The Christmas Present that Wasn’t (aka Here’s Your Coal)

The Christmas Present that Wasn’t (aka Here’s Your Coal)

The Thang

Gathered up with 5 minutes to spare. Mighty Mite showed up donning his Santa hat and a full white beard. Makes a side comment that he’s not 100% sure what that stuff is gonna look like once this is over. Midriff came decked out in his full Llama pajamas. YHC with the Santa Suite (Waist up). So far, we’re looking like the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse. Cable Guy and Big Ben round out our quintet. They didn’t have festive outfits but they brought the festive cheer anyway.

6:30, “Little hand says it’s time to rock and roll”. Quick disclaimer, start the playlist, and we’re off. Gotta make sure we have enough time to get through the weinke. Of all the workouts I’ve Q’d this one is the most up in the air. We might be done in 20 minutes, we might not complete it, we’ll see how this plays out. I do have options.

Head out of the PetsMart lot with 5 festive men and over to the big Christmas Tree near Banana Republic. Need to bask in the Christmas glow.

CoP Exercises in cadence:

Now that we’re good and warmed up, mosey across the street to the medical plaza. As we cruise past the fountain at the medical plaza we pick up Dwight and Watson. Now we’re up to 7. Huddle up in the parking lot closest to Rea and Ardrey Kell for a little…

12 Days of Christmas

I dole out the instructions and turn the playlist up to 11. These are not your mother’s Christmas tunes. Just then, C3P0 and Johnny 5 pull in to bring our group to 9.

Starting at the first tree, we build our Christmas pyramid.

  • Day 01: 1 Burpee
  • Day 02: Run to the second tree, 2 Mike Tysons. Run back to the first tree, 1 Burpee.
  • Day 03: Run to the third tree, 3 American Hammers. Run back to the second tree, 2 Mike Tysons. Run back to the (you get the idea)
  • Day 04: 4 Jump Squats
  • Day 05: 5 Merkins
  • Day 06: 6 LBCs
  • Day 07: 7 Lunges (Each Leg)
  • Day 08: 8 Wide Arm Merkins
  • Day 09: 9 WWII Sit-ups
  • Day 10: 10 Glute Bridges
  • Day 11: 11 CDDs
  • Day 12: 12 Burpees

This is where YHC shows the PAX that this is indeed his first Saturday Q (although they wouldn’t find out just yet). Checking my watch regularly so I don’t screw this up I decide to cut us short just as we’re getting to Day 11. The lead PAX sweep the course and pick up the rest of the group. Head back to the PetsMart lot for some mary to wrap this up.


  • Rosalitas x 12 (It’s at this point Midriff recognizes the pattern)
  • Flutter x 12
  • Windshield Wipers x 8

Called time and … damn. PAX look gleeful as though Christmas has come early. Turns out YHC had his weekday Q schedule in his head this whole time. Guess what? 15 more minutes. To their delight, I snatch back the elusive present of ’15 minutes off’ and we set out for an improvised final push.

Playlist still rocking we mosey over to the lot in front of NC Velo. Going the full length of the lot from Rea to the Best Buy we start with a round of Triple Bs. Every three parking spaces rotate between:

  • Bear Crawls
  • Broad Jumps
  • Backward Lunges

Once we get down the lot we reverse course with:

  • Crawl Bears
  • Lunge Walks
  • Spider Crawl (basically crawling like spider-man up a building. As low to the ground as you can get)

Finish it up with a couple of AYGs to squeeze out the last bit of energy from the group.

Head back to the launch to finish up that Mary we started:

  • Windshield Wipers x 4 (Finish our earlier set)
  • Slow Dollies x 12

And time.


  • Good hustle by the entire group this morning.
  • Minor timing issues were self-inflicted and led to 8 men getting their first disappointment of Christmas. You’re welcome.


  • Make sure to check Slack this week as some AOs have different start times through the end of the year.
  • Look for convergences and try to finish out the year strong.
  • I’ll repeat what I said to the group during CoT this morning. This week marks my 1-year anniversary with F3. I want to say thank you to all the men that have built, led, and continue to lead this group. I want to say a HUGE Thank You to Lorax and Fallout who dragged me out into the gloom 12 months ago. I didn’t know then how much this group was going to impact me in 2020. I think this came around at the exact right time and has been one of the rocks I’ve leaned on during these past several months.
  • Please take these next few weeks to enjoy time with your friends (distanced of course) and family. I know everyone has had a different journey in 2020 but I’m guessing each of us has a lot to be thankful for. Take some time to focus on all that you do have and know that the rest of the story is safely in God’s hands.
  • As you head into next year, find the opportunity to bring out an FNG or reach out to a Kotter. I recognize how important F3 has been in my journey this year and I’m positive there are plenty of men out there that needs this too.


For anyone interest in a 1-hour, fast paced Christmas Workout Playlist see below. Some are classics, some are obscure. But they all kept us moving this morning.

  • You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch (Tyler the Creator)
  • We Wish You A Merry Christmas (Relienk K)
  • Last Christmas (Cascada)
  • Run, Run Rudolph (Lynyrd Skynyrd)
  • Christmas in Hollis (Run-DMC)
  • Christmas in Harlem (Kanye West)
  • Santa Claus is Coming to Town (Jackson 5)
  • The 12 Days of Christmas (Straight No Chaser)
  • Wizards in Winter (Trans-Siberian Orchestra)
  • I Won’t be Home for Christmas (Blink 182)
  • Jingle Bells (Techno)
  • Sleigh Bells (Trap City Remix)
  • All I Want for Christmas (Trap City Remix)
  • Up on the Housetop (Pentatonix)
  • All I Really Want for Christmas (Lil Jon, Kool-Aid Man)
  • Moonshine and Mistletoe (Sons of Daughters)
  • Jingle Bell Rock (Bobby Helms)
  • Oi to the World (No Doubt)
  • Sock it to me Santa (Bob Seger)
  • Naughty, Naught Children (Grace Potter)
  • Oh Come All Ye Faithful (Twisted Sister)
  • Christmas Vacation (Dominik Hauser)

About the author

Point Break author

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x