Author Archive Spackler

The Broken Promise(s)

Promises were made. It wouldn’t be raining, we would stay on the pavement and it wouldn’t be leg day. But crazy things can happen at 5am in the morning on the drive to Anvil. I had it all ‘planned’. Well some of it at least. Fine, just a little of it. At the very least, I knew I wasn’t going to start out with what seems to be the least favorite called exercise amongst the pax currently, the vaunted SSH. And there def weren’t going to be burpees because, well, I refuse to do them. Sorry Mermaid and Runstopper. Nope, but the little I did have planned got tossed out the window when making a left onto Rea from Rea. There in his Hi Viz Spalding shirt and LuLu shorts gliding down the sidewalk was HIPAA. “Oh I see, Spackler is leading. Probably won’t get that good of a workout in so I’ll got ahead and get some mileage pre Anvil”. The F*&&*&?! nerve. As Gloss would say, I calmed my Tiattts long enough to get out a gentlemen like, well thought out, effective, probably the best ever in 2019, disclaimer and then we were off.

The Thing

Mosey to the front of the church

15 IW; 10 merkins, 10 Mnt Climbers, 10 LSS

Mosey to the hill that sucketh – Five Knolls

Partner up for what has become known as The Half Pipe

Partners complete 10 merkins a piece at bottom – Partner 1 runs up Five Knolls and completed 10 squats at top – Partner 2 runs other direction and ‘bangs’ a left onto Wood Whistle and completes 10 squats. Meet back at bottom and repeat going opposite directions – 3 total trips up Five Knolls per pax.

Mosey back with a few stops for stomache’, maybe an air chair was thrown in by the guy with short legs.

To the rock pile for some curls, push press and tea bags for a few min.

Back to cars through some quite moist fields (who knew??) to finish up with more stomache’ – favorite being the vaunted, soul crushing Back Scratchers. #urwelcome and #EADtm.

The skinny

I know many are patiently waiting for the return of TR. It’s gonna happen soon. Radar, almost had him back. Bounce, gone forever to OT. Spackler, well boys – rumor is true – I’m back for good. Might even have to awaken the Libated Camel. Still waiting on a signature form there. Buckle up.

Listen up – I’m just going to say one thing. That hill BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWS. “Great Q Five Knolls”. Give credit where it is due. That hill requires short legs, a healthy liver and maybe a above average dose of HGH – none of which YHC possesses……at the moment. Congrats to Haze, who rumor has it can check off all 3 requirements above. Lorax ,Brillo and Snooka (57?!) were others who appeared to perform well. The rest of us just suck. I mean that in the nicest way possible. Don’t let it ruin your day boys.

By the way, it wasn’t raining.


Joe Davis Run – sign up at

March 23rd – Dash for Down Syndrome in Blakeney. Looking for Speed For Need runners/pushers. Email

Who Dis?

It was fantastic for 13 gentlemen and Semi Gloss.

Warm up jog plus some exercises

Speedbump work – wide armed merkins, diamonds, dry dogs – 10 @ each

Mosey to the rock pile at bottom of MH and partner up.

Partner 1 runs while partner 2 does rock work – curls, push press and tricep extensions – 3 rounds

Indian run up and down MH x 2

Hill and stomach work at the hill to the side of the theatre.



YHC at least knew 4-5 of the 14 pax.  Solid 35%.  That’s what you get when you post SOB twice a year.

Many strong efforts noted but the skinnier Tolkien aka Happy Meal was crushing it

Squid needs some F3 marketing material to hand out – told him to request from Alf

Apparently slippery wet hills are frowned upon – as are back scratchers

BB’s should be 140 words or less.  Welcome.





Estrella de mar de chocolate

10 came out to Hydra. Er’body got wet.

We ran to HT

Circle up

15 LSQ

15 IW

Starfish x 2 (20 at each corner – 10 at the center)

1st round – merkins, dry docks, wide arm, diamond – 10 decline at center

2nd round – jump knee tucks, Mary Katherine, Monkey Humpers, Squats – 10 incline at center

Mosey back to church across street from AO for stomache’ and “sprints” – exercises included LBC, H2H, Freddy Mercury, Dolly

Mosey around school back to AO for the jerkin merkin circle

20 LBC in cadence

The skinny

This was the kind of morning I wish OTF would have been outdoors but it was F3 so I had to stare at a bunch of dudes in wet shirts instead.

I was really hoping to wake up to unrelenting rain and lightning so I could bag the Q.  Threatened it yesterday on The Twitter after many post golf libations.  Thought I had convinced myself but when I checked the radar during my daily 3am piss it was clear that it wasn’t going to be that bad.  Plus I am a man of my word.  Deal w it.

Thought about doing partner merkins (hands to partners knees), monkey humpers and firemen carry squats the entire time under cover of the school awning to stay dry, but when I remembered that Gummy and Stone Cold were running in it was clear that plans would change to add some mileage for them.  I’m never a selfish Q.

Evidently Jet Fuel works out with his shirt tucked in.  All the time.  Gummy says he looks like he belongs in a Dick’s Sporting Goods commercial as the family dad frolicking with his kids.  I still see him as the odd American in a Japanese Kirin Light commercial winking at a 210 lb Japanese chick over a plate of sticky rice.  Konichiwa beetches.

Hopper and I had a few funny moments which won’t be mentioned on here.  Let’s just say I see cars coming in a parking lot when it’s dark out and they have their lights on.

Couple flatulent moments out there, thankfully none that I heard or were even close to from Puddin.  Ever fart in the shower?  That’s what it was like.  Hopper wanted to know if you are truly clean if you fart in the shower?

Nobody pushed the “sprints” in my group except for HIPAA, Hopper, HIPAA, Queen and Sleepy.  Which leaves YHC.  Only Sprockets sprinted in group 2.  Stone Cold and Gummy were only thinking about their run home.

Thank you Puddin for taking us out in prayer.  Thoughts and prayers to all those in the path of Michael.


None.  But still expect some kind of comment from High Tide pushing gear on everyone.



Deer in headlights

What was 9 could have been 11.  Then again last week, which was 8, could have been 9.  9 is greater than 8 which ultimately means that Gloss loses.  If you understand the sauce in which I’m stirring then you would have had no problem with the triple dime bag disguised as only a nickel.

Off we went after a brief warning to the Pax.

Station #1 – The track – 10 merkins at the 4 corners

Station #2 – Bleacher work – 10 derkins, 10 step ups, 10 dips

Station #3 – Rock work – 10 curls, 10 overhead press

Station #4 – Parking lot – triple dime bags – squats on one end, dry dogs on the other

That was the loop.  We did 3 full loops – touch over 3 miles

One round of stomache’ with each Pax leading an exercise.

4 rounds of wind sprints



Man, lots of stuff going on.  So much.  Probably too much.  I’d check Slack or somebody else’s BB

With one exception, only because I like Stone Cold, watch Twitter for possible game of ultimate Frisbee at Joust on Friday morning.



T claps to Jet Fuel for reminding YHC yesterday, at Hawks Nest, that I was on the schedule today at DV.  Get on your games Dolly/Smokey.  Alf is pissed and he is the new Assistant Deputy in town.

The damn deer were playing games with us again on the track.  For those at FT a few years ago (which was the last time I attended) you know what I am talking about.  I offered up both Marge and SC to tackle the damn thing and help it over the fence but they were both scared.  I’d a done it myself but I too busy Q’ing.

The triple dime bag – it’s apparently a thing now.  And you don’t smoke it but it seems to smoke you.  You are welcome.

Not a ton of chatter but I did hear something about Hannibal and a bunch of dudes planning on going up to some cabin aka brothel in the mountains to watch the BRR?  I feel I have a pretty good get away game myself but my wife would never buy that.  Good luck to you gentlemen.

Thanks to Smokey for the prayer.


The Long Way




10 pax avoided the fart sack and posted on this gloriously moist morning.

The Thang

We warmed up – light yog, couple rounds of swings x 20, merkins, IW’s.

CMIYC around the church with your partner – Partner 1 carries both bells, Partner 2 10 diamond merkins

We finished that wonderful lap and reconvened over at the tennis pavilion aka Hot Yoga Studio

Complete 3 rounds and run down yonder and back – 20 one armed swings, 15 push press, 10 snatches

Complete 2 rounds and run down yonder and back – 20 merkins on bell, 15 high pulls, 10 lawn mowers

CMIYC back around the church going to opposite direction – crowd pleaser

COP – stomache’ exercises with a few rounds of swings




Not sure how it happens that YHC doesn’t Q for months and then gets 2 Q’s in 4 days, at the same AO.  Pretty sure those who made it both Friday and today got their $$$ worth.  See you guys again in a few months.

It was unbearably moist today.  Very thankful that none of us had to see Gloss this morning.  That shirt would have been off during the warm up.

Chatter was minimal – it was almost as if everyone was saving their energy for the last CMIYC lap.  Those were brutal.  Forearms were gassed which hasn’t happened to YHC since high school :-/

You know what?  This is all I got.  I’m tired and this is work for me.  My creative juices only flow once per week, not twice in 4 days.  Ask my …nevermind.






Lucifer’s Ladder

18 men at Kevlar.  TR wasn’t there.  Again.   No more moobs Friday.  Not fun Friday.   He would’ve probably needed it too.  #selfish

We ran 2.3 total.  Mostly uphill.  We lifted rocks.  Some did burpees, others opted for Merkins.  Lots.   Of.   Merkins.   Squats.  Stomaché.  Dry Dogs.  You name it.  We did it.  It was amazing.

No records were set today but real men showed up.  Huge men.  Yuge.   Not the queer-like gentleladies that show up at the other Friday AOs.

Observations are only read by those that need lifting up.  However, I will do my best:

  • Busch barely ever shows up.   When he does he makes us all look bad.  Proud of you.
  • Bulldog opted for merkins over burpees today.  I love making an impact on people.  Burpees are lame.
  • Pop Tart lamented ALL MORNING about his beer mile loss.  Try harder.  Drink faster.  Seems easy.  BTW, saw OrangeWhip staring at your biceps.  Weird.
  • Sunshine is 18.  Dude doesn’t cheat on a rep.  Haven’t had a chance to talk to him much but I can get that changed soon enough.  Cheating on reps that is……
  • Didn’t hear Puddin flatulate once today.  Not enough stomachè called I guess.  Thank the Lord
  • I called the mountain climber the running man.  Blame the lack of booze.
  • FNG gave us more ammo than anyone I can remember in 6 years.  He also exclaimed, “Should’ve know better than to come and work out with a bunch of white boys”.  We named him Ziggy.  Terrible.  Where is TR during times like these?   Wtf man.  Horsehead texted later in the day saying he liked Black & Mild.  Way better than Ziggy.  What say you?


Check somebody else’s B.B. for announcements.   Can’t believe I did this much.  #overachiever


Substi – Who?

15 gentlemen and 2 ass clowns attended #F3Hydra this morning.  It was mentioned several times by many that they were expecting a sh*t show of a Q.  Well to their surprise, I wasn’t nearly as hungover as expected so they all had to #EAD and we were off.

The Thing

Mosey around school all the way back to the football field.

Quick warm up with SSH and IW.

Soul Crush Ladder to 11 – Jump Squats on one end, Dry Dogs on the other.  10 merkins at 50 yard line each time on the way down.  Felt a bit aggressive right out the gate but Kirk was there so I was trying to impress.

The Balloon Knot –

Station A – 10 pull ups

Station B – 20 dips

Station C – 30 LBC’s

Station D – 40 squats

Home Base – 5 burpees

Mosey across the street, past 2 cops, to the church of the Ozarks.  Partner up.  Partner A runs while Partner B does name exercise with rocks.  Did a little this and that.

Back to AO.  1 round of sprints.  Finished with a bit of stowmache and wide arm merkins.



Being the unselfish gentleman that I am, I offered to subst-Q for somebody this week.  I mean it was 46 degrees with no rain so those are conditions that allow this machine of a body to run Q successfully.  Good group of guys but none better than the 2 ass clowns, SG and Gummy.  Those guys truly care.  Yesterday about 2:30 as I was lamenting my lack of birdies on Quail (ho hum) and drowning myself in several coors lights at Zee Lodge, I got an encouraging call from SG letting me know he was HC.  Gummy, when finding out I was keeping the Lodge in business during early afternoons on quite the daily basis, texted me to make sure I knew I had the Q today.  What would I do without these guys.  #Caring.  Then they proceeded to show up and b*tch the entire time.  Pretty sure they held hands or maybe even went trunk to tail during the Soul Crusher.  It was cute.  Gloss claims he didn’t do merkins on his knees but we all know what the knee condom is for.  I can’t forget to mention Jet Fuel as well.  He too is a kind gentlemen who texted me to remind me of Q.  He also tried to HC Bounce today but to no avail.   Heard Bounce had quite the night at Swinging Richards so he wasn’t physically able to participate.  Queen, Kirk, Egypt and One Eye possibly led the pack during SC.  Couldn’t really tell from 12th position though.  Burpees were called and even completed by YHC much to Kirk’s surprise.  Last item of business pertains to Gloss because it’s just too fun – he always to tries to get all witty with his Orange Theory comments when I Q now and I find it quite hilarious.  Is it more queer that I go to OT occasionally or that your wife makes you go see a personal trainer, that is a DUDE, who works out of his garage?  You get one on one time with a dude practicing kegels and hot yoga while I just might get lucky enough to get to jog a few miles at OT next to some 30-40 something housewife of Mecklenburg County that just might be trying to smuggle jellybeans into the workout.  You make the call.  Tiattts.



See Gloss Twitter feed to donate to Jennings in his battle with Leukemia.


Murderhorn Challenge

20 showed to The Maul.  I’d say it was safe to say nobody knew what to expect, besides Haze, who commented that my “Q” would be a disaster on The Twitter.  The best part was my #nonQ this morning kicked him in the throat.  He will admit it.  Disaster this…..

That Thing We Did

The Murderhorn Challenge – #TMC, #TMHC, #EADPH

Run around the theatre to the top of MH.  Do 10 merkins.  Run down MH and do 10 squats at the base.  Repeat until 6:10 err 6:05.

Back to camp for some Mary led by only those names I absolutely knew, so 5 of the 20.

Last minute of burpees – yes I did a few.  Good to see so many refusnik.  Love that trend.



Mic Check – Unknown

Hops – 8

No show – 8

Tag-a-long – 8

Teddy – 9

Commish – 5

MT – 8

Squid – 8

Loogie – 5

Kirby – 5

Carmen San Diego – 7

Morning Wood – 8

Speed Bag – 6

Patent Pending – 5

Shrink Wrap –

Private Benjamin – 7

Snowflake – 8

Purple Haze – 9

Huggie Bear – 7

Spackler – 8



If you know me then you’ve come to realize the most of my Q’s involve very little Q and a lot of cardio.  Why?  Possibly bc I’ve seen too many Q’s go horribly wrong with too much instruction.  You know how to limit the chatter?  Run em.  Shut em up.   Said it last week and I will say it again, if you don’t at least get 3 miles in a bootcamp then it is a waste of time.  My personal opinion.  If you disagree, WHO CARES #ThanksRadar

Congrats to Purple Haze for winning this years edition of #TMC with 9 total times up.  Well, he technically tied with Teddy but he indeed did beat Teddy.  That was shocking.  Pick it up Teddy.  I would have lost a mortgage on that bet #embarrassing.  Gotta give PH credit though, those little midget legs were cooking.  Of course it helps that they are basically only carrying his 14 lb beard.  As I said, don’t shave that thing man or you will look like Tom Hanks in Philadelphia.  This is where Haze is reading this stroking his beard, shaking his head and thinking why am I even friends with Spackler?  I’m just jealous.  I can’t grow a beard.

YHC did take a barb from MT about not finishing at the top of Murderhorn or something to that effect.  Brushed it off as friendly Gamecock fire.

Good to see the other 4 folks I knew and a few of you other gentlemen that I recognized from years past but didn’t say anything simply bc that gets awkward.  You know it.  I know it.

See most of you next year!






Hizzle’s Knoll

Hello.  My name is Spackler.


8 guys showed up at Death Valley.  I remember when this number used to be 28.  8 is much easier to contain.  It was fun.  Glorious.  Absolutely Fantastic.

The Thing

Pseudo disclaimer was said.  We went off campus to Spackhizzle’s Knoll.  We ran up and down it a few times.  Lots of merkins.  Some Mary now and again.  Maybe a squat or two.  No monkey humpers.  Back to the basics.  3.6 miles covered because we are men.  Should always be at least 3 miles covered or it’s a waste.  Except for F3Meatspank on Thursdays and some of those other 0.0’s.  Those guys like steroids and small junk so who are we to judge?

The skin

I hate BB.  Used to be fun.  It’s not now.

I picked the partners today.  It was exciting if not just downright freeing.  You should try it.  You are welcome

Smokey and Dollywood led the way all day as partners.  Blah blah blah

Horsehead mumbled a few times.  I made out “stupid”, “Princess Leia and her ankle chain” and something about F3 supposed to be getting easier when you’ve been a part of it for 6 years but it hasn’t.  You clearly need the “Spackler’s guide to F3 – 2012-18 editions”.  F3 is easy.

Puddin took us out in prayer and he is a good man for doing so.  BTW, serious question….not a big fan of hugging all over you sweaty as* gents after a workout anymore – not that I was to begin with but – full hand clasp on sweaty shoulders for some of you – is that a thing?  It’s flu season.  Sickos.


Ask TR





Off the cuff

Nice and early BB today.  Yes I am golfing.  Bloody Mary’s by 9.


Per the pre tweet – We ran 3+, we did merkins, we stayed off the grass (not the ganja) and we had some gentlemanly 2ndF.

Total of 8 pax.


Bounce said he would post.  Got a text from him at 3am as he was making his own All Star breakfast at Waffle House saying he wasn’t going to make it.  #HeIsGettingFat.

Bananas HC’d yesterday.  No show.  He drinks too much #holidays

Buttermaker keeps saying he wants to make an F3 comeback.  Today was a great opportunity.  He evidently had some mayoral duties to take care of over at OT.  #OhHiMike #HeIsTheOTMayor

Bulldog chose his warm gummy bear yoga this morning over Hydra #Bullocks

Tiger Rag – Seriously how long does a broken pinky toe keep one on IR?  IT HAS BEEN HALF A YEAR.  He’s got to be pushing 240 by now.  Everybody needs to start peppering him.

Semi Gloss broke, BROKE, his foot 2 months ago and was out this morning.  Notwithstanding his constant whining, I am proud of him. #Gross

Otherwise, it was a very gentlemanly crew this morning.  Not very easy to talk smack to the likes of Purple Haze, Marge, Queen, Lazy Boy, Hopper, Sleepy etc.  It was a very clean workout, the exception being Gloss’ 2 inch inseam running shorts #DudeYourBallsAreShowing


Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Kwanzaa, Feliz Navidad,