Shocking Soccer Skills!

  • When:04/05/13
  • QIC: Bulldog
  • The PAX: Donkey Kong, Barracus, Turkey Leg, Cottontail, Skywalker, Bananas, Good Hands, Geraldo, Sprague, Bulldog, Matlock (LIFO), Brown, Snowflake (War Daddy), Bulldog (Q), Young Love, Crabcake, missing one...shout out in comments

Shocking Soccer Skills!

16 fine gents arose in the wee hours to take on a soccer (real football) style workout which turned out to be more intense than English Q had planned – you will see why later…


Jog to parking lot
SSH x 20
IW x 20
Squat x 15
Merkin x 10
Stagger merkin R x 5
(Enter Matlock)
Stagger merkin L x 5

Jacobs Ladder x 7 with additional Turkish get ups at base, midway merkin, burpee at top. Plank at bottom when finished.

Mosey to soccer field.

Partner up grab soccer ball and get in line with a tire.
Partner 1 – high knees with taps on soccer ball
Partner 2 – sprint to tires and tricep dips x 10 sprint and tag partner
Partner 1 – stagger soccer ball push ups
Partner 2 – sprint to tires and dry docks x 10 and sprint tag partner
Partner 1 – mason twists with soccer ball and feet up
Partner 2 – sprint to tires and tire squats with tire above head x 10
Partner 1 – squeeze ball between feet and raise and lower legs
Partner 2 – sprint to tires and merkins around the tire and tag partner
Partner 1 – spartan burpee on soccer ball
Partner 2 – sprint to tires inside grip merkins x 10 sprint and tag partner

Gather soccer balls at top of field. One player shoots at goal. If he makes it no punishment. If he misses he sprints to get ball and pax do five burpees. Reps of exercise build with each missed shot.



Q thought a little taster of the “beautiful game” would be a good thing in the cold and wet conditions that reminded him of the homeland. As the pax warmed up their bodies in preparation for the pain some familiar headlights appeared up on the hill as Matlock made his appearance a little earlier than usual. With warm bodies (but for the 51 year old attorney) the extended Jacobs Ladder set the tone with Donkey Kong off to a flier. Like Geraldo a few weeks back the boy may have “blown his wad” a little too early but still finished strong. Bananas disputed some of the pax counting abilities as we planked ready for next event.
Tire exercise with the balls thrown in were tough going and partners worked hard and with little down time. Some sloshing in the tires sounded like the spilling of merlot (puking) but the lads sucked it up and kept it in. With a good 10 minutes left (according to Greenwich mean time) we gathered the soccer balls 40 yards from the small goal for our own Kevlar penalty shootout. If goal was scored move onto next guy. If shot missed 5 burpees for all pax and keep adding with each miss:
Turkey Leg – miss (5 burpees)
Cottontail – miss (6 burpees)
Good Hands not Good Feet- miss (7 burpees)
Brown – awful miss and nearly hit Matlocks car w dog in it (8 burpees)
Skywalker – made it (no burpees – thank The Lord)
Donkey Kong – shank ( 9 burpees)
Bananas – close but miss (10 burpees)
At this point audible Q call to do any rep of any exercise!
Sprague – post but miss (11 squats)
War Daddy – miss (12 military merkins)
Barracus – miss (13 split jumps)
If you are not listed we know you missed as only made one thanks to the one armed wonder! Ran out of time so not all pax got to shoot. Bananas called an audible for soccer shooting practice at the Rock tomorrow!
Thanks for coming out lads. Good sweat this morning. Have a great weekend.

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11 years ago

Pretty high scoring affair by normal soccer standards, then.

11 years ago

Bulldog… good lead, as always. Thanks.

One of these days I may share with you my theory on arriving late. It may cause moments of introspection, re-evaluation and candid conversation between the Pax and their wives. I’ll bring the flashlight in order to shine the light.

I do call whiskeydicking on the half-assed 1/2 merkins that have creep into the collective conscience of the Pax, despite periodic calls for PerfectMerkins. Chest to the deck, my friends. Do them like your mother’s watching — you wouldn’t want her to think ol’ sonny boy is cheating. What’s with this stopping 12 inches from dirt as if colliding with a Vulcan force field?

Have a great weekend.

Young Love
11 years ago

Bulldog – good lead. Love the tire work, especially hoisting the water-filled tires above the head for a round of very damp tire squats.

Matlock – was about to google whatever word it is you said above, but then I remembered that I’m at work. Will have to wait until I’m home so I can get a proper interpretation on your euphemism (and no, I’m not going to ask you to explain when next I see you).

11 years ago

Young Love: Its in the Lexicon.

I wont be able to make your Q at Area51 since I just remember that I need to fly north.

The 2nd F starts at home!

11 years ago

Great lead today, my ENGLISH broether. Sywalker may have a #woundedpaw and a torn labrum but Aye, the left foot works just fine! Would have made #Header and #Strikeout proud.

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