Mr. Bean’s 2YR F3 Anniversary Q Backblast… an SOB must read!

Mr. Bean’s 2YR F3 Anniversary Q Backblast… an SOB must read!

Summary

116 men, which consisted of almost all of SOB / Indian Land (less Pebbles of course) and a few from Area51, converged upon Stonehenge Saturday for Mr. Bean’s 2yr Anniversary of joining F3 Nation. It was a sight to be seen, a workout like none other in the history of F3 that ALMOST didn’t happen.

Earlier in the week, Mr. Bean’s tyrant boss Haggis requested Mr. Bean go to work Saturday at a trade show for ‘The Stone Man’ in Kickapoo, Kansas (real city) as the company expands its outdoor living from outdoor patios to stone-chipped port-a-potty’s. Bean rightfully complained about getting such a crappy mission so far away, and convinced Haggis that his company’s marketing dollars would be better well spent at a different trade show in the city of Intercourse, Pennsylvania (real city) where he could take the redeye directly into… quickly. Haggis agreed, withholding the information from Bean that he himself did not pick that trade show because the population demographic there was nearly 100% men, but told Mr. Bean that he needed to get there at noon Saturday, leaving Bean little time to lead Stonehenge, get to the airport, and be at the trade-show. Mr. Bean decided to save some precious time by wearing his Stone Man uniform, the Scottish Kilt (#nounderwear) to his Stonehenge Q. Haggis felt that it would be great solidarity and marketing to also wear his kilt to the workout, so he obliged as well. Here is what went down:

The Thang & Moleskin:

6:02am…. Where is Mr. Bean? PAX are standing around looking at each other for who is going to substi-Q. Finally, Bean speeds into the parking lot, slams on the brakes, and sprints full-speed to the PAX, kilt flying in the wind and baring both hairy cheeks #notfacialhair. After a quick disclaimer, of not being a professional, and to exercise at your own risk, the PAX was off.

5 exercise rotations:
– PICKING DAISIES: Walk to an open field, one person finds a daisy in the field, squats down, plucks it out of the ground, and puts it in a vase. So nice, each PAX making flower pots for their M’s on Mothers’ Day…. Cheddar was heard saying, “flowers? My M prefers a cheese log for Mother’s Day… FROM PEPPERIDGE FARMS!” The rest of the PAX went with the flow since they did not remember anything for their M’s.
– CAKE POP CURLS: no you won’t find it in the Lexicon, these were literally cake-pop curls… Mr. Bean had bought hundreds of these from Costco, which they were on sale, for being a week old. PAX were to have arms fully extended, curl a cake pop to your mouth, and eat it… AMRAP. Mario, being the college kid, ate as many cake pops as possible so he wouldn’t need to pay for any more meals for the day #metabolism. Mighty Mite threw a bunch of them in his backpack, and decided to increase the weight on his ruck to 150lbs.
– ROSALITA: yes, this is in the Lexicon, but thank goodness there aren’t any pictures of the exercise. Paired in the same group, both Bean and Haggis had their legs exceptionally high during the exercise, with their kilts riding up to the waistline. YUCK! Think you would have to rename it, Ballz to the Sky after that. Several PAX in the group spilled merlot at the sight, with the exception of Freyley’s who was too busy clearing out PAX from a certain smell, and like a cool customer, just covered his eyes with his signature sweat towel.
– MACARENA: whuttt? Bean literally pulled out his phone and a Bluetooth audio speaker, and started playing the Macarena song, to which the PAX were supposed to dance the same way in cadence (touch L opp-shoulder, touch R opp-shoulder, touch L hip, touch R hip, L hand behind head, R hand behind head). Mic-check grabbed a twig, pretended it was a microphone, and started beat-boxing…. Speaking of boxing, Wild Turkey decided to modify the exercise and shadow-box on the side. Loogie saw WT looking for a fight, and went to grab some kettlebells to throw at someone. That confused Voodoo and Argonaut, who also went to their cars to get kettlebells, thinking it was Foxhole. In the pandemonium, Bratwurst and Frasier just stopped dancing and ran home as fast as possible at SWIFT interval speed. Commish needed to step in and break up the raucous, and threatened to fine everyone, for which he has booed incessantly like Roger Goddell.
– PARTNER CARRIES: point blank, no one would partner with Bean or Haggis in their kilts #notummysticksgame . OneNiner and Ringer complained because they had to carry Pebbles AGAIN like they had to carry him during all 5+ miles of the mud run! Madame Tousseau would have carried Outback, Hard Hat, and Philmont … IF he was there #FAIL.

Relay Races:

PAX were to run to the top of the Premier Deck from the new YMCA, which is up Bagpipe Hill and back, until completion by all PAX
– Once order was restored, it got crazy again…. Tuck ordered a UBER to take his team to the top and back, but the Uber driver wouldn’t pick him up because he didn’t have 12 car-seats for all of Tucks 2.0s.
– Market Timer called in a favor from The Uptown Cabaret to have their courtesy shuttle take his team to the top of the deck, at a very slow pace, given that there was still a party going on in there.
– Paper Jam looked at all the pandemonium, and took Big Tuna to go cut pasta for his Ziti party, rather than take part in these shenanigans.
– Champagne was having none of this mess, ran to the top of the premier deck, and tried to deadlift several cars parked on the lower level. No wonder we get kicked out all the time.
– Fireman Ed’s and Fire Hazard both did Fireman’s Carry up the hill, although it looked like Fireman Ed was doing all the carrying #cankle . Fire Hazard offered to let Fireman Ed ride on the handlebars of his bike, but before Fireman Ed could hop on, Bean cut in line and hopped on the handlebars… facing Fire Hazard. DOH!
– Only Gumbo stuck to the plan and headed up the bagpipe hill to the deck, per the called exercise, and beasted the workout… because of 116 men, he was the only one who completed the exercise. He was driving a handi-van though since he was on the IR… get well brother.
– JRR Tolkien ran to the top of the premier deck, and stayed there… going up and down, rather than running back to the Y, confused it was not the Muthaship. Later, JRR Tolkien explained he was looking for Pebbles who he thought might have gotten lost as the 6, but Pebbles was actually not there, having, in his own words, “Fled the Carolinas to avoid the Black Diamond workout”.

More Moleskin:

What was going on today?!?! It was a crazy day… and that wasn’t even all of it. Bevo ripped off his shirt, and flat out looked like Duane “The Rock” Johnson with his Brahma bull tattoo.. until he thought it was a Richard Simmons workout,  and screamed “I’m a pony!” at the top of his lungs. Strange Brew tried to do the same, but that dripping wet white t-shirt got stuck on the top of his head, and he needed Lex Luthor to use his superhero powers to rip it off. Stumpy was trying to sell every PAX a suit from Belk, and JRR Tolkien was just giving suits away to Wild Turkey who was so excited he did 100 chinooks. Pebbles was tapering for another race that was occurring in 7 weeks and wasn’t there. JRR Tolkien was praised by all the PAX all workout long, when they called him a S.O.B. for an hour (different meaning) #lovethePanda. Honey Bee had the runs… no, not running… “the runs” and had to stop at every business establishment for a #2 deposit. Bunker brought his shaving cream and tried to Q-jack the workout into getting more PAX to go bald like the rest of the bolo-head crew (Market Timer, Honey Bee, Outback)… they settled on holding Wingman down to shave off that feces filled beard of his (it’s true, there’s research on big beards). Haggis set the new Strava record for fastest segment up Bagpipe Hill, in a kilt. And Mr. Bean, well, he would have made the Queen proud today with his Q, and maybe the Prince, but we’ll never know #sorrydead.

COT: Mr. Bean graciously thanked all of F3 Nation for having formed such valuable relationships over the past two years, and encouraged the rest of the PAX to keep up their fitness. All the PAX agree that Mr. Bean has been a staple of F3 SOB, and a real brother. Part of the reason JRR Tolkien even comes to SOB workouts living clearly in A51, working in MECA, and driving through METRO is from guys like you all and Mr. Bean. Let’s keep this good thing we have going fellas, and lets grow it to other sadclowns. As an aside, earlier in the week, Bean committed himself, now healthy, to becoming a top tier 40+ yr old again, and JRR Tolkien and all of us should be holding Bean to that in 2016!

***Oh, and Mr. Bean, we are still all waiting for your Stonehenge Backblast from this past Saturday. get on it.***

SYITG ~J.R.R. Tolkien

Announcements:
– Ragnar Race… you have until end of day Saturday 5/14 to tell JRR Tolkien HC or Maybe or find your own team to run on. See A51 newsletter.
– Mr. Bean has next Black Diamond Workout, as he takes the reigns from Bratwurst….. date TBD
– F3HotTubs HyBROTherapy… talk to JRR Tolkien