The Trifecta of Terrible, a Tour Through 5 Knolls

The Trifecta of Terrible, a Tour Through 5 Knolls

13 pax (including the Q) for an unlucky roll of the dice at Rock Zero. YHC had pre-slacked and pre-tweeted an 0600 Pyramid of Meat starter, but no one showed up to partake in the swole-ness. Actually, no one really showed up until 0645, when Boererwors decided to he’d had enough rugby at 0400. It should also be noted that he stayed up to watch the World Series the night before, a true American right there. At 0654 Dingo came in with the M4 revved up like he was in high school showing off to his bro’s from down under. Hopper and Skipper showed up shortly after. At 6:58:30 a caravan of uncoordinated pax came in hot to the parking lot including Geraldo, Hops, Bernanke, Lazy Boy, Man Tooth, and possibly Deep Dish. The call is still pending from the judges after the replay.

By 0700 YHC was delivering his thorough and well rehearsed disclaimer when Hops decided to get out of his truck, stretch like a cat waking up from a nap in the sun, and mosey over to see what the fuss was all about. Shortly after Deep Dish pops out of his car, hides his keys in Hop’s truck, and decided to join the party. At this point we were 11 pax, and YHC decided it was time to mosey.

Pax made it about 50 feet when O’Tannenbaum comes screaming in on 2 wheels, almost flattens Skipper, jumps out of his car and sheepishly grins before joining the group. Now we’re 12. Begin the mosey around the parking lot, the loooooong way around. At one point someone in the back called out the tradition of a COP. We’ll get there before 0800 fellas.

The Thang:

After a little mosey through the parking lot, stop at each speed bump and perform merkins and squats, totaling 5 reps. 1 squat and 4 merkins, 2 and 3, 3 and 2, you get the pattern. After the last speed bump head to the grassy knoll for your traditional COP. By now we were all warmed up.

IW x 20. Peter Parker and Parker Peter x 10 each.  5 burpees. Yeah, 5 bupees deal with it.  Shoulder taps x 10.  YHC then took the time to explain that we were going off campus, as YHC did promise some miles. Safety first, so we’ll go down Rea against the flow of traffic on the sidewalk and stick together. At one point on Rea (before 5 Knolls) YHC called a stop and had all pax plank up. As we did so someone called out that Donkey Kong had shown up late, figured out where we were, and had caught up to us. T-claps for that, brother.

Run down Rea, and as we approached 5 Knolls Geraldo prayed “please don;t turn left down 5 Knolls” over and over again. YHC heard his prayers and kept going … and made a left onto Summer Gate Dr. Pax groaned.  Run to the intersection with 5 Knolls and partner up. At this point all were sweating profusely and the pax were regretting their decision to show up. Awesome sauce.

P1 runs to end of the cul-de-sac and back.  P2 does exercise.  Total count:  100 merkins, 100 lunges (each leg). YHC figured this would be a quiet Saturday morning in the Knolls, but apparently the neighborhood decided otherwise. Twice we had large groups of runners stroll past us going down 5 Knolls and of the 4 houses in the cul-de-sac, 3 had cars pull out while we were on the street. I guess next time I should phone ahead to confirm when the neighbors wake up.

Run down 5 Knolls to Whisperwood Pl.  P1 runs to end of the cul-de-sac and back, P2 does exercise.  100 heels to heaven.  100 LBCs.

Run up the terrible hill to MacDara Hill Ct. One pax said something about BRR training being over, brother BRR training is never over.  Pax were feeling smoked after that one. P1 runs to end of the cul-de-sac and back, P2 does exercise.  100 CDDs and 100 squats. There might have been a mutiny at some point, but then the pax realized they would have to mosey back to Calvary anyway so might as well see it through. Hops and Geraldo got a little behind on their squats, something about Hops doing squat for two days the day before. So the pax chipped in at the end to help them get the final 32 squats in. #LeaveNoManBehind

Run back to Calvary, go back to the cars. Circle up for some quick Mary and the introduction of a legit F3 Carpex exercise called the “Have a Nice Day” where the pax just lay on the ground and stare at the sky (yes this is a legit Carpex exercise) and then time was called.


Strong effort out there by the pax today. We logged 4 miles over hilly terrain. Miles promised, miles delivered, and all were better for it. This was an easy workout to plan but a hard one to execute. Thanks to the pax for not calling a total mutiny after we headed off campus. Good mumble-chatter along the way and some encouragement from the Run for Your Life groups that passed us as we were laying in the street trying not to get run over.

On a personal note, it was nice to be out front leading. Often I drift towards the back to watch the 6 on these off-campus trips. According to Strava I ran at an 8:11 pace for the workout, and you know Strava is never wrong.

OK, YHC is 4 Simpler Times Pilsners deep ($4.00 a six pack at Trader Joes) and it’s time for the afternoon nap.



Holiday Party. Hops is going to open with “I touch myself”, we’re all hoping it’s just a song.

Coat Drive. Get those old coats out of your closet and get them to Chelms or a local workout.

There might have been others but YHC can’t recall, please post i the comments section.

Thanks to Lazy-Boy for the takeout.

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Hoover author

Commonly mistaken for sasquatch

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4 years ago

Some sundry observations about this morning:

* T claps to Donkey Kong for coming to rock zero after going to area 51 which unbeknownst to him has been shut down for months
* still not sure why the gloves were necessary, thought for sure that meant there would be lots of gear, rocks or somesuch
* Bring some coats this week fellas. You don’t need all that stuff.

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