5 of South Charlotte’s finest PAX gathered at SCMS for another edition of Area 51’s Death Valley. YHC must confess to not knowing the origination of the AO name. Perhaps the SCMS track is located in a bowl? Perhaps the site launch was instituted by a Clemson or LSU grad? YHC is somewhat familiar with the Clemson story behind “Death Valley” (someone stole a rock from that California hellhole and carried it back to the Upstate for some reason), but the LSU story escapes me. Irregardless, the stadium in Baton Rouge is known as “Tuscaloosa-West” to us Bama brethren, so why those Cajuns call it “Death Valley” can remain a mystery. RTR
Wholly inadequate disclaimer was issued to the veteran PAX. Slow mosey to Gateway Academy parking lot.
Mosey to Alexis neighborhood. Mary at McPherson/Wyman intersection. Mosey to each of the 4 cul-de-sacs; 10 Merkins ea. location. Congregate at bottom of McCallum Court hill.
Triple Nickel — Squat Jacks at top, Plank Knee-ups at bottom. Mary after completion.
Mosey towards SCMS. Stop at Strawberry Ln / Woodfox. Mosey down Woodfox to Rounding Run. 5 burpees OYO. Return on Woodfox to Strawberry Ln. 5 burpees OYO.
Mosey to SCMS blacktop basketball goals.
Finish with Mary. COT. Done.
Solid effort by the PAX today, as requests were made via Text Message for running. With the most recent calfoidal perturbance in the rearview mirror, YHC was happy to oblige. Smokey’s After Action Report clocked the mileage at 3.1, which is not a bad total considering the amount of Boot Camping that occurred. Spackler heckled the Donut Run PAX, but they ignored him. Yell louder next time. Dollywood fell asleep in his vehicle prior to Launch due to sleep deprivation that accompanies a newborn in the house. It gets better. Dollywood also proclaimed “This workout sucks!” towards the end which YHC took as a badge of honor. You’re welcome. Smokey rocked the running portion per usual (#ageless), and Puddin’ grinded out the miles on a PF weakened foot. Oddly enough, flatulence was at a minimum today.
YHC has been frequenting Death Valley for almost 2 years, yet this was YHC’s site VQ. How does that happen?? It was a pleasure and honor to lead. Thanks to Smokey for the takeout.
PAX Madison currently in job transition. Technical Sales. Prayers requested.
Heads up for 6th Annual “Walk A Mile in Her Shoes” event on April 28th, hosted by Safe Alliance. Great event, great organization. More info to come regarding F3 involvement.
In the immortal words of Harry Doyle, the fictitious play-by-play announcer for the Cleveland Indians in “Major League”, “We got one god**mn hit?” This classic phrase came to mind as YHC pulled into the OPES parking lot at 6:57 a.m. to find one other car parked. Against his better judgement, Fugitive exited his ghetto sled to await instructions from YHC, as he looked longingly towards Rea Rd in the hopes other PAX would soon show. They didn’t. YHC prepared a workout, thus the pain commenced.
YHC committed several Q mistakes, a) No disclaimer, b) 7:02 start time, and c) asking Fugitive if he actually wanted to post. No quarter asked, no quarter given. Off we went into the gloom like a couple of crazed banditos…
Mosey to the OPES bus parking lot a.k.a. The Meat Grinder (to your hands if you forget gloves). Face up because circling up is not possible with only 2 PAX.
On to the running portion of the program.
Left on Rea, Right on Windyrush, Stop at Windyrush-Windyrush intersection for Mary. Right on Windyrush. Stop at Windyrush-Edenbridge intersection for Mary. Right on Edenbridge. Right on Rea. Mosey to benches under the big oak tree.
Mosey to basketball court.
Mosey to playground.
Mosey to Rea. Left on Rea. Right on Edenbridge. Left on Windyrush. Mary. Left on Windyrush. Left on Rea.
Return to Launch.
Major props to Fugitive for enduring the lonely beat down, especially considering he is 2 weeks removed from a bout with bronchitis. I have always considered Fugitive a PAX of the sound judgement and character especially considering his 2.0 attends The University of Alabama. That judgement is now in question after he failed to flee this edition of Ascent/Olympus. Like Rodney Dangerfield in “Caddyshack,” “Oh, my arm. It’s broken.” To bookend the Q fails, there was no Takeout at the end. Perhaps Fugitive trudged home and said a prayer for YHC and for the general state of F3. One can only hope.
YHC takes solace in the fact that Bama is the reigning National Champion and that F3 does not issue nor revoke Q cards. Redemption is just around the corner.
11 PAX made the right choice and posted for Area 51’s finest workout at Hydra. The 40 degree temperature was deceiving, as several PAX would later regret their decisions to don head coverings after the subsequent beat down. As Sleepy said towards the end of the workout, “My head is on fire.” I will take that as a compliment. You’re welcome.
This is how it went down after a brief, uninspired, and basically worthless disclaimer.
OPES possesses (2) of the most God-awful asphalt parking lots in all of Area 51. Our school bond money at work, gentlemen. We moseyed to the bus parking lot for the downpainment.
Mosey down Rea Rd. towards HT. Left on Chadwyck Farms. Plank-o-rama at the bottom of Chadwyck Farms and Windyrush. Mosey on Windyrush to the base of Evelyn’s Hill.
The Main Event
Since YHC will soon travel to Japan on a wide body Boeing 777 in Economy class, YHC thought it fitting to exact pain and suffering on the PAX in the form of Triple 7’s. If YHC can endure 14 hours from Houston to Tokyo in Economy, then surely the PAX can endure 20 minutes of Evelyn’s Hill. After much debate and mumble chatter, the PAX finally realized that Triple 7’s meant Triple 7’s as detailed below.
7-7-7. Learn it, love it, live it.
After Evelyn’s Hill was conquered, PAX took a Left on Edenbridge, stopping at each “stop” light on the Right Hand side of the road for 5 Heels to Heaven. YHC was delirious after Evelyn, thus confusing “street” with “stop.” Wishful thinking, no doubt. Congregate at the intersection of Edenbridge and Rea for more Plank-o-rama. Brought in the 6 and headed to the OPES black top basketball court.
A staple of any Jet Fuel Q (thank you Dumpster Fire, or should we now call you Senator Dumpster Fire??), this suck fest involves the PAX lined up in plank, shoulder-to-shoulder, each taking turns plank walking down the line, stopping at each PAX for a partner merkin. Pure pain, pure misery, just like Tennessee football.
Mosey to launch. What, no Mary? Darn straight, no Mary. Done.
Great work by a veteran PAX today. Spackler is preparing for a trip to Kiawah this weekend to support several PAX in their quest to run the 1/2 or full marathon. The exact impetus for this trip remains a mystery. No golf will be played due to British Open-esque weather, yet a golf cart will be involved. No running for Semi Gloss, yet he is attending and riding on said golf cart at a running event. YHC must confess to being initially confused by the conflicting signals, but the clouds were lifted when it was learned that Tito’s would be flowing. Ahhhh, yes….the 13.1 mile booze cruise. Enjoy.
Cheese Curd was crushing Eveleyn’s Hill until he learned the true meaning of Triple 777’s. 3 rounds of fury, then a struggle to survive. See above for further explanation. Hops is basking in WFU’s bowl bid to play the train wreck otherwise known as Texas A&M. YHC attempted to dedicate the Basketball Medley portion to WFU basketball, but was quickly corrected that WFU is still playing football in December. Duly noted, Demon Deacon. Queen, Marge, Hops, Spackler, and Hopper sustained the crush for all 7 rounds. Solid work. #paceyourself. I was worried that Sleepy would suffer a heat stroke in 40 degree weather, but he somehow pulled through like a trooper. Lewinski and YHC waxed poetic on the virtues of Christmas light timers. Stimulating mumble chatter. Scratch n Win left YHC speechless with a flurry of Japanese in the COT. Domo arigatou, Mr. Roboto. Puddin’ Pop was up to his usual gastrointestinal fireworks. Never a dull moment.
Always an honor to lead Area 51’s finest workout. Props to Scratch n Win for the stellar takeout.
A51 Christmas Party at Seaboard Friday night
Joe Davis Run
11 PAX prepared their bodies for Daylight Savings Time by making the right choice and posting at Rock Zero. Pleasantries were exchanged, an abbreviated disclaimer was issued to the veteran PAX, and we were off into the gloom. Slow mosey to the Calvary courtyard (astroturf location; yes, YHC called it astroturf) for the downpainment.
Mosey to Davie Park for the Pain Relay. Partner up with like speed. P1 runs to 1st light pole, performs Merkins AMRAP. P2 runs to first light pole when P1 drops for Merkins. When P2 reaches P1, P1 ceases Merkins and moseys to next light pole. P2 commences Merkins AMRAP. Upon reaching the next light pole, P1 performs Jump Squats AMRAP, P2 ceases Merkins and moseys to 2nd light pole. Repeat until we reach the end near the dog park. Mary. Same sequence for return to park entrance. Dolly and Burpees were the exercises of choice. Mary at the end.
Mosey to the Rea Road library.
Grab a parking space line.
Mosey across Rea to the top of The North Face. 10 Merkins. Run long lap to bottom of North Face. Scale it. 10 Merkins at the top. Rinse and repeat 3x.
Mosey to parking lot for Planker’s Delight. Line up shoulder-to-shoulder in plank. YHC took the lead. Plank walk 180 degrees so to face next PAX. Hand Slap Merkins. Plank walk down the line, stopping at each PAX for HSM’s. Return to plank after reaching the Anchor PAX. Hold plank until all PAX have “slapped the line.” Hopper was the Anchor PAX, and crushed his turn. Impressive.
Mosey to light post for a variety of post-to-post sprints. AYG, High Knees, Butt Kickers, Karaoke left, Karaoke right, Bear Crawl-Crab Walk-Lunge Walk.
Mosey to launch. Finish with Burpees and Merkins. Done.
The traffic in Davie Park was ridiculous for 7:15 a.m. on a Saturday, when it was basically dark outside and the Dog Park was closed. For example, a beat-up minivan passed the PAX during our outbound leg of the Pain Relay, only to pass us again going the opposite direction towards the park entrance minutes later. Suspicious. This drew Cheese Curd’s attention as he theorized the minivan’s turnaround time was wholly inadequate for certain nefarious acts of passion to be performed in a secluded parking lot. Gummy and YHC were speechless. One can only postulate that Cheese Curd wears his Garmin EVERYWHERE and times EVERYTHING.
Planker’s Delight absolutely sucks. YHC includes this brutality with each Q for no justifiable reason, other than to spread pain and suffering in Area 51. You’re welcome.
Hopper was complaining after Shoulder Tap Merkins (exercise #2) in the COP, but quickly buried that negativity and led the PAX for the remainder of the workout. Solid effort.
Abba scaled the North Face like a Mongolian sherpa. Unreal.
Marge and Nemo crushed the running portions, per usual. Fast, real fast.
Marlin continues to spread the Hoka gospel to anyone who will listen. #thicksole
Blades of Glory was shining during the Speed Skater Lunges. YHC was worried that he would cross check the adjacent PAX.
Dingo and Boerewors did what they always do, silently crushing the workout. South Africa in the house…
Gummy was well, Gummy. Always in front, always delivering comic relief, always harassing the Q. Well done, sir.
16 = Alabama Football National Titles (yes, Clemson, you still have the belt, for God’s sake)
YHC was silently confident about Bama’s chances this year, but after losing 1/2 of our defense to injury last night against LSU, well, not so much.
Always an honor to post at Rock Zero, and an even greater honor to Q.
After a Twitter firestorm yesterday, 14 PAX posted against their better judgement for this week’s Hydra humidity beat down courtesy of YHC. Brief “don’t be stupid” disclaimer to the veteran PAX, and we were off.
COP (all exercises IC)
Mosey to church rock pile. Partner up. Choose running rock. P1 runs w/ rock (Haze’s FAVORITE): R on Rea, R on Windyrush. P2 runs sans rock: L on Rea, L on Edenbridge, L Windyrush. P1 transfers rock to P2; continue same direction to complete the loop back to the rock pile. Equal rock carrying distance covered by each PAX. Genius.
Mosey to OPES bus parking lot aka CMS’ finest asphalt. PAX who forgot gloves would soon be cursing YHC. Grab a parking space line. Starting from one side of the line, plank walk to the other side of the line, perform 2 merkins. Rinse and repeat until 8 line crosses and hence 16 merkins were performed. 8 x 2 = 16 for you Volunteer fans incl. Frosty Paws
Mary at OPES basketball black top. Dolly, Flutter ea. x16 IC, Slow Merkins x10 IC
Mosey to baseball field concession area. New partners. 4-leg Starfish. Leg 1: 5 pull-ups, Leg 2: 5 burpees, Leg 3: 10 Jump Squats, Leg 4: 10 Diamond Merkins. Return to concession area after each leg for 5 plank knee-ups.
Mosey to OPES basketball black top: Planker’s Delight. PAX lines up abreast. Assume plank position. PAX #1 plank walks down the line facing the PAX, stopping for 1-merkin at each PAX, who also performs the merkin. Rinse and repeat until all PAX have completed the Plank Walk of Pain.
Mosey to front football (or soccer?) field. Mosey to each of the 4 corners in CCW fashion. Corner #1: 5 Merkins. Corner #2: 10 Jump Squats. Corner #3: 15 Merkins. Corner #4: 20 Jump Squats
Mosey to back wall for People’s Chair. PAX #1 performs 10 Merkins (or more) in front of squatting PAX, then heads back to wall. PAX #2 performs 10 Merkins….you get the drift.
My, my….where to begin? In yesterday’s Twitter-sphere, Purple Haze specified the following Hydra Trifecta which should be avoided at all costs: 1) Hops’ tank top, 2) Iron Horse’s 2″ inseam running shorts, and 3) Shirtless Semi Gloss. Item 1: Rectified by Hops and M Hops; tank top has been destroyed Items 2 and 3: Most definitely NOT rectified. Iron Horse rolled into the AO, parked, and unveiled more leg skin than you see at Uptown Whiskey River on a Saturday night. The PAX recovered from IH’s initial shock and awe campaign; however, IH gained his sweet revenge during People’s Chair. Regular merkins in front of the PAX? Yeah, right… Try reverse plank jacks, and by reverse, I mean the PAX was facing the southbound end of northbound mule. Most of the PAX quickly looked away in horror, but Purple Haze could not turn away, as if transfixed on a bad car crash. I fear Haze has suffered irreparable mental and emotional damage.
Item 3 occurred at some point during the beat down, perhaps Pre-Planker’s Delight, perhaps afterwards. The PAX was oddly at peace with the bare chested one. Disturbing… Next time, partner carries. Oddly enough, it was around this time that I noticed my watch spontaneously set back 3 hours. Coincidence, or was my Timex Non-GPS Ironman experiencing a disturbance in the F3 universe force due to the aforementioned 2/3 Trifecta convergence? Mysterious…
Other random observations:
16 represents the number of football national titles won by my beloved Crimson Tide. YHC is a proud graduate, ’94, ’96. Frosty Paws (who named his son Knox in honor of Knoxville, TN) just loved this factoid. I will be expecting that dinner invitation any day now, FP. Good thing I did not choose 26 as the number of the day (represents the number of SEC titles won by….well, you know). And before you start chirping, yes, Clemson PAX, I realize that you STILL have the belt, as I have been regularly reminded at every single post since January.
Planker’s Delight continues to suck out loud. Brutal and merciless in dishing out pain .
Great to see Cheese Curd in the gloom after a long boot camp layoff due to an Achilles (?) injury. Hope to see you again, brother.
Floor Slapper arrived pre-launch. I checked my watch for malfunctions, but found none.
Solid work by all PAX today. Request was made for more boot camp, less running, so I was happy to oblige. Honored to lead this group of Area 51’s finest.
Anvil – Death Valley convergence, Wed. 7/19, at Anvil. Coffee and fellowship to follow. Check Twitter for Details. Hops will be delivering words of encouragement and/or fashion advice for IH during the fellowship time.
With CMS breaking for summer, YHC’s unpaid Uber service for the 2.0’s is also on sabbatical, thus freeing my Monday and Tuesday mornings for other endeavors. I mentioned this fact to Drano many months ago at a Coffeeteria, who proceeded to schedule this Q before I could finish my swig of Dark Roast. Did I have a choice? No, no I did not. Which brings us to today.
Friendly Disclaimer delivered, 0530 sharp. No FNGs. Away we go….. until the PAX is almost obliterated 7 steps into the warm-up Mosey by no fewer than 5 cars assaulting the SCMS parking lot at warp speed. Hence, a warm-up lap of the parking lot ensued to allow the stragglers time to hide their keys. #snoozebutton
COP (Gateway Academy parking lot); all exercises IC
20 IW, 15 Slow Merkins, 15 LSS, 10 MC, 10 Peter Parker, 10 Parker Peter, 10 Good Morning Nashvilles
Exit Gateway, Left on Strawberry, Cross 51, Go Left, Right on McPherson (Alexis ‘hood), Left on Wyman, Halt at intersection of Wyman and McCallum
Planker’s Medley: 15 Plank Jacks IC, Pain varietal poses, recover
7’s on McCallum hill. Diamond Merkins at TOP, Squat Jumps w/ Wide Sumo twist at BOTTOM (no idea what the F3 name for this exercise is, or if one even exists)
Mary when finished: Dolly, Flutter, Heels to Heaven, all 15 IC
Mosey to SCMS track for Emma’s Ladder (my rising 9th grade daughter who ran track for SCMS this past season; gave me this workout which I deemed PAX worthy)
Slow mosey to launch. Done.
If Middle School track athletes can do it, then surely the Base Camp PAX can!?!?! I will tell Emma that all 14 PAX crushed her workout; barely breaking a sweat. #thelieswetellourchildren Great work by the PAX today at a solid AO. Goonie was nervous that I was taking the PAX to uncharted territory, but I assured him that Alexis ‘hood possessed Base Camp worthy hills while only being 1/4 mile from SCMS. Who knew? You’re welcome. Many thanks to Drano for inviting me to Q. Was an honor to lead this group, and I hope to repeat Q in the future.
Food Drive for Calvary Food Pantry. Base Camp is donating cans of soup. See Twitter for specifications (< 16 oz, no “cream of…”) Calvary is a great partner for F3, so all donations are welcome.
SPEED FOR NEED: Goonie’s 2-yr F3 anniversary is fast approaching. In celebration, he has thrown down a PAX challenge for monetary donations to SPEED FOR NEED (check Twitter for details). For every dollar donated at 6/19 Base Camp, Goonie will perform 1 burpee (up to 100) at 6/26 Base Camp. Not only will your monetary gift go to an incredible cause, you will also have the pleasure of inflicting pain and suffering on the Site co-Q.
Reminder from Goonie to post at other F3 locations while traveling. He posted and Q’d in Orlando recently, site unseen. Strong, brother. Spread the word, PAX.
Thanks to Simba for the takeout.