Is this the right order?

  • When:10/28/2020
  • QIC: Hoover


Is this the right order?

Wednesday, it’s a paradox where the Bermuda Triangle is real, not located in Bermuda, and not shaped like a triangle.  Maybe shaped more like a dilapidated 1975 Chrysler New Yorker, but it tastes like a chicken strip.  You know, the $8CAD type.  Anyone who says they got lost in the Bermuda Triangle probably has a bridge in Brooklyn to sell.  No one gets lost in the Bermuda Triangle, they know exactly where they are, they just don’t know how to get out.  Not unlike this backblast, you know where you are, just not why you’re reading this now and how you unread any of it.

Back to hump day.  It’s the middle of the week, and chances are the only humping any of you are seeing on a Wednesday is the word “hump” on the screen.  Camels have humps, though.  YHC saw that in a Geico commercial once.  YHC also applied for a job at the camel’s office for the sole purpose of trying to outspit the camel.  Didn’t make it past the first round of interviews though, YHC hit a tough spot in an interview with a Mustard Tiger who kept asking YHC, “What are you staring at my gut fer?”  YHC wasn’t staring, that would be rude.  YHC later offered said Mustard Tiger a cheeseburger from the famous Restaurant at the End of the Universe and in return received the secret to life, the universe and everything.  Spoiler alert: it’s Col. Mustard in the penthouse with a copy of your grandaddy’s Sports Illustrated autographed by Ted Williams.  that’s it, that’s the secret.

Back to the matter at hand, some number of pax (still to be counted) will undoubtedly claim they posted at this week’s edition of Meathead.  Slightly overcast, temps in the low 60’s, no rain until later.  Perfect fall weather.  That’s what the little screen told YHC at least, and it always tells YHC the truth that YHC wants to see.  You see, YHC has a plan.  It was hatched out of a Simpler Times Lager-induced fever dream, so you know the plan is as good as Trader Joes over-engineered in-store shopping experience post-Covid.  I mean, does anyone actually follow the arrows on the ground? and how do you navigate the produce section? it’s not all one-way aisles laid out in a neat grid with 0.19 bananas (or 0.25 if it’s organic).

But you know what they say, when you live in the piedmont, expect to see some wolves.

You know the thing about wolves?  They are a model of efficiency under pressure and no-nonsense performers who gets the job done with style.  They drive really fast, use language your mother wouldn’t approve of, and are who you call when you have questionable evidence to dispose of.  In short, 100% reliable.  And only wolves are allowed to refer to Chuck Norris as “Chucky”.  How does YHC know this? because it was all documented on a GoRuck Tough Facebook post on a Wednesday.  If you can tell me where the Green Bastard hails from, I’ll send you the link so you can see it for yourself.

That about sums up your Q for Meathead this week.  A model of efficiency from a no-nonsense performer who has been known to drive at high speeds and always gets the job done in style.  Can’t say YHC has ever lived to call Chuck Norris “Chucky”, but a man can dream right?

Speaking of dreams, YHC once released a debut album with his high school garage band, Mildred’s Favorite Donkey.  Our hit single was big in Norway and the rhythm track was the sole influence behind Vanilla Ice’s biggest hit ever, Ninja Rap from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles soundtrack.  Mildred’s Favorite Donkey later went on to collaborate on an unreleased Wu-Tang album that Pharma Bro, Martin Shkreli, paid $1mm for.  Mildred’s Favorite Donkey was left out of the album credits, but YHC’s cut was paid out in wooden subway tokens.  Because classics never go out of style and tube televisions are making a big comeback.  Don’t tell the SEC, but that’s an insider trading tip, right there.

If YHC has learned one thing from all of this it’s that you can’t change the backblast, and you can’t unread what you just read, but you can change your vote in a presidential election after it was cast.  According to the sitting president, of course.  And he’s like the internet, and the little screen that tells YHC everything.  All you read and wear and see and hear on his twitter feed is always true … on a Wednesday.

#SYITG

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Hoover author

Commonly mistaken for sasquatch

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