New Gear’s Day (Requiem for a Gym Supply Store)

New Gear’s Day (Requiem for a Gym Supply Store)

On a balmy Spring (technically still Winter) morning thirteen men (technically 11 men, a teenager, and a six year old) gathered to move iron, metabolically condition themselves, and pay respects to a business gone asunder due to what YHC observed as abysmally poor inventory management.  A fortnight ago word spread throughout F3Nation that MuscleDriver USA was abruptly closing its doors and all inventory was 50%-60% off.  YHC took this opportunity to stock up on new pieces of workout gear/medieval torture devices.

Warmup:

Lap around the mini track at Olde Providence Elementary then gather around the gleaming pile of kettlebells for more civilized activities.  At this time Mrs. High Tide dropped off Low Tide, which begs the question if High Tide is allowing him to drive the new Jeep Wrangler yet.  The warmup consisted of four building block exercises which were instructed to be performed slowly and using good form.  20 kettlebell swings, 19 goblet squats, 18 mountain climbers, 17 merkins, 16 swings, 15 goblet squats, 14 mountain climbers, 13 merkins, and so on and so forth all the way down to 1 #PatternPower (PAX with little kids in the Nick Jr. demographic will understand that reference).

Kettlebell Work – Every Minute on the Minute:

EMOM is a deliciously evil concept in that it doesn’t sound bad when explained but after a few rounds the rest period gets shorter and shorter, and when done with full enthusiasm the intensity level is through the roof.  For the next ten minutes we did 10 kettlebell swings, 2 rack/squat/presses left side, and 2 rack/squat/presses right side.  The option was given to substitute a Sots Press for the push press portion of the rack/squat/press complex but YHC did not notice anyone partaking (#VeteranCrew).  At the conclusion of ten minutes we moseyed to the field for gear work.

Gear Stations – Field of Dreams

YHC set up twelve gear stations on the big field directly behind the school, six of which were designed to elevate the heart rate and six of which more strength focused.  Everyone pick a station that looks fun and get to work, rotating every 90-120 seconds.

Jump Rope, Steel Mace, Power Sled, Ab Wheel rollouts, Battle Rope, Slam Ball, Speed Chute, Medicine Ball squat & launch, 70 lb kettlebell swings, Sandbag clean & press, Agility Ladder + Merkins, Strength Band curls.  After everyone got two turns at each station we did a slow recovery run down to the end of the field and a full sprint back.  After the sprint High Tide informed us that Low Tide was gunning for YHC (#AndStill), and also off to the side maybe or maybe not #feedingthebabybirds as he so eloquently tweeted.  We then moseyed back to the parking lot for around the horn Mary.  Each PAX took a turn leading his favorite core exercise, or at least the first core exercise that popped into his head.  We did LBCs, old fashioned situps, Freddie Mercury, plank variations, merkins (but with the emphasis on the core right Tambourine?), flutters, dollies, and one of Nuke’s yoga-esque specialties that is really difficult but really good for the core and back.  Fin.

Appendix:

Upon traveling to the MDUSA wake last week YHC saw a veritable who’s who of Area 51, so deductive reasoning would suggest that we will be seeing more gear work from Fairview to Ballantyne and all points in between.  The sheer volume of inventory they had on hand (except barbells of course) would suggest that the proprietors did not understand the finer points of inventory management, just in time, lean six sigma, and other assorted meaningless business jargon.  YHC believes they had enough slam balls on hand for every man, woman and child in these United States.  Their loss was our gain though and we have a Spring and Summer to look forward to full of pushing, pulling, and lifting stuff of all kinds.  It is the year of the Meathead, huzzah!