SOB Beer Run

PAX (7): Midriff, Blanks, Unplugged, Kirby, Roulette, Wingman, Fudd Location: Ballantyne Distance: Approximately 6 miles Stops: Bradshaws → Midriff’s → DB’s Tavern → Roulette’s → Kirby’s → Bradshaw’s The Launch Seven PAX gathered at Bradshaw Social House prepared for an afternoon of running, fellowship, and beer. Well, technically six gathered outside. Kirby was already inside Bradshaw’s enjoying his first beer of the day. Midriff had done his homework. Route mapped, schedule established, stops coordinated, and even a shortcut through the woods to shave a mile off the journey. The man had thought of everything. With a planned 10-minute-mile pace for the main group, Blanks and Unplugged decided to depart at 1:05 to get a head start. The theory was simple: Leave early, run slower, and arrive with the pack. The execution? Well… Stop 1: Midriff’s House The early birds headed down Rea Road and into Midriff’s neighborhood, where they somehow managed to run at nearly the same pace as the main group. This resulted in approximately five minutes of awkwardly hanging out with Midriff’s family while waiting for everyone else to arrive. Fortunately, they were incredibly welcoming and hospitable. Meanwhile, the main pack was playing the ABC game (IYKYK) and reportedly made it to C before reaching the first stop. Beer was consumed, chips were eaten, college football was discussed, and the early birds—now consisting of Kirby, Unplugged, and Blanks—departed ahead of the pack for DB’s Tavern. Stop 2: DB’s Tavern According to GPS, the next leg would be approximately two miles. But Midriff knew a shortcut and provided Blanks with verbal instructions to navigate a series of trails through the woods. The early birds jogged/walked their way toward the shortcut, discussing various remedies for plantar fasciitis along the way. Upon entering the woods, they discovered that the trails seemed to branch off in every conceivable direction. Fortunately, Blanks’ extensive experience at Adventure Quest kicked in. Drawing upon an afternoon of imaginary wilderness survival skills, he successfully navigated the group to an opening behind Polo Ridge Elementary. Just as the early birds emerged, the main pack came out of the woods behind them. The PAX were reunited! Together, they crossed the soccer fields, where a few stray soccer balls presented opportunities to demonstrate their athletic prowess. Unfortunately, these PAX are runners, not footballers. A few attempted shots on goal later, the group continued toward Tom Short Road, presumably leaving the parents watching their children’s soccer practice wondering why seven random dudes were running through the fields laughing and playing like children. The PAX arrived at DB’s Tavern together and claimed a table in the back. There, they unexpectedly encountered Mary_Kay, a former F3 regular who hadn’t posted in a while. Always good to see a familiar face. Wingman generously purchased a bucket of beers, and the conversation naturally returned to college football. After approximately 20 minutes, Midriff’s early-bird alarm sounded. Time to move! Stop 3: Roulette’s House The early birds headed down Ardrey Kell Road, crossed Rea Road, and made their way toward Roulette’s house. Kirby’s protective-runner instincts were in full effect as he kept the PAX aware of approaching vehicles and potential dangers at busy intersections. The early birds had barely arrived when Roulette came cruising around the corner, presumably relieved that three sweaty men weren’t just sitting in his driveway waiting for the rest of the group. The garage opened, chairs came out, and beers were distributed. Roulette assigned Unplugged the task of transforming what appeared to be a bag of parts into a camping chair. Unplugged succeeded. The PAX settled in for a fascinating conversation about drugs. Wingman informed everyone that “running gummies” are a thing, which immediately captured the attention of Fudd. The conversation then turned to upcoming changes in hemp regulations, and that Delta-8, Delta-9, THC-A, and other hemp-derived products would be outlawed in NC in December. Boo! Roulette’s 2.0 joined the conversation and shared the story of his recent football injury. Wishing him a speedy recovery! Eventually, the chairs were packed away and the PAX prepared for the next leg. Since Kirby’s house was relatively close, everyone agreed to run together. Stop 4: Kirby’s Chateau Running together turned out to be one of the highlights of the afternoon. The slower pace allowed for plenty of mumblechatter, and the group settled into a comfortable rhythm. At one point, Wingman was running backward while carrying on a conversation with the front runners. Impressive. The route took the PAX behind the A1NAIL salon (which naturally inspired several jokes about the establishment’s name, but we will leave those to your imagination). In order to get to Kirby’s we had to go off map again, and the entrance to the woods was behind the dumpster in the back of the parking lot. Not a problem! The shortcut worked, and the PAX emerged from the woods at Kirby’s Chateau. This is where things nearly went off the rails. Kirby’s M, Eileen, had rolled out the red carpet. Wings. Chips. Beer. College football on the split screen. The PAX settled in and got VERY comfortable. Then Kirby brought out the Buffalo Trace. Suddenly, the idea of running another 1.7 miles back to Bradshaw’s seemed significantly less appealing. Could we just stay here? Was finishing really necessary? Would anyone notice if we called an Uber? The conversation continued, covering everything from ordering alcohol online to “The Minivan.”(Don’t ask.) Eventually, cooler heads prevailed, and the PAX decided to finish what they started. The Final Leg The final stretch back to Bradshaw’s was the longest leg of the afternoon. All seven PAX decided to make the journey together. Midriff and Roulette frequently circled back to check on the six, making sure the runners at the six (Blanks) weren’t left behind. About a half mile from Bradshaw’s, Midriff’s M seemingly materialized out of nowhere and joined the group. And just like that, eight runners rolled into Bradshaw Social House together. Awaiting us outside was fleetwood! Pictures were taken. High fives were exchanged. Mission accomplished! Naturally, the PAX headed inside Bradshaw’s to celebrate. One victory bucket became two. The conversation ranged from future CSAUP opportunities, highlights from the afternoon, to plans for the evening’s college football games. There was also a personal milestone worth celebrating. Prior to this afternoon, Blanks never ran more than a 5K. Perhaps the secret to doubling your running distance is strategically placing beer along the route. Bold strategy. The PAX also encountered billygoat, another former F3 member, hanging out with Mary Kay. As Roulette pointed out, it’s always good to see PAX spending time together, even when they aren’t posting. As the afternoon wound down, the scene began to resemble the ending of Ocean’s Eleven. Unplugged had to depart for Lowe’s, where he planned to shop for home renovation supplies after running six miles and consuming an undisclosed quantity of beer and possibly a couple fingers of Buffalo Trace. Fudd secretly picked up the tab for the 2 buckets as he walked out the door. (Thank you Fudd!) Midriff departed to run ANOTHER mile on his way to a Halloween party. Kirby summoned his M and 2.0 for a ride home, helping his daughter accumulate some much-needed driving hours toward her permit. Roulette picked up dinner for his family. And the remaining PAX eventually dispersed. No dramatic speeches. No fanfare. Just seven guys who had spent an afternoon doing something ridiculous together. And it was awesome. The Bigger Picture Several PAX had participated in Beer Runs before and had plenty of war stories to share. For at least three of us, however, this was our first. If you’d told Blanks a year ago that he’d voluntarily spend a Saturday afternoon running six miles while drinking a six pack, he’d have thought you were out of your mind. And yet, not only did he do it, but he’s already looking forward to the next one. That’s what makes F3 special. It wasn’t really about the running. It wasn’t about the beer. It was about seven guys from different walks of life spending an afternoon laughing, telling stories, encouraging one another, and making memories. The running and beer were just the excuses to get together. A huge thank-you to Midriff for organizing the event, putting together the route and schedule, and coordinating the stops. And thank you to Midriff’s family, Roulette’s family, and Kirby’s family, for allowing us to hang out at their houses. Most importantly, thank you to the PAX who showed up. The best part of F3 isn’t what we do. It’s who we get to do it with. Here’s to more miles, more memories, and more questionable decisions. SYITG!