The True Burpee Mile™

The True Burpee Mile™

Why has no one ever replicated the True Burpee Mile™ successfully?

Because it’s impossible.

Not really, but Champion Forest is set up perfectly with a mile from top to bottom with 20 stops along street lights. No back and forth, no laps, just one straight shot of pure misery.

9 pax decided 52 degrees, foggy, and 100% humidity (not a joke) were perfect running conditions

DiCCS were given (Disclaimer, Cell phone, CPR, Safety)

Warm-up:

• Mosey long way around the back of the school to the drivers ed lot
• SSH x 20 IC
• IW x 15 IC
• Moroccan Night Club x 10 IC
• Jimmy Dugans
• MC x 10 IC
• Glidah stretch
• Calf Stretch
• LBMC x 20

The Thang:

Mosey to the Beginning of Champion Forest for the True Burpee Mile™:

• It’s simple and it’s miserable
• Start at the entrance with 5 burpees
• 5 burpees at the next 19 street lights all the way to the end of Waynewood which is exactly a mile
• 100 burpees / 1 mile
• BOOM

• Mosey up Dobson through the woods, past the cemetery into Lawson
• Spotted three of the LRC guys, asked them to join and were dissed
• Start at the top of Methodist Church Lane
  • 10 squats
  • Run to bottom, 10 Big Boy Situps
  • Rinse and repeat for a total of 3 sets

• Mosey up Southern Trace to intersection with the end of Lawson Dr.
• “Straight Outta Lawson” segment
  • 2/3 of a mile downhill with a brutal uphill to Mill Chase Ln
• Circle back for the six

• Mosey to island in front of crazy cabin guy
• Heels to Heaven x 10 IC
• Mosey to benches in front of Middle School
  • 10 Derkins
  • 20 Step Ups
  • 30 Dips
  • Hot lap around entire parking lot
  • Two laps
• Mosey back to start

Finished!

MOLESKIN:

This workout had it all:

1. A “Deadwood” opening mosey that took off for about a mile
2. The “Glidah” stretch which is still hanging tough as a top 5 called warmup exercise
3. The True Burpee Mile™
4. Fog
5. Dark woods and running next to a cemetery
6. A run in with the LRC biker gang (with them scampering off)
7. Strava segments
8. Running on Cuthbertson Rd.
9. Taunting of Crazy Cabin Guy (Easy Button)
10. Over 5 miles covered
11. Zero site Qs in attendance

Great job on the True Burpee Mile™ everyone.  It’s an Ignition classic and the setup is hard to duplicate.  Glad to initiate Hurry, Tool Time, and Tuck, y’all are official now.

Hurry tied for first on the “Straight Outta Lawson” segment which sounds great, and it is.  However, he completely stopped and basically took a smoke break (and maybe even a nap) one street too early until he realized he had another street to go.  No doubt he would have taken it easily.

Tool Time, Bottlecap, and Easy Button also put in top 5 segment times, Waxhaw is getting fast.

Welcome Tuck to Ignition.  I think this was your first Ignition post.  Passport stamped and well done.

It’s good to see Deadwood and Rubbermaid back at Ignition.  They were apparently so happy to see each other as well because they stuck together the whole workout.

Thank you for the opportunity to lead today.

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

• Briarcrest Turkey Trot 5k and 10k are this Thursday. The 10k starts at 8am-ish and the 5k starts at 8:15am-ish.  Not too late to join and it’s for a great cause.  DM Chicken Little for more info.