Shut Up And Carry S**t/Stuff (SACS)

Shut Up And Carry S**t/Stuff (SACS)

Disclaimer: This is YHC’s second backblast in two days.  I’m turning to the Waxhaw-side.

YHC was tapped to Q one of the three Wednesday workouts that all occur within 1 mile of each other.  Because, I dunno, it’s F3.  Why not have two gear workouts within walking, rucking, or running distance of each other.  Meanwhile the bootcamp workout just stares at you from across the room thinking, “we were here first and everything was fine until you guys had to show up with all your gear.  There are perfectly good rocks that you could lift and carry, but oh no, gotta spend inordinate amounts of money on iron things measured in kgs or overpriced backpacks with hip belts and matching duffle bags filled with sand.  Call us old fashioned but we were just fine with our rocks and running 2 – 3 miles.  No one still alive complained about bootcamps and no one was stealing the hotbox on rainy days.  Now you guys have earned a view of our superb monkey humper form.”

But I digress, back to the assignment of the Q.  YHC was voluntold to Q SACS because he called out a certain site-Q’s expert Q schedule planning strategy during COT at Centurion.  Said strategy is a copy/paste of that sister gear workout Meathead, corner someone on Slack and tell them they’re the Q.  Vague references to public shaming.  That’s it.

So at 0511 YHC rolls into the parking lot.  Cheese Curd was already there.  Likely running away from his fatherly duties to the new puppy.  His M and 2.0s shamed him into getting convinced him it was a good idea (spoiler alert, it’s going as well as one would expect a new puppy in a new home would go two weeks in).  As YHC stepped out of the car, Wild Turkey, Flipper, and Geraldo all pulled in like they planned it.  One after the other, like they needed YHC to take the brunt of the puppy whining before they showed up.

The crew gets out of their cars and starts slapping sandbags on the ground like the large phallic-looking items they are.  All this talk about who’s carrying what, mine’s bigger than yours, look at this someone’s carrying a whale dick.

YHC corrals this rag-tag group of part-time ruckers and full-time slackers into something resembling a workout.  Comments are made about who didn’t show up *cough* Focker *cough* and then we ruck-up and head out of the parking lot for a 1 mile warm-up of the route for the challenge.  As we exit the parking lot, a CINTAS truck comes in on two wheels.  We all have the same thought, that guy is lost.

Never mind, it’s Rousey.  Wild Turkey, meanwhile, floats a story about Rousey tricking pax into unloading his truck during a workout all in the name of “fitness”.  More like, someone found a group of suckers.  That’s a #promove Rousey.  Well done, sir.

Once Rousey’s ruck was packed with starched uniforms, resume the route.  All the way down Strawberry Ln to Rosecliff, turn around and ruck back.  It’s .5 mile one-way.  So 1 mile round-trip there, math majors.  Ruck weight was standard 30 pounds.  After, the pax went through some dynamic warmup moves and stretching.  We did a few laps upping the weight, each time, as we went.  Had to get a strong warmup before kicking off the main challenge.  Two notable events occurred during these laps:

  • The lone CMS bus to pull into SCMS, not some late pax driving their work vehicle to a workout, no a friggin’ school bus almost ran us over.  Like, there wasn’t a whole parking lot!!!!! to pull a u-turn in?  I know we’re short on bus drivers but, seriously, are they giving driver’s licenses away with two box tops of frosted mini-wheats and 6 Campbell’s soup labels?
  • Then there was the yeti tantrum.  YHC started the morning with a stress induced handicap coming into the Q.  Work sucks, blah, blah, blah.  So when that weak water bladder decided it couldn’t handle an extra 30 pounds in the ruck, YHC was content to yell at it.  Dump it out and put it in the car.  Then the water from said bladder responded with a, “yeah, guess what we’re still here m****rf****r.”  And the ruck, sans water bladder, started leaking water.  So I dumped it out.  Not once.  But twice.  Yeah, a monthly car payment of a sack of over-priced canvas with drain holes, was still able to retain water.  Go figure.  That’s some government sponsored, double-redundancy, edu-ma-cation put into an over-priced design.  “It’s so good, it’ll retain all the crap you don’t want it to.”  Now YHC’s back and pants are soaked in cold water.  Good times.

Like the light at the end of the tunnel that is a train, it was time to begin the main event.  Pax loaded up with their own choice of weight.  See below:

  • YHC:  60 in the ruck + 85 in the sandbag
  • Geraldo:  40 in the ruck + 80 in the sandbag
  • Flipper:  30 in the ruck + 90 in the sandbag + he sucks at fantasy football
  • Rousey:  30 in the ruck + a whale-dick (no one asks a whale that question)
  • Cheese Curd*:  45 in the ruck + 100 in the sandbag
  • Wild Turkey*:  30 in the ruck + 60 in the sand bag + a 40 lb kettlebell

* Cheese Curd and Wild Turkey, switched up at some point and again later in the mile.  YHC supervised and assisted in the transition.  To Wild Turkey’s credit, he was managing the ruck + sandbag, with a kettlebell in one hand.  Throwing off one’s balance and the sandbag kept shifting off his shoulders.  To Cheese Curd’s credit, he switched with Wild Turkey, and carried the kettlebell against his chest to minimize the weight shift.  It was a struggle, but these guys pushed through and completed another Pathfinder class this week with a smoking APFT score.  Smart, strong, and efficient.  T-claps, men.

At the end, no one was happy with the challenge.  There were groans, curses, strange noises not heard in the daylight, and the group felt the pain all day.  But all we’re stronger for it.  We completed the challenge.  Welcome to SACS, “concept … walk with heavy stuff is a weekly occurrence.  Some days we walk longer than others … ”

Oh yeah, and Flipper sucks at fantasy football.  We all learned that today.

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Hoover author

Commonly mistaken for sasquatch

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