1st Annual F3 Area 51 Olympics Backblast

1st Annual F3 Area 51 Olympics Backblast

The morning was humid and warm and the parking lights buzzed as Haggis and YHC unloaded the implements of the day.  Two or three retaining wall blocks in the wheelbarrows? 50 or 75 yards for the hairburners? These were the questions we pondered while awaiting the PAX.

As everything fell into place for the start of the 1^st Annual F3 Area 51 CSAUP Olympics, there was a tension in the air between the 30 PAX assembled to compete.  Who would be the fastest, the strongest, and above all, the stupidest to be crowned the Area 51 Grand Champion?

This is how we found out…

First came a warmup jog down to the field for a Runstopper led COP.  Of course, Runstopper brought the tunes and the PAX were really starting to get pumped to the NPR talk radio going in the background.  Nothing like some Renee Montagne to get you ready for battle!

Once warmup was complete and Runstopper had found some more suitable music, YHC explained the order of events and led the PAX in a mumblechatter filled lap around the track to ensure all the kinks were out before the mile run.  After fielding several complaints saying that lap should count for the mile, the request was denied and the Clydesdales lined up for the mile run.  FNG Flipper explained to the PAX that a Clydesdale is a large, strong, (slow), but majestic animal.  Everyone left it all on the track and pushed through to the finish.

The Thoroughbred heat was equally taxing.  YHC had the lead through 3 ½ laps when Haggis had enough of it and made his move.  Around the last corner, I could hear him snorting like a rabid dog behind me.  On the final stretch, he passed and pulled away, handily winning the race with a 5:28 mile time.  Fantastic effort by all on that race! Below are the fastest 3 times in the Mile Run.

1. Haggis – 5:28
2. Honey Bee – 5:31
3. Joker – 5:58

The 100m dash followed the mile run.  The first heat was error ridden as the Q’s worked out the proper procedure and there was some objection to that heat being labeled a false start (even though 90% finished the whole race).  The other heats went more smoothly and were sufficient to determine the 8 who advanced to the finals.  When the dust settled after the final 100m run, here were the standings.

1. Mighty Mite – 12.76 seconds
2. Mic Check – 13.16 seconds
3. Haggis – 13.33 seconds

Next came the 400m dash.  All PAX were starting to feel it at this point.  Again after some debate, it was decided to run the event in 2 groups instead of heats of 8 at a time.  This went well and saved time at the end for some other events and the award ceremony.  Here were the results.

1. Honey Bee – 1:05 (held him off this time)
2. Haggis – 1:08
3. Joker – 1:11

The PAX were then tired of running so we moved on to the Feats of Strength.  The group split up to do the Shot Put and KB Clean and Press.  After Mighty Mite demonstrated proper form on the Shot Put, the PAX took turns launching the 12lb steel ball through the air.  Mighty Mite won this event by a mere 6 inches (Michael Scott joke here) over Joker who clearly had a better warrior grunt so it was nearly a tie here.  Alas, the Mite came out on top.  Here were the results.

1. Mighty Mite – 34’ 6”
2. Joker – 34’
3. Haggis – 32’ 8”

The KB Clean & Press competition had a complex logical regression technique taking into account the moon phase as well as figuring the contribution of barometric pressure on the KB weight and the athlete’s physical fitness quotient.  Actually, the number of reps got multiplied by the weight lifted divided by 50 lbs (the standard weight).  Runstopper didn’t care about that and grabbed the largest bell and whipped out 54 reps.  Boom…winner!

1. Runstopper (44lb bell) – 48 corrected lifts
2. Fireman Ed (35lb bell) – 40 corrected lifts
3. Dolphin (35lb bell) – 36 corrected lifts

The next events were the weighted Wheelbarrow Push and Hairburners.  The first round of the Wheelbarrow Push had the greatest drama of the day as FNG (Flipper) veered his wheelbarrow into a small mud hole which brought the wheelbarrow to an abrupt halt and sent him up and over (thus Flipper).  The man is a beast though and after about 5 minutes to ensure his legs were still attached, he whipped out a respectable time in the hairburners to prove he was still in the game.  Flipper killed it all day out there and YHC has seen that look before, he’s hooked.  Welcome brother to CSAUP!

After the wheelbarrow incident, the event Q’s held a conference to decide whether to keep that event going or not.  However, the PAX overwhelmingly determined that we should either move it to a faster surface (pavement) or just not go through the mud hole.  These PAX are nuts!  After a reiteration of the disclaimer, the event continued with 4 wheelbarrows on the grass around the mud hole.

Here are the rankings in the Wheelbarrow Push:

1. Haggis – 26 sec
2. Joker – 31.5 sec
3. Runstopper – 32 sec

At the same time, the Hairburners were going on in the parking lot by the school.  Mic Check was absolutely smoking out there and after almost going under one of the parked cars came 1 foot from the finish line and collapsed in relief.  After realizing all the yelling was directed at him that he wasn’t done yet, he pushed it the remaining foot.  Unfortunately the misunderstanding on the finish line location allowed Haggis a 2 second margin for winning this event.  We all know that Mic Check is the favorite for next year though.

1. Haggis – 24 sec
2. Mic Check – 26 sec
3. 4-way tie for 3^rd – Bugeater, Lex Luthor, Iron Horse, Honey Bee

There was just enough time left over at the end to do a crabwalk race across the field at the track.  Since this was the event that got the whole F3 Olympics idea started, it seemed fitting that it be saved for last.  Also fittingly, Bugeater who suggested the Olympics was the winner.  Here are the results:

1. Bugeater
2. Market Timer
3. Joker

If you’ve been tracking, Haggis won 3 of the 8 events and was in the top three of another 3 events.  Because of this strange aptitude for the Completely Stupid and Utterly Pointless, Haggis was crowned the overall Grand Champion of Area 51. He looked very much like a Scottish Mr. T at the award ceremony in the COT.

Great thanks go out to the event Q’s and contributors that made the whole Olympics go smoothly and made it almost look like we had done this before.  Thanks to Runstopper, Fireman Ed, Iron Horse, Bugeater, Zip-a-dee, Baracus, Mall Cop, Salt Lick, Bratwurst, Joker, Haggis, and all the other individuals that now have full email inboxes due to all the emails it took to get this thing going.

As always, I am amazed by this group men and I am so glad to be part of this movement that is F3.  I look forward to next year and seeing the progress in each man.