Author Archive smokey

Funeral for Outland

YHC was feeling a little nostalgic on Wednesday evening when YHC was thinking about my Saturday morning plans.  Outland has been a major part of my Saturdays since Hairband head-locked me about five years ago.  Numbers have been poor over the last couple of years with people moving in and out, surprise stork visits, Saturday car shows, etc.  Therefore, a motion had been made to shut Outland down – at least for a season. So, in-between sobs YHC typed, “If Smokey were to Q Outland this Saturday, who would be there?”  YHC had no idea the response that little statement would yield as YHC wrote my Wienke…..


YHC showed up to make a few plants for some secret exercises and with fifteen minutes to go until launch there were already 15 guys.  27 total stumbled into the circle with joyful rumblings of how people come out of the woodwork for funerals.  The mumble chatter began before the workout…


The Thang

A weak and tearful disclaimer was given and we went to run a couple of Hairband miles.  Upon return:


20 x SSH

20 x IW

20 x Windmills

20 x Good morning Nashvilles


Which led to what YHC likes to call the road to Damascus (because Damascus taught it to me)…

12 x Burpees

Crawl 1 parking space

11 x Burpees

Crawl 1 parking space

10 x Burpees

Crawl 1 parking space….

… all the way down to 1 Burpee.  78 Burps in total.

Always a crowd favorite.  Always shuts up the mumble chatter.  Even Glass Joe.  YHC must say, YHC likes that – a lot!


A brother does have to throw a dog a bone… we moseyed to the wall were Glass Joe was able to lead his famous ear flappers.  To my amazement, GJ turned it into a three-count exercise where he actually displayed good extended form.  Who knew?


Next, mosey to the busses for one quick Mary exercise.  YHC has only heard the lore of this exercise, but after hearing about it from Shepherd for all of these years YHC called the Cosmic Mind Blower.  Basically, you just lay there for 10 seconds.  It was a PAX favorite.


The PAX weaved some cheese with some Mary at the end and off we headed to the Elementary School.  And what did we find there?  A fully loaded board.


One could not imagine the glee from the PAX.  Even though the board had 12 exercises, for time sake we only did five.  It went like this:


10 Merkins

1 lap

10 Merkins

10 Heels to Heaven

1 lap

10 Merkins

10 Heals to Heaven

10 Lunges (5 each leg)

1 lap

10 Merkins

10 Heals to Heaven

10 Lunges (5 each leg)

10 LBCs

1 lap

10 Merkins

10 Heals to Heaven

10 Lunges (5 each leg)

10 LBC’s

10 Carolina Dry Docks (aka, Glass Joe push ups)

1 lap

10 Merkins

10 Heals to Heaven

10 Lunges (5 each leg)

10 LBC’s

10 Carolina Dry Docks (aka, Glass Joe push ups)


From the Elementary School parking lot we headed over to the new football field and found a hole in the fence and lined up abreast on the goal line.  YHC was recreating a HorseHead activity from old.  There was a football planted there.  Basically, someone volunteered to punt.  We sprinted to where the ball stopped, completed 10 merkins and sprinted back to the goal line.  Repeato 3x.  Harambe has a leg like a mule.  Who knew?


The long trek back to launch took us to the picnic tables where Roxanne played.  Every time we heard her beloved name we did a burpee.  34 in total.  The PAX love music so much that we rolled straight into finding some rail and Sally came across the speaker.  No explanation needed.


That’s a wrap.



Love this AO.  Love these guys.  YHC will miss it.  HairBand gave an appropriate eulogy with hints of a resurrection in the spring.  I like resurrection – a lot!

PS.  Welcome FNGs Beatle Juice and Baby Yoda!



Whose on Q? Whats on 2nd? And, “I don’t know,” said Smokey! “Today is the 3rd?”

So, Funky had sent me a text last week reminding me that I had the Q today at Skunk, but we were out of town and I didn’t think much about it. Since yesterday was Labor Day, I definitely didn’t think about it. Luckily, the little thought I had had paid off. It was a “Smoker.”

Disclaimer: I do need to apologize to the PAX as I was ticked about the Vols loosing when they were favored to crush a no name team by 26 points.

  • 20 x SSH
  • 20 x EW
  • 10 x Good Morning Nashvilles
  • 1 lap around the gravel track

Partner up for partner work:

  • 100 cumulative merkins
  • 126 cumulative swings
  • 126 cumulative curls
  • 126 cumulative tricep extensions

Stay in partners for catch me if you can to front of CPC with a 10 merkin chaser. Line up in parking places for for suicides facing the road. At base line do called exercise every time you come back to it

  • 10 LBCs
  • 10 Thrusters
  • 5 Burpees

Catch me if you can in partners back to launch for some Marry.

Moleskin: This past week I was at Windy Gap with some of the PAX that head locked me. It was my seventh year anniversary with F3. It is amazing what an invitation to be a part of F3 has done for me and community. I have to thank Header, Dolphin, Bananas, and Bush. That community has helped me to fight through some hard times and celebrate some great times. Speaking of hard times (selfishly for me), we sent off Shmedium to a new role in Houston this morning. I am going to miss that guy. Gentlemen, never underestimate the influence we have on each other!

When what to my wondering eyes should appear…

It was like diving into a swimming pool. To say it was moist out there would be an understatement! So good to be back at the infamous Matrix on Monday morning. I have been at the new AO Asylum for the last six months, as it is only a quarter of a mile from my house. Also, Asylum hosts Q-School immediately following at the Wesley Chapel CFA – of which I highly recommend! Needless to say, when I was tapped by Poptart to Q, I jumped at the opportunity!

After passing out some swim caps and giving a disclaimer coupled with some horrible COP, we ran over to the next parking lot. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a white board with twelve building exercises, many laps and a few tears!

Moleskin: We had some great classic rock rolling this morning. We may have heard Steve Miller Band a few times. The chatter was light at first. Alf was leading the charge and would not be caught. It was great to see Double E. With his new digs it is only a few miles to get over to The Matrix. Witch Dr. gave his boy a Billy Ray Cyrus mullet cut for his senior pic. Tebow brought an FNG we name Red Light as he is from Amsterdam. Too easy! Squid had his usual perfect form. Thanks to Poptart for the opportunity and Double E for the takeout!

The Playlist

Intro: A little foreshadowing never hurts. In other words, if you know what is coming, it helps you to prepare your mind. I don’t believe that the PAX had a magic 8 ball, but most could feel that the board of pain was on the horizon. It may have even ended up on twitter. They must have read my mind. However, no one new what the background music/ PLAYLIST would be….

A couple of new faces this morning. Therefore a very caring disclaimer was given.

The Thang:

20xsidestraddle hop

10xgood morning nashville

20xemperial walker

Mosey to the front doors of South Charlotte Middle and right there behind the trash can was the board. Mind you, the playlist of pain (a list of 12 exercises, you do 20 of each and run a lap. Oh, just use your imagination), was not new – but the beats were.

Moleskin: I knew there was trouble when Dollywood exclaimed that his dad would love my playlist, which was Classic Rock Drive from Spotify. Grant it the bands were: REO Speedwagon, Boston, the Boss, Leonard Skynard, and many more… However, I think it was Journey’s song from Caddy Shack that left the biggest mark. Puddin’ could barely contain himself (Puddin’ is quite a golfer – ya know). It was about 6am when it came on. I noticed that Chin Music had checked out. I am sure it was because Bryan Adams had not played yet. But also, Dollywood had split.

I was concerned about the PAX leaving early. So, I gave DW a text to make sure he wasn’t injured. Maybe he had to leave for daddy duty. The response was “opposite… it made me want to have a baby… had to get out there to take care of business.” In the words of Journey, “any way you want it, that’s the way you need it. Anyway you want it.” Well played Dollywood. Well played!

Thanks to Tulip for the prayer. I thought we were going to take up a collection or have communion afterwards. Some great missional thoughts about grace and living a life of worship that brings the kingdom!


Lois, Tulip, Funky Cole, Stone Cold, Bush, Arena


Funky Cole asked for music and it ticked me off….

SSH x 20

EW x 20

Partner up for farmer carry with a 10 merkin chaser to the front of the church [short way].  

And there was the music:

Song 1:  SALLY to Merkins

Song 2:  SALLY to Louganis

Song 3:  SALLY to Goblet Squat

Funky Cole didn’t want any more music J

Suicides to berm1, berm 2, berm 3, and then road…. Every time you came back to the start you completed called exercise

Suicide 1: 25 x LBCs

Suicide 2: 25 x Swings

Suicide 3: 10 x Rows (each arm)

Suicide 4: 10 x Curls

And then there was music:

Song 1:  Roxane to Merkinds

Song 2:  Roxane to Atomic Burps

Mosey back to launch.

That’s a wrap.

Funky Cole brought an FNG. A minister type. J  Welcome Victoria {Olesteen}

Sally, Monkey Humpers, and Roxanne

A confessional disclaimer was given and off we went in a serpentine fashion up Trade to the park to visit a very tall flag pole.  

15 x SSH – Because of the intimate/close proximity of our circle Nomad did his sideways (90 degrees)

10 x Good Morning Nashville – Not to make Nomad feel left out, the entire PAX went sideways on these.

15 x EW – Performed head on

Mosey – we completed the lap through the park.  There was a joyous shout (probably by Lois) that there was not a Board of Pain posted. We continued across the street and ended up in front of the Matthews Baptist Church offices.  I think it was Snoopy who said, “great – I don’t see a speaker.”  Little did he know that it was hidden behind the church hooptie!

There just happened to be a metal fence.  The PAX lined up against it (kinda like ballerinas).  The first song out of the speaker was Flower’s Sally from the movie Gone in Sixty Seconds.  Yeah right! This song is like six hours long:  

Round 1 – Every time the song says “bring sally up” the PAX performed a supine pull up on the bar.  Grand total – 32 supines performed during duration of the song without your back ever touching the ground.

Round 2 – Every time the song says “bring sally up” the PAX performed a merkin. Grand total – 32 merkins performed during duration of the song.

Round 3 – Every time the song says “bring sally up” the PAX performed an air squat.  Grand total – 32 air squats performed during duration of the song.

Mosey to the parking lot where four sets of suicides were run:

Round 1 – 25 LBCs every time you came back to the baseline.

Round 2 – 25 Merkins every time you came back to the baseline.

Round 3 – 25 Heels to heaven every time you came back to the baseline.

Round 4 – 25 Monkey Humpers every time you came back to the baseline.  A PAX favorite

Mosey back to the hooptie. This time with a new tune – Roxanne

Round 1 – Every time the song says “Roxanne” the PAX performed a merkin. Grand total – 27 merkins performed during duration of the song.

Round 2 – Every time the song says “Roxanne” the PAX performed an atomic-merkin. Grand total – 27 atomic-merkins performed during duration of the song.

Mosey back to launch. 

25 x LBC and we are done.


Some serious hard work today by the PAX.  Everyone seemed to take seriously the charge this morning: “It is you verse you!” Great to see the boys from Sparta stride in to join us.

Thanks for the take out Lois!

The Feds

After the disclaimer:

SSH x20

EW x20

Good Morning Nashville x10? (mumble chatter ensued and it was hard for the Q to focus J)

Off to Davie Park we moseyed.  As we arrived at the entranced, we planked to wait for the six and then we moseyed to the playground.   After partnering up with someone we did the following cumulative exercises where partner one would do called exercise while partner two ran a lap around the island in the Davie parking lot:

200 Dips

200 LBCs

100 Merkins

Afterwards, we moseyed to the rock pile to chose a lifting rock for each pair.  The following cumulative exercises continued:

200 Curls

200 Presses

200 Triceps extensions

Next, we moseyed back to the entrance for 10 merkins and then the long mosey back to launch.  YHC noticed we had some time left, so down to the bleachers for 20 step ups OYO.  Back to launch.  


Puddin’ came rolling in right as we were warming up.  I am pretty sure he already had a sweat stain.  I have always wondered if he carried a spray water bottle in the car to make him look like he sweats a lot.  This confirms it! 

It was good to see Swiper this morning.  Dude was asking all kinds of interrogating questions about my life this morning. However, it all made sense when I found out he used to be in the FBI!  Who knew?

Also, I am kinda sure that Header and Dolly Wood were holding hands while they were running. They can both talk while moving at a good clip.  Not YHC. Congrats to Header’s Flames (not meant as a nod to the hand holding in an earlier sentence, but…. ) as they made it to the big dance.  Yes, that is right – they beat YHC’s team the Bisons.  FYI, the Flames are the mascot of Liberty University and the Bisons are the mascot of Lipscomb University.

Shmedium is still refereeing lacrosse.  I bet he could really generate a lot of leverage with those long limbs when he played.

Smash never stops.  I couldn’t hear all this, but I think Smash figured out that Header’s M is one of his kid’s teachers.  Small world!

Interesting fact I didn’t know until this morning is that Uncle Leo comes from the fact that his real last name is Lions.  Hence the Leo part of his name.  Uncle Leo was actually a character that showed up once a season in the famous Seinfeld tv show.  The more you know!

I Bet You Have Never Seen A Donkey Fly

6 Climbed out of warm cars and into the gloom for:



Mosey down to 84 take a right and head to Blackstone neighborhood’s playground.  It was here that we paired up into three groups.  Partner 1 ran back to the parking lot and did 10 burpees while partner 2 put his feet in the swings and did donkey kicks until partner 1 returned.  Repeato

Mosey back to Novant Health parking lot for a burpee squat ladder – 10 to 1.

Mosey back to Hickory Tavern where a board of pain had been planted earlier.

10 merkins – run a lap

10 merkins

10 heels to heaven – run a lap

10 merkins

10 heels to heaven

10 lunges – run a lap

10 merkins

10 heels to heaven

10 lunges

10 LBC’s – run a lap

10 merkins

10 heels to heaven

10 lunges

10 LBC’s 

10 Carolina Dry Docks– run a lap

Return to launch for some mary… 10 dolly’s and we were done!

Mole: A couple of weeks back we were down in the front parking lot at Brooklyn Pizza when a grease truck came to change out the grease at Hickory Tavern.  The smell was so bad we had to evacuate.  Unfortunately, the smell returned this morning, but it was eking from Transporter’s donkey.  Goodfella is a machine and cranks everything out faster than anyone else.  Transporter was setting the pace all morning, which was bad for us!  Colonel Admiral Akbar was enjoying his new name and Shopdog never stops.  Shopdog brought the leadership this morning in QSource as he taught us to lead from influence, overcoming failure, and learning obedience!

The Old Man ’18/The New Baby ’19

10 PAX were not bored this morning as they welcomed in the 2019 year and shook off the old habits and the eating of the holiday season.  Nor did they miss the “board” of exercises, which shows up occasionally when YHC Qs.  As we rounded the corner to where the board of pain usually reigns, there was an exhale of glee from most when we only did 20 LBCs and continued our mosey on down to Davey Park.

Tha thang…     

Divide into groups of two. Partner one stayed at the first light post on the .3 mile road and completed three called exercises as partner two ran to the end and back.  If partner two completed all three exercises, he advanced to the next light pole and partner one would meet him there to pick up the exercises.  Partner two would then run to the end and back.

Three exercises:

10 x burpees

10 x squats

10 x merkins

Rinse and repeat.

Mosey to rock pile. Partner one curls lifting rock while partner two runs to play ground and does 10 pull ups.  Rinse and repeat.

Mosey back to launch for some Mary.

Mole, mole…

Floor Slapper showed up three minutes early. Mic drop! I have heard of turning over a new leaf, but that is almost impossible in this case. You go Floor Slapper! Dollywood was smoking today. Not sure if he bugged out early due to overexertion or to go be super daddy to his little one.  Jet Fuel could not stop talking about Ala – freakin – bama (no bitterness here :)).  Fireman Ed is headed to the big game and is a Clemson fan.  Who knew a northern Jett’s fan could be a Clemson fan?  I guess you have to have some yin for the yang.  It was good to meet a fellow volunteer in Smash. Great guy – of course!  Geraldo was lamenting about having to go back to work today after having such a great holiday season.  Header was flying and talking the whole time.  How does he do that and breathe?  Shmedium was rock solid as was Stone Cold who went to see his gators beat up on Michigan!  Great weather this morning and a strong showing from the PAX.  It is going to be a fantastic year!

These decisions were made last night….

It is 44 degrees and it has been raining for a week straight… Don’t you know?  It doesn’t rain at Skunkworks.  Who knew?  Four of us did and the other dozen or so missed out.  “These decisions were made last night…,” said Bulldog as he marched up with his bell looking around to the spots regular PAX would normally be standing.

Funky Cold rolled up at the last minute to give us even numbers and we were off…

The Thang

  • 20 x SSH
  • 20 x EW

Catch me if you can to the front of the church (Partner 1 carries the bells.  Partner 2 does 10 merkins and relieves partner 1).

Next, was cumulative exercises in pairs.  Partner 1 ran while partner 2 began the exercise:

  • 100 swings
  • 100 presses
  • 100 rows
  • 100 squats
  • 100 curls

The main event was suicides to the first two medians and then the road after completing called exercise:

  • 25 LBCs
  • 25 Merkins
  • 25 Shoulder Presses
  • 25 Swings
  • 25 Rows
  • 25 Squats

Catch me if you can back to launch (Partner 1 carries the bells.  Partner 2 does 10 merkins and relieves partner 1).


  • 25 LBCs
  • 25 Heals to heaven
  • Protractor



THE RAIN STOPPED WHEN WE GOT OUT OF THE CARS AND STARTED BACK ONCE WE GOT IN THE CARS.  You guys missed out.  Tulip and Funky Cold paired up the whole way and kept the conversation going as did Bulldog and YHC.3.1 miles of running with a bunch of exercises.  Found out Bulldog may have tore his ACL for the 3rdor 4thtime.    A lot of good 2ndF going on.  Great morning for F3, if you’re a duck!