The Sphincter-O-Meter

The Sphincter-O-Meter

Two courses today were run and three truth nuggets are below. The reverse Donut Run and the new Long John course. I didn’t realize, but apparently a Long John is a type of donut. This is one thing that I learned today.

The second thing I learned today, which is honestly more important as it relates to all of us, is Alf’s sphincter is like a steel door. Let me provide some background: Apparently, Alf started to feel the urge to find a bathroom around mile 3 of the 7.5 mile run. He was passing the Arboretum and many options were available to him (Panera, CFA, McDonalds, Walmart, a gas station, etc.). But he rebuffed the urge and decided to drop it into low gear for the rest of the way and perform some type of mind juju to contain it. This was effective and he made it back to Dunkin, through COT, and then locked himself in the bathroom (thankfully Semi Gloss was not present or we could have had a fist-a-cuffs for the bathroom). This kind of got me thinking: Some people never have to go and can hold it for extreme amounts of time (while running) while others must pop a squat at every workout. Hence the Sphincter-O-Meter: a scale from 1-10 on how likely someone is to stop and open the gates. In this example, Alf is a solid 10. That man can shut the gates and nothing goes in and nothing goes out. On the opposite end would be a 1, or Semi Gloss. The moment he increases the pace over a brisk walk, everything starts to move. For me, I’d say I am a 6. I don’t have to stop on most runs. Although, I have on occasion had to stop mid run. Some locational highlights for me are behind the pool house at Mountainbrook Pool or next to the TWC building off of Morehead (conveniently an elevated position to watch the cars pass on South Blvd. Both times an article of clothing was sacrifice.

Anyways, feel free to let us all know where you feel like you fall on the Sphincter-O-Meter.

Thirdly, Tiger Rag portrays a Russell Athletic appearance but deep down (or just beneath that Russell Athletic shirt), he’s a Lululemon guy.

BW