No fainting horses here

Abs 2 ABBA, Buckets 2 Bro-Music, Lifts 2 Latinos & Candy Bar Races…WHAT?!?

WORKOUT SUMMARY

Saturday @ DaVinci was a workout to remember by all PAX who attended, YHC can guarantee that, and likely there will NEVER be another workout quite like it ever in F3 Nation history (not necessarily a bad thing… you decide).  Where do we begin? First of all, 62 11 PAX Super Troupers (ABBA reference) including 1 FNG, showed up ready to not run any miles push their bodies to the limit at one of SOB-land’s newest and most dynamic AO’s, located at Blakeney Shopping Center, infamously known as DaVinci.

Chapter 1: Let the Marketing Begin!

Known as a highly effective marketer of workouts, YHC’s marketing campaign for bringing up attendance at DaVinci needed to be top shelf, and therefore mirroring Trump’s “Make America Great Again” Campaign was chosen as the only appropriate strategy.  The marketing battle was fierce and furious, and a one-day Civil War between Stonehenge co-site Q’s JRR Tolkien (#IRONMAN) vs. Wild Turkey (#CAPTAINAMERICA) was waged and blood was spilled, brother vs. brother, to see who could draw the most PAX to their respective Saturday AO.

YHC took to Slack earlier in the day, employing reverse-psychology tactics of encouraging PAX to actually NOT post at DaVinci, and employing the use of negative campaigning by rightfully insulting several other SOB workouts (Foxhole, Brave, YHC’s own site Stonehenge, and of-course Bagpipe).  Boots-on-the-ground campaigning by personal invitations to both the regulars and 4 new FNGs were made, bribery in the form of buying HC’s (free coffee or breakfast) was offered, free admissions to F3HotTub sessions were promised, guarantees of a low 0.0 no mileage workout were made, playing music by to the songs of Abba were made (more later), and Dave Chapelle “Prince” memes were blasted out to social media via Twitter late Friday night, all to generate swarms of PAX to DaVinci.  The powerful #NeverTolkienTrump Super Pac campaign of Slack SOBs were up for the challenge, spewing more hatred towards JRR Tolkien Pandas that the World Wildlife Federation needed to intervene to stop the slaughtering of innocent bears.  Their wrath was so fierce, that even YHC’s boy and F3HotTubs co-site Q Mario boycotted DaVinci, for fear the SOBs would call his parents and tell them he was a bad boy #nomoreallowance #spankthatfool.

The early polls were not looking favorable to JRR Tolkien, and YHC truly believed record crowds Hops might be the only PAX to post.  Luckily, DaVinci Co-site Q Mic Check called in the reinforcements, landing a number of SOB/A51 Clydesdales, fooling them into believing Saturday’s DaVinci workout was actually Monday’s Foxhole workout, which explains why Loogie, Mighty Mite, and Chippy were some of the first PAX to arrive.  Other Davinci site-Q Tuck would have shown, except his M always seems to be working when YHC Q’s.

In the end, intent on supporting Wild Turkey @ Stonehenge and boycotting YHC @ DaVinci, the SOBs wore themselves out, and only 14 PAX actually showed up at Stonehenge, however it was still 3 more than the 11 PAX at Davinci.  Round 1 to Wild Turkey, congrats my brother. Well done. Truce.

With The Fort’s Fast 5(k) Race being held Saturday afternoon, YHC was determined to run as FEW miles as possible during the workout, to save the legs for the race, particularly since Bunker foolishly like a complete $%^&^*!! idiot tried to sabotage our team by destroying all of our legs at his VQ @ The Brave the morning prior. Instead, the challenge was to create a challenging workout that created gains from MUSCLE and MENTAL confusion, while keeping the PAX heart rate elevated, over very limited mileage. YHC believes that was accomplished, albeit in strange and absurd ways. So what did we do? Read more to find out…

 *Shameless plug: The SOB Team “We’re Going Streaking” took 3^rd place Overall and 1st place in the Mostly Shirtless Category  <Tuck, Strange Brew, Mario, Bunker, JRR Tolkien> while some other Clandestine SOB Team took home 1st place Overall in both the Race and the Malnourished Skin and Bones Category.*

THE THANG

Part 1: Abs to ABBA (15min)

• Stroll Mosey ~50 meters to the playground area from the parking lot for some light warmup (SSH, Cotton Pickers, and merkins). YHC gave instructions to follow the leader in a series of consecutive abdominal related exercises, all performed to the magical sound of ABBA songs. You heard that correctly. As Hops so eloquently Tweeted earlier, “Mama Mia B!t$%!!!”
  

ABBA Song List

1. “Mama Mia” – continuous mountain climbers OYO
2. “Does Your Mother Know” – alternate between weightless & weighted Russian twists (20lb sandbag or 25lb kb).
   
3. “Waterloo” – alternate between hip slappers on the seating wall and 10 hanging toes-to-bar touches.
4. “Dancing Queen” – alternate between weightless & weighted reverse burpees(20lb sandbag or 25lb kb).

 Part 2: Buckets to Bro Music (20min)

• Brisk walk Mosey ~50 meters back to the parking area by the fountain from the kids playground to perform a series of weighted exercises with some of YHC favorite coupons.
• PAX alternate between three exercises: burpee broad-jumps with Theraband (stretchy large rubber band used for PT) around ankles, 85lb Home Depot bucket carries (down and back), and 90lb farmers carries (carrying two 45lb plates or kettlebells)
• PAX alternate between all-out beast mode explosive HEAVY weighted ROGUE dog sled pushes (245-290lb*) for a shorter distance, and perform full-length sit-ups (option with 25lb sand bag) while not pushing.  Sled could be pushed using the vertical bars (easier), middle bar (moderate), or low bar (most difficult).

 Boy Band Song List

1. “The Hardest Thing” by 98 Degrees 
2. “What Makes You Beautiful” by One Direction 
3. “Bye Bye Bye” by NSYNC 
4. “The Earth, The Sun, The Rain” by Color Me Badd
5. “I’ll Make Love To You” by Boyz II Men

 Part 3: Laddie Lifts to Latin Lullabies (20 minutes)

• Partner up by size. Perform alternating partner carries (2X up) and partner wheelbarrows (2X up) up two taller flights of stairs, perform 20 partner hand-slap merkins at the top of each ascension, and regular to the bottom of stairs. 4 trips to the top total.

 Latin Singer Song List: Enrique, Ricky, and PSY?!? (heyyyyy sexy lady!!!)

1. “I Like It” – Enrique Iglesias
2. “Gangam Style” – PSY (not sure how this got in the playlist)
   
3. “Rythm Divine” – Enrique Iglesias
4. “Bailamos” – Enrique Iglesias
5. “Just Wanna Be With You” – Enrique Iglesias
6. “Adios” – Ricky Martin

 Part 4:  Marathon Sprint & Bucks for Starbucks AYG Races (5 min)

• The only running portion of the workout, PAX start laying on their stomachs, and race AYG to the Marathon Gas station at the north end of Blakeney Shopping Center, a race that was handicapped with the biggest and slowest friendliest PAX selected to go first. First PAX to touch Marathon Gas Station wins. Perform Mary while waiting for the 6.
• PAX race back to starting point from the Marathon Gas Station back to the Starbucks (no handicap). First to touch Starbucks door wins.

 Part 5: COT

• Naming of new FNG who YHC EH’d, and will forevermore be known in F3 Nation as “L.C.D.” = Lowest Common Denominator, welcome John Meyers the math teacher from Marvin School
• YHC with the takeout

 MOLESKIN

     A workout to music rarely happens in F3 workouts, and maybe if the playlist consisted of numerous songs by ABBA, boy bands from the 90’s, and Enrique Iglesias hits, workout music would flat out be banned by F3…. BUT IT ISN’T. So what was the purpose? Simple… Pushing through the pain of a tough workout, while listening to amazing irritating music, but being too winded to complain about the music, is how you get your MENTAL game in check fellas. Working out to different body bending exercises like hanging toes-to-bar or partner wheelbarrows up stairs is the MUSCLE CONFUSION, and doing it to the sound of Ricky Martin, One Direction, and PSY? That’s MENTAL CONFUSION… both will make you stronger #GRIT #yeahiamcrazy. And if the workout sucks and the music is good, then it’s just CONFUSION, but YHC didnt get a lot of mumble-chatter during the hour, despite the playlist, so it clearly was MUSCLE and MENTAL CONFUSION. Enuf said…

     After about 55 minutes, YHC had successfully accomplished covering less than 1 mile of distance per Cable Guy’s GPS watch, none of it running, as was promised in premarketing.  YHC is a man of my word!  However, full of great ideas, YHC thought it would be a great idea to have a weight-handicapped race to the Marathon Gas Station at the end of the shopping center. Unfortunately the gas station was farther than thought, nearly killed the big guys to sprint there and back, and put us at 1.8 miles for the workout #Qfail #LIAR.  The winner or the race to the gas station got $2 to buy a snack of their choice, and the winner back would get a free coffee from Starbucks. It was a sight to see with all the big boned bigger stronger PAX slogging at a snail’s pace dashing to and from each location.

• Bucky overcame his starting position handicap and was the winner of the race to the gas station, choosing to buy a bag of peanut M&Ms with the winners purse.  He wanted to buy one of those spicy bags of Chicharrones pig skins, but was 24 cents short.  In the 2nd F, Bucky claimed his speed came from his new blue F3 Mudgear shirt and Autographed Free To Lead F3 Book (FREE marketing plug for F3 Nation’s Founders Dredd and OBT… you are welcome).
  
• Mic Check strolled into the parking lot about 15 minutes late #15minutefartsack, and just missed the ABS to ABBA portion of the workout (possibly on purpose). Easily the lightest guy at the workout, YHC expected him to struggle in the sled push, but he was able to move the sled nearly 2x his weight… that’s what you get when you have a personal masseuse (does that make his house a massage parlor? A 2nd F conversation… you had to be there).  Mic Check was also the winner of the Starbucks Sprint at the end of the workout. Congrats for outracing Loogie, strong effort bro!
• Hops was good to go and seems to be 100% after his battle with E. Coli earlier in the year.  I was wondering why he stayed far away from Chippy (Chipolte) during the workout, but it makes total sense now (#taintedchickenburrito).  A die-hard ABBA fan, Hops crunched his midsection over and over singing to Mama Mia!, an the music seemed to make him stronger (mastering MENTAL CONFUSION!) as he rocked out his favorite exercise, broad jump burpees with the Theraband on his ankles.  The workout must not have worn him out enough though, because he had enough energy to vent to the PAX in 2nd F how his pet peeve is fellas not washing their hands after they’ve “grappled with the dutchess”… you decide what that is referring to.
• Cable Guy powered through the workout putting in the work with laser focus even even during the Gangnam Style portion of the workout.  YHC appreciates his loyalty to YHC’s Qs, and posting at my site Stonehenge, but being willing to support YHC at DaVinci for the week.  (Cable Guy cleared the air after the workout that he had actually planned on posting Stonehenge to support Wild Turkey, and fartsacked. Thanks for clearing that up. Smh)
• YHC tried to take revenge on (Chippy) during the workout, for kicking the crap out of kids soccer team earlier this season (Chippy’s only win was against my winless team). Revenge took place in the form of carrying Loogie up two flights of stairs, and having to do 80 hand slap merkins in a few minutes with YHC.  Take that!
• Thank goodness YHC gave a disclaimer this morning because Paper Jam was trying to kick in some teeth this morning…. primarily his own.  PJ opted to keep the Theraband around his ankles when carrying the 85lb bucket down and back.  It didn’t happen though, and PJ rocked out that portion of the workout thanks to his tremendous core strength.
• Loogie was reliving his football playing days as he got down in a three point stance and powered the weight sled forward like the thing was shot out of a catapult.  YHC thought he was still dealing with lingering effects of a sore shoulder but it didn’t appear to impede him at all during the heavy sled push.  His shoulder issues did reappear during the AYG run, as the shoulder electrons send negative “I’m not a runner” neurological messages to Loogie’s brain, which prevented his legs from recycling faster than a mosey #speedgovernor
• Commish was very impressed with YHC’s mix today and made sure to complement. YHC thought he was referring to the workout variations and different exercises, but Commish was actually referring to the music not the exercises #RickyMartinFan.  The abdominal portion of the workout really got to Commish though, as MUSCLE CONFUSION turned into MUSCLE CONTUSION the next morning when he tried to roll out of bed, and needed to roll onto his stomach to get up.  Hanging-toes-to-bar does it every time.
• New FNG LCD crushed the strength portion of the workout in all aspects: bucket carries, sled pushes, farmers carries, and partner carries up the stairs. The AYG races at the end of the workout gassed him, but he still hung with the PAX.  YHC is hoping to get him out to more workouts and dump that 9 Round Kickboxing membership, and start knocking fools out at Boxhole or Fight Club.
• Mighty Mite wasn’t satisfied with pushing a 245lb sled, that he added another 45lbs to the sled for everyone’s third push. Even that was not enough weight as he pushed it powerfully and gracefully down the parking lot like he was a figure skater on ice… imagine a Zambonie in tights #badvisual.  FYI… He has been traveling a lot for work which is why he hasn’t been posting… Hey, someone at Premier has to work while other co-workers just exercise all day (ahem Tuck and Bunker).
• As for YHC, well, I very much enjoyed Q’ing a very different workout today with the big fellas. Thanks to Tuck and Mic Check for letting me lead an absurd workout (not that you knew what I was going to do).

JRR TOLKIEN’S SOAPBOX

You would think YHC had enough to say at this point, but if you made it this far… here’s a little more bathroom reading material for you.  Words of wisdom…. here they are:

(1) Step out of your comfort zone, change-up where you post!…. I can be a creature of habit, and get in a routine, and I know that applies to many of you as well. But posting at a new AO every now and then is really fun. There are so many great choices, that even if one is closer or more convenient that another, step out of your comfort zone and try a different one. I don’t think you’ll be disappointed. For example, Commitment (Union County), Day Zero (A51), and DaVinci (SOB) are just amazing AOs, give them a try. You might even meet a F3 brother you hate/like more than YHC, although I highly doubt it.

(2) Q a workout! … I don’t Q very often due to my schedule (and refusal to write short backblasts), but leading workouts have been very fun and rewarding. They are some of the best ways to get involved in F3 and meet the PAX in the region. I wouldn’t necessarily lead with ABBA music on your VQ, but maybe Mariah Carey might work.  Sign up for Q school or raise your hand and Q a workout!

(3) well… gonna keep this backblast positive for today so I’ll stop here and troll you all on Slack!

SYITG ~ J.R.R. Tolkien

ANNOUNCEMENTS

• Whetstone Program Launch, see A51 Newsletter
• Memorial Day Convergences… be on lookout for closed AOs Monday
• Basically read the A51 Newsletter… Wingman does an awesome job updating it