5k Run for a bootcamp

The Chunky Monkey

16 at the Outland this AM, filled with either redemptive expectations or sheer morbid curiosity after reading the preblast.  At a minimum, most were hoping that this workout would be like one of those palate-cleansing gari pickled ginger slivers that you are supposed to eat between sushi rolls, perhaps enough to completely eliminate the lingering taste from last week.  Speaking of sushi, I stopped at the Quick Trip on the way home and they were all out . . . but we’re getting off track here.  Anyways, after blasting a little Haggard in the parking lot we rounded up everyone and were off and running.  EE and GJ claim to have completed a prerun, but all I see on Strava is a 30 min trip to Bojangles.  Kiefer also ran something like 17 miles doing marathon training, and gave us a little flyby.

Thang:

Longish mosey to the Shiloh Elementary front parking lot for COP, including IW, LSS, and maybe something else that nobody cares about.

Not sure what to name this next one, I considered the “Jackie Robinson”, but we could also go with “The Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything.”   Either way, it’s 6 sets of 7 reps of a rotating exercise, as we run a loop around the lot stopping at each light pole.  So 42 total reps of each exercise.  We did LBCs, Mountain Climbers, Merkins, Jump Squats, and Burpees (ascending count on the Burpees).  It was delightful.

Then we headed over to the drivers-ed dragstrip for a little thing that has now been named the Chunky Monkey.  This is a variation on the awful theme of a mid-workout timed mile race that was originally named the Scalded Monkey (I have no idea why I called it that) and has been resurrected a few times now in several variations.  I think this one may be the worst yet.

We split the group up 5 ways based on 1-mile pace.  Each group was assigned a burpee handicap, with the idea of making this an actual race since the faster guys had to do more burpees.  You had to race one mile and also do the burpees, any way you want to split them up.

• 5-6min pace – 40 burpees
• 6-7min pace – 30 burpees
• 7-8min pace – 20 burpees
• 8-9min pace – 10 burpees
• happy to finish pace – 0 burpee

After that puke fest, I blacked out for 5 mins or so while somebody led something – who knows what actually happened.  At some point, we headed back to the picnic table area for some Merkin Mania.

Alabama Slamma – partner up and do sets of decending merkins with your partner.  Start at 15 each, and count down to 0.

Head back to launch point for a comical 10 burpee closer, as most pax had non-functioning arms at this point.

Moleskin:

Kiefer looking strong with the marathon training – putting in some high miles now.  I think he’s getting up to the 20 mile range, which I hear is the worst part of the training.  Probably a good move to skip the boot camp and just keep with the running at this point.

The Monkey burpee race was originally named the Burping Monkey, but after I threw up in my mouth at the midpoint I felt that Chunky Monkey was a better fit.  EE won this pretty easily, even doing 40 burpees.  Short Circuit did 30, and came in 2nd.  I did 30 myself, and finished just ahead of Glass Joe and Donut Hole, but I think they both did 40.  This thing was pretty awful for everyone involved.

Good to have The Bus back out, even though he was 37 mins late.  We almost missed the Bus, and then Dad would have to take us to school and be late for work – nobody is happy when that happens.

Glass Joe was apparently unhappy with my modification suggestions for the pax during the Slamma, so he cursed me in dwarfish yiddish.

My foot has exploded again after this disaster, so I may just have to cut the thing off and screw in a peg.

I’m sure there were some other humorous and noteworthy events, so bring on the comments.

No Pancho and no Lefty.  I think they both went to a Trump rally in Wingate.

Horsehead

F3 Outland Preblast – Pancho and Lefty

Gentlemen,

Tomorrow shall mark an important occasion for the men of Union County.

We have a long morning ahead of us, for there are wrongs to be righted, sins to be repented, grievances to be aired, and winds to be broken . . . all in an action-packed 60 mins.

If you attended last week’s #F3Outland, you’ll remember that Shemp and Joe, the two unnecessary Stooges, nearly ruined what used to be a glorious Saturday morning experience by unleashing what amounted to a giant stale Peep of a workout on the pax.  Their unwanted sequel to that steamer of a workout from last year reminded us of cinematic gems such as “Son of the Mask”, “Titanic 2”, and “Deuce Bigalo, European Gigalo” – all sequels to something that should never have existed in the first place.

But we all followed along and went Gee when we should have gone Haw . . . time to jerk the bit and steer back on course.

Join me, Pancho, and Lefty tomorrow where we will turn the beat around and play a little #monkeyinthemiddle with what will possibly be the best worst idea to ever escape my twisted and unfiltered mind.

Let’s make Outland Great Again!

Horsehead