let’s go! So everyone scattered to the farthest corners of the parking lot, grabbing rocks and bringing them back to the rock pile – EXACTLY where we got them from. For the girls who brought their rocks out, we could take two at a time.
Run Flat led some LBC’s until everyone got in.
So with the bars closed, we decided to take to the streets to earn some beads. Mosey to the portico again where I explained:
B = burpees. We will do 5 at this side of the bus island; run to the other side 5 more burpees; repeat for a total of 40 burpees (the 40 days of Lent)
E = Emperial Walkers 10 on each side of the island until you get to 40.
A = American Hammers. 15 on each side of the island until you get to 40.
Hollywood, who I think works in some math related field, said that’s 60, not 40. It was 40 last night when I was drawing this up.
D = dips. Do 20 on the bench; run the entire loop and then do 20 more and then run another loop
S = squats do 40 squats all in the same spot.
During this time, Old Man Stickleg drove up asking who we were. Beltway was flying solo at this part. I don’t know what Beltway told him to keep him from calling the cops on us, but it worked. You want him for your wingman.
I think only Hollywood outright earned his beads. The rest cut it short because math kills a good buzz.
Mosey back to the cars.
+ Madison’s CPR class is closed. I sure hope you people know how to bring me back to life without using that Flatliners crap.
+ Brolympics – Do you even, bro? Participate or volunteer. There is no fartsacking. Ranger has a soccer game immediately afterwards, 1 mile away. Still volunteering. Bro’s in IR are volunteering (I see you, McFly). It’s our home people. Tuxedo shirts are optional, but classy.
Frack would have been proud – no warm up and announcements lasted no longer than a quality burp.
Hollywood seemed surprised that we got 3 miles in. Well, for you #StraightMilers, it was 3. I easily clocked 27.
DoughBoy said it was like controlled chaos. I assure you, I blacked out about halfway through. You must have been at a different workout than me.
The name-a-rama was filmed in a slightly more sophomoric selfie-style. It gave me a chance to tell the guys how much I loved them (and some of their sisters). In no way should that video ever see the light of day.
You must be logged in to post a comment.