Due to extenuating circumstances such as the first week of summer vacation for most schools, and the launch of a seasonal hill running based, horribly named workout elsewhere in South Charlotte, four men were left to do the work of twelve. After checking and re-checking for the usual Foxhole regulars and irregulars, we commenced the lifting and sprinting and other endeavors more masculine than a shirtless Vladimir Putin riding a bear through a Greco-Roman wrestling tournament.
Warmup:
To the soccer field for assorted awesomeness:
Line up on the goal line for 20 kettlebell swings, 5 clean & press each side, 5 goblet squats, AYG to the other goal line. Once everyone arrives, 10 merkins and 20 LBCs and recover back to the bells.
Repeat for a total of 5 rounds, each round dropping the clean & press by one, so a round of 4, then 3, 2, and 1.
Back to the launch lot for some hateful nonsense, both of the exercise and gaseous varieties. Three rounds of a complex consisting of 5 Sots presses each side, 20 weighted crunches, 5 overhead squats each side, and 20 flutters with bell pressed above the chest. Bits of swings and deadlifts mixed in for good measure. During one of the rounds of crunches, a particular member of the PAX released a noise from below that sounded like what YHC imagines a donkey being strangled in a puddle of mud must sound like. It was both vile and impressive.
Finish with 100 kettlebell swings because the kettlebell swing is one of the best exercises on the planet and everyone should do a lot of them as often as possible.
NMM: Several months ago Voodoo put me on the Q schedule but was apparently too busy and/or worn out from a weekend reunion-ing with Virginians and hobnobbing with retired quarterbacks who never won a Heisman trophy and whose alma maters have not beaten the University of Alabama in football since the iPhone has existed. Speaking of horse faced big dumb animals, it appears that Monday workouts over the summer may suffer from the temporary insanity of running around an eclectic neighborhood full of dog ladies, naked men, and flag poles. Note: YHC will have the honor of taking the 2017 edition of that horse out behind the shed and putting a bullet in it on 8/28/17. It will be a spectacle since it takes a meathead to make a running workout fun.
Announcements: Area 51 workouts are collecting food items for the Calvary church food pantry so please make an effort to help out. Fat Camp is switching from a 5:15 launch to a 5:30 launch.
Winter is for adding muscle mass before the onslaught of running that always accompanies the summer months here in Area 51. On a downright pleasant morning 16 open minded men joined YHC for a workout inspired by Arnold Schwarzenegger and Usain Bolt. A disclaimer that can proudly be called fair to middling was given and off we went.
Warmup:
Bro Complex #1
Bro Complex #2
Bro Complex #3
Wrap Up
NMM
In YHC’s mind, the PAX were filled with a manly vigor following this morning’s workout and proceeded to spend the day eating meat, growing facial hair, and driving nails with their bare hands. Announcements: mini-CSAUP led by Alf on 1/28/17, Savage Race replacing spring mud run on 5/13/17.
Happy new-ish year. It’s time to start thinking about race calendars and planning for the upcoming year. Below is a list of events that might be of interest to the PAX organized into three categories: Obstacle Course Races, Ultra Running Events, and Relay Races. Of note: bookmark the Savage Race on 5/13/17 and be on the lookout for upcoming details about it since this will be the featured spring event for Area 51. This doesn’t look great in WordPress, so I have it available in Excel if anyone would like a copy. Email me at kevin.r.mays@gmail.com if you want the file. I also sent this in to Comz HQ for publishing in the next newsletter.
| Obstacle Races | ||||
| Name | Date | Location | Description | Website |
| Spartan Sprint | 4/8/17-4/9/17 | Charlotte, NC | 4-5 miles distance with about 20 obstacles – mix of grip obstacles, heavy carries, mud | spartan.com |
| Savage Race | 5/13/2017 | Charlotte, NC | Approximately 6 miles with 25 obstacles – looks to be a hybrid of Spartan and American Ninja Warrior | savagerace.com |
| Warrior Dash | 6/3/2017 | Huntersville, NC | The gateway drug of obstacle racing – 5K distance, the heat is typically the hardest obstacle. F3 men can dominate this event. | warriordash.com |
| Spartan Super & Sprint Weekend | 7/29/2017-7/30/17 | Asheville, NC | 8-10 miles distance with about 25 obstacles – mix of grip obstacles, heavy carries, mud. Last year’s course stole souls and broke spirits | spartan.com |
| Spartan Beast & Sprint Weekend | 11/4/17-11/5/17 | Winnsboro, SC | 12-14 miles distance with about 30 obstacles – mix of grip obstacles, heavy carries, mud | spartan.com |
| Rugged Maniac | 5/20/2017 | Rockingham, NC | About 5K distance, obstacles appear to be more climbing/jumping in nature rather than strength focused in addition to mud | ruggedmaniac.com |
| Spartan Sprint | 9/23/17-9/24/17 | Fayetteville, NC | 4-5 miles distance with about 20 obstacles – mix of grip obstacles, heavy carries, mud | spartan.com |
| Bonefrog | 11/18/2017 | Concord, NC | 11 miles 50 obstacles, designed by Navy Seals to simulate their training – looks legit | bonefrogchallenge.com |
| Ultra Races | ||||
| Name | Date | Location | Description | Website |
| Frosty Foot 50K/30K/8K | 1/21/2017 | Almond, NC | 50K trail race in the mountains of western NC | footrxasheville.com |
| Salem Lakeshore Frosty 50K/25K | 1/21/2017 | Winston-Salem, NC | Looks like a big loop around a lake | twincitytc.org |
| Fat Ass 50K | 1/28/2017 | Ft Bragg, NC | No entry fees, but no awards or t-shirts | etinternet.net |
| Mill Stone 50K | 2/11/2017 | Ft Mill, SC | Three 10.5 mile loops on the ASC greenway | rockhillstriders.org |
| Mount Mitchell Challenge | 2/25/2017 | Black Mountain, NC | 40 miles of trails to the highest point on the East Coast | blackmountainmarathon.com |
| Fontandango Foot Race 50 Mile | 3/4/2017 | Fontana Dam, NC | Individual and Relay options available | footrxasheville.com |
| Peytons Wild & Wacky Ultra 50K | 3/11/2017 | Mt Pleasant, SC | Appears to be 10 laps of a 5K course, which sounds neither wild nor wacky | ultrasignup.com |
| Relay Races | ||||
| Name | Date | Location | Description | Website |
| Smokey Mountain Relay | 4/21/2017 | Brevard, NC | 206 mile relay similar to the BRR | smokymountainrelay.com |
| Palmetto 200 & 70 | 3/17/2017 | Charleston, SC | Explore the highways of South Carolina on foot when running and by van when not running | palmetto200.com |
| Blue Ridge Relay | 9/8/2017 | Asheville, NC | No descrition needed | blueridgerelay.com |
| Ragnar | 10/6/2017 | Ft Mill, SC | Run, Camp, Repeat | ragnarrelay.com |
| Tuna Run 200 | 10/20/2017 | Raleigh, NC | Run to the coast and eat fish | tunarun200.com |
| Colonial 200 & 70 | 5/5/2017 | Williamsburg, VA | More vineyards but less mountains than the BRR – probably people dressed up as minutemen | colonial200.com |
The first quasi-chill of the season greeted five PAX this morning at Anvil. A smaller than expected crowd was present for the morning’s events meaning either not many saw YHC’s tweet about continuing #BurpeeFreeOctober or there are some sick individuals among us who seek out burpees. No matter, the watch found the satellite connection and we were off. First we ran to the AstroTurf pavilion for COP:
20 SSH IC
10 Merkins IC
20 Plank Jacks IC
10 Wide Arm Merkins IC
20 Mountain Climbers IC
10 Carolina Dry Docks IC
20 Imperial Walkers IC
10 Diamond Merkins IC
We attempted to explain each exercise to our FNG, Depth Charge, as we went, but nobody really had a good justification for the Imperial Walker beyond “it’s just something that we do”. Next we ran to the hot box for some more upper body work.
20 Dips, 20 Decline Merkins, 20 Incline Merkins, run a lap around the light pole and back.
15 Dips, 15 Decline Merkins, 15 Incline Merkins, take a lap.
10 Dips, 10 Decline Merkins, 10 Incline Merkins, take a lap.
5 Dips, 5 Decline Merkins, 5 Incline Merkins, take a lap. “Way to mix it up Ickey” said Lobstah Roll.
10 Dips, 10 Decline Merkins, 10 Incline Merkins, take a lap.
15 Dips, 15 Decline Merkins, 15 Incline Merkins, take a lap.
20 Dips, 20 Decline Merkins, 20 Incline Merkins, forgo the lap.
Run to the Avenue of Trees and gather at one end. Sprint to the other end then jog back, stopping at every tree along the way for 10 squats. Repeat and do 10 LBCs on the way back. Repeat and do 10 Flutters on the way back. YHC attempted to demonstrate the flutter to our FNG, where Hannibal was nice enough to allow my to finish before chiming in with “except keep your legs straight”. Hannibal was the war daddy today. #Old. Repeat with Russian Twists on the jog back. “Hannibal I’m thinking about puking” said YHC. Lest we forget, Hannibal was the war daddy today.
Run to rock pile and select a big, heavy, proud, manly rock. Time was running short so we only had time for 3 rounds of 5 straight leg deadlifts on the left side, 5 straight leg deadlifts on the right side, 5 curls, 5 triceps extensions, and 5 presses.
Run back to the launch lot for a bit of Mary including dollies, sit ups, heels to heaven, etc. During the heels to heaven this morning’s war daddy reminded the PAX to “get your butt up” which prompted Udder to immediately break wind. Sage advice indeed.
Welcome to Depth Charge, a software engineer from Indiana who is new to Charlotte and found us via an unidentified media source. We briefly considered Mellencamp as an F3 name, which in hindsight should’ve led us to a little ditty where we named him Diane. Chalk that miss up to an early hour, a hopefully strenuous workout, and a small group. Sign up for the Christmas party and the Joe Davis run. Hannibal was the war daddy today.
On a pleasant morning in the southernmost point in the greater Ballantyne region seven men gathered to swing some iron and were somewhat confused by the eighth car in the parking lot. Since Foxhole uses an elementary school as an AO this would normally not be anything out of the ordinary since sometimes teachers show up early. This mystery car had an F3 sticker however, so some started to wonder if Tolkien was serious about showing up sometime in the 4 am hour to run seven miles. We knew it wasn’t Cheese Curd however, even though he had tweeted about trying to make it to the workout if it wasn’t too far away. Never mind the fact that at minimum Voodoo, Wild Turkey, the aforementioned Tolkien, and YHC all had longer drives. Once the watch struck 5:30 we circled up to begin the festivities with a fair to middling disclaimer and an unconventional warmup:
40 kettlebell swings, 40 SSH, 40 LBC
30 kettlebell swings, 30 SSH, 30 LBC
20 kettlebell swings, 20 SSH, 20 LBC
10 kettlebell swings, 10 SSH, 10 LBC
Next up we did 5 snatches with the left side, then 5 snatches with the right side, 10 goblet squats, and a lap around the parking lot. The next round was 4 snatches each side, then 8 goblet squats, then take a lap. Then 3 snatches each side, 6 goblet squats, and a lap. Continuing the pattern we did 2 snatches each side, 4 goblet squats, a lap, then 1 snatch each side, 2 goblet squats, and one last lap. YHC’s legs are still an absolute mess after Southern Discomfort this past Saturday so the laps were on par with a three legged basset hound running uphill through a puddle of maple syrup. Sometime in the middle of these sets Tolkien ran into the parking lot to join us. Rumor has it he started by running to the end of the road, then decided to keep going and ran across town, then since he wasn’t tired, ran across Greenbow county. After that he decided he may as well just run across the great state of Alabama.. After eventually reaching an ocean he turned around and somehow managed to wind up on the mean streets of South Charlotte where the only reasonable thing to do in the pre-dawn gloom is swing a kettlebell.
Take the bells to the soccer field for some sprint work. Line up on the line in front of the goal and do 20 swings, 20 merkins, 20 Russian twists the sprint to the corresponding line on the other end of the field. Plank until the group is all at the far end, then lunge walk to the midfield line and jog back to the bells. Repeat the process four more times for a total of five rounds. Tolkien just did a bunch of Mary exercises and may or may not have actually brought his kettlebell to the field. Time is now running short so pack up the bells and head back to the parking lot.
The next cluster of exercises consisted of 5 Romanian Deadlifts with the left side, 5 with the right side, 5 racked squats with the left side, and 5 with the right. The next round was 3 reps of the four exercises, followed by a round of 1 rep of each exercise. With only 90 seconds left until the bell the only reasonable thing to do is swing the bells and get in as many reps as possible until 6:15.
Announcements: Sign up for the Christmas party, Registration for the Joe Davis Run is open, there’s a Jingle Bell race in early December, and there is some New Year’s Day trail race where for $20 you get a shirt and some beer after running 17 miles. There’s also the option of spending $40 for plenty of beer, putting on an old shirt, and not running 17 miles on trails in the middle of winter. Seems like a no-brainer.
On a downright pleasant Mid-October morning a crew of Centurion regulars (minus a few notable exceptions, more to come on that later) convened for a bout of vigorous exercise. The good news was that YHC tweeted the night before that the morning’s activities would adhere to #BurpeeFreeOctober. The bad news was that YHC also tweeted that today was leg day. With no squat rack or trap bar available, how bad could it actually be? Well, for at least one of us, who shall remain nameless, traversing the bleachers at a high school football game this evening proved to be a most painful endeavor. A proper and eloquent disclaimer was given to keep the #Stumpfs happy and off we went.
Warmup: Run to the parking lot outside Panera Bread for COP, which the Q begins by announcing that running is awful. COP consisted of 20 SSH, 20 LBC, 10 Merkins, and 10 Mountain Climbers in cadence.
Next we gathered at the base of the stairwell where instructions were given to perform 10 Squats, 10 Merkins, and 10 Plank Jacks, then to run up the stairs, to the other end of the plaza, and down the other staircase a total of five times. Instructions were also given to perform the exercises slowly and with good form. Chelms almost made it through two full reps before being admonished for questionable form by Mermaid. About midway through the third round, YHC made a mental note that running is still awful, and that everyone else is fast, which is super annoying.
Run to the front of CCHS and find a spot of bench or wall suitable for an extended session of leg exercises. A garbage truck taking its sweet time to pick up the school’s rubbish bins and haul their contents away made YHC have to shout the instructions for the next phase. Said next phase consisted of 50 Split Squats with the left leg, 50 Split Squats with the right leg, and 50 dips. It’s leg day after all, #YouWereWarned. After this phase YHC felt that wondrous rush of blood into the leg muscles known as “the pump” that Arnold so wonderfully described in “Pumping Iron” so hopefully that was experienced throughout the PAX.
Run to the mouth of Tartarus, the region of torments and line up at the base of the first ramp. Instructions were partially given for the next sequence of events. YHC stated that we would begin by sprinting up the ramp, but since this is Centurion several PAX tried to jump the gun and get a head start. After reeling in the overzealous, the other part of the instructions were given, following the sprint there would be 10 Squats, 10 Merkins, and 10 LBCs. Gather at the base of the next ramp and repeat all the way up the deck, adding 10 reps of LBCs after each ramp to aid in the recovery. Once we found ourselves at the summit of Tartarus YHC explained that we must now make our way back down, and we would accomplish this by lunge walking one ramp then sprinting the next in an alternating fashion until we returned to the base. About a quarter of the way down the second of the lunge walk ramps Driver turned to YHC and muttered “You were serious about the leg day thing huh”? Indeed sir, indeed.
Run back to launch lot. Again, this being Centurion, several PAX took off at a brisk clip so they did not hear the Q announce that the pace was intended to be of the recovery variety. Also, if one is able to run at such a pace at this juncture then YHC must question the commitment to the sprints.
Outsourced Mary: In a not so subtle effort to mask what can be described as horrendous form on core exercises, the Q generously let each PAX take a turn leading the group in an exercise of his choosing. A reminder was also given that we were still in the throes of #BurpeeFreeOctober however. Highlights included Russian Twists, Heels to Heaven, LBCs, Flutters, Box Cutters (which are about as fun as watching LSU try to play offense), etc. Fin.
Notable Absences: Champagne, Iron Horse, Thunder Road, Abacus, Scabby
Moleskine: If you decide you don’t feel like doing something for awhile, you can just hashtag it and it becomes a thing, like #BurpeeFreeOctober. #TheMoreYouKnow. YHC thinks this has potential and wouldn’t be surprised if it morphed into #BurpeeFreeAutumn. You just never know when these things are going to go viral. Thank you to Paper Jam for a powerful takeout. YHC believes it is safe to say many of us are envious of that ability to speak off the cuff with such power, wisdom, and clarity of message. Additional thank yous to our stalwart site Qs for continuing to push YHC out of the proverbial comfort zone and into the Q spot. Make it a good and impactful weekend.
Friday morning saw a welcome break from the oppressive heat wave that July has brought. The pre-dawn hour and the wind chill combined to bring the temperature down to a brisk 92 degrees. Twelve set out to get some work in before gunning for their tour cards at the golf tournament later in the day. The disclaimer was probably mostly correctly given and we set out to play Frogger across 51.
Warmup:
Around the World:
YHC wanted to find some new bits of ground to explore at Centurion, which was challenging since the regular rotation of Q’s does a phenomenal job of utilizing the CCHS grounds, the shopping center where Panera is (YHC can’t remember the name, probably Carmel something or other), Carmel Crossing Drive and accompanying hills, and the practice fields and parking lots in the immediate vicinity. Carmel Commons seemed ripe for the picking since we sometimes utilize the Jack in the Box and McDonald’s parking lots but not much else. So, while driving the 2.1 to daycare one day and sitting on 51, YHC took stock of the various eateries in the plaza and came up with this bit of nonsense called Around The World.It consists of running along the shopping center sidewalk and stopping at every restaurant that serves the cuisine of a different nation to perform 20 merkins, 20 LBCs, 20 squats, 20 Russian twists, and 20 plank jacks. We began at Amalie’s which sounds like a French place so YHC gave the PAX the option to substitute monkey humpers for any exercise to punish the first stop for the sin of being and/or sounding French.
After the first circuit run to the Greek place called Zoe’s, pausing along the way to wave to Purple Haze on the elliptical at Planet Fitness. #LunkAlarm #TurnThatThingOffYouJackwagonsDumbbellsAreLoudWhenYouRackThem Repeat the circuit then run to the Thai place called Bangkok Ocha and do the circuit. Longish run to the end of the shopping center to the Chinese place cleverly named Great Wall of China and do the circuit, then run literally four feet to the Mexican place Cabo’s for the 100 rep circuit. Finally run back to McDonald’s which we used to represent the greatest country in the history of countries, and the lone superpower on Earth, these United States of America. Being the American station, and being McDonald’s, the PAX were instructed to supersize the circuit and do 25 reps of each exercise. The hashbrowns smelled delicious and deere lowered YHC misses carbohydrates. Did McDonald’s actually need to pay McKinsey or some other high priced consultancy seven figures to tell them that all day breakfast was a good idea? The executives could’ve simply gone to any store at 10:25 am and seen the mad rush for McMuffins and McGriddles and saved the shareholders some money. Take one last inhale of carby, grainy, deliciousness and run to the picnic tables in front of CCHS.
At the tables find a bit of bench and perform 50 single leg split squats and 50 dips. Once finished run to the mouth of Tartarus, the region of torments. Go up the short ramps alternating between sprints and lunge walks until ascension of the summit, then run down the steps. Seeing we still had a few minutes to spare after completion, we ran up the stairs and down the short ramps alternating between hard charges and recovery paces. Run back to launch lot and circle up.
YHC likes to outsource Mary to the PAX under the guise of getting everyone involved. The dirty little secret is that YHC’s form on most core exercises is as sloppy as Ole Miss’ recruiting in recent years. #SeriouslyHughFreezeYouAren’tFoolingAnyoneYouFlthyCheater We did the usual suspects for Mary ending with a plank and YHC’s favorite, zero burpees OYO.
Thanks to those who came out before golf and the site Q’s for the opportunity to lead. YHC tried to get out of the proverbial comfort zone and lead a boot camp workout without relying on lifting rocks. CCHS removing the rock pile was also a catalyst in that. After careful consideration, the Rusty Onion was left off the Around the World roster since YHC felt that including a bar/pizza joint as Italy might cause consternation among any PAX of actual Italian descent. Roll Tide.
The morning began as any other, the South Charlotte gloom permeated with humidity and the early arrivers stretching and talking. Then the usual Area 51 PAX noticed something, a line of cars clustered tightly together approached the AO slowly, but with purpose. Out into the darkness stepped a contingent from Ballantyneistan, familiar faces all, but seen rarely along Pineville Matthews Road. Questions arose. Was Anvil now disputed territory? Did the descending horde arrive in seek of combat, either of the hand to hand or interpretive dance variety? It turns out our SOB friends just missed us and wished to share the muggy, mid-July gloom. Approximately 90% of the disclaimer was correctly provided, with Mermaid reminding the group that YHC is not a professional, which would become evident over the ensuing 45 minutes.
We began with a mosey to the AstroTurf area at the front of the church for a warm-up:
After deeming ourselves sufficiently warm, we moved on to the next phase of the proceedings, which consisted of a cluster of 50 merkins, 50 squats, and 50 Russian Twists including the instructions to perform the exercises slowly, with good form, and broken up in whatever fashion each man saw fit. Once finished fit a spot on the wall for a bit of People’s Chair. YHC then instructed the PAX to move themselves to the hot box/snack shack/concession stand as fast as possible. The wild sprint that followed was most likely the first instance where the collective group wondered if the Q was of sound mind and sufficiently suited to lead a workout.
Once the group reconvened in the hot box the next cluster of exercises was called, consisting of 25 Bulgarian Split Squats each leg, 50 dips, and 50 incline merkins. Mumblechatter was light to non-existent thus far, which came at a bit of a surprise to YHC. Next we moseyed to the rock pile.
To the shock of absolutely nobody, we wound up in the rocks. Instructions were given to find a rock worthy of spending some good quality time with, in other words, don’t get crazy. We circled up and performed 5 sets of 5 reps of the Sots Press and the overhead squat. The Sots press is a weightlifting exercise in which the lifter presses weight overhead, then squats down and subsequently presses the weight overhead again. It is a wonderful exercise that is good for the mind, body, and spirit. At this point YHC began to wonder if mutiny was imminent, and if arming the PAX with rocks was an idea unwise. Fortunately YHC did not meet the same fate as characters in the short story “The Lottery” (also a TV movie starring former MTV personality Dan Cortese) so we took our rocks and lined up across the parking lot.
More fun with rocks followed as we mutated Mermaid’s Triple Nickel (patent pending) with 5 diamond merkins on the rock and 5 front presses at each end, connected by long, slow walks holding the rocks overhead. It was gloriously absurd. Return the rocks to the ditch and slowly mosey to the light post, then run hard to the small rock wall in the corner of the AO. Alf was leading the way on most of the run when Mr. Bean turned on the jets (The British company Rolls Royce makes jet engines as we all know) and ran faster than a member of the UKIP fleeing Brussels.
We then circled up for Guantanamo, PAX on backs, heads in and feet out. Everyone elevates their feet off the ground then each man makes his way around the circle attempting to push the feet of everyone else down to the ground. Slege was putting some extra mustard on his pushes, well done young sir. Others are in dire need of some serious strength work and shall remain nameless here, their soccer armed shame going unspoken. Guantanamo was terrible and you all can thank Sony, from whom YHC learned (stole) it. Next we ran to the picnic tables to repeat the Bulgarian Split Squat/Incline Merkin/Dip cluster. Lastly YHC outsourced Mary to a few of the PAX as we only had four minutes to grind out. Zero burpees OYO tied a nice bow on this package of nonsense.
Anvil was the first workout YHC ever posted at approximately 23.5 months ago after finally submitting to Boutique’s repeated EH attempts. Ever since that day YHC has been wanting to lead this workout because this F3 movement, and all of you people have become an important part of YHC’s existence here on the big ball. Thank you to the 19 others than joined me this morning, I hope I did this workout justice.
This coming October 22nd Area 51 will be hosting the second iteration of our region’s sufferfest known as Southern Discomfort. Margo and Gerber will be our emcees as we traverse the workout areas of the southland, at least the ones in close proximity to Pineville-Matthews Road. The initial thought is to have the route flow from Charlotte Catholic to Matthews Elementary with numerous stops along the way. The 2016 edition of this insanity will be held in the fall rather than the heat of summer, so temperatures should be downright comfortable, the foliage should be on full display, and 80% of Big 10 teams will have lost to MAC teams. We learned a lot from last year’s inaugural effort, and even though the planned route wound up having the accuracy of an Auburn quarterback, everyone that completed the event wound up with hearts full of pride and thighs full of rashes. The latter may have just been YHC since the existence of Body Glide was not known. Every step after the Arboretum was as painful as watching an Air Raid offense, which as we all know, is an affront to all that is good and pure in this world. Further details will follow in the coming weeks as we figure them out, including a possible philanthropic component. Keep October 22 open on your calendars as this is sure to be the premier athletic event of the season.
On a balmy Spring (technically still Winter) morning thirteen men (technically 11 men, a teenager, and a six year old) gathered to move iron, metabolically condition themselves, and pay respects to a business gone asunder due to what YHC observed as abysmally poor inventory management. A fortnight ago word spread throughout F3Nation that MuscleDriver USA was abruptly closing its doors and all inventory was 50%-60% off. YHC took this opportunity to stock up on new pieces of workout gear/medieval torture devices.
Warmup:
Lap around the mini track at Olde Providence Elementary then gather around the gleaming pile of kettlebells for more civilized activities. At this time Mrs. High Tide dropped off Low Tide, which begs the question if High Tide is allowing him to drive the new Jeep Wrangler yet. The warmup consisted of four building block exercises which were instructed to be performed slowly and using good form. 20 kettlebell swings, 19 goblet squats, 18 mountain climbers, 17 merkins, 16 swings, 15 goblet squats, 14 mountain climbers, 13 merkins, and so on and so forth all the way down to 1 #PatternPower (PAX with little kids in the Nick Jr. demographic will understand that reference).
Kettlebell Work – Every Minute on the Minute:
EMOM is a deliciously evil concept in that it doesn’t sound bad when explained but after a few rounds the rest period gets shorter and shorter, and when done with full enthusiasm the intensity level is through the roof. For the next ten minutes we did 10 kettlebell swings, 2 rack/squat/presses left side, and 2 rack/squat/presses right side. The option was given to substitute a Sots Press for the push press portion of the rack/squat/press complex but YHC did not notice anyone partaking (#VeteranCrew). At the conclusion of ten minutes we moseyed to the field for gear work.
Gear Stations – Field of Dreams
YHC set up twelve gear stations on the big field directly behind the school, six of which were designed to elevate the heart rate and six of which more strength focused. Everyone pick a station that looks fun and get to work, rotating every 90-120 seconds.
Jump Rope, Steel Mace, Power Sled, Ab Wheel rollouts, Battle Rope, Slam Ball, Speed Chute, Medicine Ball squat & launch, 70 lb kettlebell swings, Sandbag clean & press, Agility Ladder + Merkins, Strength Band curls. After everyone got two turns at each station we did a slow recovery run down to the end of the field and a full sprint back. After the sprint High Tide informed us that Low Tide was gunning for YHC (#AndStill), and also off to the side maybe or maybe not #feedingthebabybirds as he so eloquently tweeted. We then moseyed back to the parking lot for around the horn Mary. Each PAX took a turn leading his favorite core exercise, or at least the first core exercise that popped into his head. We did LBCs, old fashioned situps, Freddie Mercury, plank variations, merkins (but with the emphasis on the core right Tambourine?), flutters, dollies, and one of Nuke’s yoga-esque specialties that is really difficult but really good for the core and back. Fin.
Appendix:
Upon traveling to the MDUSA wake last week YHC saw a veritable who’s who of Area 51, so deductive reasoning would suggest that we will be seeing more gear work from Fairview to Ballantyne and all points in between. The sheer volume of inventory they had on hand (except barbells of course) would suggest that the proprietors did not understand the finer points of inventory management, just in time, lean six sigma, and other assorted meaningless business jargon. YHC believes they had enough slam balls on hand for every man, woman and child in these United States. Their loss was our gain though and we have a Spring and Summer to look forward to full of pushing, pulling, and lifting stuff of all kinds. It is the year of the Meathead, huzzah!