F3 Outland Preblast – Pancho and Lefty
Gentlemen,
Tomorrow shall mark an important occasion for the men of Union County.
We have a long morning ahead of us, for there are wrongs to be righted, sins to be repented, grievances to be aired, and winds to be broken . . . all in an action-packed 60 mins.
If you attended last week’s #F3Outland, you’ll remember that Shemp and Joe, the two unnecessary Stooges, nearly ruined what used to be a glorious Saturday morning experience by unleashing what amounted to a giant stale Peep of a workout on the pax. Their unwanted sequel to that steamer of a workout from last year reminded us of cinematic gems such as “Son of the Mask”, “Titanic 2”, and “Deuce Bigalo, European Gigalo” – all sequels to something that should never have existed in the first place.
But we all followed along and went Gee when we should have gone Haw . . . time to jerk the bit and steer back on course.
Join me, Pancho, and Lefty tomorrow where we will turn the beat around and play a little #monkeyinthemiddle with what will possibly be the best worst idea to ever escape my twisted and unfiltered mind.
Let’s make Outland Great Again!
Horsehead
Bubba Shot the Jukebox
18 on the barren fields of Outland this AM for a real dirty one. Armed with a dodgy foot, a truck bed full of man sized kettlebells, and a highly sought-after #BigCountry Rhapsody playlist – this Q was ready to deliver the goods.
The THANG (with a twang)
Chaos from the get go with a discombubulated passel of minions scrambling over the river and through the woods to the large practice field, some carrying kettlebells and one carrying a fabulous jukebox of Country Gold.
Everybody grab a kettlebell from the pile. Don’t be scared of the 50s, they don’t bite. Just me and Charlotte Johnson out here today – JUST A SWANGIN.
Warmup COP, including Time Life classics such as:
- SSH X 20IC
- Imperial Walker X 15IC
- Merkins X 15IC
- Kettlebell Swing Demonstration + 20OYO
- Goblet Squat Demonstration + 10OYO
- Flutter X 20IC
Line up facing the field – noting the cones spaced evenly out to 150 yards away
- 5 swings, 5 goblet squats, run to 1st cone, 5 burpees, run back
- 10 swings, 10 goblet squats, run to 2nd cone, 10 burpees, run back
- 15 swings, 15 goblet squats, run to 3rd cone, 15 burpees, run back
- 20 swings, 20 goblet squats, run to 4th cone, 20 burpees, run back
- 25 swings, 25 goblet squats, run to 5th cone, 25 burpees, run back
- 20 swings, 20 goblet squats, run to 4th cone, 20 burpees, run back
- 15 swings, 15 goblet squats, run to 3rd cone, 15 burpees, run back
- 10 swings, 10 goblet squats, run to 2nd cone, 10 burpees, run back
- 5 swings, 5 goblet squats, run to 1st cone, 5 burpees, run back
Between the rounds was a hazy, slobbering stumbling mess with some Mary and plank work led by the various pax proving clearheaded enough to perform such a service.
Finisher:
Partner up and farmers carry with a 10 merkin chaser back to parking lot. Long way back, turning this into a bit of Lord of the Flies about halfway home. This was a bit of #QFailure, as I misread my watch and thought we had 15 mins left (to my horror, cuz I was smoked like a turkey). EE very kindly and gently coached me towards the parking lot instead of the cones were we were headed.
BUCK OWENS SKIN:
- New Thing at the Outland, 2nd Saturday of each Month is now designated as Big Country Gold Saturday. My All-Country playlist, inspired by my twitter fans, was a YUGE hit.
- Swingin – John Anderson (naturally, as we were doing just that)
- Some Girls Do – Sawyer Brown (Late Show request)
- The Fireman – George Strait
- Born to Boogie – Hank Williams Jr. (old school)
- Smoke a Little Smoke – Eric Church (new school)
- Bubba Shot the Jukebox – Mark Chestnut (Glass Joe Favorite)
- Chattahoochee – Alan Jackson
- Boot Scootin Boogie – Brooks and Dunn (Countertop favorite)
- Heartaches by the Number – Dwight Yoakam
- Dumas Walker – Kentucky Headhunters (big hit, this one)
- Thats all Right – Elvis Presley
- Eastbound and Down – Jerry Reed (how can you not like Smokey and and Bandit)
- Workout was borrowed from my little shiny buddy, Champagne. It was horrible, and almost brought up last nights #nannerpuddin during the first 20 burpee set. I also decided to try it with my new Muscle Driver 24kg giant blue kettlebell, which got the better of me during the squats at the end.
- Countertop wins the integrity award – did every single burpee. I did em too, since he was standing beside me and all, casting his judgey mcjudgerson gaze upon me every time I flinched towards an early departure.
- TClaps to the pax for gutting this one out, not for the faint of heart, and that was just the music. The workout was tough too, from what I hear. I know it whooped my butt.
- Double TClaps to our FNG – Jabberwocky. Last name is Cheshire, which brought out some nice suggestions Through the Looking Glass. Random fact, I memorized this Lewis Carrol poem in 8th grade and it has somehow remained in my memory banks. I decided to recite quite a bit of it in the COT, which was interesting. Jabberwocky hung in there for the workout, but I think he’s gonna be walking funny for a few days.
- Kiefer pulling a 13 miler before this one was pretty impressive. Big guy has a motor that just keeps on runnin. Keep that training going, but don’t overdo it with the workouts as you go higher on the mileage. I’d hate to see you hurt yourself as you get closer to your race.
- Glass Joe is a closet Country fan. The look of disappointment on his face was pretty rough when I showed him the grand list of hits that we didn’t even make it too on my playlist. We’ll have to do the Achy Breaky Heart next time buddy. I’ll keep it saved on there for you.
- Also it was nice to FINALLY get some of the pax to try some heavier kettlebells. Listen, if I can swing these things then you can. You’d be surprised at what you can handle for swinging movements. Get a lighter bell for overhead movements.
- Thanks to Tiger Rag for loaning us the heavy metal.
ANNOUNCEMENTS:
Grindstone firing back up soon – Shepherd and Late Show taking over.
Union county forming some Mud Run Teams – stay tuned.
Reply if I missed anything. Getting pretty foggy at this point.
Horsehead
Jabberwocky, by Lewis Carroll
#TrumpUniversity
11 for a crash course at #TrumpUniversity. Diplomas are in the mail boys. They will truly be worth every penny you spent on them.
THANG:
Warmup COP in main parking lot – standard fare
11s on the hill – merkins and #tinytrumphand jump ups
Little Marco (or was it Leg?) leads Mary while we finish
3 backwards runs up the hill + 10 burpees + run to the soccer field
Little Marco again (might have been Fletch) with the Mary while we catch up
Pick a supermodel, partner up facing each other midfield. Partners run to opposite sides of field for exercise and meet in middle for partner exercise.
- 5 burpees – 5 partner merkins
- 10 burpees – 10 partner merkins
- 10 burpees – 20 partner merkins
- 5 burpees – 10 partner situps
- 10 burpees – 10 partner situps
- 10 burpees -10 partner situps
Little Mary to let the food settle
Line up for the #Trumploader – move to the cone using the prescribed method below, 5 burpees and then sprint back each time.
- Bear Crawl
- Bearoke – switch midway
- Reverse Lunge
- Some Dragon Thing (Witch Doctor’s idea)
- Reverse Bear
- Bunny Hop (Cottontail lapped the field)
- Burpee Broad Jump (YUGE favorite)
Mary
- LBC
- DonaldDolly
- Bicycle
- TrumpHammer
- V Up with sound effects
- Out of ideas – call in the absolute best Mary guy in the state, Alf. After some consideration, he dazzles the field with the highly controversial but wildly popular call of . . . The Flutter
1 min left – 10 Burpees OYO. I did 27, because I’m fantastic. Most of you losers only did 3 or so.
TRUMPSKIN:
Workout was fabulous – probably the best one ever in Area 51. I called in the top guys from around the state a few weeks ago, and they all arranged their schedules around todays workout. Only the most elite athletes came . . .plus Brown. Love that guy. The workout was custom-scripted by the absolute top workout designer in the country, and let me tell you it was a YUGE success. People will be talking about this one for a while.
ANNOUNCEMENTS:
see my website
Trumphead out
#Summertime
A dozen of the finest men available at 5:30AM in a windy elementary school parking lot assembled for this weeks edition of watch the Q self-destruct Meathead. The parts I remember are as follows:
THANG:
Circle up around the Q while he assembles his arrangement of kettlebells, camouflage bluetooth speaker (with hunter orange accents), and water bottle. Embrace the fact that Meathead is the only workout where you can talk a lot of junk AND bring a lot of junk.
Warm
- IW X 10 IC
- Good Mornings X 10
- KB Merkins L X 10
- KB Merkins R X 10
- Swings X 10
- Goblet Squats X 10
Upper
- Clean / High Pull / Swing / Snatch X 2 Right
- Repeat for Left
- Increment by 2 each time up to 8
Lower
- RDL / Squat / Forward Lunge, Reverse Lunch X 2 Right
- Repeat for Left
- Increment by 2 each time up to 8
Swerkin
- 20 Swings / 10 Merkins
- Repeat for 5 sets
Dubs
- Double Swings X 5
- Double Rack Squat X 5
- Double High Pull X 5
- Double Press X 5
- Repeat for 5 sets
Finisher
- 2.5(ish) mins of KB swings
SKIN:
- Pandora is for a lazy man’s Q, where crappy songs and car insurance ads are the status quo. This one had a real set.
- Playlist was as follows:
- Pre Workout – Gonna Fly Now – Rocky Orchestra (get the crown pumped up – TR’s entrance)
- Wont Get Fooled Again – The Who (drown out the COP hecklers)
- Loser – Beck (crap, we’re still doing snatches – spraypainted vegetables?)
- Summertime – Will Smith (that’s right, in Feburary – Runstopper questioned the seasonal timing, but I saw him get into the groove shortly afterward)
- Guitars, Cadillacs – Dwight Yoakam (Stone Cold almost took his shirt off again)
- Thick like Mississippi Mud – Buddy Guy (TR thought this was BB King, which is understandable – both refrain from playing and singing at the same time).
- Bring it on Home – Led Zeppelin (slow starter, ramps up in the middle – things getting blurry here)
- Kickstart my Heart – Motley Crue (smoke city for the Q – needed this literally)
- The Final Countdown – Europe (possibly counting down to my death if this continues)
- Hello Operator – White Stripes (fired me back up for the finish)
- First (and perhaps last invited) Q at the Meathead. It’s harder than it looks, and there is nowhere to hide. Probably not the best move having not touched a kettlebell in several weeks. Smoke began to come from the earholes as we moved into the Dubs (which I had to modify to a single 45 to prevent going #3 on myself)
- The TL/Runstopper combo was killing it. Definitely 1st place in the 62″ and under masters division.
- Good to have TR back from his winter #catnap. Gonna hurt tomorrow after a break like that. Nothing like a little hair of the dog with Stone Cold on Q at Kevlar – see you tomorrow.
- I have no idea what Brown was doing over in his corner – lots of moving parts and awful sounds. First time I have ever seen the Truffle Shuffle performed with a 50b kettlebell. Always a good sport though.
- Stone Cold repeatedly told me how hard this morning was and how smoked he was afterwards, but made sure to let me know that it was because of the awesome KB workout from Busch on Tuesday. Thanks for the encouragement bud. This was followed by a text from TR telling me that he was going to be sore until Monday, but not because the workout was that hard but because he had not swung the bells in a while. I say to you #gentlemen, sucketh an egg and eateth a booger.
Always good times at the Meathead.
ANNOUNCEMENTS:
Whatevs
Horsehead
#puppymonkeybaby
4 frozen idiots posted this AM in the quaint yet extravagantly landmarked Town of Lake Park for week 2 of the yet-to-be-named Union County running workout. Since it was much colder, we started at 5AM for some additional warmup #logic.
#notsowarmup
5AM warmup – run back up the main road and cut over onto the perfectly manicured and gently rolling track around the community park area. EE and I completed a nice fellowship lap while we attempted to tune out Glass Joe who was kvetching loudly about something the entire time. Back off the track via a planned detour through a beautiful grassy area and a short up and back into the town square area to kill off the remainder of the 15 mins. Circle back to launch point to pick up 5:15 arrival crew, of which there were ZERO.
The name of the game today was intervals. We would run 1/3 mile, 2/3 mile, and 1 mile intervals at the scientifically calculated “run so hard that you can’t talk, but not hard enough to vomit” pace.
Also, there was no unnecessary touching of the hands to the ground today. #purity. I have found this highly unnecessary and undesirable in all running workouts.
#puppy
Up the main road past the extremely large Big Ben clock tower and on to the Washington Monument. Hang a left at the brightly lit giant monument and stop at the beginning of Mother Teresa circle.
Four 1/3 mile intervals around the Mother Teresa loop with a short cool down after each loop.
#monkey
Continue around the big Conifer Circle loop until we arrived at the Alden Street loop.
Two 2/3 mile intervals around the Alden St. loop with a short cool down after each loop.
#baby
Since Glass Joe and EE bailed during the Alden loops, Keifer and I plodded on for the final #deathblow.
Continue around the Conifer Circle loop back to Big Ben.
One 1 mile interval around the Conifer Circle, followed by a 3/4 mile cool down run that took us back to launch at 6:15.
I covered almost 8 miles all said and done. Not sure about the others since we had some early leavers (see below).
#skin
First time leading a running workout of this type (I did write a Devils Turn backblast once) so I was not sure about the timing of everything. Seemed to go ok from my perspective.
My original map turned out to be a bust, so this was plan 2. What shows up as a road on Google Maps has been converted into some sort of private walkway with a large tree planted right in the middle of the road. Anyway, this route kept us closer to home and seemed to do the trick.
Spread out a bit during the runs. EE way out front, GJ and then myself in the middle, and Kiefer bringing up the six. We managed to stay together fairly well though.
5AM as a launch time sucks in many different ways. I woke up at 3:30AM once, thinking it was 4:30, and started to get ready. Then I fell into a deep sleep and woke up very dazed and confused at 4:20. I somehow managed to reset my alarm clock to 4:30 for an extra magic 10 mins.
The intervals are great, but they really suck. It did make the time go by pretty quickly, but almost 8 miles on a sub 20deg morning is a punch to the throat.
EE jetted early as he has to be home so his M can leave for work. We did the 5AM launch mainly so he could get a full hour in. Not sure if I’ll be making the early-early edition on a regular basis though – throws off the biological schedule too much.
GJ also announced an early leave, mentioning something about having to go home to “meet his M for breakfast”. He reeked of Old Spice and Patchouli and we are pretty sure that he was trying his chances (if you know what I’m talking about). Not sure about this strategy, but sometimes questions are better unasked and unanswered.
No announcements except “let’s get the heck out of here”.
Route
Horsehead
UC Run – Week 2 Preblast
** UPDATED ROUTE **
Meet at Lake Park Academy – 3624 Lake Park Rd, Indian Trail, NC 28079
5:00 AM – warmup 15 min run
5:15 AM regroup back at Lake Park Academy to pick up folks who didn’t make the warmup
Workout runs from 5:15 AM to 6:15 AM.
We will be running intervals this week. This is a “no drop” format, and all running skills and speeds are welcome. There will be a lot of looping around and back tomorrow, so you won’t get left behind. We’ll have guys who run 10min miles and guys who run 5:30 miles posting, so don’t feel like you need to be a speedster to come out.
Wear something reflective. Pretty good streetlights, so you probably don’t need a headlamp.
Route Below – 3 different sets of intervals.
.@F3UnionCo Test drove this – Google Earth did me wrong. One of the loops was a private drive. Updated Routes pic.twitter.com/h9TLXje95P
— HorseHeadF3 (@HorseheadF3) February 11, 2016
- Horsehead
Breathe Deep in the Gathering Gloom
Breathe deep the gathering gloom,
Watch lights fade from every room.
Bedsitter people look back and lament,
Another day’s useless energy spent.
Impassioned lovers wrestle as one,
Lonely man cries for love and has none.
New mother picks up and suckles her son,
Senior citizens wish they were young.
Cold hearted orb that rules the night,
Removes the colours from our sight.
Red is grey and yellow white.
But we decide which is right.
And which is an illusion?
Nothing like some lyrical magic from the Moody Blues to start things off; one of the Bands that Should be Erased from Rock History according to a random internet survey that I found this morning.
Other notables included:
- Styx
- Kansas
- Journey
- Asia
- Culture Club
- Air Supply
- Europe
- Huey Lewis and the News
- REO Speedwagon
While the above list is sure to foster much heated debate throughout the day, there was none about the intensity of butt whoopin that went down this morning as 11 men of unquestionable intestinal fortitude posted at foggy Chestnut Park for this weeks rendition of . . . The Thrive.
The Thang:
Simple in design, sinister in nature. 3 Rounds, all written out in chalk.
The Gear:
- Kettlebells ranging from 35 to 55lb, plus some #gumball toy kb that somebody snuck out of their center console when I wasn’t looking
- 60 lb sandbags made from Army duffles, filled with play sand and pool noodles
- 45lb plates for hairburners
We had enough gear to go around, so everyone just picked up the nearest object and got to work. Switch gear when done until you finish the list in whatever order you please. Run lap at the end.
Round 1:
- 50 KB swings
- 30 KB snatches
- 30 sandbag squats
- 20 sandbag ground to overhead press
- 2 hairburners – down and back between the curbs
- 1 lap around the property – 1/2 mile
Round 2:
- 30 KB lunges
- 40 KB high pulls
- sandbag run across lot and back
- 25 sandbag shoulder to shoulder press
- 2 hairburners – down and back between the curbs
- 1 lap around the property – 1/2 mile
Round 3:
- 15 KB Louganis
- 20 KB high clean and press
10 sandbag burpees- 20 sandbag bent over rows
- 2 hairburners – down and back between the curbs
- 1 lap around the property – 1/2 mile
Mary:
- 20 LBC IC
- 5 Burpees
- 15 Flutters IC
- 5 Burpees
Done
The Thang:
It seems that if you try to please everyone by incorporating elements that certain individuals love into a workout plan, then you are sure to create something that everyone hates equally. This one delivered big. The gearheads hated the laps, the runners hated the sandbags, and everyone hated the hairburners.
Not sure how far everyone got, but I think we all made it into the third set. I had just finished the third set of exercises (after vigorously crossing out the sandbag burpees on the pavement) but we did the Mary thing instead of running the third lap.
I haven’t sweated this much since I ran out of cash, fuel, and Stuckey’s Pecan Logs on my last Myrtle Beach road trip and had to make tough decisions.
Thanks to Alf for the continued usage of the plates. Please take them away now. The #fred.g.sanford walk should last me for the rest of the week after our Saturday adventure at Outland, two days of mountain biking, and today.
After logging thousands, even millions of running miles over the years, Hairband’s knee has finally thrown up the white flag of a torn meniscus. He and Happy are looking to compete in the next Winter Olympics (or maybe it was the Shiloh Elementary Field Day, #qsmoke) on the three-legged race team. We hope that he can recover soon and that the repairs are not too intensive.
It is said that Glass Joe somehow managed to drive his #hairburnermobile directly into a drainage grate and go #shinyhead first over onto the pavement. Given that the parking lot at Chestnut is approximately 1000 square miles, it is very special that he somehow found this one obstacle and managed to run directly into it. Unfortunately, I did not witness this firsthand.
Not a lot on the mumblechatter front this am, mostly just guys working hard (or hardly working) and enjoying the mysterious smell of the Pawn Shop Army Duffles and my sweet Rhapsody playlist (which did not include any of the above listed bands).
Announcements:
Glass Joe testing the waters on a Thursday UC run group. Will be meeting at 5:15 this Thursday in Lake Park to test out some routes. No Drop – all speeds welcome.
Horsehead
You can’t, you won’t, and you don’t stop.
13 lucky charms decided they wouldn’t melt in a little drizzle (fo shizzle) and posted Fast Twitch without the crappy Indian Run at the end Death Valley, where the field is dark and the Q has hair. Stagecoach was the only site Q present (and wearing a fine looking safari jacket, I might add), with the originally scheduled #BigHairyGloss claiming that he needed to study for some sort of test. 46 and raining . . . a likely story, but I fell for it so here we go.
THANG:
COP in parking lot – SSH and IW, plank for some instructions
Ramble offsite into Raintree to the fabled Rising Meadow hill, marking the site of the first time I died at Fast Twitch. Circle back as necessary to keep the group together. Let’s share the love.
Triple Nickel on the hill to the fire hydrant at the top (which is further than the Site Q considered necessary, but we ignored him) – Spiderman Merkins at the bottom, Jump Squats at the Top. Speedsters pick up an extra lap to catch the six.
Regroup with some planking while I located my pancreas and head back to campus.
“TO THE TRACK!”, I shout with gusto. “YOU SUCK AND WE HATE YOU!”, echo the pax. A glorious exchange indeed. They acquiesce, and we head down into the valley.
- Lap – 10 merkins at each corner
- Lap – 10 merkins at end zones only
- Lap – 20 merkins back at start
Mosey back up to the parking lot and take one more lap just to hit 3.5 on the GPS
Mary
- American Hammer
- Farting Frog
- Flutter with hands on belly
- LBC
DONE
MOLESKIN:
First Q at the Valley – hope you boys enjoyed it. Felt a little Gumpy today, so we did some running.
20 year old soccer players like to run, and are pretty good at it. #Dollywood
Was neck in neck with the Joker/Sensei Animal/Hawkeye Road Warrior tag team all morning, and almost got clotheslined with their towel/spiked chain a couple of times. TClaps to both of these men for doing what they do.
Joker likes free stuff.
Freedom was pushing it hard this AM, never giving in. Looked like a big train coming through the fog with tag that cap light going. You have made a ton of progress big guy, and every workout that you attend is a better workout for everyone there.
Stagecoach posted in some sort of safari jacket. No sign of Cecil the Lion.
Not sure if I should be honored or offended that Tawney chose this as his first Varsity workout (his words), but we were glad to have him. Looked like he did just fine. No turning back now – see you at Skunkworks next week.
ANNOUNCEMENTS:
don’t remember anything – shout out in the comments if I missed something.
Horsehead
Two Cents’ Worth
Suggestions are ideas that can be taken or rejected; it’s up to the person who receives the suggestion. They can be in the form of advice, opinions, recommendations, tips, proposals, or a myriad of delivery methods. Suggestions frequently make their way into our morning workout routine. Sometimes they are helpful, sometimes they are not – usually they are considered ignored by the workout Q, sometimes (but infrequently) for the betterment of the workout.
26 conceitedly assertive pax posted at F3 Kevlar on this fine January morn, many still basking in the afterglow of the man-ball of awesomeness that was fired from the Kevlar cannon a week ago to this day.
What I remember from the workout:
COP at gym parking lot near flagpole – couple of unmemorable things and 5 burpees – defined this location as STATION 1.
2nd COP at base of high school hill – couple more unmemorable things and 5 burpees – defined this location as STATION 2.
3rd COP on soccer practice field – at least one more unmemorable thing and (maybe) 5 burpees – defined this location as STATION 3. Note the tires all lined up in a row with the cones.
Split in three groups (while planking, you know, to avoid standing around). Split off to your respective stations. Rotate through the stations until time is called.
- STATION 1 – 25 big boy setups under the flag pole
- STATION 2 – 3X hill repeats, with 10 merkins at the bottom each time
- STATION 3 – hairburner with the nasty tire to the cones and back (option to burpee broad jump)
If you found yourself amongst strangers midway through, you were either really fast or really slow – or maybe your teammates were. No worries – you vs. you. Keep on pushing.
Regroup everyone and head back to the practice field.
Suicides to the cones
- 10X merkins, then 20X
- 10X sister mary catherines, then 20X
- 10X something I forget, then 20X
- 10X diamonds, then 20X
- 10X burpees, then 20X – these were strictly for Hannibal and Steinbrinner (Happy Birthday)
- straight suicide run to both cones – repeat 3 times
Circle up for Mary
After a near mutiny, with 2:30 left on the clock, the Q acquiesced to the rabid calls for the Bangles and attempted an abbreviated Eternal Flame with a couple of discretionary fast-forwards.
DONE
Small burrowing insectivorous mammal with dark velvety fur, a long muzzle, and very small eyes skin
No idea how many to plan for this am, so I set out 9 tires figuring we would have 20 and it would be overkill. Surprised by the numbers, and we had just enough once we split into three groups. 52 combined last week between Joust/Kevlar and 47 this week is some sweet action. I think the summer merger gave Joust some time to establish itself, while the Kevlar reopening re-attracted some past attenders. Either way, we are glad to see this.
By the way, setting up all of this junk before the workout takes more time that I thought. I have always taken the fabled Bulldog workouts for granted, but the little fella gets up at around 3am to set up shop. He told me I had to make Kevlar different (i.e. don’t just run around and do merkins for 45 mins), so this was my attempt.
The absence of Bananas was noted, but not entirely unexpected. This hurt deeply after I endured his horrible #brobuster double kettlebell workout at the Meathead and cordially invited him to join us in this mornings festivities. His response was a somewhat lukewarm “I need to.” It appears that he yielded not to his needs, but to his wants this morning. Perhaps this was because I threw up in my mouth and accidentally spit it into his sock yesterday.
Lots of suggestions coming in left and right throughout the morning. Some of these were audible, and some were just demonstrated by the pax by creating their own version of the workout. Next week, I will bring a suggestion box that will be located on top of the trash can, barely balancing on the edge. Some notable suggestions included:
“I thought this was supposed to be Fun Friday! Can we just do the Bangles thing and some Mary?”
“I’m not going to do any side-straddle Hops, even though they are my namesake. (this was an implied suggestion) and I think everyone should follow suite.
“Instead of the sit-up station, I’ll just lay here for a while and wiggle my legs a bit.”
“I brought Steinbrenner all the way here (it’s his Birthday, don’t you know) and told him that we wouldn’t do any burpees since you are leading. There is no basis or historical precedent for this, but you should consider it strongly.”
“You shouldn’t have started that next suicide run, because there is a man still struggling to finish the last one and he looks like he may die” (note, suggestion was retracted once I pointed out that it was only Brown)
“I can’t hear you because you sound like you have a mouth full of half-chewed Raisinets – please speak more clearly and/or hire a translator”
“We should really do the Bangles now because it give me an opportunity to stop exercising and just lay there for the rest of our time together”
Announcements:
- Compass on Fridays at 6:30 – Arbo Chick Fil a
- New SOB workout launching at Blakeney 0700 – SOBs will finally see each other in daylight (not sure if this is a good thing or not)
- Outland/Commitment converging at Commitment 0630
- Ascent/Olympus converging for Kettlebell-fest. The Rock may also be involved in this, but I didn’t listen very closely. Bring your wallet.
- Alf promising a death-workout at Day Zero tomorrow – at least 13 miles and 800 burpees.
That’s all for now. Stone Cold on Q next week, so hope to see you fine gentlemen back out.
Kevlar Preblast – We’re Getting the Band Back Together
Many months have come and gone, and the question persists . . . when is Kevlar coming back? Fret no longer my eager compadres, for the time has arrived for Kevlar to return in all of it’s glory back to the CDS campus on Friday mornings at 0530.
There have been many questions from the pax submitted by email, text, smoke signal, and carrier pigeon. I have ignored those, and have created the following fictional questions and answers below instead:
- Q: Is Bulldog going to lead this thing? We really enjoy making fun of him, and it is more convenient when he is surrounded in a circle.
- A: Yes. . . . well at least tomorrow and then probably sometime after he reattaches his knee
- Q: Why is the preblast coming from Horsehead? Have you been relegated to Purple Haze status already?
- A: Sadly, this is also a yes. I hope to fill the large administrative shoes left behind by Sussudio, who set the bar for this many months ago.
- Q: Don’t band (or any other type of) reunions typically yield disastrous results
- A: Listen, this is going to be some epic shizz. Think of a 78 year old Mick Jagger with a dodgy knee kicking you repeatedly in the junk . . . awesome sauce.
- Q: Will the old groupies be there, like Busch, Bananas, Brown, Stone Cold, Alf, etc . . . ?
- A: If they know what is good for them. Busch and Bananas are recovering from a botched matching neck tattoo removal procedure. Brown blew out his sphincter trying to dead lift an El Camino. Stone Cold and Alf are #runners now. Hopefully they will all repent and come back to roost.
- Q: What about Chelmsformsion, you know, the workout that meets in the parking deck in on the other side of Pineville? Do you expect guys to defect from that workout to post here?
- A: If they know what’s good for them, they will get up early and make the trip. Also, Chelms started the workout 5 mins ago to get a head start, so they probably won’t be able to find him.
- Q: The Brave? I thought that was the hardest Friday workout going?
- A: If hunting small Hare Krishnas around the dark streets of Ballentyne is your bag, then I suggest you post there. You’ll probably get lost, or mistaken for a sheep by Haggis. I’ve fallen for that trick a few times, but I don’t like to talk about it.
- Q: How about Mt. Goat? Lots of the Kevlar guys went over there. Will they come back?
- A: Running around in a circle for an hour is exciting, nobody can deny this. Good Luck at the JD Run. Pro Tip: You’re not going to win.
- Q: Won’t Header be lonely over at Joust?
- A: Probably, but he has a dingleberried field of dreams to frolic in, so we think he’ll be ok. Also, we are planning some combined events with the Joust boyz (i.e. Header and his Jeep) as an outreach initiative. Stay tuned for this.
- Q: Will we serve Spotted D?
- A: Spotted D is disgusting. BYOD.
- Q: Are the Bangles going to be there? Rumor has it that Susanna Hoffs will personally attend to provide a live lip-synched version of “Eternal Flame” for the Grand Finale.
- A: Gotta post to know.
- Q: What’s the difference between Great Britain, The United Kingdom, and England?
- A: Nobody cares
That’s all for now chaps.
love,
Horsehead and Bulldog