Monthly Archive March 2023

The Brewruck

You’ve heard of the brewery run, the beer run, and the beer mile.  Extreme feats of athletic prowess coupled with olympic-level beverage consumption.  But have you ever mixed rucking and beer?  Well you should try something new.

Welcome to the next level of drinking and exercise.  Welcome to the Brewruck.

Now, I don’t want to take up too much time from your, no doubt, terribly important professional life you certainly aren’t procrastinating from right now.  So, if you’ve already read too much and want a nice pithy summary, skip to the bottom.  Find the reference about Nickelback and read from there.  But if you’re into ranting and raving with all the foulmouthed rage of a sailor discovering the true nature of the manatee in his hammock, then by all means stick around.

It’s an event worthy of Brett Kavanaugh himself.  You like beer, he likes beer, we all like beer.  We also (mostly) agree that the NCAA is a massive money-raising enterprise built on the backs of students, but that’s not important right now.  We like beer.

Now onto the exercise part.  Rucking.  According to Webster rucking can be defined as an indistinguishable gathering.  According to the company I never married but pay alimony too, it’s urban hiking.  So rucking = an unruly mob acting out the best lives of REI catalog models without the woods and that crap.

So yeah, drinking and urban hiking.  What could go wrong?

….

Obviously things will go awry when the drinking starts but let the rhetorical-ness of the question sink in and pretend the answer is the uncomfortable silence at the dinner table after your right-wing uncle says something mildly triggering to his liberal non-binary step-daughter then does the Ric Flair “Whooo!”

Here’s the plan:  Be at Devil’s Logic brewing at 11:00 AM on Saturday May 27th. Grab a beer, ruck up, stop at Thompson Park and pay our respects at the veteran’s memorial there.  Head to Resident Culture Brewing, smack in the middle of the land of day drinking 20-somethings.  While trying to behave ourselves, we’ll make our way down South Blvd to Sugar Creek Brewing.  Stops along the way will include but are not limited to: Wooden Robot, Suffolk Punch, and Gilde.

If you’re thinking all that time under a ruck and drinking beer could leave me feeling like slightly greasy sausage meat in a packing facility where the workers all smoke too much.  Remember, you could be one of those 20-somethings drenched in Axe body spray, drinking White Claw and pontificating about self-governing.  Like drinking White Claw before 2 PM makes you a sovereign citizen.  You won’t be drinking White Claw, you’re better than that.

So approximately 5.5 miles of rucking, with questionable company, and a few drinks outdoors.  Before you can say, “who’s still buying Nickelback albums?”  It’ll all be over.

In summary:

Who?  You

What?  Brew Ruck 2023

When?  May 27th, 10:30 AM

Where?  Devil’s Logic Brewing –> Sugar Creek Brewing

Why?  To kick off memorial day weekend.  And a patch.  There is a patch.

Questions:

• Hoover, I don’t have a ruck.  Can I borrow one?  Yes.  But it smells like a sweaty yeti.  Check around Slack for less smelly ones.  You could also carry around a straight-edge style JanSport backpack.  Who am I to judge, Kavanaugh?
• Does my ruck have to have weight in it?  Yes.  That kind of defeats the purpose, an empty bag on your back.  Even homeless people have crap to carry around.  But there’s no weight requirement; it can be 1 pound or 100.  You could pack it full with beer and drink it empty.
• I’m planning on attending, should I uber home?  Yes.  Don’t be stupid.
• Any beatdowns planned?  Well you can choose to get all sweaty and do burpees or something but not me.
• Any coupons?  Stay tuned …

Expect some follow-up chatter on Slack and start dropping HCs in the #BrewRuck channel.