Horsey Preblast: Don’t Tell PETA

Horsey Preblast: Don’t Tell PETA

Just one more.  One more Monday of this buffoonery then we can get back to making Mondays great again.  Seriously, after tomorrow start going to Diamondhead and/or Foxhole because Mondays are for kettlebells.  Before we restore our collective sanity however, we have a champion to crown, and the Eight Belles Ladder Match is how we’ll do it.  Eight Belles was a filly who finished second in the 2008 Kentucky Derby, but broke her ankle and was euthanized right on the track.  This seems a fitting name for putting Horsey to sleep.  The ladder match part is how we’re going to structure this thing tomorrow.  Each time you score a point you have to climb the ladder.  Tomorrow will be a points based scoring system with winner take all.  Here’s how we’ll do it:

• At 5:15 we will leave the parking lot and run toward the Horsey course.  I will be the Pace Car and for this warmup stretch the group will stay together.  It will be a slower pace than the group is used to because you peoples’ warmup pace is my threshold pace.  It will help build the anticipation and tension though, so it will be good.
• When we reach the manhole cover at the base of Blue Ridge Circle the Pace Car become the Lumbering Ox and will start running up the hill and yell GO, signifying the drop of the green flag.  The field will do 10 burpees in order to give the Lumbering Ox a few seconds to get up the hill a bit, and once the burpees are complete the field will begin the task of killing the Lumbering Ox.
• The Lumbering Ox will run in a counterclockwise oval, turning right on Mountainview, bending around to Wilby, and taking Wilby all the way back until it meets Mountainview again.  Every time a PAX passes the Lumbering Ox, immediately head back down the Blue Ride hill and put a foot on the manhole to register a point.  Note, once making a pass, PAX can either continue counterclockwise to get down the hill, turn around and go clockwise to get down, or take the Blue Ride shortcut to get back.  Structuring your passes will provide the mental aspect of this challenge, and if you time them well you can pick up a few quick points.  Continue making as many kills as possible until 6:08.
• At 6:08 gather at the neon wrapped flag pole for the Pledge.  After the pledge follow the Pace Car back down to the base of the hill and eye each other suspiciously as you try to figure out who is in the lead.  Once back down the hill the Lumbering Ox will keep running toward the parking lot and the field will do 10 burpees then take off with the chance to get one last kill before reaching the lot.
• At COT each PAX will announce their point total after Hospital Name, F3 Name, and Age and we will learn who gets to tote the virtual championship belt for the next year.

That’s it, that’s all there is to it.  How many times can you pass a slow guy running in a circle and get down and back up a hill?  The Lumbering Ox may have a trick or two to play, but will not stray from the counterclockwise oval.  Be fast, be smart with the location of your passes, and be merciless in your will to dispatch the competition.  Jockeys to the paddock, it’s race time.