So Simple So Dumb
This workout would be simple. I wouldn’t even have to give complicated instructions….or so I thought. I forgot that I work out with some primate-level intelligent beings (especially the one named after a Howler Monkey with Hemorrhoids). But, I’m a man of the people so I persevere through their foolishness.
Pre-Thang
Harambe and I ran. It was epic. He tried to avoid getting his shoes wet…..and got his shoes wet as he was saying he wanted to avoid getting his shoes wet. This is what I have to work with here.
Unplugged was doing some weird stuff by himself with a broga mat and a kettlebell. Hopefully the SV cameras were turned off for most of this or he may end up like Hoffa and banned off school campuses.
Thang
We ran. We warmed up. Bernanke and Harambe forgot their Y chromosomes and were chattering about their leggings or cramping issues or something. Who knows.
Everyone gathered their bell and carried it over to the hill.
Dora 1/2/3: Partner 1 ran up the hill and did 5 burpees at the top. Partner 2 did 100 Good Mornings, 200 Squats (Goblet or Sumo) and 300 Swings. Flapjack often. Hairband’s count ran a little short but like any good elf, he finally got the job done.
Run a HB mile around the parking lot.
This is where is gets a little silly. I clearly said we will do one group of exercises next which were 100 Partner Combined Bulldogs. These Einstein’s translated that into each person does 126 or something like that. We finally got it worked out after I clearly and plainly resaid instructions. Backwards run up to the top of the hill for Partner 2 and 10 Jump Squats. Flapjack
HB Mile
300 Flutter Presses. 10 Bombjacks at the top.
5 MOM
Rosalitas into Dollies back into Rosalitas never putting your feet down. Which some of you put your feet down anyways.
Backscratchers X20
Feet raised 6 inches and arms above you until time. Fortunately my clock works better than Full House and doesn’t take 4 minutes to go one minute.
DONE
Moleskine
I did the best and worked the hardest but there are a few comments I have for others.
EE did good work obviously pushed by my hard work. He started complaining about people not having bought new KBs. He doesn’t do my budget so I ignored him.
Unplugged was the happiest out there. Which after his pre-work, not sure how to feel about that.
Sanford dealt with Unplugged as a partner. Nuff said.
I thought Midway was outshining Pinto as normal until he said that he had some cramping issues. I told him that Harambe has those monthly as well and that seemed to motivate him to push through them.
Hairband was late. Short. And terrible at counting. Solid effort for him.
Countertop seemed to enjoy this other than having to double his reps to make up for HB.
Harambe and Bernanke were there. Chatting. Okay.
COT
Prayers continuing for Harambe and family.
Prayers for a friend of HBs/Bernanke/Sanford who committed suicide. Guys, you are not alone. Never let the Liar and/or the world tell you that you are alone.
Strong takeout by Unplugged.
Straight Kohl’s Cash Humor
Aside from some headwind, it was a fantastic morning for running. We started with 6 and picked up one along the way. Garcia started out a little gingerly like he either was nursing an injury or needed a nature break, but he warmed up well while YHC was searching for the latter by the end of the run. Great conversations along way and the PAX finished with a solid discussion on the economics of Kohl’s and the best thing they have going for them right now: an in-store Amazon returns dropoff. And you’ll walk out with plenty of Kohl’s cash for your trip.
Simple Yet Effective?
14 guys snuck in to join me before mother nature unleashed yet more rain (Is this how Noah felt?). I had two sneaky plans for today. A longer than normal opening mosey, and an abundance of chest and abs. Some people may argue the title since I kept making this simple workout more and more complicated as we went. DiCCS, lets go.
WARM UP
Mosey to the High School front doors. When I first started F3 and through my fat months years, I hated Q’s that would start with this far of a run (Yes, I’m talking about you Dasher and Hollywood). Lots of internal cuss words hurled their way when they would run that far. I would arrive often last and so far out of breath I couldn’t jump into the exercise (because of course they had already started SSH’s). Now thanks to Express (and a little bit of weight loss), that doesn’t seem like that far of a mosey anymore. I had attempted to bait some Clydesdales in marking that it would be an easy Clydesdale trot today – apparently none took the bait as Doughboy and myself were the biggest of the ‘dales.
Circle up for stretching for which Recalculating offered his unwanted feedback. I’ve saved the complaint card just in case there’s another run on toilet paper.
- Jimmy Duggan with some rights and lefts thrown in there.
- Calf Stretch (thanks for the Damascus impression Ackbar).
- Downward Dog
- Glydah/Runners/Can Opener/Pants Splitter stretch.
OYO at the benches, 3 rounds of 20 dips, 20 step ups, and 20 Dirkins. (This quieted Recalculating down for half a second). When your finished, run the small loop until everyone is done.
THE THANG
Mosey towards the HS entrance road and form teams of 3. Two guys on the ends (speed bumps) with a runner in between. The speed bumps are approximately 50 yards apart though I’m sure those that ran it this morning may dispute that distance.
- Bottom speed bump: As a team split 150 ranger merkins, 150 wide arm merkins, and 200 chest fly’s (chest fly’s just to give you a break from merkins in case you reach muscle fatigue before you partner arrives back).
- Top Speed bump: as a team split 300 LBC’s and 200 Gas pumpers
After one time through the ab speed bump many groups were already blowing through the LBC’s, so I graciously pivoted and doubled the LBC’s to 600 reps. I quickly became enemy number 1. Because I doubled the LBC, the Merkins were on pace to finish too soon, so I added 50 each. For those counting along we finished with:
- 200 Rangers
- 200 Wide Arm
- 200 Fly’s
- 600 LBC’s
- 200 Gas Pumpers.
Mosey back to the high school. Time a little tighter than I had hoped so will have to shorten the wienkie a bit. Groups of three again with exercises in the HS cutouts (No clue what they are called – cutouts seem good appropriate). Donkey kicks in one and reverse fly’s (chest on ground, arms out, and pinch shoulders together) on the other with a runner in between. We got through almost 2 rounds before I called it for time (Winkie had us going for three rounds).
Paula Abdul the light poles with a jail break forward for 2 and a slow recovering mosey back for 1. Again, time was not on my side so I regrouped us at the bus entrance for a jailbreak back to the middle school LED sign. Regroup again for a slow mosey back to COT. Aussie burpees while we waited on bread bowl. (Intentionally called the group Flash but former site Q Recalc didn’t take the bait). Done.
MOLESKIN
- I knew the merkins/Ab section would eat up some time. Even expecting that it ate more time than originally anticipated.
- Goal was to completely burn out the chest and abs today and I’m pretty sure that was accomplished.
- Deflated with a couple good one liners today but no one heard them.
- Good to see Smithers back out consistently. Maybe one of these days he will actually bring the fart sacking sign for us to go put on a new Pax’ mailbox.
- Legal Zoom also a refreshing sight to see regularly this week. I think he posted at least three times this week and told me no longer had an excuse since covid cases were going down.
- Dough Boy is a beast at Merkins. Since teams were uneven I made sure to put myself on his team as their 4th. LRC – Foundation + Mad Dog tried hard to recruit me to their team but I knew better. When doing lots of Merkins, don’t get on the skinny guys team.
- Speaking of LRC – I can’t wait until Foundation gets back out on a regular basis. By far my favorite back blasts to read are from him. Apparently he’s off remotely working on an executive MBA which for any of you MBA’ers really translates to an accelerated MBA with more in person school, but executive sounds fancier. Once you produce that diploma I will invite you to the super secretive F3 Waxhaw MBA channel.
- Bread Bowl gets a text during the workout and whips his phone out from his pocket. Apparently bringing his phone with him to get that one last sext in before school. (I hear lighting is key to adding an optical inch – the gloom probably not the best place to find that optical inch though).
- Shop busting through and out in front way further than I have mentally have him in my mind. He continues to amaze with his dedication and push.
- Chainsaw continues to the be quiet assassin. Dough and I run up to him asking how many reps. I’m expecting to hear like 70-90. Chainsaw goes “147 LBC’s”. Whoa. Yall can thank Chainsaw for those extra 300 LBC’s.
- Mad Dog is another one that just gets after it with no feedback or complaints. While others are questioning the count, he is already down doing merkins. Just to be clear – I fall on the complaining/questioning side of that fence.
- Thank you Ackbar for allowing me to lead today (Where’s the rest of your site Q’s Chatter and Transporter?). Also thanks for allowing a last minute switch last week with Sledge to allow extra time for my foot to heal. (My devious plan of not having to Q in the ran worked!).
- We all somehow were able to keep the form police at bay today. He must have left his badge at the house. Good work today Recalc.
- I think I’ve mentioned everyone by name so far except Ricky Bobby and HoneyComb…..so…way to go guys! Haha, sorry. I guess yall will have to step up your mumble chatter next time. What I will say is yall both beasted the run and never complained (Well I think Honeycomb gave me an extra long stare when I added merkins).
ANNOUNCEMENTS
- Q School March 6th
- Rooster March 13th
- Keep Surge’s Niece Lauren in your prayers.
- Shop’s mom with a positive diagnosis.
- My co-workers husband goes in for prostate cancer surgery today. Prayers for Butch.
Who serves B***s @ Client Dinner
Always a pleasure to Q F3 Men and their 2.0s, IF WE BUILD IT, THEY WILL COME!!
PM workouts catching steam, fathers are connecting with their kids outside the screen. Awesome to Witness!!
Today’s Goal for, Let’s Compete, Kids against Adults!!
DICCS Giving, we Mosey to 1st event
Rings of Erkins, 3 laps around ring, 10 reps of each
Derkins
Merkins
Ierkins – Kids Won
Mosey to 2nd Event
Side Walk Rock, PAX picked a lifting Rock
3 laps to gravel parking lot, 10 reps of each
Squats
Bobby H
Freddy Mercury – Kids Won
3rd Event
Hill of Fire – 3 laps up and down hill, 10 reps of each
Big Boys
BurBee
Lunges – Kids Won
4th Event (This caused a little issue with School, SORRY)
Capture the Ball – Again Kids vs Dads
First to return ball home wins.
1 Gotcha, everyone has to touch the ball before it can return home.. Dads Won – Finally
5th Event
Indian Fun Run
Indian Run back to COT – Dad Won, but little to late, 3 to 2 Kids Take it home..
Announcements:
March 6th is Q School. If you haven’t been yet or if you have and are questioning whether you should go then you definitely should go…
March 13th is The Rooster. Sign up on GroupMe
Rock Hard (& soft) Abs
14 PAX (12 plus 2 Mashers) convened at The Body Shop for warm, mid 40 degree tune up. Based on the attire and upbeat aura at 5:30 am, you can sense that spring and warmer weather is fast approaching.
Warmup
Mosey around parking lot. Moroccan Night Clubs, SSH, IW, Plank, Merkins & Mountain Climbers. Stretching – up/down dogs and calves.
The Thang
To the rock pile. Partner-up, grab a rock and convene at entrance road near rock pile. Partner #1 runs to 2nd light pole and does ab exercises while partner #2 does rock exercises. Switch-off when partner #1 returns. Sets/reps consisted of:
Shoulder press x AMRAP. 10 LBC’s.
Curls x AMRAP. 10 Heels to Heaven.
Triceps x AMRAP. 10 American Hammers.
Rows x AMRAP. 10 Big Boys.
Audible and rifle carry rock to parking lot for “repeato” of above. Road becomes too dangerous with early-arrival Rea View staff barreling around the corner for work.
Finished rock and abs. Line up at back line of parking lot for “11’s” – Run width of parking lot. Alternate between dry docks and plank jacks at each end.
Superset of 80 rock reps (20 each of above rock exercise) and 40 ab reps (10 each of above ab exercise). Rifle carry rock back to rock pile.
Mosey around bus lot to COT.
Moleskin
Knee still less than 100% after falling at CSAUP trail run but felt good enough to jump back into the Q saddle. May wake up tomorrow with a different opinion but what the hell.
Welcome Tim Gray, FNG, AKA “Orchid”. As a Boston native and Patriots fan, we originally went with “Buc” (see SB LV for details). Orchid was a post Q suggestion by fellow PAX and has a much better ring and feel to it (Google “Robert Kraft 2019 arrest” for specifics). Tim is married with 3 kids, lives in Firethorne and enjoys all sports, specifically tennis and golf. He was recruited by his fellow Firethornians, specifically Smuggler. Welcome Tim and keep the Firethorne FNG train rolling!
Announcements / Closing
Last Call 6:00 am tomorrow MRHS
Go to the second round about go left run hill repeat!
We had 7 men run some hills for an hour. 2 men rucked.
Announcements
March 13 is F3 Dads camp talk to paper jam its also the rooster reach out to me
Anniversary of the First Performing Monkey
It’s true! Today is the 270th (1751 – NYC) anniversary of the first performing monkey exhibited in America. We celebrated by doing the following…
Warmorama:
Short Mosey to parking lot at the corner of Church & South Main where we did, SSH X 15, IW X 15, Plank – 6″ Plank R/R, Downward Dog, Upward Dog, Glidah and Hurry Stretches and recover.
Thang:
AYG up ABI to get that Strava record. I don’t think anyone will beat :43 by our own Zinfandel
Explained we would be going into some darker, less travelled places and the PAX didn’t bat an eye. (Nothing scares these guys…) At each intersection crossing Anne Ave. we come to we will be doing a series of exercises while running in one direction to keep us from crossing paths to much. First three intersections 10X Burpees X 3, Next 3 were 15 MT’s X 3 (I could barely get 15 on that last set), then 20 Squats X 3 and finished up with 25 Dry Docks X 3 at the Cemetary end of Bad Idea.
AYG down BI to try and beat that Strava record. I don’t think anyone got the record but there may have been some personal records broken.
Around the back of S. Providence school to the BBall court and team up for Suicides and step overs. One partner steps over concrete parking barriers while other partner does suicides on the court. We did 2 rounds.
Moseyed (the long way) around the school and up S. Providence St. headed toward COT and stop at the rock formations for a Monkey Humper Ladder to cap off our celebration of the 270th Anniversary of the first performing monkey exhibited in the US.
Finished our mosey to COT and done!
Announcements:
March 6th is Q School. If you haven’t been yet or if you have and are questioning whether you should go then you definitely should go…
March 13th is The Rooster. Sign up on GroupMe
Flanders, Loafer and Bypass will be running a half-Marathon (13.1 miles) in Greenville this weekend. If you see them or if you can, reach out to wish them luck. Get after it, boys!
YHC took us out in prayer
Leg Day, My Leg Day
YHC arrived at NOE this AM (ok I’ll stop) with the plan of using the variety of hills to get in a good leg workout. Many PAX had apparently gotten one yesterday – sorry! Anyway, off we go.
Warm-up: Mosey through the parking lot to the end. Stop 1: 20 IW, 10 windmills, 20 mountain climbers and 10 merkins all IC. Stop 2: 20 flutters, 10 slow dollies, 20 LBCs.
Line up at the base of the large retention hill. Do an exercise IC followed by a hill sprint each time. Called exercises were 10 speed skaters, 10 lunges, 10 squats.
Mosey the back of the shopping center with speed bump stops for 10 gas pumpers IC and a long lunge walk. Finish behind the movie theater and grab some wall. People’s chair with 50 air presses then sprint the hill.
Mosey to the Murderhorn and head to the bottom. Go up it together alternating forward run, backward run, and side shuffles. At each street light stop for 20 merkins: regular, seal, stagger right, and stagger left.
Mosey back past COT and around to a long straightaway. Each time, run to the end, 15 merkins, run back, run to the second island, 10 merkins, run back, run to the first island, 5 merkins. 2 rounds with round one being diamond and round 2 being wide arm.
Finish with a “Jack Webb” of broad jumps and squats.
Mosey back, one minute elbow plank and 15 seconds of “Have a Nice Day.”
Announcements: Please consider contributing to our collection for Roof Above. Details and collection can come from any SOB Site Q. New workout in Steel Creek starts this Saturday. Udder is Site Q and you can check out his posts on Slack for details. Snooze Button and The Appetizer have recently been very successful, especially attracting FNGs – let’s keep it up!
Moleskin: Great to see Happy Meal this morning and others I typically miss on Thursdays. Great group and AO as always and was honored to lead.
Testicle Size Kettlebells
Cowbell, Feb 25,2021
QIC: Blue Screen
PAX: Popeye, Swift, Gerber, Dasher, Transporter, Ice9, Zinfandel, Bayo, Deadwood, MadDog
(Warm up)
- Arm circles
- Tricep stretch behind head
- Calf stretch
- Running stretch
- Jimmy Dugans center right left
- Side straddle hops
- Mosey once around parking lot
(All sets are 20 total/10 each side)
** SET ONE/TWO **
- Swings one handed (20/10 ES)
- Atlas swings
- Tricep press
- Brooklyn pizza run
** SET THREE/FOUR **
- Lying chest press
- One leg shoulder press
- Thrusters
- Parking lot run
** SET FIVE/SIX**
- Sit up chest press
- Merkins (10)
- Side plank rows
- One-leg deadlifts
- Parking lot
**** SET SEVEN/EIGHT *****
- Lateral jumps across KB
- “Motorboat” KB half getups
- Torso V-ups
A man should not judge another man solely by the size if his kettlebell. BlueScreen recommended in pre-workout posts about bringing lighter kettlebells along with usual size ones. BS then showed up with a tiny “testicle size” kettlebell according to Dasher. Excuse was this is not Blue’s weight day but his cardio/flexibility day…or maybe he’s just really a pussy and afraid to use “man-sized” kettlebells like Ice9’s massive 45 pounder? . Side effect of that is Ice sounds like he’s taking a crap every time he pushes even when he’s on the first two reps of a set…
Transporter was on the DL so he did not run between KB sets. Smart man.
Popeye came on with a last minute surprise sprint to challenge Dasher with NFL lineman 4.9 or so speed. Impressive the big guy can motor like that!
Mad Dog helped keep BS in check in tracking his sets, but was then seen later multiple times slacking in the background…
Workout did some balance focus with both one-leg shoulder press, and one-led deadlifts. Honestly, we ALL struggled with balance. Maybe we should do more of this in future workouts during say a cooldown period?
Rock on….
Express Choo Choo Chug
9 Pax showed up for some speed work!
Warmup time:
Moasie for about a mile, stretch
The Thang:
5 Laps of the following
100m 10K pace
100m 5K pace
100m 10K pace
100m 5K pace
Run 5k-10K pace to every light (CMS parking lot near football field) then jog back run past to the next light and mosaie back, approx 13 lights up hill
Moleskin:
Great job everyone pushing themselves once again,
Shoutout once again to Popeye for coming out to Express once again! Your killing it keep up the great work.
Hurry needs to learn life is not just a hurry, P.S here is the definition of a mosaie “run at a steady gentle pace, especially on a regular basis as a form of physical exercise.” please study it!
Welcome Polly to Express !
Great job to all the other Pax
Announcement:
Rooster coming up on March 13