Swan Song

Swan Song

Forty three men of action (and 1 FNG of intermittent action) descended upon Kevlar for one last romp in the knee high grass. Four Pax were there from the Jan 25, 2013 Big Bang:  Bulldog, Young Love, Cottontail and TR.

Ah, Kevlar.  how do we love thee?  Let us count the ways.

JAN. 25, 2013:  With no Friday workouts in Area 51, Bulldog and Short Sale, decide to launch one.  As regular Armor attendees, they decide on Kevlar as the AO name.  It goes over everyone’s head.  The next day Short Sale breaks his wrist at the USNWC Ice Bowl / Mud Run prep convergence and is renamed Skywalker.  Conspiracy theories start to bubble up—Bulldog took down Short Sale in order to Q more workouts.  Evidence is circumstantial, at best.

FEB 1, 2013:  Bulldog Qs the second workout. (he will end up commandeering 10 of the first 11) Numbers triple (to 30).  A stout (bordering on portly) UPS employee posts for the first time.  We call him Brown.  Could very well be Mary Kate’s last post.

FEB 8, 2013:  First non-Bulldog Q.  He pouts and doesn’t post until about 0600.

APP 19, 2013:  Ice T gets bitten by an ant at Skunk the previous Tuesday.  Claims it was a snake and shows us the abscessed fang marks. Seeing no evidence of any wounds whatsoever, he is renamed to Snakebite.  (Since wrenched his knee Qing on his 40th birthday, followed up by a two year fart sack….and counting.)

MAY 24, 2013:  Backcracker pulls his mobility bands from the #EuroSac. I remember two things about this workout:  1)  I out-kicked the coverage on the arm band choice, and 2)  That’s what it feels like to workout with your underwear around your ankles.  Not the first time we’d feel the hot sting of shame at Kevlar….FNG Mr. Dees posts.  Was THIS close to getting named Deez Nutz but was saved at the last minute with a Charleston reference, and ended up with Gullah.

JUNE to SEPT 2013:  Lots of rocks, bands, ant hills and heads in tires…We started adding in KB at 0500 around this time, too.  Fun times….before Meathead BroJacked it to Thursdays.

SEP 14, 2013:  Indian bear crawl weave.  If you weren’t there, you’ll never know.

NOV. 8, 2013:  Horsehead does Hairburners for the first time.  Goes #3 all over himself.

NOV 22, 2013:  Spackler does Hairburners, goes #3 in his mouth, then chokes it back down. (It counts).  We also learned that texting Radar is the same thing as posting on the internet.  Could be first known reference to Get A Room.

JAN 2, 2014:  The inaugural Exercise Gadget workout. Shake weights, ab wheels, and a hippity hop.  The wind was angry that day, my friends.  Like an old man sending soup back at a deli.

JAN 24, 2014:  Kevlar turns one.  Now stick your head in a tire.

APR 24, 2014:  The day I almost got kicked my kids kicked out of school and excommunicated from the church….Monkeys in the Shadows.  A dark day for Kevlar.

MAY 16, 2014:  Busch sprint series.  40 year old men running (in their minds) faster than their hamstrings wanted to go.  We watched Busch do 60 diamond merkins between heats.

More rocks and tires over the summer.  Bulldog starts nosing around in the shed….

OCT 17, 2014:  The day Simba sacrificed Sussudio’s “dog” to Moloch and the start of the Joust / Kevlar Sole Redemption Cage Match (a challenge we lost due to the Thin Blooded Baptist’s astroturfing).  Sussudio might be co-Site Q by now.  No one really knows.

JAN 16, 2015:  Second Annual Exercise Gadget Circle of Shame.  Either the BB didn’t get tagged right, or it was wiped from the record.  Either way, be glad.  It was a smorgasbord of embarrassment, all set to Eternal Flame.

January until present….rocks, running with rocks, some Bangles (some tough broads, them), more soccer nonsense and chest to chest partner drags.

So the Kevlar circus hits the road starting next week, and is moving to Joust while construction kicks off.  What Joust lacks in tires and ants, it makes up for with dingleberries, blue doors and a track that won’t leave you crippled.  Should be fun.

We worked out today, too.  The weinke called for hairburners with the tires but as the pax kept rolling in, the weinke was abandoned for an improv beat down.  Typical warm up stuff, typical workout stuff.  Radar wasn’t impressed. Hadn’t done backwards bear crawls up the hill in a while and did some of those.  Had never done crab walks uphill before and wanted to try those.  I don’t want to anymore.  Fitting that the ants bid adieu to Cottontail.  We finally beat the Bangles, all except Big League Chew who (like Donkey Kong before him) chose to keep his self-respect instead.

FNG Bobo didn’t refer to himself in the 3rd person but did have a near out of body experience.  Thanks for HH and Rhapsody for saving him from trying to drive a modular classroom unit home.

Remember, Kevlar meets at Joust next week.  Spread the word.