Author Archive JRR Tolkien

Bagpipe Burpees for McGee (100)


So YHC pulls up into The Vine American Kitchen Parking lot at ~5:20am, and had to park in a totally distant spot, just to get a space! That’s how packed the lot was this morning. What was going on? Did The Uptown Cabaret just open a Ballantyne location behind The Vine? Possibly… Frehley’s car WAS in the lot with a bunch of rubber bands used to wrap dollar-bill wads flapped on his dashboard (he wasn’t there for a prerun).  Nope, sadly quite the opposite was true… 20+ men had showed up early for a sausage party prerun to follow the big kielbasa Bratwurst before SWIFT.  Cars kept on pouring into the lot, and by 5:30am a total of 49 lovers (run away = SWIFT) and FIGHTERS (stay & bang = Bagpipe) were ready to throw down.

YHC has been on IR for a few weeks (thks Hairball & Turkey Leg #400mRepeats #BADidea), but agreed to Q Bagpipe last minute because Mr. Bean was originally on Q, and YHC felt terrible that Bagpipe PAX would have had a pathetic workout and an even worse backblast #NONEwritten. Not to mention YHC owed my boy Cheddar for volunteering for Team Panda @ Ragnar #HIM.  Was great to see so many F3 Brothers out there for either workout… including an FNG Catheter.


Nothing fancy today… hey if you wanted running, you should have posted at SWIFT, but Bagpipers still covered nearly 2 miles of turf.  YHC was intent on completing at least 100 burpees in solidarity with McGee (100 burpees for 100 days challenge) whose mother just passed away after losing the battle to ovarian cancer.  YHC hears she was a true public servant and quality individual, RIP.  It was great to see the men of Fast Twitch honor McGee’s mom with 100 burpees as well yesterday, and again at the Maul with another 100. None of it coordinated, just brother thinking about another brother.

We did a bunch of single leg squats, reverse burpees, proper squats, bulgarian deadlifts, wide arm merkins, narrow arm merkins, hip slappers, planks, ab crunch thingamabobs,  walking lunges, most in slow civilian cadence count. We even ran up Bagpipe Hill backwards…. twice.  Somehow the workout managed to knock out Chippy with a injury.  YHC owed him revenge for smashing my kids soccer team which YHC coached on the way to a win-less season in a church league, but taking you out Chippy wasn’t intentional payback … promise… heal up.


Great work out there today fellas. YHC definitely feeling some of the single leg squat after-effects today. Not much messing around by me during the workout, since YHC needed to make sure I could complete it to begin with. It was great to post with some new guys that aren’t in YHC’s normal workout rotation.  YHC enjoyed Q’ing Bagpipe for the first time, and appreciate the hard effort put in today.

YHC would write my normal extended backblast, but the bond market consumes all my time in January… kind of like tax season does to Madame Tousseau, when he can’t assign his work to Flint and Gump.  Or like Haggis, when he actually needs to sell/build a patio when Bean and Hard Hat are lolly-gagging flashing each other in their company kilts. Or like Bunker, when he has to fan himself with leaf fronds, get his own lunch, and do his own financial analysis when Tuck is at home making more babies, or trying.  You get the idea….


Alright, I’ll shoot straight…. Where are you Bagpipe/SWIFT guys on Saturdays? There were a great group of 49 guys out there today, and I would love to see you guys come out and get to know each other and more fellas at a coffeeteeria on Saturday. There are two great options in SOB-land: Stonehenge meets at The Vine American Kitchen @ 6-7am (JRR Tolkien / Wild Turkey) and DaVinci meets at Blakeney Chik-fil-A @ 6:30-7:30am (Tuck & 777).  YHC has made some very close friends from spending just a few minutes after the workout eating a cream cheese coffee cake across from a dude who’s eating a everything bagel with Nutella and banana.  You’ll be home likely before the family wakes up. At the very least, you may realize during coffeeteeria the guy that you’ve been encouraging in the workout has the same favorite CareBear as you, also doesn’t have a man-card, has a matching leopard print hairband to your leopard jock strap, or is an absolute prick, and you should leave him the $%^& alone #kidding… maybe.  You get the point… #postonSaturdays


SYITG ~ JRR Tolkien

Take on the Joe Davis 5k/10k Tolkien Challenge!

So, YHC (and many others) had been trying to drum up participation for the 2017 Joe Davis 5k/10k in support of F3 Nation’s Rock Thrill, to commemorate the life of RT’s brother Joe, and to help bring awareness to the disease called ‘addiction’ and support a cause to end it.  As of right now ~203 F3 affiliated participants and ~43 FIA affiliated participants will be there, and hopefully that number grows by Saturday.  If you have not signed up to participate in the Joe Davis 5k/10k I encourage you to do it to support a great cause. It’s not too late:

YHC will keep this simple since there is an event preblast already. There are (3) challenges for you … all will result in a ‘punishment’ of 10 burpees from me, and a little bit of dough for charity.  Both indisputably positive things from your standpoint. They are as follows:

  1. CHALLENGE #1: If your participation in the Joe Davis 5k/10k is your first RACE, 5k or 10k, (A51/SOB Regions), CONGRATS! – YHC will do 10 burpees for your accomplishment
  2. CHALLENGE #2: If you set a personal record for time in the Joe Davis 5k or 10k RACE (A51/SOB Regions), CONGRATS! – YHC will do 10 additional burpees for your accomplishment
  3. CHALLENGE #3: Originally, YHC was signed up to race in the 10k, but due to the rescheduled date, YHC will not be able to race. Therefore, rather than scrap Challenge #3, YHC will modify the challenge by doing 10 burpees AND making a cash donation to the Joe Davis Memorial (or beneficiary Keystone Substance Abuse Services) for each F3 Nation PAX (any F3 Nation Region) who can best YHC’s following times:
    1. 10k 40:58 (YHC last official 10k time at Charlotte Racefest and current PR)
    2. 5k 19:54 (YHC time from JD 2016 race, considerably SLOWER than 18:23 more recent PR)

*Mary Lou and Bolt will be honoring Challenges #1 and #2 for The Fort and Subway will be doing a derivation of Challenge #3 for the 10k, all for a good cause.*

For Challenges #1 and #2, please post in the comments below whether you have successfully completed it or not (and your time) so YHC knows to honor the penalty(s). For Challenge #3, YHC will see the results posted online under F3 Nation Team. YHC won’t guarantee the burpees will be on Facebook Live (unless someone else wants to video it), but guarantees all burpees will be completed immediately after a Saturday post the week following.  YHC will tally the total up, and deliver on the burpee penalties and donation in honor of Joe Davis.  Honor system rules of course… and as men of F3, honor is at the top of the importance list.

Have a great race all, thanks for supporting the Joe Davis Run for Recovery, and good luck (on #1 and #2).

~ JRR Tolkien

Fat Camp Explodes with ‘Major Piggy Power’

The old & injured Mr Brady & I took the 2.0’s to see the animated kids movie, ‘Sing’ the other day. It was GREAT! (referring to the popcorn and the slurpee… not so much the movie).  Kids loved it.  But one of the stars in the show reminded me of what went down at Fat Camp this morning… wait until the 28 second mark of the following clip:
Aiming to work off their holiday pounds, 8 men showed at possibly the most distasteful & offensively named AO in all of F3… FAT CAMP.  How is any truly overweight person really going to post here? That’s just rude.  YHC wants Mr. Bean and Dolphin to know that your obesity is always welcome at Fat Camp and we all know you are just big boned.  Your voice will be heard and YHC will not be silent!
Anyway, The man upstairs must have a sense of humor, because in one of my marketing tweets, YHC mentioned being “8”lbs heavier since Kiawah Marathon about two weeks ago #notwaterweight #reversetaper #TRUTH… and sure enough “8” PAX showed up.  After a early morning set up on the astroturf field, all 8 men were about to make Fat Camp Explode with Major Piggy Power!
Format of the day was HIIT, just like the last time YHC Q’d Fat Camp several months ago… which was the only time YHC has been to Fat Camp, not to mention rumor has it JRR Tolkien only posts when he Q’s (FALSE!!!). No running really… All gear, HEAVY gear.  16 Stations in total, which was two rounds of 7 + players choice for the last 2. Intervals of 3min 15sec a station with 10 second rest/transition in between.

The Brave BB: We’re Gonna Need a Bigger DECK!

Well, If YHC had one movie quote to describe The Brave workout Friday, it would be:

“We’re gonna need a BIGGER BOAT DECK!” – Movie JAWS …. (that’s what she said).


Thursday night, YHC didn’t get much sleep… WEIRD dream after WEIRD dream kept on popping into my head, with one of the stranger being a memory of YHC’s ancestors from China, who coincidentally had the same names as the pilots in the Asiana Flight 214 Crash last year… check this out: . Call YHC superstitious but this dream meant something… but what? Then a great beautiful cuddly and intelligent Panda appeared to Tolkien in the next dream to translate…. The Great Panda (we’ll call him “Po” #KungFuPanda) said, “Little Panda, if only 2 PAX show up to your Brave Q after all marketing efforts, the numbers will be ‘Wi Tu Lo’.  If Fireman Ed can’t get enough oxygen in the stairwell, he will fall down the stairs and you will hear many ‘Bang Ding Ow’.  If you don’t mark the course off with orange cones there may be ‘Sum Ting Wong‘, and if more than 30 PAX show you will be screaming ‘Ho Lee Fuk‘ in disbelief…

The next morning… 33, yes THIRTY-THREE men of F3 Nation from 7, yes SEVEN, different areas (SOB / A51 / Indian Land / Union County / The Fort / Metro / MECA) traveled down to Ballantyne for The Brave Muthaship Simulation Parking Deck AMRAP workout and and shirtless JRR Tolkien could be heard for miles screaming his great Uncle’s name at the top of his might “HO LEE FUK!!!“… just as the Great Panda had forewarned.  (Yes, YHC is an idiot… but please read on)

Honestly, YHC had no clue how many men would post to this kind of workout… a parking deck AMRAP with nothing but elevation, right before the holidays. But, YHC DID know, that whomever did post would serve themselves a self-inflicted beatdown and walk away a better man for it.  So whether it was to pay your respects to the Muthaship workout (R.I.P.) that died 6 months ago, because you came for the “Tolkien Pity Party” as Voodoo labeled it, were a Brave regular, or took the pre-blast ( ) to heart and wanted to prove to yourself your Mental Toughness level was high, it was great to have you this morning, and YHC truly appreciates your attendance and the support today.

One last thought… then on to the shenanigans. The Brave workout is designed to be THE toughest SOB workout, heck many claim it’s one of the Top 5 toughest workouts in all of F3 Nation, and you’ll hear no disagreement from YHC here. But what really makes a workout tough is not the AO, Q, region, etc. It’s your individual ability to push yourself to the limit when it’s that time… which requires, the theme for the week, MENTAL TOUGNESS.  Truth is, we all HAVE to be mentally tough to do F3. It starts with waking up a ~4:15am in the morning to deliberately work out in the rain & cold when 99% of everyone else on the East Coast is sleeping.  To be completely out of shape, and not give a $h!t that others may be obviously thinner, faster, or stronger, but to know that YOU will be like that person if you keep up the hard work.  To step up and lead other men first at a workout, then a site-Q, organize a coat drive, a road race to end addiction, collect hundreds of turkeys to hand out to the community, or raise money and collect toys for charity. Or in COT to humble yourself before GOD in front of other men, and pray that he will use us to do his good will. So the question of “How mentally tough are you?” was already answered in my mind be fore the workout even started… we men of F3 Nation are ALREADY MENTALLY TOUGH!


This time, we’ll run this SOLO

1) 5:15am START: 25  chest-to-ground burpees in Vine parking lot

2) Sprint to lowest level of Ballantyne Village Parking Deck : 40 Hip Slappers  (20 each side)

3) Run all levels up to top of deck alternating BACKWARDS RUN FIRST on first ramp, then FORWARDS RUN on next.

4) Down the staircase on the LEFT (farthest from Movies), and CLIMB DOWN & UP STAIRS 3X (210 steps = 12 flights) – use the OUTSIDE lane going UP, and INSIDE lane going down

5) At top of the deck: perform 5 BURPEES + CRAB WALK the straightaway + 5 BURPEES (head towards the stairwell closest to the movies)

6) Down the staircase on the LEFT (closest to Movies), and CLIMB DOWN & UP STAIRS 3X (210 steps = 12 flights) – use the OUTSIDE lane going UP, and INSIDE lane going down

7) Back down staircase to the bottom, run to the TOP of the grassy hill you initially ran down and start step #2 again. That’s 1 Lap… how many can you complete? #REPEATO #AMRAP #YOUvsYOU

8) 6:12am – stop wherever you are and head back to The Vine parking lot for COT, and Virtual Trophy Award presentation.


That’s a wrap! Everyone got in 4-5 laps of this behemoth which would amount to 100+ levels of stair climbing and backwards running. Then add in two of the most un-cheatable hardest exercises in crab-walks and elevated hip-slappers. VT# goes to Thin Mint with a close 2nd Fishwrap… although both are too modest to tell us who really won, and no-one else was in sight either. Most everyone got to cross each other on the course today, and while it was a lactic acid leg party, there was time for good fellowship and no-one was left behind.  A few musings:

  • Voodoo has too many vacation days around the holidays.  He has been silently taking smack talking level to a new high on Slack, not in person.  He didn’t have much to say during the workout though… come to think of it, Voodoo reminds me a lot of Smoky in the Holiday classic “Friday”… Listen to Voodoo here:
  • Who the heck named Escobar? Is it because he’s Colombian? That’s just inappropriate. It’d be like if we named the next Korean guy Kim-Jong-Un…WE SHOULD DEFINITELY NAME THE NEXT KOREAN GUY KIM-JONG-UN!!!
  • Was nice to meet Buckeye this morning. Dude has had two ACL reconstructions in the past year, but still did a thousand plus steps. Some were likely done with his arms though… dayumn, you seen those guns!!!
  • Site-Q’s Mario, Fire Hazard, and Thin Mint (#VT) were feeling downright giddy about 33 PAX at The Brave, which has to be some sort of a record. But then reality set in, and they decided they’d rather have 10 PAX or less if it meant YHC was never allowed to Q The Brave again.
  • Nard Dog and Soft Pretzel looked like they were Making America Great Again, since from across the top deck they looked like spitting images of the Trump/Pence tandem.  Nard Dog is a bond trader, and YHC has seen Soft Pretzel’s neighborhood, so both duos do have something in common…. $$$$$$$$
  • Wild Turkey looked especially determined out there today.  Determined to find a way to get the PAX at Stonehenge to do Leg Wrestling as one of the exercises #PAXmutiny #NOchance
  • Goonie wanted bear crawls substituted for crab walks so YHC would not be able to complete 2 laps.  Don’t hate brother, YHC will pick you for partner carries next time #moveoverMario Mad props to Goonie for having done a hotter version of this workout before & STILL showing up today.
  • Frasier ate something at coffeeteeria! We all witnessed it. Whether he regurgitated it when no one was looking is the question. Either way, if YHC could have an engine like that man, you can rename me the Bulimic-Breakfast-Barfer too.
  • Udder was pretty focused this morning… YHC thinks he was playing Pokémon Go! and was tracking down a Picachu in the stairwell, but YHC was mistaken it was just Fireman Ed’s plumbers crack showing (get it? peek-at-you? Never mind…
  • Longshanks and Geronimo represented The Fort well, crushing the Fort competition, coming in 1st and 2nd place for The Fort participants… Heck YHC got 1st in the Asian category (thank goodness Napster wasn’t here) #podium.  Thanks for making the trip fellas!
  • Astrovan’s first post was in SOB-land at YHC’s 1st Q at Stonehenge. Was great to have him come down all the way from MECA, but i guess if you want a F3 workout with the average age under 47 you need to driveway from The Tradition AO.
  • Ever hear the phrase “safety in numbers”? Well that’s the Union County guys… you never see just one of them at a time. Good thing Doc McStuffins, Transporter, or Frack didn’t need to drop a deuce this morning… all of them would have needed to Indian run to the CVS. Great having you work horses at The Brave.
  • Flipper‘s very first post was a callout of young padawan Mario on Slack last night over who would finish first on the AMRAP #respect. And Flipper backed up his talk if AMRAP stands for As Much Rest As Possible…. but it doesn’t. Looking forward to your Brave Q Flip.
  • Mighty Mite was seen rounding the ramps singing Guns & Roses “Sweet Child of Mine”, and another mystery song that he was going to bust out in karaoke nexy HDHH. If you want to talk to Mighty Mite, don’t talk… sing. It’s his love language apparently. #KaraokeChampion
  • My boi Fishwrap made the trek from Uptown to SOB-land to take back the strap from Fahvra from the McHorsey 10k, and take home the #VT from the day’s workout.  After being only 1 of 2 to complete 5+ laps, it was nearly mission accomplished except for the Girl Scout cookie he choked on… #ThinMint 
  • Squid made Poptart show up. He told me on Twitter. YHC would do what Squid tell me as well. What Squid probably didn’t tell Poptart was to cheat so badly that he would be on his 8th lap, when the leaders were on their 5th. SMH
  • Pebbles only posted to borrow YHC’s bubble machine, he ran the opposite direction in the parking deck, and left before COT… we may never see Pebbles again…. man YHC is gonna miss Pebbles that cheap bubble machine.
  • When YHC saw ALF actually show up in The Vine parking lot after saying he definitely would NOT be there (hates crab walks) YHC was shocked. But ALF doesn’t always mean what he says…. just like Champagne who HC’d and didn’t show.
  • One Niner‘s shoulder injury seems to be getting better since he powered through the crab-walks. Had we done bear-crawls we would not have been able to see how healthy his arm really was #questionableBearCrawlForm
  • The always vocal and aggressive Fault Line and Beaker were heard discussing after The Brave how pathetic it was that YHC would post at Fast Twitch to promote such a ridiculous workout. It was so out of character, YHC is convinced they were paid off by Tiger Rag to say that #feelingsNOThurt . Nevertheless great posting with you guys.
  • Kirby did not die….In fact, he actually showed great mental toughness to fight through the workout especially being sick. Thanks for coming brother, keep after it, and congrats on the 1st Q at FC Wednesday.
  • Turkey Leg descends from hills faster than anyone YHC has seen in F3.  Which is why there were NO descents today other than that short tiny unsafe grassy hill.
  • Hairball is the man… he will not be trolled. YHC is still in amazement over the beatdown he served YHC at Kiawah by about 1 minute, and will graduate from his terrible F3 nickname, a cat, to the one his M gave him and his margin of victory.. “The 1-Minute Man”.
  • FNG Sunshine traveled all the way from San Fransisco the night before to attend a F3 Nation workout with YHC. Sunshine is a bad@$$ triathlete who has done some crazy races like the ‘Escape From Alcatraz’ Triathlon and several marathons.  He “ran” his first Spartan Race with YHC and waited for YHC at near every obstacle. Held his own out there today, and even was quoted to say “had a few more rounds in me” after the workout. It must have been the Lulu Lemon Hot Yoga pants he wore in the 40 degree weather which gives you stamina. Welcome Sunshine!


Bunker said his vagina foot was swollen from three days of posting and also needed to shave it … his HEAD you sickos! YHC understands because one of those was a 45min boot camp, so his non-muscles were probably in total shock.  Since Bunker wasn’t there, naturally Tuck didn’t show #solidarity. There would have been excessive screeching, scratching, and slapping going on in the Mr. Bean vs Strawberry matchup, but neither could agree to the location of the showdown, Bean wanting it in his fartsack and Strawberry wanting it at a FIA AO.  After HC, Haggis decided he’d play Uncle Scrooge and said BAH HUMBUG! to The Brave despite living less than 800 meters from the parking deck. He was later seen doing derkins on the second floor of the Sara’s YMCA in his native kilt showing his ‘Stone Man Rocks’.  Goonie scared the $h!t out of the chatty Gump on Slack telling him The Brave was the toughest workouts he’s ever experienced, which caused Gump to skip town and impromptu vacation with the self-proclaimed “slow and chunky”, SOB Nantan, who works at a major accounting firm starting with P and ending in WC, who raises chickens & HATES AMRAPs, who is terrified of snakes, and who for privacy reasons will remain confidential and unnamed.  Anyone been to a famous wax museum lately? Dolphin was asked to post, and YHC thought he just might… but in the last minute committed to his go-to holiday workout, 12 Days of Christmas Eating. Another old fart, Frehley’s Comet, is normally a regular at The Brave, but thankfully he was not present today… after all… can you imagine what the stairwells would have smelled like had he been there #gaschamber #deadbodieseverywhere.


  • T-Claps to Fire Hazard for recommending PAX donate to The Wounded Warrior Project. If you would like to make a donation, please do so here:
  • Sign up for Joe Davis 5k/10k to end bad addiction. This race is in memory of Rock Thrill‘s brother, and over 150+ F3 Nation PAX will be in attendance. Run your first race, PR, or beat me in 10k and YHC will do 10 burpees for each of these #goodluck. Deadline for T-shirt extended so sign up now!
  • Convergences the next two Mondays… check the newsletter and/or schedule for more details, or pester Poptart about it.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you and your families. God Bless F3 Nation!  It’s been a great year getting to know ALL of you better and looking forward to a greater 2017.  If you would like YHC to Q a workout at your site, even if not SOB, hit me up! That will be a goal for 2017 to connect with more PAX across different regions.

Sound off with any omissions/corrections although the accuracy of this backlist should be spot on.

SYITG ~J.R.R. Tolkien

The BRAVE Preblast… How Mentally Tough Are YOU?

F3 stands for Fitness, Fellowship & Faith.  We train our BODIES for Fitness daily by doing merkins, monkey humpers, and mary during workouts. We train our HEARTS in Fellowship by investing in each other and challenging each other to be better fathers, husbands, and friends. And we train our SPIRIT in discussions about Faith and serving a greater being/purpose than ourselves.  Each of these three facets of F3 share something in common… they all require a high level of MENTAL TOUGHNESS to achieve success in them.  The correlation is simple, the STRONGER your mental game is, the better chance you have to achieve these goals (all goals, really). The WEAKER it is, well, leave it to lady luck to take you to where you want to be. So before we put a lid on 2016, YHC has one question for you…


But save your answer… Don’t tell me, YHC doesn’t want to hear it. In fact don’t show me either, YHC doesn’t need to see it. But do YOURSELF a solid and answer the question for yourself… How MENTALLY TOUGH are you? When’s the last time you pushed yourself to the absolute limit in a F3 workout without needing a Q to motivate you? Do you have the mental fortitude to meet the ambitious goals you have set out to achieve in 2017 or do you expect them to just happen all by themselves?

The phrase “mind over matter” means the ability to use willpower to overcome physical problems. After all, it’s proven the brain controls the muscles. YHC isn’t the only one to believe it. Read this:

  • “The mind is the limit. As long as the mind can envision the fact that you can do something. You can do it, as long as you really believe 100 percent.” – Arnold Schwarzenegger
  • “You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” – Marcus Aurelius
  • “The mind is everything. What you think you become.” – Buddha
  • “Your mind will quit a thousand times before you body will. Feel the fear and do it anyway.” – Cristina Ortiz


SO WHERE IS YHC GOING WITH ALL OF THIS?  It’s simple… Friday @The Brave this week isn’t about who’s the fastest, fittest, or strongest, it’s about the opportunity to measure where YOUR mental toughness is, providing an arena for the challenge (Ballantyne Village Parking Deck), in the best workout format for a test, the AMRAP (As Many Rounds As Possible). With the AMRAP it’s YOU vs YOU, and you’re not limited by anyone else’s desire and abilities, but your own.  Too easy? … Push yourself harder. How bad do you want it?…Only you will know.

This Friday @ The Brave happens to be the 6-month anniversary of the decommissioning of the TOUGHEST workout in all of F3 Nation, Metro’s “THE MUTHASHIP”, an AMRAP 12 story parking deck workout crafted to develop/test mental toughness.  Some of you probably have heard YHC rant about that 12 story concrete behemoth of a parking deck that lured men of all regions Uptown every Monday. YHC won’t rant anymore about it… you can read the link to the BackBlast from the last time we did a workout like this here:

We’ll simulate The Muthaship workout as best as possible in the 4-story Ballantyne Village Parking Deck this Friday.  YHC did this workout in the Summer on the 1yr anniversary of YHC in F3 Nation, and 6 months later we’re doing it again. Pebbles called it the toughest workout he’s done in F3, Frasier liked it so much he requested we run it back in cooler weather, and everyone else hated it so good. YHC aims to please so it’s baaack.

The Thang…

This time, we’ll run this SOLO… (unless you really miss the 3X partner carries up the hotboxes staircase)

1) 5:15am START: 25 Spartan-style chest-to-ground burpees in Vine parking lot

2) Sprint to lowest level of Ballantyne Village Parking Deck (enter down the steep grassy hill on the left leading to the base of the parking deck, not through main car entrance): 40 Hip Slappers on garage wall (20 each side)

3) Run all levels up to top of deck alternating BACKWARDS RUN FIRST on first ramp, then FORWARDS RUN on next.

4) Down the staircase on the LEFT (farthest from Movies), and CLIMB DOWN & UP STAIRS 3X (210 steps = 12 flights) – use the OUTSIDE lane going UP, and INSIDE lane going down… just like driving around 485

5) At top of the deck: perform 5 BURPEES + CRAB WALK the straightaway + 5 BURPEES (head towards the stairwell closest to the movies)

6) Down the staircase on the LEFT (closest to Movies), and CLIMB DOWN & UP STAIRS 3X (210 steps = 12 flights) – use the OUTSIDE lane going UP, and INSIDE lane going down… just like driving around 485

7) Back down staircase to the bottom, run to the TOP of the grassy hill you initially ran down and start step #2 again. That’s 1 Lap… how many can you complete? #REPEATO #AMRAP #YOUvsYOU

8) 6:12am – stop wherever you are and head back to The Vine parking lot for COT, and Virtual Trophy Award presentation.

*This time YHC will provide ORANGE CONES to help since these steps are soooooo complicated*

YHC hopes to see you all out there Friday. Hope you and your families have a very Merry Christmas.

SYITG ~ J.R.R. Tolkien

Suspicious Steamy Windows and Segment Hunting at Stonehenge

YHC should have seen it coming… it was all too obvious. It all started a few days earlier at HDHH (yes HDHH is still happening).

Actual Conversation…

JRR Tolkien:        “Hey Thin Mint, how you feeling? You gonna be able to Q Stonehenge this Saturday”

Thin Mint:           “I am going to try… but I dunno my calves are still not right.”

Mighty Mite:      “Are they sick? You’re talking about farm animals like the kind Madame Tousseau raises right?”

Thin Mint:           “No Mighty, btw those are chicks.  I was talking about different kind of calves… like the exercise calf raise? Not the baby cows.”

Mighty Mite:      “Oh… nevermind. That’s boring. Hey bartender, can I have a glass of milk? Eat more chikn!”

Fire Hazard:        “Hey Tolkien, if Thin Mint can’t go, I’ll co-Q with you Saturday”.

JRR Tolkien:        “Very kind of you Fire Hazard, I’ll let you know. So long as Mr. Bean doesn’t Q Stonehenge we’re all good”

Friday midday rolls around, and YHC is a bit late on Twitter marketing thanks to a busy day at work (which has been CRUSHING YHC lately). YHC calls Thin Mint and it’s a no-go for Stonehenge Q, which is all good, since my boi Thin Mint is the man… and needs to get healthier to smash Kiawah Marathon and Spartan Race Series next year #admittedmancrush.  The next call goes to Fire Hazard to pick up the Q as he volunteered at HDHH, but apparently in the span of two days has had enough of Einstein Bagel, can’t turn down Chik-Fil-A, or just flat out lied to me about wanting the Q at HDHH. YHC got some kind of excuse sounding like, “Oh sorry JRR, I’m watching the Teletubbies with my kids from 5:30am-615am so I can’t make it.” SMH! No problem… no need to cover up the personal invite to some other SOB site.  YHC gladly picks up the Q, in fact come to think of it, YHC hasn’t Q’d a workout for some time.  Blame it on Kiawah Marathon Training, blame it on MAF, blame it on One-Niner’s constant fat shaming of YHC, all of the above.  Heck YHC hasn’t even finished writing the 24HR Ragnar Trail Relay backblast yet! (at this point YHC waiting to make it preblast for next year’s event)

After giving it some thought YHC came up with the idea of Segment Hunting many of the notorious Strava segments near The Vine… Bagpipe Hill, Ben Nevis, Soul Crusher, The Bull Ring, Rushmore, and more to declare new Strava crowned champions, and take down Frazier’s records, if it were even possible.  F3HotTub Co-Site-Q Mario even hit YHC up on Slack claiming he was a HC, and might even bring his brother-in-law.  Fahvra usually shows up and would definitely be game. The plan was perfect.

Saturday Morning rolls around, and YHC pulls into the Vine Parking lot to see more than a handful of cars parked in the lot, some familiar ones, and then a white sedan with steamed up windows (more on that later).  YHC plants the F3 Hot Tubs shovel flag, still wet with bubbles, and we’re ready for Showtime! But wait, YHC looks at his wrist to see what time it is and NO GPS WATCH!  ^$%#$&^%&%^!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Forget keeping track of time, how will YHC become Segment Champ without the results put on Strava! Tears were falling from YHC face faster than when I saw the video of a panda rescue the day before.  Suddenly, Bunker, Gumbo, Tuck, Mighty Mite, Goonie, Outback all emerge from their vehicles in The Vine parking lot, and I’m like… ‘BOO YEAH!’ the power of JRR Tolkien marketing in full-effect, since YHC got some DaVinci regulars and even the co-site-q to post.  WRONG! All of those clowns were going to do a pretend obstacle course race, known as the “Tough” Mudder.  C’mon fellas… step up and do a color run or bubble run or something that’s timed!   YHC was so pissed at the headfake, that I kicked them out of The Vine Parking Lot to park somewhere else and they obliged to keep from getting their cars keyed.  I hope the electric shockers got stuck on their weenies at Tough Mudder #somuchhate.

Now, back to that white car parked in the front of the lot. At first YHC thinks it’s Mario’s… It’s not.  Mario pinged me on Slack saying he was going to HC and even EH his brother-in-law, but after a short long night with his girlfriend PALMela HANDerson playing a game of 5-on-1 pocket pool…. Mario was worn out, and a no show. YHC starts giving the lengthy disclaimer when a lady steps out of the passenger door of the white sedan, walks around the back of the car to the driver side, then seems to pull up her sagging pants before opening the driver side door. YHC is trying to figure out what to do since another A51 workout did have several women participate in the workout a few months ago. At PAX request, YHC calls for some quick Freddy Mercury followed by some slow Rosalita in the parking lot to see if we can shake them pants off… NO… WE DIDN’T DO THAT. STOP! Not sure what was going on in that car but we stayed away… on to the workout:


  • Extensive disclaimer given with FNG (Chicago native Jim “Billygoat” ) who is shaking in the lot, not from the cold, but from raw fear. YHC sees the fear in his eyes, and knows there is a high probability a law suit is in order. Head towards a surface lot do some stuff, pretend YHC cares about SSH or imperial walkers while practicing some cadence, although it’s not really done in cadence. Do some hand release merkins for fun. Enough… next.
  • Race up Ben Nevis all the way to Lancaster highway, a segment called ‘Ballantyne Commons Soul Crusher Part Deux’. Apparently the Ben Nevis segment is on the South side of Ballantyne Commons. Cheese Curd takes Overall (#12th place) after beating the snot out of the one-armed One-Niner (#19th place) by 9 seconds. The 2:05 record by Honey Bee, who must have flown to the top, get it.. bees fly, still stands. We do some funky ab exercises at the top, and run back down, do some dips on the rail at the bottom.
  • YHC finds a lighted hill by the pond, after the steep pond across the street was “too dark” to use according to One-Niner. Walking lunge up hill, walking lunge down, side shuffle squat up hill, and side shuffle squat down. BillyGoats are supposed to be expert mountain climbers, but this one was content to be grazing at the bottom in the grass. Ease into F3 buddy… it’s a marathon not a sprint.
  • Run over to a surface lot close to the bull ring. Do some dumbocrats, full sit-ups while partner planks, Carolina drydocks, more funky cruncheroos… listen to Cheese Curd yap some more. Watch Loogie and One-Niner squat up and down like they were bobbing for apples… candied apples since it’s just after Halloween.
  • On way back to vine, stop by another lot, do some Makhtar N’Diaye, low slow squats, sprint back to the Vine parking lot if you’re Mic Check like a Clown was chasing you, do more of those ab crunchie-munchies. Finito!

Holy Moley:

  • Cheese Curd is the KING of the hand-slap merkins, he gets his chest way down touching the ground in perfect form, and, well… never comes back up. Just slaps hands with his partner Mic Check laying totally flat. He’s also KING of the mumble chatter, had more to say than the Q today. Which wasn’t hard since YHC threw out the weinke and made up the whole workout. Love me some Curd, may even join him and some beasts for the Smoky Mountain Relay… ok, no I’m not.
  • Lex Luthor gets the award for the first guy YHC has seen bust out the winter beanie, in the form of a turquoise blue one with a pom-pom on top. Cmon man YHC was wearing a tank top! If Lex ever wants a renaming, YHC recommends we call him Shakira since his ‘Hips don’t lie’ when he side squat lunges up the hills.
  • MarketTimer’s attempt to fool YHC into ending the workout early by a few minutes failed, and he looked surprised that a man of his stature just didn’t get whatever he wants. After all, the dude has ticket connections to see Chicago Cubs in the World Series, and flashed pictures of himself doing shots off Led Zepplin’s bellybutton… or something like that #connections.
  • Loogie absolutely loved that we covered 4+ miles of running (thanks for taking care of FNG). He even told me that he was going to make it his New Years resolution to be a runner, kind of like how Voodoo did for a mid-year resolution. He confided in me that he wants to be just like another runner, Tiger Rag, by buying a new Jeep, just like him #LoogieLovesRunning.
  • One Niner is useless except for his legs, and even those are useless, even if they look nice and muscle-y.
  • Mic Check showed up to fine-tune his skills for the upcoming Turkey Bowl where his team is looking for a 3-peat? He displayed his elusive quarterback quickness by zipping past JRR Tolkien to The Vine on way back. Reminded me of when he sprinted back to Starbucks at DaVinci and cost YHC a coffee.
  • BillyGoat (FNG) – great to have him out, just moved to Ballantyne to have more kids than Tuck. Amazingly he didn’t throw up. But he was so far back of the pack maybe he did. It was great to have you out with the fellas this morning, and hope to see you out there in the gloom soon. You’ll be crushing these workouts in no time.

Panda’s Prolific Pontification:

Maybe it’s me, but YHC sees less and less PAX out on Saturday mornings to post and thinks it’s dissapointing. YHC loved the days of ~20 person coffeeteerias where it looked like we rented Einstein Bagel out for a private party with no strippers.  If you’re a regular, then disregard and great work showing up in the gloom to make yourself and everyone else around you better, and just to hang out to do life for an hour + some coffeeteria with some Brothers.  But if you ARE one of the guys who hasn’t been posting, why is that? Saturdays there are two GREAT options in SOBland Stonehenge @ 6am & DaVinci @ 6:30am, plus a number of others in A51 / Indian Land / Union County. For you newer PAX, show up, get better, meet some new friends, and chat over a cup of joe after.  Some of YHC best friends have come from a simple hour workout and 20min cup of coffee.  YHC doesn’t care WHERE you post so long as you DO post.  Yeah it will be colder, but your nipples won’t freeze… and if they do, likely they will thaw, even if they fall off. Yeah it’s early, but you’ll be home before the rest of your family is really awake and certainly before kids sports.  Stop with the excuses, and make it a point to show up and exercise your body, mouth, mind, and soul on Saturdays. Hope to see you out there.


  • Thanks to Mr. Bean for stepping up to Q Stonehenge this Saturday 11/12/2016 #awaitingthebackblast
  • F3 Christmas Party… don’t sign up. Save your money for a decent/indecent cause. All the guys everyone really wants there are already going, so if you haven’t signed up, odds are you really weren’t in high demand to be there. <Let’s see if reverse psychology works for all you deadbeats who haven’t signed up yet>. Most of you aren’t even reading this backblast anymore. Not that I blame you….
  • Joe Davis 5k/10k – take on the Tolkien Challenge…. Run your first 5k or 10k, I do 10 burpees… PR your race, I do 10 burpees, beat me in the 10k and I’ll do 10 more burpees and fork up some extra dough to the charity. Bring it on! All for a great cause… ending addiction. Addiction is real, learn from those who have fallen victim and don’t fall victim yourself.
  • Best of luck to those running the Charlotte Half/Full Marathon this upcoming Saturday. Don’t lay an egg, everyone will know about it, because they’ll still kudo you ‘Great job’ on STRAVA when they really mean… ‘you really shttt the bed bro’ so leave it all on the field Saturday, and endure a little more when you think the pain just can’t be any greater. And make sure you kudo me ‘Great job Tolkien’ in my Strava comments if I don’t crack 1:30 and please insult the hell out of me on Slack if I do crack it. #callingmyshotnow

SYITG ~JRR Tolkien

“Flint-Hole” Death by 11s AMRAP

Workout Summary

Appreciate all the PAX that showed up for the virgin Q. The first of many. I think this time @jrrtolkienF3 was kidnapped on his morning prerun.  He would never miss a #flintcommitment. His absence only made us think about calling Liam Nelson to chase down the kidnappers…nah. The rest of the Flint committee was off.

The Thang:

Theme of the day… Death by “11”s


  • Run around school
  • Side straddle hop 11x
  • Imperial walker 11x
  • Low slow squat 11x
  • Merkins 11x
  • KB Swing 111x


  • Head down to field
  • Starting at half field / KB Swing 11x
  • Run to end of field and back / Push press 11x each arm
  • Run to end of field and back / Goblet squats 11x
  • Run to end of field and back / Burpees 11x
  • Run up to the play structure / Pull-ups 11x
  • Run back to field and repeat until 6:05… AMRAP

Cool down:

  • Circle up on field
  • LBCs 11x
  • Run to mid field and back
  • Reverse LBCs 11x
  • Run to mid field and back
  • Flutter 11x
  • Run to mid field and back
  • Repeat until times up


A good group of PAX for the virgin Q. Wasn’t too many to keep up with. Voodoo flaunted the 60lb KB. Argonaut lapped most people, it wasn’t even close. Marlin needs a new clock.


  • Convergence Labor Day talk to @voodoo
  • KB clinic 7am October 8 Calgary

*Backblast posted verbatim by JRR Tolkien on behalf of Flint… SMH*