F3 Dads: Shorties Drop The Gloves at Checkers Hockey

F3 Dads: Shorties Drop The Gloves at Checkers Hockey

The chanting of “FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT… FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!” echoed throughout Section 111 of Bojangles Coliseum.  Almost in perfect chorus, throngs of fans screamed at the top of their lungs with such vitriol for the opposing Cleveland Monsters player to get their teeth knocked out and sent to the hospital. Most would have expected the raucous to be coming from a belligerent Poptart, Udder, and Strawberry holding their 15th Bud Light beer cup stack.  But on this day it was their young 2.0s screaming with such screeching treble in their voices for blood and injury from gladiators down in the coliseum ice rink.  Video evidence later showed Strawberry dancing a hippie jig to the ‘Fight’ chant, which was being led by his ringleader 2.0 Chase #proudpapa, while Gumbo face palmed next to him and scurried to buy ear mufflers from the concession stands for his toddler 2.0s.  The Checkers won 6-1, and 66 PAX, M’s and 2.0s left the arena filled with stadium junk food to go along with some great memories. This is the story of F3 Dads trip to the Charlotte Checkers Hockey Game.

The evening started off with Poptart casing the already shady Bojangles parking lot on Monroe Road sitting in his mini-van wearing his camo non-F3 shirt 2 hours before the game. He could have just gone inside and sat with Gumbo and his 2.0s, but he didn’t. Gumbo’s 2.0s already had their Checkers hats on and were ready to cheer #seasonedvets. Up roll Tolkien and Mr Brady with their band of five 2.0s (one borrowed from neighbor) ready for some greeeezy chicken and invite Poptart in from his minivan.  Mr Brady followed instructions, and is wearing his black F3 shirt #GOOD which was tucked so deep into his hiked up jeans #BAD, that his beltline was covering the F3 chest logo.  He would have made Steve Urkel look like his pants were sagging to the ground like MC Hammer had he been there!  Escobar & 2.0 also showed up to Bojangles late, having to pick up a bag of white powder before the game, he was seen cutting the corner of the bag with a switchblade and tasting it first… hey, maybe he was bringing his own powdered sugar for the funnel cake he was going to take down at the game!  A rogue Udder, and possibly his brother in-law Grafittti were going to Viva Chicken to eat healthy for the impossible clean-eating challenge, but after fat-shaming on Slack whoever was going to Bojangles, opted for another fried chicken joint, Chik-Fila-A , just to be anti-social.  Thinking about it, Udder likely just wanted to hug the giant moo-cow dancing around the drive through at CFA and tug on it’s udders… his pregame routine.  Big Papi tried to reroute the Pax to the Home and Garden Expo across the street, where he had spend several hours learning about trimming bushes #Bonsaiyousickos, making up some story about it taking 1.5hrs to get into the Checkers parking lot.  It took about 3 minutes to get there dude.

The first Checkers score was early in the game on a slapshot from near the blue line on a set play. GOAL!!!! Not sure anyone cared… but it was a great shot right in front of us, and it got the energy flowing and brought out the cowbells, two of them which Tolkien’s 2.0s Gypsy Danger and Dragon Queen had brought.  A few minutes later, Big Papi had stolen one of them, and like a big kid, was ringing the $%!* out of it on a second Checkers score while his kids were begging for them back #denied.  Escobar would have seen the second goal, but he and Tolkien were taking a selfie which didn’t even turn out good.  Grafitti would have seen the third goal, but he and Tolkien were distracted talking smack about Udder who spent nearly an entire period drawing a F3 Nation Sign out of a posterboard, and using every available black permanent marker to do it.  It was a suhweet poster! So was Mr. Brady’s sign, which also sported a F3 Nation emblem, right next to the large words he wrote “PUCK ‘EM”.  YHC’s son told me that he had spelled the word wrong… gulp.  Think he was referring to “EM” being spelled “THEM” (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it). Supposedly the F3 Nation symbol and web address was flashed up on the jumbotron at one point, but everyone was too loopy to snap a picture of it and Tolkien missed seeing that too (buying concessions for 2.0s… smh).

Great to have Big Tuna come out, but at one point in the second quarter, the dude and his minnows looked like a fish out of water. He was seen with his school of 2.0s trolling the open rinkside seats as close to the ice as possible and wouldn’t be denied premier access, flopping from seat to seat next to all the fat cats in the lower bowl. If YHC remembers correctly, Geraldo, MT, Fallout, Wingman, Kirby, and Mermaid brought the M’s to the game, and we were happy to have them to chaperone… but it’s no coincidence that these men were also the best behaved of the night (more later).  Witch Doctor didn’t say much about it, but he was mentally shaking his head sideways at all the nachos, cookies, and stadium food that everyone was taking down when his life’s purpose is to get everyone to eat clean and healthy!  His 2.0s were seen happily eating a gluten-free cabbage and quinoa cookie, with some beet frosting that they snuck into the game. Speaking of bad food, welcome Honey Bee to the game! HB only shows up for running workouts, and wherever he can gorge himself of hotdogs.  Dude had not one … not two … but THREE Bratwursts…. err, I mean hot dogs and should be renamed “Joey Chestnut” when he starts the next F3 AO at Coney Island called ‘Nathans’.  HB left the earliest, immediately after the 2nd period, but not before eating the rest of Alf‘s 2.0s hot dog which had rolled under his seat.  Speaking of Alf, he was dressed very dapper in his Ferragamo vest, which was actually a Van Hussein vest sold at JCPennys that he got at Goodwill. Whatever… he wasn’t wearing his F3 shirt. Neither was Poptart who was wearing some dirty looking camouflage rag from Cabela’s clearance rack. Neither was Wingman or Strawberry who wore Star Wars shirts as if the hockey game was some comicon event, and it wasn’t.  Mermaid, Fallout, Tolkien, Geraldo, Witch Doctor, Kirby, Big Papi, Mr Brady (sort of) all followed instructions and wore the b@d@$$ black to rep F3 Nation.

Probably, the best part of the night happened when the game was nearly over with 6 minutes left to go. The Checkers game announcer who happens to be part of FIA aka “Puck” welcomed F3 Nation to the game over the intercom, and sent up two talented Check-Mates Cheerleaders to come dance with the kids in our section to the song ‘Jump Around’ by House of Pain while the kids were captured by the “Move-IT Cam” and put up on the jumbotron.  All the kids couldn’t wait… and found their last bit of energy waving their signs and throwing down their best dance moves, even if it was past their bedtimes. While some unnamed PAX (rhymes with “Butter” and think NFL Quarterback Tom B____y ) made sure to capture every dance move by the Check-Mates… I mean 2.0s on their phones, the aforementioned Geraldo, MT, Fallout, Wingman, Kirby, and Mermaid didn’t see a thing as they were trying desperately to get on the kisscam with their M’s.  Well done men. #nopeeking

In all seriousness, thanks again everyone for coming out to the Checkers Game. My kids and I had a blast and can’t wait for the next F3 Dads event. Stay tuned for that (camping?).  We all have plenty of ideas for great events coming up, and if you have an idea share it! Make sure to joing the #F3Dads Slack channel to stay in the loop as well.  Blessed to be surrounded with F3 men who are invested in their families lives that we can do LIFE together with.

Until Next Time, ~ JRR Tolkien