Debbie v. Tiffany



Debbie v. Tiffany

These pythons aren’t at the top of the food chain. I am.

Terry O’Hara

Writing a BB wasn’t on the list for today but I figure if you 1) bring all the gear, 2) make helpful suggestions on the Weinke, and 3) Q-jack the playlist, you, sir, just Q’d a workout. Do the honorable thing and write the BB (with Oxford commas, if you please.)

Some of you new guys are asking, “So you’re saying anyone that leads a workout in Area 51 can write a backblast? I thought it was just for Waxhaw, Horsehead’s multiple personalities, and Gummy’s Chevy Chase quotes.” It would appear that way, but it’s true: you, too, can write a BB. In fact, you can write one even when you don’t Q. To wit…

The handful of runners before the workout went the Spam Runner route, to the right at 51. Now Header gets his little man soccer shorts in a bunch every time you say that, but it’s an established fact that the real Meat Runner is to the left on 51. Regardless, the mesomorphs dominated that day, going 1-2 on the podium while ectomorphs Header, Chin and Two Lips presumably carried on about the topics of the day. By the time we got back, Stone Cold was ready to whip us into shape.

If the Weinke was for one group to push the Prowler and the rest to stand around complaining about the Prowler, pretending to do the other exercises, then you can check that off. We did that. There’s no hiding with the Prowler–it’s either moving or it’s not and it was loaded up this morning. Big props to Turkey Leg; he’s about as thick as a lawn dart but he pushed that thing with the big boys. Then the big boys pushed it with him–on it. Watching TL ride the Prowler was how I imagine I would feel watching midget wrestling: kind of funny and sad at the same time.

Meanwhile, in the Meathead tradition, the Q attempted to get a heavy (but tasteful) metal playlist up on the Spotify but somehow ended up on Horsehead’s wedding reception playlist. With Skid Row and Warrant power ballads failing to inspire the pax, Stone Cold changed over to an indistinguishable hair metal channel before inexplicably settling on Debbie Gibson Radio. I don’t fault the man’s music tastes–we all have our hidden obsessions (see also: Haze, Susanna Hoffs). No, the problem here is that, quicker than you can Shake Your Love, the pax separated themselves into opposing gangs of Sheep (Debbie Gibson) and Goats (Tiffany). We are talking Capulet/Montague, Coke/Pepsi, crunchy/creamy, over/under; quite acrimonious and, seemingly, no middle ground. Even with the receding testosterone, Bananas and Tackling Dummy about came to blows.

Out of this ugliness comes a silver lining. Somehow it has escaped my attention for coming on eight years that Debbie Gibson and Tiffany starred in a movie together: Mega Python vs. Gatoroid. I think it would be fitting for you to just click on over. After a look at the trailer, there’s nothing more to say.

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Horsehead
4 years ago

Factoid: In Weezer’s forgettable 2007 Red Album, the catchy teenage promiscuity ballad “I Think We’re Alone Now” is incorrectly attributed to Debbie Gibson. Before the Tiffanatics pull out their crimped hair in outrage, know that it’s actually a cover from an old 1967 song by some band named Tommy Jones and the Shondells.

Gummy
4 years ago

Some guys track mileage, number of posts, number of Qs. I track the number of mentions in backblasts for workouts that I did not attend. This is number 57.

Voodoo
4 years ago

That was a terrible morning. The pre-run was too fast and the prowler finished off what was left of my legs. At least the backblast was enjoyable. Nice work, Stone Cold and TR. I’m going to take a nap.

Gummy, is that the count for yesterday, the week, the month? Inquiring minds want to know.

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