streamofconciousness

Ok, this warmup lap sucked and my legs feel like jelly already. Everyone has a running buddy. I don’t have a running buddy. Look, a dead raccoon! I’ll call him Rocky and he can be my running buddy. Who’s that dude in the black shirt who keeps encouraging me? Rocky, you say? Now this is awkward. I’ll just hide this dead raccoon in the bushes. Is that Udder in the bushes taking a dump? Seriously – that is nasty. I wonder what time it is? That big green sign on the house always says 515. I’m not sure how I feel about this.

This big hill around the curve sucks every time I try and run on it. Why am I repeatedly doing this to my body? Am I running backwards? I’m not sure I’m even moving. I may need to install some sort of check valve on my Strava so it doesn’t log reverse mileage. Would a diode be more appropriate? I”m not sure, I’ll ask Baracus. Wait, he looks too much like a banker, even without a shirt. What does a banker know about check valves and diodes? What time is it?

Is this where the nekkid guy lives? Oh look, that must be him sitting in that running car with the headlights pointed right at me. Maybe I’ll go talk to him. Hmmmm . . . I’m not sure about this. He says his name is Gaylord and he has the entire Falcon Crest season 2 series on VHS in his shed. Something seems fishy – better keep running. Why do I always seem to pass his house when I’m all by myself? I think I’m going to throw up. I may have to eat it to survive.

Man, it’s hot. I’m going to punch the next person who encourages me. Crap, I missed. I hope he thought I was just trying to fist bump him. Oh look, it’s Header. I think he wants to run with me. Maybe if I slow down to the slowest speed you can possibly run he will just keep on going. No dice, I think he’s attached. That’s ok, he’s such a nice guy. Used to drive that preacher car until he got that phat-daddy #momjeep. Now everybody has one of those sweet jeeps. I wish he would run me over with it.

I think I’m going to walk a bit. Wait, nobody else is walking. Not cool. I’ll suffer until I see somebody go first. Wait a min . . . YESSSSS! Thanks white shirt guy.

Look, it’s 6:05. The green sign lied. I hate you green sign. You son of motherless goat. Everyone is gathering for the pledge. How do they know? Even the new guys know. I think it just feels right – let’s roll with it. At least we stopped running.

#Merica