YHC should have seen it coming… it was all too obvious. It all started a few days earlier at HDHH (yes HDHH is still happening).
JRR Tolkien: “Hey Thin Mint, how you feeling? You gonna be able to Q Stonehenge this Saturday”
Thin Mint: “I am going to try… but I dunno my calves are still not right.”
Mighty Mite: “Are they sick? You’re talking about farm animals like the kind Madame Tousseau raises right?”
Thin Mint: “No Mighty, btw those are chicks. I was talking about different kind of calves… like the exercise calf raise? Not the baby cows.”
Mighty Mite: “Oh… nevermind. That’s boring. Hey bartender, can I have a glass of milk? Eat more chikn!”
Fire Hazard: “Hey Tolkien, if Thin Mint can’t go, I’ll co-Q with you Saturday”.
JRR Tolkien: “Very kind of you Fire Hazard, I’ll let you know. So long as Mr. Bean doesn’t Q Stonehenge we’re all good”
Friday midday rolls around, and YHC is a bit late on Twitter marketing thanks to a busy day at work (which has been CRUSHING YHC lately). YHC calls Thin Mint and it’s a no-go for Stonehenge Q, which is all good, since my boi Thin Mint is the man… and needs to get healthier to smash Kiawah Marathon and Spartan Race Series next year #admittedmancrush. The next call goes to Fire Hazard to pick up the Q as he volunteered at HDHH, but apparently in the span of two days has had enough of Einstein Bagel, can’t turn down Chik-Fil-A, or just flat out lied to me about wanting the Q at HDHH. YHC got some kind of excuse sounding like, “Oh sorry JRR, I’m watching the Teletubbies with my kids from 5:30am-615am so I can’t make it.” SMH! No problem… no need to cover up the personal invite to some other SOB site. YHC gladly picks up the Q, in fact come to think of it, YHC hasn’t Q’d a workout for some time. Blame it on Kiawah Marathon Training, blame it on MAF, blame it on One-Niner’s constant fat shaming of YHC, all of the above. Heck YHC hasn’t even finished writing the 24HR Ragnar Trail Relay backblast yet! (at this point YHC waiting to make it preblast for next year’s event)
After giving it some thought YHC came up with the idea of Segment Hunting many of the notorious Strava segments near The Vine… Bagpipe Hill, Ben Nevis, Soul Crusher, The Bull Ring, Rushmore, and more to declare new Strava crowned champions, and take down Frazier’s records, if it were even possible. F3HotTub Co-Site-Q Mario even hit YHC up on Slack claiming he was a HC, and might even bring his brother-in-law. Fahvra usually shows up and would definitely be game. The plan was perfect.
Saturday Morning rolls around, and YHC pulls into the Vine Parking lot to see more than a handful of cars parked in the lot, some familiar ones, and then a white sedan with steamed up windows (more on that later). YHC plants the F3 Hot Tubs shovel flag, still wet with bubbles, and we’re ready for Showtime! But wait, YHC looks at his wrist to see what time it is and NO GPS WATCH! ^$%#$&^%&%^!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Forget keeping track of time, how will YHC become Segment Champ without the results put on Strava! Tears were falling from YHC face faster than when I saw the video of a panda rescue the day before. Suddenly, Bunker, Gumbo, Tuck, Mighty Mite, Goonie, Outback all emerge from their vehicles in The Vine parking lot, and I’m like… ‘BOO YEAH!’ the power of JRR Tolkien marketing in full-effect, since YHC got some DaVinci regulars and even the co-site-q to post. WRONG! All of those clowns were going to do a pretend obstacle course race, known as the “Tough” Mudder. C’mon fellas… step up and do a color run or bubble run or something that’s timed! YHC was so pissed at the headfake, that I kicked them out of The Vine Parking Lot to park somewhere else and they obliged to keep from getting their cars keyed. I hope the electric shockers got stuck on their weenies at Tough Mudder #somuchhate.
Now, back to that white car parked in the front of the lot. At first YHC thinks it’s Mario’s… It’s not. Mario pinged me on Slack saying he was going to HC and even EH his brother-in-law, but after a short long night with his girlfriend PALMela HANDerson playing a game of 5-on-1 pocket pool…. Mario was worn out, and a no show. YHC starts giving the lengthy disclaimer when a lady steps out of the passenger door of the white sedan, walks around the back of the car to the driver side, then seems to pull up her sagging pants before opening the driver side door. YHC is trying to figure out what to do since another A51 workout did have several women participate in the workout a few months ago. At PAX request, YHC calls for some quick Freddy Mercury followed by some slow Rosalita in the parking lot to see if we can shake them pants off… NO… WE DIDN’T DO THAT. STOP! Not sure what was going on in that car but we stayed away… on to the workout:
Panda’s Prolific Pontification:
Maybe it’s me, but YHC sees less and less PAX out on Saturday mornings to post and thinks it’s dissapointing. YHC loved the days of ~20 person coffeeteerias where it looked like we rented Einstein Bagel out for a private party with no strippers. If you’re a regular, then disregard and great work showing up in the gloom to make yourself and everyone else around you better, and just to hang out to do life for an hour + some coffeeteria with some Brothers. But if you ARE one of the guys who hasn’t been posting, why is that? Saturdays there are two GREAT options in SOBland Stonehenge @ 6am & DaVinci @ 6:30am, plus a number of others in A51 / Indian Land / Union County. For you newer PAX, show up, get better, meet some new friends, and chat over a cup of joe after. Some of YHC best friends have come from a simple hour workout and 20min cup of coffee. YHC doesn’t care WHERE you post so long as you DO post. Yeah it will be colder, but your nipples won’t freeze… and if they do, likely they will thaw, even if they fall off. Yeah it’s early, but you’ll be home before the rest of your family is really awake and certainly before kids sports. Stop with the excuses, and make it a point to show up and exercise your body, mouth, mind, and soul on Saturdays. Hope to see you out there.
SYITG ~JRR Tolkien
Appreciate all the PAX that showed up for the virgin Q. The first of many. I think this time @jrrtolkienF3 was kidnapped on his morning prerun. He would never miss a #flintcommitment. His absence only made us think about calling Liam Nelson to chase down the kidnappers…nah. The rest of the Flint committee was off.
Theme of the day… Death by “11”s
A good group of PAX for the virgin Q. Wasn’t too many to keep up with. Voodoo flaunted the 60lb KB. Argonaut lapped most people, it wasn’t even close. Marlin needs a new clock.
*Backblast posted verbatim by JRR Tolkien on behalf of Flint… SMH*