Waking up at 0526 for a workout.. that I’m Q’ing

Waking up at 0526 for a workout.. that I’m Q’ing

0445: Alarm goes off. “I can slither back in the fartsack and get 15 more minutes of rest in”

0526: “What time is it?!? &$^&*! I’m going to miss my own Q!”

0527: Sprint downstairs, throw on clothes and grab my shoes, head out the door.

0528: Start the car and back out of a driveway. “Wait a minute…. Shouldn’t I just skip the Q entirely and deal with the relentless shame of not showing up to my own party? Or will I preserve some semblance of dignity showing up significantly late to the workout. Well, it’s too late now”

0530: Attempt to tie shoe laces while driving down Ardrey Kell past the high school. Note to self: Do not every try this again

0536: Coming in hot to Big View Diner. “I hope there’s only 2-3 people who will chastise me upon my arrival.” 

0537: “Dang it, there’s more cars here than I expected. Now where could they have gone. Now I’m going to be an even bigger idiot showing up at 0615 and claiming that I spent the last 38 minutes searching for the pax.”

0540: Run towards athletic fields by Elon Park Elementary. “MIDRIFF!” calls out an angelic, albeit burly voice in the distance. Mighty Mite emerges from the neon-light soaked misty distance.

0541: Greeted by the pax with monkey humpers and quietly join in like a dog with its tail between the legs. “These are for you, Midriff” War Eagle declares poignantly. “You can’t call anymore burpees since we’ve been doing those at every speed bump around the school” declares Mighty Mite. The show must go on.

0543: Burpee 1 bombjack, broad jump (2 parking lot spaces) and bear crawl (3 spaces) to end of parking lot by first athletic field. No gloves was a big mistake.

0545: 10 donkey kicks, 30 air press, 15 donkey kicks, 35 air press and 20 donkey kicks, 40 air press on building next to athletic field

0548: Four corner/starfish on soccer field. Start with 3 burpees in middle, then run out to a corner to complete called exercise before repeating next corner. 15 merkins, 15 diamond merkins, 15 wide arm merkins, 15 dry docks. The starfish reminds us that F3 works because there the model does not prioritize centralized leadership. A starfish can lose an appendage and grow another starfish, rather than the whole unit dying. Attempt to atone for my sins by thanking pax for stepping up to lead in my absence. “Ahh, so you intentionally came late to teach us a lesson. That’s cute.” affirmed War Eagle in an encouraging tone.

0558: 10 stepups (each leg), 20 dips, 30 LBC by the benches in the middle of the field.

0603: Suicides on soccer field. 5 jump squats every line. How is Jerry World so fast with such short legs???

0606: Mosey back to Big View, completing 20 monkey humpers and 20 dry docks on the way.

0612: Circle up for 10 merkins, american hammers, 10 merkins, rosalita, 10 merkins, heels to heaven, 10 merkins.

0615: Countarama and Nameorama. How has MARTA posted at 30 unique workouts since January 1? Is he a machine? Or has he found a way to clone himself? Oh wait, I need to ask about announcements..

0621: SOBeer Run on 2/26, Passport challenge, F3 Metro/South Charlotte Blood drive, Waxtravaganza part two in Waxhaw this Saturday. Why is Brexit wearing massive gloves like some hitman in a James Bond film???

0625: Closing prayer. Discuss benefits of permanently relocating to this location. Commiserate with other dads about the eternal conflict with disobedient children. Man, Inkwell’s Jeep is the coolest vehicle out here. I wonder how I can convince the M to make this our next “family” vehicle. Do car seats even fit in that thing?? It’s got a roll cage so that’s pretty safe, right?

0628: Make my way back to the good ole 2012 white Hyundai Sonata. Phew! I made it. Relatively unscathed physically and emotionally. That wasn’t as bad as I though it would be. These guys have my back.

“MIDRIFF!” The burly voice calls out again. This time with eager anticipation. “Let me know when you want to lead a full 45-minute workout”

Brutal. Savage. Rekt.