Dad: If your idiot friends jumped off of a cliff, would you do it to?
GJ: Yes, yes I would
Dad: Idiot
Running a tad late on the pre-run, so I texted the boyz. No response, they were already off and running (or kidnapped). Fortunately, I was able to spot the gleam of GJ’s giant melon from 1/2 mile away and join up. That giant head would prove useful, as we used its reflective properties to amplify my headlamp beam as we trekked through abandoned factories, crystal meth labs, and a haunted corn maze.
Thankful to be back at the vehicles in one piece, we began the workout with a little something like this:
THANG:
SKIN:
Yesterday afternoon, I did a poll on Slack to see if the pax desired a running or strength workout (knowing full well that I was going to run regardless). The Hairband eagerly participated in this, with some strong suggestions. Very interesting how he became ill so suddenly upon learning of the results. Very interesting indeed . . .
Still not sure where that pre-run went off the rails. I think it started there. The suggestion to go into the haunted forest started as a joke, but got legs somehow. I was waiting for the giant spiders to attack at any time.
If integrity is defined as “doing the right thing with nobody is looking”, what do you call it when a Pastor blatantly cheats in front of an audience? If you were there, you know what (and who) I am talking about. Still love you man. The extra burpees were a nice touch.
The UC boys have gotten faster, and I have lost a step or 10 (and gained a lb or 10). The combo resulted in me leading quite a bit of this one from the back. Don’t worry, I’m on a comeback. Another dozen or so of these sketchy pre-runs and I’ll be back in the middle(ish) where I belong.
Good site – lots of options without having to go far off of campus. The working bathroom is a cherry on the sundae. Almost cancels out the weird.
Sound off with any other comments of observations.
Love,
Horsehead
19 assembled in the thick gloom, looking to transform their sessile carcasses into lean, mean, side straddle hoppers.
THANG:
COP in the back lot. Some stuff I forget. Lots of unsettling noises during the plank sequence.
Mosey to the ballfield hill, little bear crawl and lunge walkers thrown in the mix.
7s on the hill – Burpees and Jump Squats.
Backwards runs up the hill, 1X, 2X, 3X – squats at the top each time.
Mosey across campus to lower lot where the police car is hovering.
Partner up – P1 runs back up hill and around to the white truck and back. 5 burpees at the turn. P2 does called exercise.
R1 – Merkins
R2 – LBC
R3 – Lunge Walk
R4 – Burpees
Mosey back to cars for Mary to finish.
SKIN:
– I don’t visit Thursday moderate sites close to my house very often, but when I do, it’s Peak 51.
– TClaps to Sensei and Slim-Fast for the pre run. Sounded like Slim was coaching up some guys for the BRR as well. I heard him trying to talk Pele down off of the ledge. It’s easy stuff guys – just running up a dark mountain with random wildlife chasing you so you can “rest” in a disgusting van between stops.
– Good to see (and hear) BLC back at it.
– Tried to keep this one moderate (7s instead of 11s, shortened the partner run) – hope it was ok.
– Naming the FNG was interesting. Him being from Penn State, I went with Soap-on-a-Rope out of the gate, only to be met with the disapproving and judgmental stare of Simba (imagine Simba, lips slightly pursed, slowly shaking his head side-to-side while he squints with one eye). Somehow, the spraytan mafia of Hairband and Snoopy (maybe others) decided on “Wawa”, which I believe is like some sort of Yankee Quik Trip. Of course, it has better food than any of the food down here, which is a top complaint of most Yankees. The only thing worse than eating bad pizza is listening to them complain about it.
Gotta run – stuff to do.
– Horsehead
Driving into the parking lot, I get a text from TR telling me that his BRR team-building exercise left him sore in funny places and I have the Q.
Fantastic.
21 took a surrealistic voyage into Bizarro-world this morning, as I attempted to pilot this anarchic adventure from a caboose–mounted captains chair.
Rest of the morning was just a barely-memorable streamofconciousness . . .
Look around the lot, lots of dudes rolling up in there. I’m not sure who all of these guys are. Look, there’s Header, does he even run? Is that other shirtless guy chewing tobacco? Baracus looks like a banker. Oh well, maybe I’ll give a suggestion for some routes. Hey look – shirtless guy is taking off and everyone is following him. Better get in on this joint. A nice little warmup run sounds good. Crapfarts, why is everyone getting so far away already? I forgot to tell them about the pledge at 6:08 – that’s important. Dang it, I’ll pledge by myself if need be. That will only be slightly less weird than everyone doing it.
Ok, this warmup lap sucked and my legs feel like jelly already. Everyone has a running buddy. I don’t have a running buddy. Look, a dead raccoon! I’ll call him Rocky and he can be my running buddy. Who’s that dude in the black shirt who keeps encouraging me? Rocky, you say? Now this is awkward. I’ll just hide this dead raccoon in the bushes. Is that Udder in the bushes taking a dump? Seriously – that is nasty. I wonder what time it is? That big green sign on the house always says 515. I’m not sure how I feel about this.
This big hill around the curve sucks every time I try and run on it. Why am I repeatedly doing this to my body? Am I running backwards? I’m not sure I’m even moving. I may need to install some sort of check valve on my Strava so it doesn’t log reverse mileage. Would a diode be more appropriate? I”m not sure, I’ll ask Baracus. Wait, he looks too much like a banker, even without a shirt. What does a banker know about check valves and diodes? What time is it?
Is this where the nekkid guy lives? Oh look, that must be him sitting in that running car with the headlights pointed right at me. Maybe I’ll go talk to him. Hmmmm . . . I’m not sure about this. He says his name is Gaylord and he has the entire Falcon Crest season 2 series on VHS in his shed. Something seems fishy – better keep running. Why do I always seem to pass his house when I’m all by myself? I think I’m going to throw up. I may have to eat it to survive.
Man, it’s hot. I’m going to punch the next person who encourages me. Crap, I missed. I hope he thought I was just trying to fist bump him. Oh look, it’s Header. I think he wants to run with me. Maybe if I slow down to the slowest speed you can possibly run he will just keep on going. No dice, I think he’s attached. That’s ok, he’s such a nice guy. Used to drive that preacher car until he got that phat-daddy #momjeep. Now everybody has one of those sweet jeeps. I wish he would run me over with it.
I think I’m going to walk a bit. Wait, nobody else is walking. Not cool. I’ll suffer until I see somebody go first. Wait a min . . . YESSSSS! Thanks white shirt guy.
Look, it’s 6:05. The green sign lied. I hate you green sign. You son of motherless goat. Everyone is gathering for the pledge. How do they know? Even the new guys know. I think it just feels right – let’s roll with it. At least we stopped running.
#Merica
And now we are running again. When does it stop?
TO BE CONTINUED:
Swiper on Q next week.
– Horsehead
A strong nine-man team of renegade rednecks at the Outland this morning, eager to partake in a highly anticipated beatdown of elephantine proportions.
Couple of pre-runners – GJ for 5 and myself for 2.5. Completely soaked in sweat before the workout starts – check.
THANG:
1/2 mile mosey down the sidewalk over to the High School. Stayed far out enough in front to mute the complaints. Madison selected as initial Q whisperer.
COP in strange territory – HS front parking lot. Warmup exercises by the main road to the chagrin of the pax and the amusement of the passersby. Think we mixed in a few burpees as well. Goal was to stretch the legs, as we would be doing quite a bit of running for the remaining time.
SSH
LSS
Prying Squat
Merkins
Windmills
Monkey Humpers all facing the road
Line up for some #tree-cer-size sprints. Sprint the length of the main parking lot, stopping at each tree for 7 reps, with a long sprint back to the start from the last tree
Squats
LBC
Merkins
Lunges
Nipplers
Something else?
Mosey to the HS back parking lot, dodging the student driver-in-training learning how to text, smoke, and eat a honeybun at the same time. Short COP with some forgettable Mary to let the pax catch up.
Line up for the Drippy Monkey, a nice little variation on the #monkeymile theme that we all love so much.
Run 0.75 miles at AYG pace, down the student driver dragstrip with a hard right towards the picnic tables near the bus lot. A nice stack of cold bottle water awaits the pax at this Pokemon Gym, but instructions are that the lead pax are to perform 10 merkins on arrival and return for the six. Once all have arrived, a 90sec water break is the prize. Lead pax get a full mile in, while the guys bringing up the rear consume a pro-rated ration.
After the water break, during which everyone slammed back an entire bottle of water, partner up for some long suicides. Each team to select an exercise for the whole group. P1 runs the length of the bus lot (125 yds?) and back while P2 does exercise. Flapjack and switch to the next team.
LBC
Squats
Lunges
Planks
Jump Lunges
Circle up for some final Mary to close this one out
Dolly
Rosalita
MOLESKIN:
Golly Gee Willikers – that was a lot of sweat. I consumed probably 2 liters of water before 8AM, and I’m pretty sure it all ended up on the pavement.
TClaps to Hairband for fartsacking the workout so he could leave for a hiking trip at noon, and then posting timestamped pictures on twitter to remove all doubt.
What happened to Countertop? Does he still F3? When I return to Outland after many weeks away, I expect him to be there waiting on me, you know.
I have gotten fat and slow during my recent weeks off while the pax have gotten lean and mean. Nice view from the rearward midsection of the pax during the Monkey. I still almost harfed. Glass Joe led the way, but tainted his victory with some obvious cheating on the route. Upon video review, it was decided that nobody wants to watch videos of Glass Joe run, so we threw the whole thing out.
Jabberwocky hanging in there, and holding tightly on to his breakfast this time. Twas brillig, and the slithy toves. Did gyre and gimble in the wabe: All mimsy were the borogoves, And the mome rathes outgrabe.
Woody powering through with some obvious heel pain. Hang in there.
Good to have our newest recruit, Pikachu. Former UNCC Baseball player, with a long history of injury, but a great attitude. He said he’d be back – we’ll look forward to it.
Had to skip coffeeteria, so didn’t get to see what kind of breakfast concoction TLS had whipped up. Didn’t miss it.
Lots of rumblings from the normally quiet and kind Shepherd about the all-pavement workout selection from today. Apparently, he longs for green pastures of goose droppings on the practice fields. . Perhaps next week my bearded friend.
Until then,
– HH
17 for a dirty nasty one at the Skunk this AM.
THANG:
COP
20 SSH
10 swings
10 mountain climbers
20 swings
10 good mornings
30 swings
10 goblet squats
20 swings
10 snatches
10 swings
Partner up with similar KB, one dude on each end of the field. Note the orange cone in the middle.
Partner 11s
Start on opposite ends of the field. Start with 10 goblet squats, then run across and do and 1 swing. Keep running back and forth, decreasing squat reps and increasing swing reps by one each time. Bonus prize – each time partners cross in the middle at the cones, do 5 burpees each.
Line up for Ark Loader
P1 alternates swings and snatches, P2 does animal thing and sprints back
– Bear
– Crab
– Bearoke L
– Bearoke R
– Lunge
– Reverse Bear
– Suicide
– Double Suicide
Circle up – drop the two lightest KBs from the rotation and add in two 55lb bells. Take a step to the right.
If bell is lighter than the one you brought, do 10 snatches.
If bell is same as the one you brought, do 10 goblet squats
If bell is heavier than the one you brought, do 10 swings
Keep moving one slot the right until 6:15
SKIN:
Not much skin time today, busy trying to get some things done.
I did manage to self-smoke myself today about as much as I ever have (a somewhat common theme at my Qs, but definitely today). I was trying to come up with a good one without being able to do much running. I know it was tough for me, hope you boys got your moneys worth.
Burpees in the middle of the 11s was a rough addition. Didn’t even look good on paper.
Not sure how Team Spackler fared, given that he has started to substitute all burpees with blank stares. I think it got a little awkward.
Everyone seemed to manage the 50+ lb bells just fine in the final circle. I think some of you are sandbagging pretty hard with those 35s. My namby-pamby faint-a-riffic self did most of this workout with a 24kg bell today, so I know some of you can do even more.
Some dudes can bear crawl really fast, some can’t. I think it is a gene. Orange Whip got the gene.
Most I have sweated since the sombrero elevator stalled out during the last family vacation to South of the Border and we had to take the stairs to the top.
Comment away.
ANNOUNCEMENTS:
yes
17 came to bust a move at the Meathead on this fine sweaty morning. 21 if you count the dude in the creepy white van meeting with the other dude in the car at 5AM or the other two people who sat in their cars and watched us for the last 20 mins. But since they didn’t participate, we won’t count them, because we only count people who participate in the workouts (right TR?)
THANG:
Warmup by the cars in an uncomfortably tight circle, keying up the “Vintage Hard Rock Workout Mix” I downloaded from Rhapsody late last night:
– SSH X 20
– 10 swings
– IW X 15
– 15 swings
– 10 Good Mornings
– 20 swings
– 15 Goblet Squats
– 5 C&P per arm
– 7 snatches per arm
– more swings ?
Next, we collected all 827 kettlebells that the pax had brought out #hoarders and moved over to 6 perfectly arranged cones that I had configured for gear stations. After challenging the pax to arrange themselves in teams of 3 and assemble their team by a cone of their choosing, we found ourselves in a state of perplexity. I had figured on 5 teams of 3 and one team of 2 . However, we are a gregarious bunch, and ended up with 2 groups of 4 for 5 total teams. One group then complained that there were not enough cones (when there were in fact 1 too many) and proceeded to gather in a un-coned area. So we had 5 teams, 6 cones, and one un-coned group. #leadership
– Station 1 (timer) – Prowler sled, Hairburner Plates, Heavy Farmers Carry
– Station 2 – 60lb sandbag shoulder hoists
– Station 3 – Goblet Squats
– Station 4 – Snatches
– Station 5 – Swings
We ran through these for the next 30 mins, switching the exercises at the stations. I don’t remember exactly what we switched them to, but some of the pax went with
– standing around
– talking about soccer
– farting
– snot rocketing
– staring at the lady in the car
– lying on the ground
– complaining about the righteous classic rock playlist
– bleeding (this was me)
We also did some doubles, which were a nice touch.
Finally, we ended with a set of (20 swings + 10 merkins) X 5. Perfect form was exhibited by all on the merkins.
SKIN:
Meathead Qs always make me a little (more) squirrely than normal, probably because there is nowhere to hide. Maybe it’s because it’s hard to pass out in your truck bed when you have to stand in the middle of the circle, which is my go–to crutch. Anyway, it’s alway funner than I thought it would be. Hope you boys got a good sweat.
Setting up all of that gear that TR graciously left for me took longer than I thought. Good thing Dollywood was there to watch me from his running car for 10 mins until he finished his Angry Birds game and came out to help.
According to NCDOT regulations, we may be exceeding some allowable Gross Vehicle Weight Ratings based on the sheer volume of kettlebells that guys are bringing out.
The Prowler sled is a good one, but sometimes a little hard to work into a larger group. I believe that everyone got at least one turn. I know Turkey Leg did. I think he melted the rubber off of his Roos trying to push that thing back up the hill.
Quote of the day was from TR regarding the “Vintage Hard Rock Workout Mix” that we were jamming to. “Is this John Boy and Billy?” I think it is the exact same playlist they use on the 99.7 Fox station that we all listen to in secret. I will mention that he was looking quite spry this morning, a large deviation from the pic that Skywalker posted on Twitter last night. That spray-on beard coloring is no joke.
HEY BIG MAN, LET ME HOLD A DOLLAR!
ANNOUNCEMENTS:
– Service day 5/14
– Sign up to help with a LEAP team this Summer
– HH
Good crowd at the Base Camp this AM, a site that I visit infrequently. Not sure if I’ll be invited back either, but it was a good time.
Thang:
Warmup COP in field of darkness listing to Swiper talk constantly about P90X while Simba pretended to be interested.
– SSH
– 5 burpees
– Squats
– 5 burpees
– Windmills
– 5 burpees
The Gopher:
– P1 runs lap around track
– P2 does 20 LBC, 20 step ups, 20 squats over at bleachers
– meet at concession stand for 15 partner handslap merkins
– flapjack until time called
Mary:
– Flutter
– LBC
– Dolly
– Bicycle
– V Up
– 100s
– Simba’s call – 10 burpees
Skin:
Worked up a good sweat this am running the track. This is a nonstop one that starts to get to you after the 3rd lap or so, especially during the climb back up to the concession stand. Sorry it wasn’t more creative, but I was up late last night and had a lot on my mind this AM – so we went autopilot.
Simba said that this may have pushed the “moderate” boundary a bit, but I say “whatevs” to this. You guys can handle it (you already did). You could probably handle quite a bit more. You’ll pass out before you die, trust me . . .
Not sure if Swiper had every been to Base Camp, or if he actually knew anyone there, but he was flying around like he owned the place. He left early, but I think it’s because Simba asked him to.
Good to see Mall Cop, Wolfman, Strawberry, and some of the other guys that I don’t run across very often in my normal circle of workouts.
Welcome FNG Matt, who we named FMB (Fire Marshall Bill). He’s a Fort Mill firefighter who has never seen “In Living Color” and had not idea what we were talking about. Perfect.
Gotta run – busy day and no time for a ninja backblast. Sound off with any comments.
– HH
Named this one after that 1989 gem of a Tom Hanks movie after lugging around these heavy and suspicious sandbags in my driveway at 4:50AM this morning. If you haven’t seen it before, it’s worth a look.
14 strong of back and rear, ready to take on the Fiery Death Circle of Deadly whatever I called it on twitter last night.
Thang:
Roaming COP to locate the three stations – various warmup exercises to get the blood flowing.
Station 1 – 30 Kettlebell Swings – in the lower school parking lot near flagpole
Station 2 – 60lb sandbag run between cones – in the church parking lot
Station 3 – Dealers Choice of Tire Hairburners or Tractor Tire Flips – at the HS practice field
We ran these for 30 mins or so, then headed back to the practice field
Partner Alabama Slamma – abbreviated version.
P1 – 15 merkins
P2 – 14 merkins
so on, and so forth
finish with another team if you complete early
Mary
– Flutter
– Dolly
– LBC
– Bicycle
– Can Opener (Pop Tart)
– V Up (Turkey Leg)
– 100s (exercise borrowed from F3 Summerville, a Pilates favorite according to WD)
Skin:
Simple workout, designed to let the fast run faster and the slow keep folks in sight. Usually, people start changing groups if things are moving too slow for them, but this was a courteous group and all of the teams stuck together from what I observed.
Cobains to Spackler, who just came to hang out and do some back-friendly exercises. Between the three stations, I think this was about as back-unfriendly as you can go. He appeared to be doing something at each station, so I hope he got his moneys worth.
After 3 years of doing crummy head-bobbers, Harley was finally shown the path to proper merkin form. Expect huge gains this summer.
I thought we only had a few mins left when we circled up for Mary, but we actually had 9 mins left. I’m usually more of a “lay on the ground after a few mins of this garbage” guy, so I did the best I could with it. The worst thing about it wasn’t the exercises though, it was the complete disregard for all things sacred and decent as displayed by projectile flagellation shrapnel coming from both Port and Starboard. Granted, there is typically some level of this at all of our workouts, but this was an unholy and disgusting display of excreta.
Always a good time at Kevlar. Thanks for coming out.
HH
16 at the Outland this AM, filled with either redemptive expectations or sheer morbid curiosity after reading the preblast. At a minimum, most were hoping that this workout would be like one of those palate-cleansing gari pickled ginger slivers that you are supposed to eat between sushi rolls, perhaps enough to completely eliminate the lingering taste from last week. Speaking of sushi, I stopped at the Quick Trip on the way home and they were all out . . . but we’re getting off track here. Anyways, after blasting a little Haggard in the parking lot we rounded up everyone and were off and running. EE and GJ claim to have completed a prerun, but all I see on Strava is a 30 min trip to Bojangles. Kiefer also ran something like 17 miles doing marathon training, and gave us a little flyby.
Thang:
Longish mosey to the Shiloh Elementary front parking lot for COP, including IW, LSS, and maybe something else that nobody cares about.
Not sure what to name this next one, I considered the “Jackie Robinson”, but we could also go with “The Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything.” Either way, it’s 6 sets of 7 reps of a rotating exercise, as we run a loop around the lot stopping at each light pole. So 42 total reps of each exercise. We did LBCs, Mountain Climbers, Merkins, Jump Squats, and Burpees (ascending count on the Burpees). It was delightful.
Then we headed over to the drivers-ed dragstrip for a little thing that has now been named the Chunky Monkey. This is a variation on the awful theme of a mid-workout timed mile race that was originally named the Scalded Monkey (I have no idea why I called it that) and has been resurrected a few times now in several variations. I think this one may be the worst yet.
We split the group up 5 ways based on 1-mile pace. Each group was assigned a burpee handicap, with the idea of making this an actual race since the faster guys had to do more burpees. You had to race one mile and also do the burpees, any way you want to split them up.
After that puke fest, I blacked out for 5 mins or so while somebody led something – who knows what actually happened. At some point, we headed back to the picnic table area for some Merkin Mania.
Alabama Slamma – partner up and do sets of decending merkins with your partner. Start at 15 each, and count down to 0.
Head back to launch point for a comical 10 burpee closer, as most pax had non-functioning arms at this point.
Moleskin:
Kiefer looking strong with the marathon training – putting in some high miles now. I think he’s getting up to the 20 mile range, which I hear is the worst part of the training. Probably a good move to skip the boot camp and just keep with the running at this point.
The Monkey burpee race was originally named the Burping Monkey, but after I threw up in my mouth at the midpoint I felt that Chunky Monkey was a better fit. EE won this pretty easily, even doing 40 burpees. Short Circuit did 30, and came in 2nd. I did 30 myself, and finished just ahead of Glass Joe and Donut Hole, but I think they both did 40. This thing was pretty awful for everyone involved.
Good to have The Bus back out, even though he was 37 mins late. We almost missed the Bus, and then Dad would have to take us to school and be late for work – nobody is happy when that happens.
Glass Joe was apparently unhappy with my modification suggestions for the pax during the Slamma, so he cursed me in dwarfish yiddish.
My foot has exploded again after this disaster, so I may just have to cut the thing off and screw in a peg.
I’m sure there were some other humorous and noteworthy events, so bring on the comments.
No Pancho and no Lefty. I think they both went to a Trump rally in Wingate.
Horsehead