Inauguration Conflagration

Inauguration Conflagration

18 today to say “Bon Voyage” to the current Kevlar Site Qs and welcome in some new blood.  Actually, I looked up “Bon Voyage” and it means “have a nice trip”, and I’m pretty sure that’s not the proper translation for some of the messages I have been receiving.  Close enuf.

Given the importance of today, Bulldog and I started planning our workout several weeks in advance.   We did a few dry runs in different atmospheric conditions with some hired stand-ins and ran things through a fairly sophisticated software package developed by Union County sausage purveyor (and goat breeder) Skeebo Whittaker to make sure we had all of our bases covered.

The Thang:

Horsehead Q

• COP
• Partner 1 exercises, Partner 2 sprints across the big grass field.  Repeat a bunch.

Bulldog Q

• One guy pushes a tire, other two guys exercise.  Repeat a bunch.
• Eternal Flame(out)
• End

Whew, that was a lot to type.  I’m not sure if I got all of the details, but you should get the overall gist of the workout.  It was fairly elaborate, but I think we pulled it off.

Moleskin:

It’s been a good run, and we’ve made some memories.  Sometimes the great workouts we’ve had come to mind, but mostly the more “memorable” ones do.  Given my penchant for mockery, this list seems (in)appropriate:

Top Eleven Worst Kevlar Workouts of All Time (because Ten wasn’t enough)

1. Deadwood Bear Crawl Weave – beaten to death it was so bad
2. Bulldog Shake Weight 1, 2, and 3 (1 was the worst, not sure why we kept this up)
3. Radar Zumba – entire workout of of running in place
4. Hairball Bear Squats  – 45 mins of guys trying not to accidentally mount one another
5. Splinter and the girl – that time a woman worked out with us for 15 mins and we chose never to talk about it again
6. Busch Sprint Series – nearly 3 years later and some have still not recovered.  This was so terrible, he apparently brought it out at Joust today
7. Bananas Monkeys in the Shadows – nearly banned from campus and forced to take private communion after this debacle
8. Horsehead Friday the 13th Graveyard Thriller – because just weird
9. Bulldog chiropractor special – threw the back out on SSH#3 and kept rolling with it, somehow.  Somehow, nobody took the wheel while he weaved his way home on this one.
10. Alf Neverending Tire Flipping – at some point, you would think that the complaining would take effect
11. Orange Whip’s Firewood – a Sanford and Son truck full of termite infested logs, what a great idea for a workout

Honorable Mentions:

Radar Hairburners with 50 of your closest friends, Hoff allegedly taking deuce while Qing a workout (possibly an urban legend), BD and Header preKB listening to Barry White, BD soccer workout, Strikeout ending at 6:05 with nothing in the tank,

Anyway, this one today almost ended up with a high spot on the list as I got a small case of the Horseheads during the 3rd round of tireburners and had to sit out a spell until my triple vision turned back into double vision.  Good thing I had that pack of freeze dried Trump steak jerky in the truck to revive with.  I think that I missed a calling as an official Garbage Pail Kid.

Thanks to Bulldog for his tireless administration of the site, spending countless hours setting up the schedule and all of the other behind the scenes things to keep this machine running.  He’s a prepared little monkey, you know.  I think he wears a Leatherman to church.

As for myself, I’ll be taking some time off to do some soul searching.  I’m considering a stint at Gong Farming and collecting Burnt Sienna Crayons.

I’m sure that the new guys, Orange Whip and Fault Line, will do what they can to improve conditions.     In return, be sure to love them and pet them and call them George.

– Horsehead