ROCK in the USA

ROCK in the USA

Sometimes you have to shake things up in order to keep them fresh.  People tend to appreciate variety.  The Silicon Valley douche-nerds call it “creative destruction”.  Twelve PAX gathered in the hundred acre wood known as Anvil to try something new, and see if it was possible to make it through an entire bootcamp workout while toting a rock.  After a fair to middling disclaimer we set out on a vision quest to do what has probably not been done before, and if our venerable site Qs get their way, will probably not be done again.

Warmup: Mosey to the rock pile and select a rock to spend some quality time with.  YHC warned the PAX not to go crazy.  Some listened, some did not. Circle up for CORP (Circle of Rock Pain) consisting of 10 Imperial Rockers IC, 10 Rock Squats IC, 10 Merkins with Right Hand on the Rock IC, 10 Merkins with Left Hand on the Rock IC, and 5 Diamond Rock Merkins IC.

Tote the Rock to the AstroTurf Pavilion: Perform 100 curls, 100 triceps extensions, and 100 presses.  Mumblechatter was light save for a few stray comments about what an innovative concept the Q had brought and how much the format was appreciated. When finished, weighted crunches until the group is done.

Tote the Rock to the Hot Box: Perform 100 single leg squats on the left leg while holding the rock, 100 single leg squats on the right leg while holding the rock, and 100 dips with the rock held in the lap.  Mumblechatter picked up a bit here, with McGee expressing gratitude and admiration to the Q.  When finished, weighted crunches until the group is done.

Tote the Rock to the light pole: Frankenstein walk to the next light pole, perform 5 rockees (burpees with the rock), and overhead lunge walk back to the first light pole.  Repeat for a total of three rounds.  In between rounds two and three, Lobsta Roll, he of the Cyborg-American persuasion requested a ten count.  The world briefly spun backwards but after regaining our bearings, we pressed on.  After round three, YHC graciously allowed Lobsta Roll to lead the group in a ten count, and the cagey veteran delivered in tremendous fashion.

Tote the Rock to the parking lot adjacent to the rock pile: Circle up for Rock Webb with sets up to 5 and 20.  At this point, YHC worried that the PAX would confuse their enthusiasm for the workout format with anger and mutiny due to the overload of endorphins they were surely experiencing and that the situation would devolve into a scene from the semi-famous 1990s made for TV movie starring former MTV personality Dan Cortese “The Lottery”.  After having visions of rocks smashing into my skull, YHC decided to wrap up the last few minutes with outsourced weighted Mary.  The PAX were instructed to take turns leading core exercises incorporating the rock.  The choices included Rosalita, flutter, WWII situps, Freddie Mercury, and plain non-rock inclusive burpees.  One guess as to which maverick broke ranks and called those.

Return the Rock and get back to the cars, and that’s a wrap.  Once the thunderous applause faded to a dull roar we proceeded with announcements.  Rachel is leading a convergence on July 4th at 5:30 am at the greenway.  Later in the morning he, along with several of our Area 51 and Metro brethren will be participating in the American Four Miler while pushing the new racing chariots. Keeping with the Independence Day topic, YHC would like to extend a thank you to the founding fathers of this great nation for saving us from 240 years and counting of British humor and horrible cuisine.  Do your part this week to celebrate all things American such as enjoying a glass of fine Kentucky bourbon on the tailgate of a Detroit (pronounced Dee-Troit of course) made Ford F-150 while firing off explosives made somewhere in China by a six year old.  Roll Tide, Roll Bourbon, Roll America.