Mission Impossible – License to Burpee

Mission Impossible – License to Burpee

10 men showed up in the gloom on a muggy Saturday morning aspiring to complete multiple missions of pain.  Before they could be sent into the field, the pax had to complete their special operations training led by Champagne on his virgin Q.

The Thang


  • SSH x25
  • IW x21
  • Burpees x10
  • Merkins x20
  • CCD x15
  • One-legged burpees x 5
  • Diamond merkins x10
  • One-legged burpees x 5 (other leg)

Count off into teams of 3, and each head off to their pain stations for field training.  When complete, rotate to next station.

Pain station 1 – 30 burpees, 30 dips, 30 decline merkins

Pain station 2 – 30 burpees, 30 peter parkers, 30 dive-bomber merkins

Pain station 3 – 30 burpees, 30 pull-ups, 30 hand release merkins

Mosey to “Mission Control” for field deployment – Baracus on Q.  There are 5 missions marked by orange cones.  Run to the cone, read the mission in the envelope left at each cone, complete the mission. Each team must complete all 5 missions.

  1. 25 slow, goblet squats (with KB), bear crawl back to mission control.
  2. 50 hindu squats, walk-lunge to mission control.
  3. 90 calf raises (30 toe-in, 30 regular, 30 toe-out) KB over head, broad jump burpees back to mission control.
  4. 50 knee-tucks, partner wheelbarrow to mission control / flapjack halfway.
  5. 40 alternating jump lunges, gorilla walk back to mission control.

After a short recovery, redeploy teams to the field for the next round of missions (side b of the mission cards at each station).

  1. 25 Russian twists w/KB (in cadence), bear crawl to mission control.
  2. 50 flutters (in cadence), walk-lunge to mission control.
  3. 25 Louganis w/KB, broad jump burpees to mission control.
  4. 50 dollys (in cadence), partner wheelbarrow to mission control / flapjack halfway.
  5. 50 LBC (in cadence), gorilla walk to mission control.


Champagne did not disappoint in his maiden Q.  When YHC first saw his workout plan, I fell out of my chair when I saw the number of burpees he had planned for the “special ops training” portion of the workout.  He was determined to deliver some serious pain.  He did dial it back a bit, only for time purposes though, because there was still plenty of punishment delivered.  Fine work Champagne – even if you still haven’t worked out the art of breathing and counting at the same time!

YHC lead the operations side of the workout – deploying the teams on their “missions”.  He brought  the tunes with him this time as well…all James Bond theme music, which apparently some problem have a problem with (ahem…Radar).  Since we primarily worked out in teams, I don’t have much intel on what transpired among our other teams, but feel free to sound off in the comments if you have stories to share.

YHC was teamed up with Radar, Haze, and Unitas (Haze’s 2.0).  With 3 teams formed from 10 pax, someone had to be the odd man out, and I guess it was me.  When I headed to join them, Radar was quick to point me toward the other groups.  “No Baracus, you’re with those guys.”  I guess Radar and Haze wanted some “alone time”.  After explaining to Radar that 10 divided by 3 leaves a remainder of 1, I was finally allowed to join.

I must say, Radar was in rare form today…but instead of the angry Q we got the bellyacher.  “I shouldn’t have posted this morning…I already started my vacation last night….I’m still tired from GoRuck.”.  He did demonstrate some interesting form on a few of the exercises though.  Instead of the Hindu Squat, we saw him demonstrate the Vacation Squat.  Oh, and PH was the poor recipient of some close range flatulence.  I was able to impart some revenge though during the partner wheelbarrows.  Speaking of partner wheelbarrows…great job by our 3 man teams figuring out how to do partner wheelbarrows.

Strong work by Unitas (Haze’s 2.0) on the bear crawls and gorilla walks…he put us all to shame.  Despite the humidity, a great job by all the pax today – even Radar.


About the author

Baracus author

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
10 years ago

Brutal workout lads! Way to bring the pain Champagne!

Purple Haze
10 years ago

Champagne, excellent first Q my friend. The workout was painful and I found myself not believing all the things we had done in the first 30 minutes. The counting/breathing combo gets easier. Thanks for stepping up at #F3DayZero…we look forward to future leads.

BA, very creative workout brother. Loved the concept and the Bond tunes. And it was fun for me to see Unitas sprinting out to get the mission envelopes. I’m still recovering physically from all the exercises and the trips back to mission control. Unfortunately, I’m still recovering mentally and emotionally from Radar’s crop dusting. And I can’t hear out of my left ear quite yet. Thanks for your effort at payback.

I apologize for my co-site Q. I know he compromised every single mission.

The Hoff
The Hoff
10 years ago

Champagne and BA…holy cow! Just reading that made me sore…painful brothers! Hate that I missed. Still recovering from back injury but will hopefully be back on Tuesday…especially need to post at Day Zero….that is the toughest area because radar and Haze are completely insane…and I believe the insanity is contagious out there!

Reply to  The Hoff
10 years ago

AYE! Will be glad to have you back out there.

Would love your thoughts, please comment.x