New Spreadsheet, Who Dis?

New Spreadsheet, Who Dis?

That title is atrocious, and I apologize.  It’s Monday night and the words aren’t coming as fluidly as they usually do.  Anyway, today marked the start of a new kettlebell program for Swole/Meathead/Olympus and I was tasked with coming up with something.  With the exceptions of grilling meats, investment portfolios, and playlists, things rarely go well when I am in charge of them so hopefully this works out.  I picked elements from several MMA conditioning kettlebell programs I found online and did some tweaking to come up with a cardio endurance phase, a strength focus phase, and an explosive power phase.  Today was week one day one of the cardio endurance phase.

Warmup then straight into 5 minutes of alternating 20 swings and 10 merkins with the goal of getting as many reps as possible in the allotted time.  This quickly became an absolute grind, but that’s what endurance workouts are, and it was still better than running.

Next up was three rounds of single leg deadlifts x 5 each leg, 10 halos each direction, and 8 reverse lunges each leg.  The goal was to alternate lower and upper body while remaining in motion and blending strength with cardio.  It may not be perfect but it’s grounded in more actual science than anything the CDC has done in the past 2.5 years.

Over to the playground for 5 rounds of pullups x 5, merkins x 10, and swings x 20.  Watching Hoover and Turkey Leg do pullups on the children’s playground next to each other is quite a site.  It’s basically like a Humvee and a Miata lining up to drag the quarter mile, which at this point is probably the plot of the next Fast and Furious movie.

Finish up with some heavy carries and Mary.

This program is based on the principles of training for combat sports, and I would place the first iteration solidly in the welterweight division.  It had enough pop to make you feel it and smack you around a bit, not like those featherweights that buzz around and annoy the bejeezus out of you.  They may hit you 100 times but it’s basically like being smacked by a toddler.  There was enough motion to tax the cardiovascular system as well, so it wasn’t like a heavyweight bout where two huge lummoxes stand in the center of the ring and trade blows without much movement.  Don’t get me wrong though, I love when two lummoxes throw all boxing technique out the window and just hammer away at each other like Johnny Depp and Amber Heard in a court of law.

The playlist was a sampling of some of the greatest music ever recorded, and that’s not hyperbole.  I just wish we had more time so we could’ve got to more songs.  Check slack for details on a convergence next Monday for Memorial Day as Hoover has begun to put the info out there.  Preliminary decision was to hit Basecamp at 7 am with bootcamp and kettlebell options.  I never sleep well the night before a Q and the creative juices aren’t flowing with much viscosity this evening so I’ll wrap this up.  Mercifully the school year is coming to a close and vacation season is in sight.  Let’s get out there and have ourselves a summer.

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