That title is atrocious, and I apologize. It’s Monday night and the words aren’t coming as fluidly as they usually do. Anyway, today marked the start of a new kettlebell program for Swole/Meathead/Olympus and I was tasked with coming up with something. With the exceptions of grilling meats, investment portfolios, and playlists, things rarely go well when I am in charge of them so hopefully this works out. I picked elements from several MMA conditioning kettlebell programs I found online and did some tweaking to come up with a cardio endurance phase, a strength focus phase, and an explosive power phase. Today was week one day one of the cardio endurance phase.
Warmup then straight into 5 minutes of alternating 20 swings and 10 merkins with the goal of getting as many reps as possible in the allotted time. This quickly became an absolute grind, but that’s what endurance workouts are, and it was still better than running.
Next up was three rounds of single leg deadlifts x 5 each leg, 10 halos each direction, and 8 reverse lunges each leg. The goal was to alternate lower and upper body while remaining in motion and blending strength with cardio. It may not be perfect but it’s grounded in more actual science than anything the CDC has done in the past 2.5 years.
Over to the playground for 5 rounds of pullups x 5, merkins x 10, and swings x 20. Watching Hoover and Turkey Leg do pullups on the children’s playground next to each other is quite a site. It’s basically like a Humvee and a Miata lining up to drag the quarter mile, which at this point is probably the plot of the next Fast and Furious movie.
Finish up with some heavy carries and Mary.
This program is based on the principles of training for combat sports, and I would place the first iteration solidly in the welterweight division. It had enough pop to make you feel it and smack you around a bit, not like those featherweights that buzz around and annoy the bejeezus out of you. They may hit you 100 times but it’s basically like being smacked by a toddler. There was enough motion to tax the cardiovascular system as well, so it wasn’t like a heavyweight bout where two huge lummoxes stand in the center of the ring and trade blows without much movement. Don’t get me wrong though, I love when two lummoxes throw all boxing technique out the window and just hammer away at each other like Johnny Depp and Amber Heard in a court of law.
The playlist was a sampling of some of the greatest music ever recorded, and that’s not hyperbole. I just wish we had more time so we could’ve got to more songs. Check slack for details on a convergence next Monday for Memorial Day as Hoover has begun to put the info out there. Preliminary decision was to hit Basecamp at 7 am with bootcamp and kettlebell options. I never sleep well the night before a Q and the creative juices aren’t flowing with much viscosity this evening so I’ll wrap this up. Mercifully the school year is coming to a close and vacation season is in sight. Let’s get out there and have ourselves a summer.
Exactly a year ago I q’d a rock-themed workout at Da Vinci. Why not run it back??
Props to One Niner for the pre-run. Disclaimer and we’re off to the CFA parking lot for a warmup.
Rock Pile #1 (behind the auto shop, next to the apartment building)
Rock Pile #2 (nail salon parking lot)
Same rock pile, new exercises
Moleskine
Announcements/Prayer Requests
YHC pulled into the lot at Calvary this morning with about 5 minutes to spare and found Big League Chew and The Worm waiting for me. Considering my late arrival, I was perplexed by the paucity of the pax. Where are my regulars? Where is my co-site Q? Will SACS have more pax, leading to a text from Cheese Curd, taunting me? These questions would have to wait since I had a workout to lead. I was unloading my bells and chatting with BLC and Worm when an unfamiliar vehicle arrived and out climbed Grimes, son of Philmont.
Warm-up:
Main Event:
The End. COT with the Meathead pax that joined us as we wrapped up.
Announcements:
Moleskine:
I have updated the 1/26/2018 back blast for todays workout.
15 5 men showed up to check out the new location for the hardest South Charlotte AO…..THE BRAVE.
The Thang,
Get in teams of 2 …since there is only 5 we will stay as one group. Be honest with yourself and your partner and get someone with similar speed.
Each team Grab 2 a sand bags (ranging from 40-80 40 and 50 lbs) and lets mosey.
Head behind the corporate buildings across from Brazwells “insert name of new bar” and run down the path stopping at each of 4 walls for 5 double merkin box jump burpees (Mermaid introduced me to this horrible exercise earlier in the week 4 years ago… Everyone thanks you).
Gather at the fourth wall and head to Room 101 (The parking garage hooked to the new Wells Fargo building). Head to the basement for instructions.
At each level one partner 2 pax will do a sandbag exercise and the others will do 10 burpees. The burpee partner pax are is the timer. keep doing sandbag exercises until he they are is done. Once complete run up to the next floor and exchange the bag. The other partner take turns and now someone else does 10 burpees while the new sandbag man men does the exercise. Repeato until you are at the top.
The sandbag exercises are as follows: Squat, Thrusters presses, and bent over rows.
We made it to the top and came down the stairs and did it all over again. From there we did the same exercises but down the ramps to level 4. At this point we were out of time and headed back to the launch site.
Old Moley..
I was impressed with the crew of 15 5 pax. There was no complaining about the sandbags and just a bit of good natured ribbing.
You never know how a workout like this will go. Will people give it there all. Will we be able to stay together…..
This group of PAX gave it there all. Everyone worked to encourage make fun of their teammate and the other teams everyone. As I was in the six most of the I didn’t get to hear a lot of the mumble chatter We stayed together and Here is what I know….
I am pretty Sure Thin Mint and Mario were out front killing it as always didn’t show up.
Fraiser and Haggis got in some second F and did some modification to keep some injuries from flaring up but pushed hard non the less didn’t
show up.
Nard Dog and Flipper kept going throughout the hour with one of Flippers large sandbags. They also dogged it just enough to not leave YHC to far behind. Thanks Fellas didn’t show up.
Mary Kay and Billy Goat must have been killing it, as I didn’t get to see them much. Great work fellas. Glad to have you at the Brave keep coming out didn’t show up.
I think these final pairs are correct…but correct me if I am wrong (lack of oxygen during the workout has my memory cloudy).
When I was able to catch Teddy and Tuck their form on the burpees and sandbag exercises looked to be top notch all the way through. Teddy mentioned his love for the Double Merkin Burpee box jumps and that he was hoping we would do some more as Mermaid didn’t give him enough earlier in the week four years ago.
Wingman and Turkey: both of these men were running fast and burpeeing (is that a word….It is NOW) faster. didn’t show up.
Bunker and Wild Turkey: I feel that bunker has a head made for sandbag workouts. They slide effortless over his freshly shorn skull. Every time I saw these men they were head down and pushing it. didn’t show up.
Tuck is now taking YHC’s place as one of the three Brave site Q’s didn’t show up and only runs now.
I would like to thank all of the men that have participated and pushed me at the Brave during my time as site Q, four years ago. I have seen many men, including myself, get better from posting at the brave week after week. I appreciate being given the opportunity to lead by Madam Tassauds and Champagne, who didn’t show up.
Frehley’s Comet did show up this time and we spent a lot of time talking about how much better and younger we were 4 years ago.
Picasso did show up and gave it his all. He has maps for sale if you need one.
Doc’a McStuffins’a did show up and said some things in an accent that I no longer understand. Good to see you out in the gloom.
Great group today and we had “fun”. Thanks all for playing along and letting me lead.
Announcements:
The Brave now meets at Brazwells “insert new bars name ” every week.
Pax:
Stone Cold, Smokey, Chicken Wing, MAD, Lois, Funky Cold, Horsehead
7 Skunks got CAPTCHA’d at the Ye Olde Covenant of Christ this Tewesday morn.
What happened:
What didn’t happen:
Moleskin:
It’s been a while. Is this thing on?
It seems that backblasts have been deemed unnecessary for 2022, as shown by the A51 website. Since being abandoned by the Wax Pax, the site now is updated about as frequently as Stone Cold’s MySpace page. I, for one, don’t think that backblasts are unnecessary. Especially when compared to truly unnecessary things like such as:
Maybe it’s time to right the ship. Bring back backblasts. Text STOP to unsubscribe, but I think you guys are missing out.
How else would you find out about Funky Cold’s discount Amazon knee brace with the gel donut insert or Smokeys uncircumcised winter beanie w/ matching oven mitts in 50 deg weather? What about Stone Cold’s accusations of yours truly starting a Monday run workout for out of shape lubbers and never posting a single time for it. BTW – check out the Chubby Hubby run, which allegedly meets on Mondays at the Old Bell lot. Details are in the text thread that I silenced alerts on a few months ago. Or how about all of the various frisbee injuries plaguing the Sardis Road crew? I think they have a 50 percent survival rate at Joustbee these days. I’m not seeing that reported anywhere else. Just saying.
Anyways – we had a good time out there this morning. Not too much of a good time, mind you. I wouldn’t want to get reported to the Nathans by Cheese Curd for standing around. We got after it. Sweat was produced. Hills were climbed. Mistakes were made. Somebody palmed the top of my head during BOM and I was ok with it.
So get out there and work out with your friends. Call up your old friends who don’t post anymore and get them back out too. They’re missing out, and you are too.
We’re doing an intro to kettlebells next week to try and drum up some interest. Come on out and take a spin. We will have plenty of bells to share. Lois has promised to do his Slim Fast voice impression for the first 8 participants.
Until next time
Your friend,
Horsehead
.
Let’s cut to the chase (or is it chaise?) here, Cinco de Mayo is about as much of a holiday as Administrative Professionals day. No offense to any administrative professionals reading this backblast. I’m sure you do an exemplary job of being some over-paid executive’s work spouse and/or legal guardian but to offer up a holiday to you and not to say first responders, teachers, and/or the dude stocking your groceries in aisle 11 is a bit of ball tap IMO. But I digress.
Cinco de Mayo is not a real holiday, settled. But we Americans are loathe to pass up an opportunity to appropriate someone’s culture, bastardize the hell out of it, and then somehow claim it’s about freedom and independence. Yeah, well you put a man on the moon six times and all those countries using the metric system can suck it. So what is the reason to celebrate Cinco de Mayo? One word, losers.
Settle in for a brief history lesson here kiddos. You see, back in 1858 two political parties in Mexico couldn’t get along. They were named, wait for it, the liberals and the conservatives. I shit you not. Since these groups couldn’t get along, they decided the only way to settle their differences was through kumite civil war. IMO, roshambo would have been a far more efficient way to get things done but what does a middle-aged white guy in America with the power of the internet know?
Getting back to it, wars are expensive and like any self-respecting country you take out loans you’ll never repay. The post-civil war Mexican president placed a moratorium on Mexican debt payments after the civil war which upset the loan sharks known as Great Britain, Spain, and France. All three converged on Mexico like a bunch of fat kids at an ice cream buffet. Great Britain and Spain were cool with just getting paid later and worked out an agreement to that effect. But France had a different idea.
Like the ole bait and switch tactic that Napoleon III used to go from being elected president to declaring himself emperor. France stated their intentions were X and then decided to do something else. Like invade a country with the intent to install a monarchy. What could go wrong?
As one might assume, this went over about as well as the Q calling burpees at Hydra.
Enter May 5th, 1862 or Cinco de Mayo if you haven’t been following along. France has gone from loan shark to invading army, with a fighting force now at the metaphorical gates of the city of Puebla. The French general approached the city and, dismissing the opinions of his men, attacked from a weaker position. By mid-afternoon that day, the French fighting force at Puebla had exhausted all of their reserves, in both men and material. The French general fled the battlefield by 4 PM that same day, having taken a beating so bad he would return to France in disgrace.
Therefore, Cinco de Mayo is not about Mexican independence, but instead about the French losing one battle to the Mexican army.
Losers.
But not the men of Hydra, no losers out there today. No sir-ee. Here’s what went down.
The Thang:
Warmup: IW, Merkins, Mt Climbers, Peter Parker, Parker peter, low slow squat
Run to the church, partner up. Grab one lifting rock for both of you
Partner 1: run the loop around the church
Partner 2: called exercise
Curls/Tricep Ext/Presses/Squats/Good morning
Go back to the school, line up abreast at the end of the parking lot just past the trees, on your bellies,
AYG to the other end
People’s chair, 25 air presses IC,
20 merkins
20 jump squats
Mosey back to the trees
We did this twice
Mosey back to launch for some Murray.
Mole-skine:
17 was the magic number and a good crew today. It should be noted YHC flummoxed a perfectly regurgitated rehearsed disclaimer, and we had an FNG (poor guy). Sprockets was also back in town #kotters(?). YHC must have done something right during COP, because 100% of the pax did the first exercise. Imperial walkers, but still it was 100%. #winning
The nonsense at the church was a true time killer, but YHC also was able to AMRAP each exercise with the distance of the loop. Either that or my partner was just slow. Brandy and Foghorn were on fire today, lapping just about everyone of the pax.
Our FNG was named Marty. After the actual Marty from Ozark because he’s a financial planner. And I’m sure he launders money for the Mexican government cartel to keep the loan sharks French away.
Announcements:
Thanks to Cottonmouth for the take-out
#SYITG
Post credit scene: Upon the return of the French general to France, he urged Napoleon III to withdraw from Mexico, cut losses and consider the dream of the second Mexican Empire dead. Eventually, Napoleon III listened. But only after 30,000 troops were dispatched, a puppet monarch installed, and the U.S. began providing political and military assistance to Mexico to expel the French (which meant we were about to go full Mike Tyson on a plane f*ck around and find out mode). The installed monarch was eventually defeated, captured, and executed. Losers.
It should be noted that this was the last time any army from another continent invaded the Americas. Because, you know freedom and independence. (and tacos)
YHC arrived somewhat early…site Q Magoo was first in…not including the dude cleaning out the rat traps around SCMS. Next on Mike Rowe’s “Dirty Jobs”. Looked like the rat cleaner’s bucket was fairly full; apparently the deluge last night chased the rats into the traps.
Rousey was LIFO…after pulling into the wrong lot initially. No disclaimer needed for the veteran crew.
Didn’t recognize Hammer’s vehicle…took him a while to disembark; though the 3 identical Clempson stickers across the back window were a dead giveaway. Question for the pax: Have you ever seen just 1 Clempson sticker/emblem/etc on a vehicle? I haven’t – it’s always 2 or more. YIPTAY!
Anyhoo, we launched, and below is a bit of Thang but mostly Moleskinney.
COP at the daycare at corner of Strawberry/51. Ironically named “Cadence”. Speaking of Cadence: exercise movements of the pax and Q should actually match the cadence. Hence the name. #freeadvice Snuka, you listening? #cadencematters Counting cadence actually helps your breathing, too…true story.
We then headed towards Davie park, stopping for some pain stations along the way. Thunder broke out the workout hankie. It’s summertime, men. Speaking of workout hankies – who else in SCLT employs such accoutrements besides Thunder & Frehleys? Seems like Haze, Jet Fuel…maybe High Tide? Others?
Did some burpees a few different times. Also explained why wide-arm merkins are aka Larry Craig’s. Don’t google it.
All were pushing hard. Macarena was purposeful…as he’s getting married in 3 weeks! Congratulations and God’s grace and blessings to you and your fiancée.
Limey was out front a good bit, sporting his John “Bluto” Blutarsky shirt. Outstanding.
No idea how much ground we covered…probably 2.27 miles; did the aforementioned burpees and other stuff.
Also, reminisced about how stupid we were when we used to forage through the woods from SCMS to Davie Park. I think Joker or Callaway started that silliness. Yep, Callaway. Remember him? If so, call him and re-EH him.
Speaking of EH’ing….who have you not seen in a while? Call him, too. Generally not a good thing when a man fades from the pax. Slow fades can be lethal.
Reminds me of an old Hebrew saying: “A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.”
Praying for all you men to draw near to God, and to pursue those that need friends and brothers.
Thanks to Magoo & Thunder for tapping YHC to Q.