My best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who’s going with the girl who saw Bounce pass out at the Dunkin’/31 Flavors after being exposed 2+ weeks ago to the COVID. So……..I guess it’s pretty serious.
A Tradition Like No Other
I was told that there is pressure “from above” to write a backblast, and honestly I took that to mean Jesus, so here goes.
Inspired by The Masters, 4 threesomes (+ 1 single) of pros took an early tee time and played 18 holes.
Each hole = a called exercise. The threesome is to do 72 reps at each hole (par for Augusta) among all three (=24 each). Mosey to the next set of holes.
Here goes:
Hole 1: Tea Olive = SSH
Hole 2: Pink Dogwood = Merkins
Hole 3: Flowering Peach = Lunge Walk
Hole 4: Flowering Crab Apple = Step-Ups
Hole 5: Magnolia = Incline Merkins
Hole 6: Juniper = Scorpions
Hole 7: Pampas = Squat Jumps
Hole 8: Yellow Jasmine = Plank
Hole 9: Carolina Cherry = American Hammer
Make the turn!
Hole 10: Camelia = Freddy Mercury’s
(Our version of Amen Corner, in front of Wesley Church)
Hole 11: White Dogwood = Flutter Press (with fore-caddy duties to run the dogleg right to end of parking lot and back here and after Holes 12 and 13))
Hole 12: Golden Bell = Bicep Curls
Hole 13: Azalea = Romanian Deadlifts (aka Bird Pickers) (practice that one legged pick-your-ball-up-from-the-hole!) (greatest hole in golf gets the lamest exercise)
Hole 14: CDDs (with fore-caddy duties to run the dogleg right to end of parking lot and back here and after Holes 15, 16 and 17)
Hole 15: Firethorn = Curtsy Lunges
Hole 16: Redbud = Squat Pulses
Hole 17: Nandina = Plank Jack Shoulder Taps
Hole 18: Holly = Wall Sit + Arm Raises
Take a victory lap back to the Clubhouse, and that’s a wrap.
3.0 miles covered (roughly 1.24 miles short of walking Augusta); 480 reps total for each golfer. Not the same as being there, but with vaccine passports in 2022 we’ll be back. And I don’t care what anyone says, the BBQ sandwiches are the *best* thing on the menu at Augusta and I will fight anyone that disagrees.
I wish I could report more on the scuttlebutt amongst the gallery today. Sling Shot and I had a nice lap around the baseball field lamenting how being creative these days usually involves too much complexity. One day the two of us might team-up for a Q and really take it to an 11. Most refuseniks were on Hole 13, though they started in earnest on Hole 1 (I would expect nothing less). DEFCON 1 for Puddin’ and Limey got to hear all about the history of bowel movements and F3. Motor Boat continues to exult the transformative services of Stretch Lab.
Oh, and something about Phoebe Cates (ask Geraldo).
Who Doesn’t Want to Wear the Ribbon?!
I thought I would start with a pictorial representation of today’s Falcon Crest:
However, the*most important* images to take from today’s Falcon Crest are thoughts and prayers for our fallen: Bounce.
As a result, YHC was asked to take the ‘Q’ from Bounce’s Quarantine, with barely any notice and after having Q’ed yesterday. Wanting to show support for Bounce, I donned a red ribbon (available soon at the online F3 store!). Not surprised that the first person to notice was Puddin’, who immediately shouted “Who doesn’t want to wear the ribbon!”, which started a discussion on Seinfeld that ended, 60 minutes later, on Diff’rent Strokes.
We waited for the inevitable bike “ring ring” from a shirtless (WTF) Sprockets, followed by his posse of runners in formation, and got going.
Inspired by my classmate, Amy Coney Barrett, an extremely detailed and legally accurate disclosure was given. I think its important here to note the juxtaposition of our days. ACB woke up and got ready for a confirmation hearing in the U.S. Senate. YHC was being hissed at and harassed in all directions by a bunch of white men (more on that later). On second thought, maybe our days were not so different after all.
What Had Happened Was:
Head out down Rea and into the new housing development to access the Harris Teeter employees’ smoke-break-path to the medical building lot. To honor the English Patient, we did COVID-19s, i.e., 19 each of the following:
C-opperhead squats (several months ago a small group at El Patron did copperhead squats and for some reason Bounce hissed, and added an arm movement like the Purple Cobras from Dodge Ball, and since then, it’s stuck). It seemed most everyone hissed today, and refused to count, which they thought would throw YHC off but – doy – I was keeping count in my head the whole time. Y’all need to do much more to throw me off my (substituted) game.
O- verhead Presses
V-ups
I- mperial Walkers
D-ancing Bears (I think the exicon has these mis-labeled; they seem to be bird dogs)
Run back out to Rea, into the new houses, down the path, and to the medical building lot. YHC felt that Bounce needed a second COP in his honor. So the pax circled up and we did WUSSY:
W-indmills (10)
U- p Straddle Hops (1-legged SSHs, 10 on each leg)
S – corpion Dry Docks (10 each leg)
S – prinklers (10)
Y- crunches (Rosalita + flutter)
Truth be told YHC had *another* round planned but the Pax’s concern for Bounce has left them drained – emotionally, physically, spiritually – that we moseyed to Chadwyck Boseman Wakanda Forever RIP Farms Rd. Thankful for Geraldo for being out front with me with small talk; hopeful that when he reports back to Mermaid, he has nice things to say.
Here is where Bounce’s alleged-Wienke came into play. We ran down Chadwyck to Windyrush and stopped at the big intersections for 10 air dramas and 10 merkins. Partner up at the hill leading up to Summerlin, where partner 1 ran up to Summerlin intersection for 5 jump squats while partner 2 did foxholes (1 WWII sit up, roll over 1 merkin, roll back WWII sit up…). 2 rounds each. Mosey back same route, Carolina dry docks at the intersections.
Just when you thought we were done with the Harris Teeter secret path – nope, one more time through it to the parking lot, where pax lined up abreast for Welsh Dragons, with a duck walk back to start, and then LL Cool J’s, and finally a return to launch for LBCs and Freddy Mercury’s as time expired.
Moleskin/Announcements/Observations:
Prayers for Bounce and that God puts His healing hands over Bounce’s non-illness. Real prayers for Motor Boat who tweaked his (already injured) hamstring. There were a lot of boot camp elements today (along with ~ 3 miles) which can sneak up and gas you – everyone put in outstanding effort today!
Blood drive on the 23rd (info literally all over Slack if you can donate).
F3 Give to Gift campaign going on – hoping to raise $200,000. Leadership positions within the foundation also open to any and all interested in being a part of a charitable organization. Per Gloss its a 501(c)(3) so obvi its legit.
Sounds like the glamping trip by MotorBoat and Gloss, sorry, Screaming Eagle and Big Oak, was a success (in that they successfully got their kids to accompany them to the bars and breweries).
Congrats to Spackler for winning hos own club’s golf tourney, and then winning 2nd at a tourney in Greenville, SC this past weekend (complete with cash prize, though sadly not enough to get those car speakers installed).
And a HUGE congrats to JetFuel for his engagement to Ms. Huntersville this past weekend up in the mountains!
Post-workout discussions got serious as Geraldo, Erin Brockovich, Deep Dish and Puddin’ discussed all things Diff’rent Strokes.
Huddle House crushing his Q game, he is on tap next Falcon Crest.
Technically there were no “burpees”; a/k/a who’s sore after that one?
Another Q, another chance to try out loads of new exercises and routines. Today focused on the burpee – actually, variations of the burpee. As promised to Semi-Gloss, less mileage, more exercises. Disclaimer given, 12 PAX left Amelie’s behind for the CCHS campus and lope up the 1/2 ramps to the top floor of Tartarus.
COP (all in cadence)
SSH x 25
Sprinklers x 15 (let the record show it was Centurion that re-introduced this exercise to Area 51 several months ago; also let the record show this is one of the fundamentals at Whiteclaw (Saturdays at 8 am at Wesley Church))
Grady Corn x 15 (arms out front, arms out to side (like a “T”), arms above shoulders to make a triangle, arms back to side, arms back to front (thats 1).
Steve Earle x 10 (slow slow copperhead squat + hillbilly)
SUPER DUPER COOLERS. How to even explain. Side plank (eg facing the right), right leg high, right leg down, right leg into chest, right leg back (thats 1) x 10 5 merkins, then side plank facing left x 10. Looks ridiculous and the security footage from the deck is surely on Bar Stool already. But effective. Like, super effective. Like, super duper effective.
WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS
Run down the stairs outside one corner of the football stadium (*2017, 2018 & 2019 3A State Champs). Task is simple: one lap around the stadium. At each corner, perform 5 burpee variations:
- burpos (when you’re too lazy to stand); as PAX pointed out its 75% a burpee, so petitioning a name change to “burps”)
- WalMart burpees (roll back!)
- Slurpees (a/k/a double merkin burpees which we can all agree is a lame a/k/a)
- Donkey kick burpees which I made up and so have decided to call Ass Burps.
After lap meet in the lot f/k/a where we used to park for Centurion. Line up abreast with bear-pees on the line up. That is a bear crawl + burpee combo (4 bear crawl steps, merkin). Across the lot. For those of you who did not partake in Centurion -that feeling you have right now? Its jealousy.
Second lap around the stadium – this time at each corner, 10 jump variations:
- tuck jumps
- star jumps
- jump squats
- spiderman 180 jumps
Back to the former parking lot. Line up abreast. LL Cool Js this time. Lunge, lunge, pick the “Cool” exercise, and then broad jump. In this case we did squats. As in “hey, what do we do after the 2 lunges?” “A squat”. “Ah, cool.”
Trot back over to Tartarus stairwell 1. Toe taps on the curb all the way to stairwell 2.
Time for dominoes! All PAX line up and side plank on the curb; left arm high. First PAX does 5 merkins and holds regular plank. Next PAX drops his left arm, does 5 merkins, holds plank. And so on down the line. Once all PAX complete, all PAX then side plank right arm high. The PAX that was last to do the 5 merkins then does another 5 merkins, and the succession moves back in the other direction.
In my mind we looked like this:
Saunter over to the rock pile, for variation of 11’s: 1 bicep curl, 1 bird picker; 2 bicep curls, 2 bird pickers, up to 11, for Round 1. Round 2, exercises consisted of some sort of Romanian dead-lift shoulder press combo move, then a tricep extension.
Gently replace the rocks from exactly whence they came and climb the stairs to the top level for quick partner work. Partner 1 runs to mid point of the ramp for 10 Imperial SQUAT Walkers. That’s a squat in between each IW. Who do I think I am? What gives me the right? Partner 2, meanwhile, is doing a simple good morning / squat routine until Partner 1 returns and Partner 2 takes off. Extra credit given to anyone who did backwards run after their ISWs, sadly YHC was only one who partook.
Let it be known that YHC had a firm grasp of the time, and right about now several PAX started to lob passive aggressive comments (“is this an hour work-out?”; nervously looking at watches) that just bounced right off me. I’m Irish, and Catholic, and have divorced parents so I practically majored in passive aggression.
Knowing this was 100% under control, we jogged back to launch arriving at exactly – wait, let me check that again – oh yeah, that’s what I thought. 6:15 am.
MOLESKIN
Mermaid, Margo, Dory (and sometimes their kids!) and I had been meeting at Amelie’s nearly 6 x a week since since March. We were rarely more than 4 PAX; sometimes, just 2 of us. We had rain, cold, warmth, you name it – we even stopped on the roof of the deck for sunrise on Easter morning. It’s great to see everyone out again.
I texted Mermaid this morning to ask if maybe I was the only one really sore (quads, hips) – but was glad to hear he was equally afflicted. So if anyone else is feeling a little tender, you’re not alone.
Big day for Semi at the pool today. He’s been waiting for this all week.
Uncle Phil got us on a funny conversation about the Exicon which lead to a discussion, of all things, on the King James. I noted that King James was a renowned trash-talker back in the day, and I’ll never forget learning in a college history class how he called tobacco the “noxious weed”. Honestly I think that is the fact I remember most. #DukeUniversity (that and the phone number for Wild Bull Pizza – Floorslapper amirite?)
Bout Time’s M (Lauren) has been nominated for “Woman of the Year” by the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. The story about their son, Jennings, is inspiring. If you’d like to hear more or help out by making a donation, use the link here: https://pages.lls.org/mwoy/nc/clt20/jpalmer
YHC did the take out, noting it was more of a statement than a prayer. I had heard the other day someone saying that often times we have a mindset of “I have to” – I have to go to work tomorrow; I have to run these errands; I have to get up and work out; I have to go to church. Instead what if we changed “have” with “get” – I get to go to work tomorrow, I get to wake up early and work out tomorrow; I get to go to church. Maybe a change in our mindset amidst our local, national and global landscape now might be a step in the right direction to understanding how lucky and how blessed we are.
History Made
The SpaceX historical launch is so yesterday’s news. Today represented the merge of the unofficial El Patron into the official BaseCamp. No one knew what to expect when this band of ragtag men would join the well-oiled F3 powerhouse. Like when Rodman joined the Bulls. Or South Carolina joined the SEC.
Heck, even JetFuel showed up without his shirt tucked in.
Actually, here’s the historical part: Unofficial records verified by PwC confirm this is the first gathering of more than 10 pax where everyone was over the age of 40. Accurate disclosure given with a plea, given the age group, to modify as necessary.
COP
During the quarantine, every Wednesday night I would watch Survivor and read the Exicon to find some new exercises, and break them out on Thursday morning for the not-F3 meet-up at Amelie’s. Most of them crashed and burned, but the good ones are thriving and, in some cases, becoming crowd favorites.
Sprinklers x 16 (nothing special about the number 16, other than its just the Euro-way of saying June 1 (ie, 1 June, or 1/6)
Air Dramas x 16 (you’ll feel these later… see also below)
Mountain Climbers x 16
Alternating Shoulder Taps x 16
THANG
Mosey at decent pace to Rosecliff, along the way perform 5 Wolverines at each speed-bump
Triple Nickel, 5 merkins at bottom of the hill; 5 jump squats at top
LBCs while the 6 comes in
Mosey at a less decent pass back to launch site, along the way perform 5 burpos at each speed-bump
* 1st complaint lodged as to number of “burpee-adjacent” exercises, duly noted by YHC these were also the last of said exercises
Back in parking lot, time for some COVIDs with appropriate measures in place:
C- Crab Cakes
O – Squat with and Overhead Press
V- V-ups
I – Imperial Walkers
D- Dry Docks
10 of each (50 exercises total) and then run lap around parking lot. 3 Phases of COVID reopening in Carolina, so 3 rounds.
At this point, jog at a snail’s pace to the rock pile – partner up with each pax grabbing a rock, with disclosure given multiple times to grab a lighter rock because we were going to do some “funky” (exact words) exercises.
Partner 1 runs to bleachers for 10 step ups (each leg); Partner 2 does bird pickers with rock (if you thought you’re gonna feel the air dramas later, just you wait). Flap Jack.
Next round, Partner 1 does 15 supine pull-ups; Partner 2 does goblet squat.
Final round, Partner 1 does 15 dips; Partner 2 does flutter kick with rock press.
*finish*
Under 3 miles, as promised to Semi.
MOLESKIN
Not a lot of chatter, today just seems a little weird given all that’s going on in Charlotte / the US / the world. I am sure we call agree we could listen to stories from Spackler’s 4oth bday all day and be entertained. Floor Slapper continues to be our medical and science expert on all things COVID. And Whiteclaw’s legend continues to grow! Once the seltzery opens, be on the lookout for the unofficial official beer run starting and ending at Summit Seltzer!
A Tradition Like No Other
The swap that never happened; was going to switch with Hopper and take on Hydra today, but either a bat or a chemical lab had other plans.
In a normal world, I’d be 4 beers and 2 bbq sandwiches deep at Augusta National right now (Edited: 4 beers, 3 bbq sandwiches, 1 moon pie and 1 peach ice cream sandwich). That will have to wait until November 12. Inspired by The Masters, a threesome of pros, and one junior amateur, took an early tee time to beat the rain and played 18 holes.
Each hole = a called exercise. The threesome to do 72 reps at each hole (par for Augusta) among all three (=24 each). Mosey to the next hole.
Hole 1: Tea Olive = SSH
Hole 2: Pink Dogwood = Squats
Hole 3: Flowering Peach = IWs
Hole 4: Flowering Crab Apple = Merkins
Hole 5: Magnolia = Carolina Dry Docks
Hole 6: Juniper = Romanian Deadlifts (aka Bird Pickers) (practice that one legged pick-your-ball-up-from-the-hole!)
Hole 7: Pampas = flutters
Hole 8: Yellow Jasmine = Freddy Mercury’s (coincided with getting yellow pollen all over backs)
Hole 9: Carolina Cherry = WW2 sit ups
Make the turn!
Our version of Amen Corner at the cross and statue of Mary at CCHS:
Hole 10: Camelia = Step ups
Hole 11: White Dogwood = Dips
Hole 12: Golden Bell = Split lunges
*Lightning spotted, play on course not suspended but moved under cover*
Hole 13: Azalea = Jump Squats (greatest hole in golf gets the lamest exercise)
Hole 14: Chinese Fir (no comment) = Mountain Climbers
Hole 15: Firethorn = Shoulder Taps
Hole 16: Redbud = SSH (called by the junior amateur)
Hole 17: Nandina = Merkins
Hole 18: Holly = Burpees (equivalent of being stuck in the sand trap)
And we have a tie! Playoffs needed.
First playoff hole: LBCs
Second playoff hole: opposite elbow to knee sit ups
Third playoff hole: SSH (yes, again)
Junior amateur takes the green jacket, head on in to the clubhouse.
3.3 miles covered; 504 reps each golfer. Not the same as being there, but a little imagination sure makes these days go by quicker!
Where was everyone?
I was allegedly the Q today; Hopper does not know this but weeks ago I was going to switch with him to take April 9th, and had a pretty legit workout planned. So thanks, Hopper, for demonstrating how to switch Q dates properly. There will surely be a report next week on how awesome the workout was for me.
98-96 (OT)
Another Monday, another Base Camp. A very detailed work-out plan with signature clover insignia via satellite imaging was scrapped due to cold weather, very soggy fields, and construction machines lying in wait near the baseball fields. 12 PAX were lucky to endure a very on-the-fly regimen instead.
The theme of the day was 14, i.e., the number of points scored by the winning team on Saturday. Secondary theme, Brad Pitt is dreamy (I think that’s what was said?)
COP:
SSH’s x 14 (almost messed that up due to zero execution on the cadence)
LSS x 14
IWs x 14
(perfectly executed turns to face each PAX for each rep on the above three by yours truly)
Mountain Climbers x 14
Plank Jacks x 14
Fully prepared for it, but no revenge-demonstrations requested by Hopper (thanks!)
Mosey to Rosecliff with 14 CDDs at each speed bump.
Triple nickle time: 5 merkins at bottom of the hill “by the mailbox on the right”), 5 squats at top o’ hill, plank for those finishing early (clarification by Geraldo as to “if you finish early” vs. “if you finish” noted).
Mosey to Fairway Downs Ct to partner up for core work. Partner 1 runs to cul-de-sac (translation: bottom of the bag, which is what this workout plan felt like), Partner 2 LBCs. Flap jack. Second round, Freddy Mercuries. During said runs, Sardine and I discussed the finer points of both koozies and running lights.
Mosey to the rock pile (on the way, PAX noted again that the lights on South Fork’s fancy car were still on). Same partners, grab a lifting only rock. Partner 1 cycles through 10 x curls, shoulder presses and tri extensions, Partner 2 does “that run, you know, the angled route towards the bleachers and then back via the stairs”, flap jack. Two rounds total.
Mosey to the front of the school for 14 x step-up and dips.
Return to launch for overtime of 14 x American hammer aaaannnnndddd time.
My Steve Jobs watch – which tends to exaggerate – had us at 3.6 miles. Is that possible?!
Announcement: Christmas Party (probably) October 2020, be on the look out for tickets soon.
There is a crazy 100 mile relay race from Hickory to Boone on March 14. Mailman mentioned a 50K’er on Feb 22 as well – but the 100 mile relay race info is at: https://f3hickory.com/2019/11/11/mortimer-100/ A group of Boone F3ers are running and raising money in the 100 miler.
The 50Ker info is at https://f3southcharlotte.com/2020/01/27/absolutely-unofficial-and-completely-unorganized-south-mountain-50k/ – several Charlotte folks have talked about getting together for this one (the legend Mermaid one of these people apparently).
Nailed It.
14 PAX took on the sub-freezing weather at The Hydra commemorating Notre Dame’s 11 National Championships and Duke’s 5 National Championships.
The Thang:
Head down Rea to the back parking lot – you know the one, it was recently repaved with the proceeds from the last referendum for a quarter-cent sales tax increase that actually passed. (NOT A BIG DEAL, but I was at Selwyn Pub while Tariq Bokhari had his victory party last Tuesday, so I have inside info on where the tax money goes. #MakeSelwynGreatAgain) I practiced the workout to be sure it was both challenging and fit within the 45 minutes, and 60% of the time, it worked every time, so I was feeling pretty good.
COP:
- Sharon Towers x 11 IC (can’t explain why but this is easily my favorite exercise)
- Imperial Walkers x 12 IC
- Low Slow Squats x 13 IC (rotation techniques to sync with the other 13 PAX totally on point here)
- Mountain Climbers x 14 IC
- Flutter x 15 IC
Mosey to the area in between the 4 baseball fields and partner up.
Round 1: Partner 1 runs around one baseball field while Partner 2 alternates11 step ups and 11 dips. Partner 2 then runs around one baseball field and Partner 1 alternates 11 step ups and 11 dips. Repeat until each partner has run around all 4 fields (8 total laps).
Round 2: Continue with laps around the fields, but alternate 11 Carolina Dry Docks and 11 squats.
Head on over to the wall in the back
parking lot and find your partner. Partner 1 sprints makes his way across
the lot, 5 merkins, then heads back, while Partner 2 holds the Peoples’
Chair. Flapjack and repeat for 5 rounds.
Some much needed variation: Partner 1 then bear crawls across the lot, 5 merkins, then runs back while Partner 2 holds the Peoples’ Chair. Flapjack.
Finally, Partner 1 backward runs across the lot, 5 merkins, then runs back (forwards) while Partner 2 holds the Peoples’ Chair. Flapjack.
Mosey over to the track for 11 merkins and 11 squat jumps, and one all-you-care-to-give (AYG’s less successful little brother) lap around the track.
Finish with Mary 15 LBCs and 15 high flutters.
Moleskin:
- I tried to keep it quiet that it was my first Hydra Q but HIPAA blew my cover with Gummy and Sprockets. A text message from a (919) number then flashes “Call me”. No emojis. No gifs. Who communicates like this? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ He then put the fear of God in me that I better practice “talking out loud” and “time management”. Like Duke down to Kentucky with 2.1 seconds on the clock – it was all under control.
- Puddin’s lunges blew away everyone’s bear crawls. Just FYI.
- Hydra’s motto, at least in the MCU, is “If a head is cut off, two more shall take its place”. Apparently, if one PAX holds in his gas, then two more PAX shall take his place and expel their own gas. There were some noxious emissions throughout the morning that wouldn’t pass an NC DOT test. My God, my God, why have you abandoned me. Good news: Christmas is right around the corner: https://www.flat-d.com/flatdpremium.html
- If people were complaining, they did so behind my back so I couldn’t hear, which is much appreciated.
- My first Hydra (Bugeater Q) started on the track with a lap, so the *only* certainty for today was ending on the track, so it’s come full circle.
- Kudos to those PAX for figuring out that the work around the baseball fields outlined a clover.
- The take-out was outstanding and delivered by YHC because, no, no, don’t anyone else worry, I wouldn’t want you to have to do any work.
- 2.8 miles give or take.