Author Archive Spackler

Deer in headlights

What was 9 could have been 11.  Then again last week, which was 8, could have been 9.  9 is greater than 8 which ultimately means that Gloss loses.  If you understand the sauce in which I’m stirring then you would have had no problem with the triple dime bag disguised as only a nickel.

Off we went after a brief warning to the Pax.

Station #1 – The track – 10 merkins at the 4 corners

Station #2 – Bleacher work – 10 derkins, 10 step ups, 10 dips

Station #3 – Rock work – 10 curls, 10 overhead press

Station #4 – Parking lot – triple dime bags – squats on one end, dry dogs on the other

That was the loop.  We did 3 full loops – touch over 3 miles

One round of stomache’ with each Pax leading an exercise.

4 rounds of wind sprints



Man, lots of stuff going on.  So much.  Probably too much.  I’d check Slack or somebody else’s BB

With one exception, only because I like Stone Cold, watch Twitter for possible game of ultimate Frisbee at Joust on Friday morning.



T claps to Jet Fuel for reminding YHC yesterday, at Hawks Nest, that I was on the schedule today at DV.  Get on your games Dolly/Smokey.  Alf is pissed and he is the new Assistant Deputy in town.

The damn deer were playing games with us again on the track.  For those at FT a few years ago (which was the last time I attended) you know what I am talking about.  I offered up both Marge and SC to tackle the damn thing and help it over the fence but they were both scared.  I’d a done it myself but I too busy Q’ing.

The triple dime bag – it’s apparently a thing now.  And you don’t smoke it but it seems to smoke you.  You are welcome.

Not a ton of chatter but I did hear something about Hannibal and a bunch of dudes planning on going up to some cabin aka brothel in the mountains to watch the BRR?  I feel I have a pretty good get away game myself but my wife would never buy that.  Good luck to you gentlemen.

Thanks to Smokey for the prayer.


The Long Way




10 pax avoided the fart sack and posted on this gloriously moist morning.

The Thang

We warmed up – light yog, couple rounds of swings x 20, merkins, IW’s.

CMIYC around the church with your partner – Partner 1 carries both bells, Partner 2 10 diamond merkins

We finished that wonderful lap and reconvened over at the tennis pavilion aka Hot Yoga Studio

Complete 3 rounds and run down yonder and back – 20 one armed swings, 15 push press, 10 snatches

Complete 2 rounds and run down yonder and back – 20 merkins on bell, 15 high pulls, 10 lawn mowers

CMIYC back around the church going to opposite direction – crowd pleaser

COP – stomache’ exercises with a few rounds of swings




Not sure how it happens that YHC doesn’t Q for months and then gets 2 Q’s in 4 days, at the same AO.  Pretty sure those who made it both Friday and today got their $$$ worth.  See you guys again in a few months.

It was unbearably moist today.  Very thankful that none of us had to see Gloss this morning.  That shirt would have been off during the warm up.

Chatter was minimal – it was almost as if everyone was saving their energy for the last CMIYC lap.  Those were brutal.  Forearms were gassed which hasn’t happened to YHC since high school :-/

You know what?  This is all I got.  I’m tired and this is work for me.  My creative juices only flow once per week, not twice in 4 days.  Ask my …nevermind.






Lucifer’s Ladder

18 men at Kevlar.  TR wasn’t there.  Again.   No more moobs Friday.  Not fun Friday.   He would’ve probably needed it too.  #selfish

We ran 2.3 total.  Mostly uphill.  We lifted rocks.  Some did burpees, others opted for Merkins.  Lots.   Of.   Merkins.   Squats.  Stomaché.  Dry Dogs.  You name it.  We did it.  It was amazing.

No records were set today but real men showed up.  Huge men.  Yuge.   Not the queer-like gentleladies that show up at the other Friday AOs.

Observations are only read by those that need lifting up.  However, I will do my best:

  • Busch barely ever shows up.   When he does he makes us all look bad.  Proud of you.
  • Bulldog opted for merkins over burpees today.  I love making an impact on people.  Burpees are lame.
  • Pop Tart lamented ALL MORNING about his beer mile loss.  Try harder.  Drink faster.  Seems easy.  BTW, saw OrangeWhip staring at your biceps.  Weird.
  • Sunshine is 18.  Dude doesn’t cheat on a rep.  Haven’t had a chance to talk to him much but I can get that changed soon enough.  Cheating on reps that is……
  • Didn’t hear Puddin flatulate once today.  Not enough stomachè called I guess.  Thank the Lord
  • I called the mountain climber the running man.  Blame the lack of booze.
  • FNG gave us more ammo than anyone I can remember in 6 years.  He also exclaimed, “Should’ve know better than to come and work out with a bunch of white boys”.  We named him Ziggy.  Terrible.  Where is TR during times like these?   Wtf man.  Horsehead texted later in the day saying he liked Black & Mild.  Way better than Ziggy.  What say you?


Check somebody else’s B.B. for announcements.   Can’t believe I did this much.  #overachiever


Substi – Who?

15 gentlemen and 2 ass clowns attended #F3Hydra this morning.  It was mentioned several times by many that they were expecting a sh*t show of a Q.  Well to their surprise, I wasn’t nearly as hungover as expected so they all had to #EAD and we were off.

The Thing

Mosey around school all the way back to the football field.

Quick warm up with SSH and IW.

Soul Crush Ladder to 11 – Jump Squats on one end, Dry Dogs on the other.  10 merkins at 50 yard line each time on the way down.  Felt a bit aggressive right out the gate but Kirk was there so I was trying to impress.

The Balloon Knot –

Station A – 10 pull ups

Station B – 20 dips

Station C – 30 LBC’s

Station D – 40 squats

Home Base – 5 burpees

Mosey across the street, past 2 cops, to the church of the Ozarks.  Partner up.  Partner A runs while Partner B does name exercise with rocks.  Did a little this and that.

Back to AO.  1 round of sprints.  Finished with a bit of stowmache and wide arm merkins.



Being the unselfish gentleman that I am, I offered to subst-Q for somebody this week.  I mean it was 46 degrees with no rain so those are conditions that allow this machine of a body to run Q successfully.  Good group of guys but none better than the 2 ass clowns, SG and Gummy.  Those guys truly care.  Yesterday about 2:30 as I was lamenting my lack of birdies on Quail (ho hum) and drowning myself in several coors lights at Zee Lodge, I got an encouraging call from SG letting me know he was HC.  Gummy, when finding out I was keeping the Lodge in business during early afternoons on quite the daily basis, texted me to make sure I knew I had the Q today.  What would I do without these guys.  #Caring.  Then they proceeded to show up and b*tch the entire time.  Pretty sure they held hands or maybe even went trunk to tail during the Soul Crusher.  It was cute.  Gloss claims he didn’t do merkins on his knees but we all know what the knee condom is for.  I can’t forget to mention Jet Fuel as well.  He too is a kind gentlemen who texted me to remind me of Q.  He also tried to HC Bounce today but to no avail.   Heard Bounce had quite the night at Swinging Richards so he wasn’t physically able to participate.  Queen, Kirk, Egypt and One Eye possibly led the pack during SC.  Couldn’t really tell from 12th position though.  Burpees were called and even completed by YHC much to Kirk’s surprise.  Last item of business pertains to Gloss because it’s just too fun – he always to tries to get all witty with his Orange Theory comments when I Q now and I find it quite hilarious.  Is it more queer that I go to OT occasionally or that your wife makes you go see a personal trainer, that is a DUDE, who works out of his garage?  You get one on one time with a dude practicing kegels and hot yoga while I just might get lucky enough to get to jog a few miles at OT next to some 30-40 something housewife of Mecklenburg County that just might be trying to smuggle jellybeans into the workout.  You make the call.  Tiattts.



See Gloss Twitter feed to donate to Jennings in his battle with Leukemia.


Murderhorn Challenge

20 showed to The Maul.  I’d say it was safe to say nobody knew what to expect, besides Haze, who commented that my “Q” would be a disaster on The Twitter.  The best part was my #nonQ this morning kicked him in the throat.  He will admit it.  Disaster this…..

That Thing We Did

The Murderhorn Challenge – #TMC, #TMHC, #EADPH

Run around the theatre to the top of MH.  Do 10 merkins.  Run down MH and do 10 squats at the base.  Repeat until 6:10 err 6:05.

Back to camp for some Mary led by only those names I absolutely knew, so 5 of the 20.

Last minute of burpees – yes I did a few.  Good to see so many refusnik.  Love that trend.



Mic Check – Unknown

Hops – 8

No show – 8

Tag-a-long – 8

Teddy – 9

Commish – 5

MT – 8

Squid – 8

Loogie – 5

Kirby – 5

Carmen San Diego – 7

Morning Wood – 8

Speed Bag – 6

Patent Pending – 5

Shrink Wrap –

Private Benjamin – 7

Snowflake – 8

Purple Haze – 9

Huggie Bear – 7

Spackler – 8



If you know me then you’ve come to realize the most of my Q’s involve very little Q and a lot of cardio.  Why?  Possibly bc I’ve seen too many Q’s go horribly wrong with too much instruction.  You know how to limit the chatter?  Run em.  Shut em up.   Said it last week and I will say it again, if you don’t at least get 3 miles in a bootcamp then it is a waste of time.  My personal opinion.  If you disagree, WHO CARES #ThanksRadar

Congrats to Purple Haze for winning this years edition of #TMC with 9 total times up.  Well, he technically tied with Teddy but he indeed did beat Teddy.  That was shocking.  Pick it up Teddy.  I would have lost a mortgage on that bet #embarrassing.  Gotta give PH credit though, those little midget legs were cooking.  Of course it helps that they are basically only carrying his 14 lb beard.  As I said, don’t shave that thing man or you will look like Tom Hanks in Philadelphia.  This is where Haze is reading this stroking his beard, shaking his head and thinking why am I even friends with Spackler?  I’m just jealous.  I can’t grow a beard.

YHC did take a barb from MT about not finishing at the top of Murderhorn or something to that effect.  Brushed it off as friendly Gamecock fire.

Good to see the other 4 folks I knew and a few of you other gentlemen that I recognized from years past but didn’t say anything simply bc that gets awkward.  You know it.  I know it.

See most of you next year!






Hizzle’s Knoll

Hello.  My name is Spackler.


8 guys showed up at Death Valley.  I remember when this number used to be 28.  8 is much easier to contain.  It was fun.  Glorious.  Absolutely Fantastic.

The Thing

Pseudo disclaimer was said.  We went off campus to Spackhizzle’s Knoll.  We ran up and down it a few times.  Lots of merkins.  Some Mary now and again.  Maybe a squat or two.  No monkey humpers.  Back to the basics.  3.6 miles covered because we are men.  Should always be at least 3 miles covered or it’s a waste.  Except for F3Meatspank on Thursdays and some of those other 0.0’s.  Those guys like steroids and small junk so who are we to judge?

The skin

I hate BB.  Used to be fun.  It’s not now.

I picked the partners today.  It was exciting if not just downright freeing.  You should try it.  You are welcome

Smokey and Dollywood led the way all day as partners.  Blah blah blah

Horsehead mumbled a few times.  I made out “stupid”, “Princess Leia and her ankle chain” and something about F3 supposed to be getting easier when you’ve been a part of it for 6 years but it hasn’t.  You clearly need the “Spackler’s guide to F3 – 2012-18 editions”.  F3 is easy.

Puddin took us out in prayer and he is a good man for doing so.  BTW, serious question….not a big fan of hugging all over you sweaty as* gents after a workout anymore – not that I was to begin with but – full hand clasp on sweaty shoulders for some of you – is that a thing?  It’s flu season.  Sickos.


Ask TR





Off the cuff

Nice and early BB today.  Yes I am golfing.  Bloody Mary’s by 9.


Per the pre tweet – We ran 3+, we did merkins, we stayed off the grass (not the ganja) and we had some gentlemanly 2ndF.

Total of 8 pax.


Bounce said he would post.  Got a text from him at 3am as he was making his own All Star breakfast at Waffle House saying he wasn’t going to make it.  #HeIsGettingFat.

Bananas HC’d yesterday.  No show.  He drinks too much #holidays

Buttermaker keeps saying he wants to make an F3 comeback.  Today was a great opportunity.  He evidently had some mayoral duties to take care of over at OT.  #OhHiMike #HeIsTheOTMayor

Bulldog chose his warm gummy bear yoga this morning over Hydra #Bullocks

Tiger Rag – Seriously how long does a broken pinky toe keep one on IR?  IT HAS BEEN HALF A YEAR.  He’s got to be pushing 240 by now.  Everybody needs to start peppering him.

Semi Gloss broke, BROKE, his foot 2 months ago and was out this morning.  Notwithstanding his constant whining, I am proud of him. #Gross

Otherwise, it was a very gentlemanly crew this morning.  Not very easy to talk smack to the likes of Purple Haze, Marge, Queen, Lazy Boy, Hopper, Sleepy etc.  It was a very clean workout, the exception being Gloss’ 2 inch inseam running shorts #DudeYourBallsAreShowing


Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Kwanzaa, Feliz Navidad,

Shake it off

Um, Spackler is on Q at Skunk?  Wait, does he even do F3 anymore?  Is OT closed?  Is that refusnik even allowed to Q?  Is this a joke?

22, including YHC, pondered many of those questions coming into this highly anticipated Q of the week.

After a quick prayer from Chin Music, the parade was off.

That thing

Partner up for CMIYC #LikeSizeBells should have been reinforced – Partner 1 – 10 merkins and catch Partner 2 who was running with both bells – once caught each do 10 swings and flapjack

Did the loop around the church to end at base of hill

Drop your partner for some solo Triple Dimeage – 10 swings at base, 10 wide arm merkins at top – 5 times total

Quick stomaaaaach.

Mosey to front (?) of church with partners again.  Partner 1 runs around church while Partner 2 performs 3 exercizes.  Flapjack.  Exercises included 10 one handed swings, 10 snatch to press and 10 high pulls.  We did that for awhile.

Mosey back to lot to end with some more stomaaaaach.



Always glad when you have an even number of PAX so it doesn’t screw up your plans.  Not so glad when YHC gets un-lucky enough to partner up with Crotch Rocket and his 678lb Russian Skittle.  Made the running awkward and I’ve already scheduled my next ‘massage’.

There were either lots of fast CMIYC’ers this morning or you took a page out of my Refusnik for Dummies prep book and failed to do all the swings.  I’m going with the latter.

One of 4 reasons for all the running in this Meathead-esque #Sh*tshow today:  1.  Nothing like seeing #PreRunners en route to the parade  2.  Waking to a stiff barb tweetsie from High Tide  3.  YHC doesn’t know half the KB exercises  4.  ALL OF THE ABOVE

I didn’t forget about Baracas trying to insinuate (had to look that up) that YHC pulled his game plan from last weeks Skunk.  I’m a veteran sir.  When I flatulate I own it.  I did not have flatulence this morning.

Only chatter heard had to do with #ACC fooseball which was quickly dismissed

Ok that’s enough.  Forearms are tightening up.


Announcements – sign up ASAP – not sure if it is still open or not.

5K run on Nov 4th at Covenant Day supporting  Check the site for more info.

Southern Discomfort is this Saturday.

F3 Expansion is Yuge and getting Yuger expanding on 10/28/17 in both St Louis and Austin, TX, not Austin, Massachusetts on the same day.  Emails are and  Tell a friend.  Call them.  Text them.  Social Mediatize them.  Just be cool.  This is not a cult.  Let Crotch Rocket know if you are ever interested in helping with the Expansion efforts.  F3Bermuda and F3Kona volunteers are not needed at this time as I’ve already filled those requests.

Keep The Shore and his family in your prayers



Per the usual

There were 9 of us.  It was splendid.  Little moist but still splendid.  Certainly thankful for this time of year as its just not quite cold enough for Runstopper to bless us with his lulu lemon yoga pants.

We warmed up with a little this and that.

Partner up and CMIYC down to Stonewall Jackson’s cannon (shocked that is still there and that it hasn’t offended anyone yet).

Stay with partners and while Partner 1 runs loop the other does merkins and flap jack.  Next exercise was jump squats.  Did both cumulatively x 200.

Indian Run through the hood to some street that looked like a half pipe and did grinders for a bit.

Headed back to AO via Windyrush and completed 10 H2H at each street lamp.

Runstopper finished us off (sounds gross) with Jack Webb up to 9.


Gloss has AIDS.  Full blown AIDS

Could hardly quell the Clemtech excitement from Marge and Deep Dish (who BTW was proudly wearing his orange BEARS tshirt #BringBackCutler)

I am now an Alabama Fan #RTR.  Thanks Jet Fuel

MAD came out like a juvenile thoroughbred running his first Pimlico race this morning – aaaaaaand then we lost him somewhere around turn 4

Runstopper was way too excited to lead Jack Webb at the end.


Sign up to for the Golf Event on Oct 27th at 1pm.  This is our regions major event to make an impact for F3 Expansion.  Make it work.  Beer + Golf = Awesome



A Gentlemen’s Convergence

34 pax including 2 FNG’s converged upon the monstrous AO known as Anvil to see what both Mermaid and YHC had planned for the special morning.

The Thang

Mermaid led us around a loop for a quick, yet painful, COP

SSH, IW, Mnt Climbers, 6 inches with leg lifts, burpees etc.  There may have been a few more.  It was a shoulder smoker

Spack Q

Partner up for CMIYC to McAlpine Elementary – other partner 10 merkins.  Once you get to the school you and your partner knock out 50 burpees and 100 merkins cumulatively.  Then CMIYC back to Anvil.  Mary until the six got back.

Mary and more running – partner 1 runs down to the last light pole and back while partner 2 does Mary.  Flapjack.  300 Dolly.  100 bicycle.

Finished with 6 100 yard sprints


Once again Mermaid delivered the most eloquent disclaimer that could be given in all A51.  Just glad you remembered to include me in there.  #Belch

Hadn’t seen Alf in awhile.  Should have brought those screwdrivers.  Next time.

Mermaid and YHC agreed he would run the COP and I would take care of the rest.  He promised a shoulder smoker.  He delivered.  His portion was less than 10 minutes and YHC had Deep Dish all up in his ear begging me to takeover the workout sooner.

Lot’s of chatter early.  “You suck Spackler”  “Real original Spackler”  “He must have made this up on the drive over this morning”.  All somewhat true statements.  Chatter didn’t last long.  Mission accomplished.

YHC told the FNG’s to partner up with a vet so they didn’t get lost on the run.  Horsehead partnered with one.  His FNG ditched him.

Lot’s of fast guys out there today.  You don’t need YHC to mention you.  Keep your pride in check fellas.

Several ‘vets’ and I won’t mention their names but Semi Gloss, Baracas and Stone Cold all decided to do face to face imaginary tea bag squats in lieu of burpees and merkins.  Must be BRR season.  #ProudOfYou

“What is a balloon knot” was among several awkward moments presented in the church parking lot this AM.

We had 2 FNG’s – respond below in comments to finalize –

John – (Full House but I’d like to throw out Kimmy or Gibbler)

Jake – ( Jockstrap but I like Fundies)

Appreciate Hops taking us out in prayer.

Thank You to Stinger for sharing his story today.  Powerful stuff.  Hope to catch you at an AO in the near future.


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