Blakovery: A PreBlast

  • When:01/25/2021
  • QIC: TUCK


Blakovery: A PreBlast

Congratulations.  You just clicked on a Blakovery PreBlast, which means you either

  1. like unnecessary things, or
  2. have a ton of free time on your hands.

Either way, you came to the right place, because not only is this Preblast unnecessary, but it is excessively long.  So like I said, congratulations.  Before I get to the plan for tomorrow’s Blakovery, we need to talk about what happened the last time I Q’d Blakovery…

It was a long time ago.  Exactly two weeks ago to be exact.  There was a different president back then.  Blakovery regulars like Wingman and Prohibition were going about their daily lives, anxiously and secretly awaiting a Slack run channel notification signaling the Blakovery wienke for the following morning.  Chopper, ever the steadfast site Q, took to Slack to announce me as the Q and passive-aggressively ponder the quality of my future course.

“Come out to see if he brings true creativity to the streets of Blakeney or settles for a cheap knock-off of and old familiar course :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

With the route already planned, I quickly and confidently replied:

“@Chopper of course there will be a new route tomorrow.  Bring a headlamp for ‘Longview Lite’.”

This was a shortened version of a course I first brought to Chicken Run through the gated Longview neighborhood.  I was pretty proud of myself.  After all, the original Longview course was pretty well-received, and I was excited to bring a version of it to the Blakovery PAX.  But then, with one short reply from Chopper, it all came crashing down.

“@tuck :thinking_face: looks familiar but maybe just a new name :flushed:

Chopper’s words, aided by co-conspirators “thinking_face” and “flushed”, cut through me like a knife.  With thinking_face seemily saying “Tuck, a recycled Chicken Run course may have been good enough under the previous regimes of PJ, Bunker & Brat, but there’s a new sheriff in town”, and flushed piling on by staring directly through MY VERY SOUL.  In an instant my world was turned upside-down.  What is a good route?  Who am I?  Will Paper Jam wear knee-high socks?  I could no longer answer these questions.  But I knew that sooner or later Chopper would come calling, and that when he did, I HAD to be ready.

And so, I took to the streets.  For 14 lonely nights I wandered the streets, alone.  Searching.  For what, I did not know.  The only thing i DID know was that Chopper was asking for, no, DEMANDING excellence.  But how could I, a mere mortal, live up to his impossibly high standards?  How could I redeem myself?  I had a feeling the answer was somewhere out there, waiting for me.  Night after night I scoured the neighborhoods of South Charlotte and Waxhaw in relentless pursuit of whatever it was that would gain me Chopper’s respect.  I didn’t eat.  I didn’t sleep.  I forgot what my kids looked like.  But then, just when I thought all was lost, it started to come together.  A truly new Blakovery course.  I finally found it, but more importantly, I found myself along the way.  Chopper, you knew what you were doing all along, didn’t you, you sly son-of-a-b*tch.  Unbelievable.

Fast forward to now.  This is where the Blakovery PreBlast actually begins.  Join us tomorrow @ the fountains of Blakeney @ 0515 for a new 5 mile course.  It is roughly 4.25 mi road and 0.75 mi flat non-technical dirt trail.  On the trail sections there are a couple of slightly muddy spots, but nothing crazy.  For the most part you can run around it.  IMHO road shoes would be fine.  If you are worried about your shiny new shoes get over it or wear something older.  A headlamp is required for this route.  I repeat, a headlamp is required.

Course Link

#SYITG

-TUCK

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