Monthly Archive September 2018

Strangled By a Weak Midget

A faux Gazelle wearing a Super Heavy weighted vest had stampeding Clydesdales running him down all morning. Details below:

Warm Up: 

Little time for small talk as YHC needed to take one confirmation lap regarding today’s festivities. Rolled into the lot at o’Jingles 30 and off we went…Oh, did I mention the Super Heavy weighted vest? Super Heavy.

Long mosey down #KJH towards insurance office across the street from Providence.

SSH – 15

Dugans, Calf Stretch, Quads…let’s go

The Thang:

Head over to North Providence Street for a little Paula Abdul (2 Steps Forward, 1 Step Back)

Run 2 Light Poles and do 5 Jump Squats, Back 1 Light Pole and 10 Speed Skaters

Do this all the way up North Providence Street to Dreamwreckers Brewery. Double back for six. Then hold Al Gore until all complete

Head over to mini-wall for a little single leg squats all together

10 Single Leg Squats all together on each leg. Walk to short wall by bridge. 1 Minute People’s chair hold.

Over the bridge, continue on South Providence Street towards Bad Idea. Hold Deep Squat while waiting for 6.

At the base of Bad Idea, Pax instructed AYG all the way to the top of Bad Idea with 10 Jump Squats at the top, at the bottom, 10 squats

Rinse and half repeat. Deep squats until 6 concluded.

Head back up South Providence Street. At big hill approaching Main Street, AYG to the top 5 burpees upon arrival. Mosey back towards COT.

At COT, I extricated myself from the Super Heavy weighted vest. Pax thought we were done, but 2 minutes remained. “Thou Shalt Not Be Cheated” is the motto of Floater. Actually, just made that up, but it’s bound to stick!

2 minute fast mosey. At the 1 minute mark, stop running down #KJH and return to COT. That’s it.

14 Pax, 3.2-ish miles covered and approximately 250 leg movements. Leg Day concluded. Hopefully, Leg Day a success.

I had a grand sense of accomplishment having posted in the Super Heavy weighted vest. Fuse Box thought it looked light. Confirmation of that sad reality occurred when the M weighed it for me…10lbs. 10 lousy lbs is all that thing weighed! It felt like I’d been strangled by a weak midget for 43 minutes. I gotta toughen up a bit. On the bright side, I now know how good it felt to shed that 10lbs. Maybe I should lose 10 more of my own! You boys dropping weight in the weight loss challenge have to feel so much better.

Moleskin: 

Here’s the obligatory, “it’s such a privilege to lead such a great group of men” section. Here’s my take:

It’s such a privilege to be surrounded by such fun-loving, caring, kindhearted men who, if/when asked, will go out of their way to help anyone in need. This week alone I’m reminded of Rubbermaid fixing Big 10’s M’s toilet, Dancing Bear’s Shampoo initiative with his daughter, Zinfandel exploring the opportunity to dine with orphans, COTS, the outpouring of support for flood victims, and the tributes to the young girl who tragically passed this past weekend. All of the above speak volumes to the caliber of the individuals in our midst.

Selfishly, the inquiries, prayers, and offers of support for our adoption effort have blown me away. Just some of the things you all have done include, but are not limited to: prayers, watching our children while we transport him back and forth, offers of support as needed, helping search for (and offering bikes), clothing donated, a bunk bed purchased so my girls could move in together and free up a room for our new son- outside of the bike none of which was solicited. Thank you. Sincerely thank you. You guys make me a better man. I hope someday in the future I’ll be afforded the opportunity to repay you in some way for your kindness.

I’ll leave it there as the pollen count in my office has gone up quite a bit!

Announcements: 

Shampoo Crew – Donations Needed

3rd F Opportunities:

Open Door- Sunday @ 7 @ Five Stones

Sanctuary- Monday @ 7:30 @ Brooklyn Pizza

COTS (Church on the Streets) – Next Sunday

Children’s Outreach Effort Alexander ——- Network (children’s center)-  Opportunity to have lunch with children who have lost their parents. On Mondays. Hook up with Zinfandel for more details

Late GroupMe Announcement- Tomorrow’s AMRAP Zinfandel has put his money where your legs are for Hurricane Relief. See how much we can squeeze out of him. Hopefully others will contribute as well

Thanks Mad Dog for taking us out.

If I get murdered in the city


Don’t go revenging in my name…

No pax were harmed in the making of this painfest. Well, almost.

24 gathered for an “udderly” amazing event at the Regal Theater’s sidelot in fancy pants Ballantyne. Where even murder is an issue. More on that later. Quick rusty disclaimer and short mosey to front of cinema. Circle up for COP.

COP – In Cadence
SSH x20
IW x10
Mtn Climber x15
Squat x15

With the mumblechatter at an all time high and YHC’s questionable cadence count we moved on. #animals

Slow mosey up to Elm and down along the sidewalk behind the cinema. I believe it was Chunder who said, “Oh no, Murderhorn is this way.” To which YHC replied, “Is it? I didn’t know that.” Wherein Mighty Mite chimed in with, “well someone did get murdered here recently…” YHC’s mind began to wander as his words trailed off. We were soon snapped back to reality upon arriving to our destination.

The Murderhorn (where no actual murders have been recorded. At least in Ballantyne’s version)

The Thang
Stop #1 – Heartbreak 1,2,3. Using .13 miles of The Murderhorn, teams of 3 will ascend and descend while completing cumulative exercise at each end. Exercise include 100 x Merkins, 200 x LBCs and 300 x Squats. The runner between the stops is the timer. Everyone end at the top and join in the Mary being called by Chunder.

Stop #2 – Mary Quad Burner. Mosey to the grassy area at the corner of Elm and Elmstone. Partner up. Partner 1 does Flutter while partner 2 backwards runs 25 yards to road and back x 2. Flapjack and repeato until cumulative Flutters = 200. We lost one pax to an ant pile. He took time to run it off which is a peculiar way to deal with pain. #toeachhisown

Stop #3 – Jacob’s Ladder. Mosey to launch lot and using the 25 yard +20% grade as our ladder. Ascend 7 times with increasing burpees at the top starting at 1 ending at 7. OYO AYG YVY AFAP FYI BTW OMG HIM

Mary
When all pax were done with Jacob they slowly started to assemble and do mary. YHC joined and properly lead this fine group of hill climbers. Dolly x10, Rosalita x10, Back scratchers x15, Freddie Mercury x15, LBC x20, Flutter x20.

Finito

Day old moleskin: YHC learned a few things today. There are a lot of SOB pax I do not know. #needtofixthat #postmore Murderhorn has nothing to do with actual murder, let’s be clear. There was a murder in Ballantyne recently and Mighty Mite can tell you all about it, he was there. #notasuspect #stonehenge Uncle Rico takes a licking and keeps on ticking or running in this case. He found an ant pile and tried to play with the cute little buggers. He then proceeded to run The Murderhorn as a way to deal with the pain. We have a multitude of Respects in our midst. I can only hope to be as good looking and healthy as these gentlemen when I am Respectful. Keep it up men. The mumblechatter was strong early, but once the hills started taking the air out of our lungs it got quiet. #missionaccomplished Everyone put out and the work did the work as the Goruck cadre would say. Thanks for allowing me to to lead. Toolbag, No Show and Commish have a great AO and the showing of 24 was impressive. #strong #hims

Announcements: Last call for Isabella Santos run and SFN Chariot pushing. Stonehenge is still happening and can be your warmup.

Davinci is converging with stonehenge this week

Lake Norman Basin run coming up soon.

Strong take out by Squid

Sumo Donuts

YHC got to the AO in time to see the four die-hard runners set off for #F3Sparta.  Guessing Madison was the Q, since he was lit up like a Christmas tree.  Maybe that was his way of dealing with the fact that it’s just as hot at the end of September as it was in late July.  Where is that ******* cooler weather, anyway?
Rant over.
By the time I got back from a quick AO check, the gang was all in and ready to go.  Oh, wait, not quite.  Seems like Slim Fast forgot to bring his dry shirt, so after tossing the soaked pre-run shirt aside, he boldly stepped forward as the sole player on the “skins” team.
Disclaimer given, we got going.  Here’s the play-by-play for those keeping score at home:

Mosey around front of church to back of track for COP

COP:
SSH-15
IW-15
Merkins-15
LSS-15 (low slow squat)

Time for the Main Thang:
Find a pull-up or supine pull-up bar to call your own.
Up & hold 5 count then 5-count descent, YHC bellowing the count.
10 recovery Merkins OYO
REPEATO minus 1 Merkin each round.

Mosey to parking lot and partner up.
Partner 1: SSH while P2 lunge walk to opposite side, mosey back.  Flapjack
P1: SSH while P2 bear crawls across, mosey back.  Flapjack
P1: Sumo Jack while P2 bunny hop across, mosey back.  Flapjack
P1: Sumo Jack while P2 “speed skates” across, mosey back.  Flap jack
P1: Sumo Jack while P2 sprints across, mosey back.  Flapjack

Mosey to benches:
15 dips, 15 decline Merkins, 15 step-ups OYO;
Repeato 2 X

Mosey to wall for people’s chair and air presses – 20IC
Repeato

Mosey to center of basketball court and circle up for ring-around-the-Mary.
Pax #1 calls ab exercise and lunge walks around ring.  Remaining Pax perform called exercise IC until runner returns.
Repeato until time runs out.

Mosey through school to parking lot for COT.

Announcements
Isabella Santos Run, 9/29/18: https://isabellasantosfoundation.org/annual-5k-for-kids-cancer/
F3 Dads at Kinetic Heights – see #F3Dads channel on Slack
Crane Relay, 10/26
Let Them Soar, 5K 11/10/18:  https://letthemsoar5k.racesonline.com/

Moleskin
Welcome to FNG Cruller.  He came with Bernanke and survived not only the workout but also the naming process.  I’m not sure which was worse.  Actually, the naming could have gone FAR worse, but we cut Horse Head off before he could reach the bottom of the barrel.   Here’s what we avoided:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSvNhxKJJyU

Thanks for trying the Sumo Squat – Japanese style.  I couldn’t find a nice short clip on YouTube, but if you’ve got one, drop it in the comments.  Like I said, I was trying to describe what I remembered from an old James Bond movie.  At least it was better than those Side Straddle Hops.  Maybe before I Q next time, I’ll find the clip and get the movements right.  #notaprofessional

Thanks for the chance to lead.

Remember, be the light and the salt, gentlemen.

Swiss Miss

Hot Stepper

Here come the hot stepper, murderer
I’m the lyrical gangster, murderer
Pick up the crew in-a de area, murderer
Still love you like that

Sorry, but when I think of a small group of middle-aged white guys running around downtown Matthews with blinkie lights and headlamps, this type of lyrical hardness pops right to the top.

Thang:

4 dudes on a mission, cover some ground without dropping the Q or getting run over.  Mission Accomplished.

Cruise the  Matthews back alleys through the secret trail near the Building Supply that spits you out at a sketchy Hwy51 crossing with no stoplight.  Roll that dice and hit the Crews Road business park for some exercisin’ in the Charlotte Eagles parking  lot.  Next, head over to Crestdale Middle for a giant burpee starfish.   After this, head back down to the Jekyll and Hyde for some suicides and merkins.  Finishing Blow, AYG wind sprints back at Matthews Elementary.  I’m sure that there was more, but nobody really cares about this stuff anyway.  I think it was 5 miles or so.

Skin:

Nothing like jamming some Kidz Bop to get your head right for a big Q.  If you like to hear songs that you already hate taken to the next level, I suggest you give it a whirl.

Jefferson Airplane, Jefferson Starship, and Starship are a musical Bermuda triangle with a Venn Diagram on top.  I couldn’t find the Kidz Bop version of any of their songs this morning, so I went with the Hot Stepper in my opening monologue, but I’m still searching.  I think this is where I got the inspiration for the Giant Starfish, but it’s hard to really pinpoint this complex kind of emotion.

So we’re coming back to home base and I get this big loogie stuck in my throat.  Seriously, I almost harfed right on the sidewalk.  I figured that some wind sprints would either dislodge it, or my head, and decided to give it a whirl.  It was an interesting call, but it did set us up to check out the P51 crew who were also out in the back.  Turns out, they were taking turns beating Slim Fast with a bar of soap in a sock for telling them that the BRR was a “nice little jog in the mountains”.  I think the gig is up.  He’s playing chess while we play checkers out here though, so I’m probably way off base.

Those sprints got me fired up all right.  It was like when the Axl blows the whistle  in Paradise City and you are at the skating rink.  You’re out of quarters for Street Fighter, so it’s go time on the hardwoods.  Panama Jack has been giving you the business and it’s time to show everybody that you can still dominate, even with the orange rental skates.  At least, that’s how I felt at the moment.

As a side note,  just because they offer corn dogs as a side item at Cook Out doesn’t mean that it’s a good call.  I had some trouble keeping up with Tony Stark and the two kids this morning and I fully attribute it to this.  They dropped me like Brian Dunkleman on the 2nd season of American Idol.  BTW, Clay > Ruben.   Don’t @ me.

I will note that there was a failed attempt at naming one of the P51 FNGs as “VanillaNutTaps”.  Cruller was the substitute.  Maybe VNT would have been a better call.  It came from this Bushwood documentary video.

Gotta roll.  Working on my TJ Hooker costume for Scarowinds.  Come and check it out.

 

P.S.  Somehow, I’m on Q for Kevlar tomorrow.  If you made it this far, you need to come on out and see Part 2 in person.

 

– HH

 

 

 

Dunkin’, no Bushwood

This morning, there was no Bushwood at the Donut Run. Was he hurt? Did he have to work? Was he watching the kiddos? I suspect it was none of these! Because yesterday news broke that Dunkin’ Donuts will be dropping the Donuts and known as “Dunkin’”.

https://money.cnn.com/2018/09/25/news/dunkin-donuts-new-name/index.html

The reason Bushwood was not present was because he was MAD! And I quote (from Slack), “Stupid. Almost as bad as when IHOP went to IHOB”. And that doesn’t even include the obscenities he was mumbling under his breathe.

While he was washing his mouth out with soap, the rest of us ran…

Tolkien and Flipper continued their bromance and ran the Long John route. Don’t kid yourself – I’m just jealous.

Wild Turkey and Insomniac got in 6. Turkey Leg, Uncle Phil, Enron, Polly and Baracus ran all the way to Providence (no turn on Candlewyck) and got in about 6.5. Fleetwood got in 7.

I resurrected the 4.5 mile Jello route and was joined by Adobe (whom I hope we see out more). I wanted to get in a decent run, without overdoing before my first 10k at Isabella Santos. I remember a year ago, when I ran this route and was happy to hit 50 minutes. Today, I did it in 42:10!

As for the donut run, it will remain the same. Heck, I’m actually kind of glad that Dunkin dropped the Donuts – this is what you get for not letting paying customers park in front of your store! #kharma

 

Announcements:

Isabella Santos 5k/10k – This Saturday

Let Them Soar 5k – Nov 10th. https://letthemsoar5k.racesonline.com/

Crane Relay – It’s coming

https://f3southcharlotte.com/2018/07/14/the-crane-relay/

Apologies to the missed names, let me know and I’ll edit the BackBlast.

Touring the Ridge

21 PAX joined YHC and decided to brave the perfect morning weather for a little tour of the school grounds.

Warmup: 

Disclaimer provided. Run around parking lot and down to other end.    All IC: Mountain Climbers x15, Peter Parkers x15, Plank Jacks x15, Merkins x15

Then run to other end of parking lot and back, 5 squats every third tree on way out (30), 5 jump squats every third tree back in (30)

Thang:

To side of HS: All IC- 5 merkins, 5 wide arm, 5 diamonds, 5 stagger right, 5 stagger left

Then pair up- P1 run to end and across street and back, P2 shoulder taps with feet on wall-100-200 per team depending on whether expert instructions were actually followed.

Back side of school -military count-5 each of merkins, wide arm, diamond, stagger right and left

Then P1 run around circle globe, P2 Jump squats -150 as a team

Continue to maintenance building-P1 run around building, P2 donkey kicks-150 as a team

Run around path to cafeteria-Squats x20 IC

Then P1 run down and around very small section of track, P2 burpees-50 as a team

Run back to start, stopping at end of parking lot, 5 merkins every third tree-Total 30

Various mary/planks were completed during the fun-All 1000 IC (Abs of Steel)

Moleskin:

It has to have been close to a couple of years since YHC last Q’d Dromedary so it was great to get back out and run around.   Been skipping Wednesdays recently because ?

Good to see many faces I hadn’t seen in a while.   We even had a Flipper and Ice 9 sighting.

As usual, plan was to keep the heart rate up while doing some good ol’ fashioned partner work.  Still got in about 2.5, which I know all appreciated.

Announcements:

Christ Closet Ministry-Service Opportunity, 10/4, please see Ice 9’s Backblast for full details

F3 Dads Camping-10/19-10/20, see slack channel for details

Kotters Q

It has been quite some time since I’ve Q’d.  I’ll spare everyone the explanation/excuses and get to the workout.  Great to be back at the helm.

The Thang:

Warm-up with light mosey including butt kickers, high knees and backwards run.  Much to the delight of Haze who remarked “wow, an actual warm-up”.  You’re welcome.

COP: Merkins x 10 IC / LS squat x 15 IC / Imperial walker x 10 IC / Burp n merk up to 5 merkins

Grassy knoll circuit: bear crawl up and over the knoll, plank walk back to staring position, lunge walk perimeter of bricks x 2

Merkin ladder: 1 up to 10 from curb to curb across parking lot

Groups of 3 and do the following:

  • Station 1 (timer station) – grassy knoll area has 10 columns: alternate 5 donkey kicks then 5 diamond merkins at columns (25 total of each); complete and then relieve station 2
  • Station 2 (roundabout) – 5 squats every other set of trees on the way down; return with 5 wide arm merkins at every set (repeat until relieved by station 1, then relieve station 3)
  • Station 3 (tables by Church) – 10 step ups / 10 derkins / 10 dips (repeat until relieved by station 2, head to station 1)

Ring of Fire: always a real crowd pleaser. All pax were extremely excited about this call.

Head to end of parking lot by launch: Plank up; AYG to launch when I say go, but first let’s hold it and go 6 inches. Another well received call subsequent to the ring of fire.

Mary: Flutter x 15 IC / Freddy Mercury x 15 IC / 10 diamonds OYO

Done

 

Wonderful morning and great temps out there today.  No one fell behind and everyone pushed to their personal limit. Apologies to Haze as Q errantly accused him of heckling. Of course I was simply taking a 50/50 shot at it either being Haze or Spackler; confirmed it was Spackler asking when warmup would be done.  Q was also highly praised for his ability to rotate with compass-like precision during LS squat. I credit my 3 years (with no degree) of engineering in college for that skill.  Haze serenaded the pax to the obligatory Johnny Cash ring of fire and we are all blessed for that experience.

COT:

Mermaid made a great mention that September is national suicide prevention awareness month.  It is very easy to fall into the trap of hiding our difficulties and not confiding in our community when we are facing depression, anxiety, etc.  Please be aware that many of our brothers and families are facing great struggles and may not be reaching out for help.  We are instructed to love thy neighbor, so remember that everyone is valued and loved in God’s eyes and we can be the light for someone in need.  Mermaid and I have both lost family members to suicide, and are more than willing to talk to anyone that is facing these issues personally or knows someone who is.  Mermaid took us out.

A pleasure and an honor.

Brushback

Salsa, baby!

YHC was substiQ for BooYah, who was scheduled to make his triumphant return to Gumby this morning, but got cold feet and pushed it back a few weeks.
Music today was sponsored by Salsa Warriors – a NYC-based station that plays the best Salsa on the planet (or at least that’s what they’ve been telling me).

Devo: Schedule a “worry hour” at 5:00pm every day, and you may soon realize that’s not worth it.  Based on Matthew 6:27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? (NIV)

Vinyasa – 1X slow to take time to de-kink, then 3X OYO to warm up

The Main Thang:
LEFT: Lizard 45s
Hammy stretch 45s
Lizard Quad 45s
REPEATO RIGHT
Vinyasa 1X OYO

Move to Table Top

LEFT: Bird dog/Cheetah 5X
Side Split 45s
Twist Side Hip 45s
REPEATO RIGHT
Vinyasa 1X OYO

Squat down for:
Malasana 60s
Vinyasa 1X OYO

Move to Down Dog then:
LEFT: Pigeon 60s
REPEATO RIGHT
Vinyasa 1X OYO

Seated twist 30s (L+R)
Prone shoulder flip 45s (L+R)
Vinyasa 1X OYO
Back down to six:
Lie back:
Single knee hug 45s (L/R)
Supine twist 45s (L/R)
Dead pigeon 45s (L/R)
Happy baby 45s
Neck stretch 45s (L+R)
Half Cow Face 45s (L/R)

TIME!
Announcements
Isabella Santos Run, 9/29/18: https://isabellasantosfoundation.org/annual-5k-for-ids-cancer/
F3 Dads at Kinetic Heights – see #F3Dads channel on Slack
Crane Relay, 10/26
Let Them Soar, 5K 11/10/18:  https://letthemsoar5k.racesonline.com/

Moleskin
Why is the dipping sauce also called Salsa, and which came first, the food or the music or dance?  Comment below if you know, if you don’t know but have a guess or if you don’t care because guacamole is better anyway and all those songs sounded the same.

Give to the poor in the name of Jesus

Christ’s Closet is a ministry started by the men of F3Sanctuary. We give away clothes, books, furniture, and household gifts in the name of Jesus. Because He told us to. I hope He is telling you to join us.

Our next giveaway is Thursday, October 3rd, at the Petersberg Primary School in Pageland, South Carolina. 98.8% of the students are on free or reduced lunch. The poverty in their families is palpable. In past years, kids leave the giveaway with the first book they have ever owned, and the only “new” clothes they can remember receiving. God brings these families to us so we can serve and love on them in the name of Jesus.

You can help at any one or more of the below insertion points on Thursday, October 3. If you show, God has provided a free and awesome Christ’s Closet mudgear shirt for you.

  • Noon.  Load the truck at Christ’s Closet house at 6025 New Town Road, Waxhaw, NC 28173.
  • 3pm.   Set up at Petersberg Primary School at 326 N. Arnold Street, Pageland, SC 29728
  • 6-8pm.  Giveaway. Serve and pray with our guests.
  • 8pm. Load whatever is left back on the truck at the school.
  • 8:45-9:15(ish). Unload whatever is left at Christ’s Closet house at 6025 New Town Road, Waxhaw, NC 28173.

Heavy WAMRAP

With the promise of McGee out of town I was able to rope in two site FNG’s to WAMRAP Wednesday at Waverly – Woohoo.  They were excited to be there.

A little warm up jog out beyond the Camp Gladiator crew and back to the cars.

The Thang

Every man grab a 50# sand bag from the trunk.  Much excitement now.  Haul it up to the top of the parking deck.  Start the cycle.

Run down staircase 1 and back up.  10 old school sit ups.

Carry sandbag down staircase 2 and back up.  10 bent over rows with bag.

Run down staircase 3 and back up.  Line up on parking line.  2 Merkins, plank walk left one space, 2 Merkins.  At the 5th space turn and plank walk right and repeat.  10 total stops and 20 total merkins.

Run down the ramp, 10 8-Count Body Builders, backwards run up the ramp.

Repeat.

With 3 minutes left we carried the sandbags back to the car.

The Thang.

Strong work out there, everyone kept it pretty much in the red line zone.  No Orange Theory at WAMRAP.  4-5 rounds performed by each of us.  Thanks for the effort Purell and Lex Luthor!

50# sandbags up and down stairs are a smoker.

8-Count Body Builders are Purell’s kryptonite (and bear crawls, but we didn’t do those).  I utilized the short arm advantage here to keep up with him through the circuit.

Lex encouraged us all to grab a ruck and go do a GoRuck Heavy and how easy Selection is if you keep your mind right and just focus on the task at hand.

Thanks to Lex for the takeout.

 

-Alf