Author Archive Paper Jam

Monday Morning Jolt

20 PAX ventured out on a balmy Monday morning to get their week off on the right foot. When Floor Slapper arrived and I was not in the middle of the COP I wondered if I was starting late, so a short disclaimer and we were ready to go.


SSH 15x, 5 merkins OYO, IW 15x, 10 wide arm merkins OYO, LSS 15x,15 merkins OYO, Mountain Climber  15x

The Thang:

Grab a lifting rock, then to the field, to use the light poles as guides for 11s. Round 1: shoulder press and LBCs. Round 2: curls and flutter.

Put the rock back and mosey to a hill for Jacobs Ladder. 2 rounds: squat jump and jack squat.

Abandon the hill and mosey to the playground for some push-pulls, only time for 1 round of 11s: pull ups and incline merkins

Finish at the playground, walk to the row of trees next to our launch point for plank. At each tree hold the called plank for 30 seconds. Regular plank, elbow plank, 6-inches, reverse plank, right arm high, left arm high and done.


Pop Tart is collecting contributions for The Matrix sponsorship for F3 Golf. Any amount is welcome.

F3 Dads at Panthers practice field (Play 60 event) has been cancelled.


Great to see a mix of the regulars (Squid, Pop Tart, OT), new faces (Tae Bo, Farvah, Pat Down, Brexit) and cameo appearances of veterans (McGee, Body Bag, Heart Breaker).

As always, it was an honor to lead The Matrix this morning.

A Ticket Off the Burpee Train

Last night Wingman made a passionate plea to the SOBLand faithful to support the effort for our F3 Golf sponsorship.  I was compelled to act, first by contributing and then by giving the 16 PAX of Bagpipe an offer they couldn’t refuse. A small contribution that morning would buy them a ticket OFF the burpee train that was about to come into the station.

After a quick disclaimer, passing around the hat to collect, it was off to find a place for the COP.  Since we were venturing out a little farther than usual it was best to stop at each speed bump for 5 merkins or 5 burpees for those who did not get their ticket off the train.

Once we arrived at the designated parking lot it was time for the COP

SSH x 15, 5 merkins or 5 burpees; IW x 15, 10 merkins or 10 burpees,  LSS x 15, 15 merkins or 15 burpees.

The Thang:

Mosey to Harney Drive for the start of something good, remembering to stop at each speed bump along the way to do 5 merkins or burpees.

Upon arrival, we put to good use the hill that was discovered by Paper Clip when we were planning this Q. As luck would have it, the perfect spot for a few rounds of traditional Jacob’s Ladder.

Round 1-Burpees, Round 2-Squat Jacks

The PAX seemed disappointed as we left the hill to find a cozy parking lot to do a modified Beast. Fortunately their spirits were picked up when we encountered a few more speed bumps to do some more merkins or burpees.

At the parking lot, there were three medians for three rounds, three exercises, 5 reps each. Diamond Merkins, Crucible Merkins, and Regular Merkins.

With the Beast tamed, we found a tranquil setting with a row of trees that was perfect for planking. At each tree hold a different plank for 30 seconds.  Regular plank, elbow plank, right and left arm plank, 6 inches, right arm high and left arm high.

Although the PAX were enjoying the humidity of the morning and their planking, it was time to move on. A few speed bumps and short mosey later, we arrived at The Quad for 2 rounds of ab escalators. LBCs 10-20-30-40x then Heels To Heaven 10-20-10-10x.  With time running out it was back to the AO to join the men of Swift.


Thanks to all the PAX who supported F3 Golf this morning, especially Chipotle, who paid for several of the PAX to avoid the burpee train.  As a result of the generosity displayed this morning, we have exceeded the donation goal for the SOB Land contribution for F3 Golf.

A shout out to Witch Doctor, who ventured out of Area 51 to post at Bagpipe to support one of our newest PAX, Tae Bo.


F3 Golf, sign up.

F3 Dads this Saturday at the Bull Ring, Muppet has his VQ, it should be awesome.

Champagne started it…

4 PAX posted this morning for a jump start to their Saturday,

They know what we did and how tough it was, ask them if you like to know.


F3 Dads and F3 Golf

Four Playgrounds for Fun

12 brave PAX showed up at the Matrix in spite of the rumor that those without a Paper Jam copier would be subject to 200 burpees. After a disclaimer and a brisk jog it was time for the fun.


SSH x 15, IW x 15, LSS x 15, Merkins X 10

The Thang:

Start in the parking lot: 5 burpees, run up the hill to the stump playground, 10 step ups each leg, return for 10 crucible merkins. Three rounds, increasing all exercise by 5 reps on each round. Lobsta Roll led in some Mary waiting for the six.

Mosey to our favorite playground:

Round 1: 10 pull ups, run to median, 20 squats (plank while waiting for the six)

Round 2: 10 pull ups, 10 derkins, run to median 20 lunges (10 each leg) (plank while waiting for the six)

Round 3: 10 pull ups, 10 derkins, 10 dips, run to median 20 jump squats (Alf led planks waiting for the six)

Mosey to the playground we never use for an exercise we have never done. Partner up in group of 3s for Hail Mary grinders. One PAX planks, one PAX places his legs on the back of the PAX that is planking to do dips off a bench while the other PAX runs to the baseball fence. This round was complete after each PAX runs 3 times.

Mosey to the last playground: Partner up (size and your copier matter) for wheel barrels. Two Rounds. On the second round tried a one-legged wheel barrel but the only PAX able to complete the task was Witch Doctor so had to audible to the standard.

Mosey back to where we started for 3 minutes of Mary and the fun ended.

Announcements: F3 Dads this Saturday. Whetstone Program has started get involved as a mentor or mentee.

Thank you Witch Doctor for taking us out.

It is always humbling to be allowed to lead. Thank you.

Rock, Pavers, and the Triple Lindy

The combination of Chelms asking for something different and last Friday’s leg beat down by Frazier, I figured the Centurion faithful were ready for some upper body work.  So after a quick disclaimer 18 PAX and I were off.

The Thang:

Mosey to the gravel lot (the one for whatever reason we never use) to begin the warm up: SSH x 15, IW x 15.  Then mosey to the benches for low slow squat x 15 and step ups 10 each leg.

Mosey to the road along side of the football stadium and at each speed bump choose from either merkins, wide arm merkins or diamonds. 15 at each speed bump then mosey to little lot for plank a rama led by Mermaid.

Mosey across the street to grab a rock and head down to the field.

Hammer Curls, Shoulder Press, Triceps Extension, 3 x 20 followed by a triple lindy (each previous exercise combined) 20 OYO. Lift the rock over head and walk into the middle of the field.

In the middle of the field, Bridge Press, Bridge Pullover (with the rock) 3 x 20, then a double dog dare, (each previous exercise combined) 20 OYO, recover, put the rock down, 10 burpees OYO. Lift your rock over your head and lunge walk to the other side.

On the other side, another round or Hammer Curls, Shoulder Press, Triceps Extension, 3 x 20 followed by a triple lindy (each previous exercise combined) 20 OYO. Lift the rock over head and walk into the middle of the field.

In the middle of the field, Squat curls, Bridge Press, Bridge Pullover 1 x 20 then lunge walk with rock over head to where we began.

Put the rock down for some Jack Webb. Merkins and Shoulder Press without the rock for 5 sets, then down the ladder with the rock for 5 more sets. 10 more burpees OYO

Mosey to the little lot for some fun with pavers. Pick a paver of your choice for front shoulder raises, truck driver, and halos. Then a Triple Lindy with those exercises. A set of curls and then some mary with the pavers (LBCs and dying cockroach)

A brisk jog around the stadium to finish the morning, circle up and count off.

Thank you Fire Marshall Bill for taking us out.

Many announcements: Memorial Day convergence, Providence Presbyterian service project in the morning, and F3 men going on a mission trip.

I appreciate Chelms and Margo allowing me the opportunity to serve.

March Madness in February at the Matrix

On a balmy, spring like, February morning, 15 PAX were provided a lesson in strength, form, and ACC basketball royalty as the QIC paid tribute to UNC Tar Heel great Coach Dean Smith.

The PAX were treated to 4 pain stations. (similar to the pain of losses inflicted upon opponents by Coach Smith’s famous 4 Corners Offense) At each station the PAX performed the called exercises on Q count with the number of reps signifying one of Dean’s coaching accomplishments.


Warm Up: In cadence: SSH, Mountain Climber, IW, Peter Parker, Hillbilly. Then a set of merkins on your own. (17x) Representing the 17 ACC Regular Season Championships earned by the Dean.

1st Station: Mosey to the rock pile and grab a lifting rock for curls, shoulder presses, triceps press, and squats. 3 sets @ 13x for the 13 ACC Tournament Championships won by the Tar Heels during Dean’s tenure.

2nd Station: Mosey to the main play ground area for derkins, carolina dry docks, split leg squats, and diamonds. 3 sets @ 11x as Dean made 11 trips to the Final Four with his beloved Tar Heels.

3rd Station: Mosey to the tree stumps for step ups, dips, pistol squats, and crucibles. 3 sets @ 9x to denote the 9 times Dean Smith was named the ACC Coach of the year.

4th Station: Mosey to the basketball court area for Mary. A chosen PAX would call out 2 different exercises, included, Tar Heels to heaven, Rosalita, LBCs, Freddy Mercury,Flutter, and Russian Twists, to signify the 2 National Championships earned by Dean Smith’s teams.

Thanks to Squid for taking us out, Alf and the rest of the crew at the Matrix for allowing me to lead this morning. GO HEELS!!!!

Sex, Marriage, and a Parking Deck

In order to know how those three words are connected you had to participate in a unique double down–Bagpipe and Timekeeper.  I had the privilege to start the morning with my VQ (Bagpipe) followed by leading the 3rd F (Timekeeper).  Those who attended the 3rd F, can now talk about the legend of Buck Naykid to the generations that follow.  But I digress…a quick disclaimer and 12 PAX were off to the parking deck as 2 more PAX were just nestling into their parking spots at the Vine. But everyone made it to the basement of the our favorite parking deck (where we are not chased out) for the festivities that followed.


Warm up: SSH (15x), Mountain Climbers(15x), Imperial Walker(15x), Hillbillies(15x), Peter Parker(15x).

The Main Thang: Rounds began at the bottom of the parking deck, running up each ramp and at each turn performing the called exercise.

Round 1-Upper Body:  Crucibles (25x), Merkins (25x), Wide Arm Merkins(25x), and Hand Release Merkins (25x). Plank while waiting for the six, jog back down to the bottom for Round 2. Plank while waiting for the six.

Round 2-Legs:This round required the PAX to run backwards up each ramp. Squat (20x), Sister Mary Katherine’s (20x), Lunges (20x each leg), Monkey Humpers (20x).  Plank while we wait. Then mosey to the adjoining building via the 2nd deck bridge for more upper body work.

Round 3-Triceps: Dips (20x), Diamonds (15x), Dips (20x), Diamonds (10x), then Bear Crawl over the bridge back to the deck, run to top level and take the stairs to the basement.

Round 4-Abs:At each turn a chosen PAX would call out 2 exercises. The QIC started with Heels to Heaven (Go Heels!, Beat Dook) and LBCs, Frehley’s Comet followed at the next level, choosing Russian Twist and Dolly.  Time for the youngins to join the fun, so Mario was next up, and side crunches were his choice, and last but not least, Madam Tussauds wowed the crowd with in and out planks and ski planks. Run back down to the basement and finish with Burpees (15x), then back to the Vine where Bratwurst took us out.


I wanted to thank Outback, Madam Tussauds, and Wild Turkey for their help with my VQ and the support of my fellow SOBs. I have been in F3 for almost a year, spend most of the time towards the six, but felt the Spirit calling me to step up and lead a workout. Last week, providentially, Soft Pretzel, told me to Q this workout.  I am better for it, look forward to the next chapter in F3, and my next Q.


2nd F Hike with Family and Picnic Saturday February 20th, 12p – Anne Springs Greenway

Five Year Anniversary Party – March 5th 2016