Author Archive Horsehead

Mt. Skunkworth

Pax (from memory):  Smokey, Tulip, Stone Cold, Mountain Momma, Chin Music, Lois, Cage, Baracus, Funky Cold,  Boondock (2.0), Horsehead (Q)

11 Skunks on a hill.

We did something like this this once before.  Nobody liked it too much, but everyone survived.  2nd verse, same as the first.

Warmup COP

Start at the top of Mt. Skunkworth

  • 4X each – P1 Alt. Swings, P2 run to top
  • drop a level
  • 3X each – P1 C&P, P2 run
  • drop a level
  • 2X each – P1 Squat, P2 run
  • drop a level
  • 1X each – P1 snatch, P2 run
  • switch to run around church
  • 1X each – P1 OH press, P2 run

Back to top – set of 11s on the hill – snatches/merkins

Abbreviated Mary

Back to launch

Single Arm Complex

  • Swing / Clean / C&P  – LH 2X
  • RH 2X
  • LH 4X
  • RH 4X



Time to get back into the world of the Site Qs.  I believe this is my 3rd round of playing Site Q over the nearly 7 years (this month) I have been doing F3.  It’s easy to slip through the cracks and fartsack if you don’t have a little responsibility in my world, so hopefully this will make us all a little better.  TClaps to Skunkwork OG Stone Cold for spurring this on.

Area51 Site Qs when I started F3 in September 2013 (from the welcome e-mail from Countertop):

Note that there was no SOB or Waxhaw.

  • Joker / Matrix
  • Smash & Passport / Base Camp
  • Skywalker & Hops / DMZ
  • Market Timer & Honeybee / Foxhole
  • Stone Cold / Skunkworks
  • Haggis / Bagpipe
  • Turkey Leg / Fast Twitch
  • Stagecoach / Death Valley
  • Mic Check & Mighty Mite / The Maul
  • Baracus & Young Love / Anvil
  • Bugeater, 49er, & Donkey Kong / Hydra
  • The Shore & 49er / Devil’s Turn
  • Crabcake & Spackler / Rebel Yell
  • Bulldog / Kevlar
  • Escargot & Chelms / Centurion
  • Bob the Builder & Dora / SPEARHEAD
  • Far Side, Abacus, and Crabcake / Area 51
  • Mall Cop, & Hops / The Rock
  • Radar & Purple Haze / Day Zero
  • Dolphin / Stonehenge
  • Countertop / Outland
  • Strange Brew & High Tide / Ascent

Look at the names.  Recognize some?    Gotta stay involved to keep getting up at 4:45AM.

Speaking of involved, Smokey and Stone Cold have some sort of Ultimate Frisbee Field of Dreams thing going on.  All I hear about are constant injuries and hurt feelings, but the lure of the outstretched one-handed grab outweighs a mouth full of turf dingleberries.

Mountain Momma (Mama?  Mamma?) has his M chauffeur him personally to the workouts.  Apparently they are both crushing it at 5:30 AM each morning.  I hope they didn’t nickname her Mountain Daddy, because that’s not right.   That’s something we would do.  Women are nicer to each other (in person at least).  Could you imagine if a group of women made fun of each other like we do at our workouts?  “Hey Sparkles, is that a medium shirt?”  I don’t see that lasting very long.

Tulip and Funky Cold were both surprisingly present.  I thought they would enjoy the newfound freedom and join the other 76 people not exercising in the Olde Sycamore Teeter parking lot, but I underestimated them.


Here’s to pretending it’s fall already.  Snuggies and Punkin Spice for everyone.  It’ll be 98 next week, which will feel like 118.  Enjoy it while it lasts.






PS.  Skunkworks Pro Tip.  Put your GPS watch in your pocket, or leave it in the car.  Smashing a KB repeatedly on your watch is not good for you.













A Man Walks Into a Kevlar

8 for Kevlar.

Geraldo, Lex, Whip, Chubbs, Cage, Bounce, Dish, Horsehead



  • Campus Starfish at the paver cross – 5 burpee center and various endpoint activities
  • Back road suicides – various species of merkin
  • Ladder on the hill – burpees and jump squats
  • Mary at natural interludes



Good crew today, ready to get after it.

Missing Bulldog and his new/old buddy Butterball.  They came back strong, but have been MIA the past few weeks.  Rumor is they had custom matching Pelotons installed in their respective inglenooks and we may never see them again.  Bulldog is halfway through the Fawlty Towers box set by now.


Bounce and Dish representing the Molon Labe crew, who have been doing all sorts of things for the past several months with the exception of haircuts.  Bounce just learned that the dates on his wine bottles are not expirations, so his weekend plans have expanded.  Looks like rain tomorrow AM, so I’m not sure what the Bear Claw workout policy is on that.  I’m venturing to guess it’s a no.

Chubbs is getting geared up for his big VQ next week.  I hope we gave him some good advice.

VQ Pro Tips:

  • No
  • Also, no
  • If it’s never been done, let’s keep it that way
  • Do not throw or launch any items during the workout
  • Yes, there are new exercises on the website.  Please leave them there.
  • If you can’t do it, don’t Q it.
  • Also, fake it till you make it.
  • If you can’t take the heat, better not circle up for too long.
  • Absolutely not




Looks like Hopper drew the RockZ Rain Q card out of the Sorting Hat for tomorrow.  not slytherin, not slytherin.   Come on out and support.  I may be there myself.


Top Secret Link for A51 only backblasts, which are few and far between these days:






P. S.

Movie recommendation for this weekend:

The Ghost and Mr. Chicken, starring Don Knotts (with a multitude of Mayberry cameos).








Turd Ferguson

Somewhere in the neighborhood of 10 witnessed the 7th plague of the squirting geese this morning at Anvil.  I didn’t capture the pax list, but it was basically the TriFuseNik and some witnesses.

I have about 10 mins to write this, so here goes:

  • Ran around some while realizing my shirt was on inside out.  Fantastic.
  • Warmups by some
  • Starfish – cut short by enormous piles of excrement
  • Suicides that were longer than I thought they would be
  • Hotbox partner no-touch stuff
  • Time killer runs back to home base

According to Spackler, the official Trifusenik Saturday workout has been renamed to Bear Claw and is now held at Quik Trip.  Masks optional.  They do Biz Markie Karaoke and watch reruns of the Fresh Prince of Belmont on Puddin Pops Amazon Fire.

Speaking of masks, Semi Gloss just opened his new Etsy store selling custom made masks fashioned out of his discarded back hair.  They are already on backorder, but he sheds quickly this time of year so best to get in line.

Smokey was rocking an autographed Furtick Tank Top.

Gambit is the worst super hero.  His special power is throwing cards at people.  At least Hawkeye made do without any lame special powers.






Skunks in a Circle

10 at the Skunk


Funky Cold, Smokey, Header, Schmedium, Cage, Chicken Wing, Lois, Stone Cold, Boondock, Horsehead (QIC)




  • SSH X 20
  • IW X 20
  • Stationary Lunge X 10
  • Good Morning X 10

10 burpees

Set 1 – repeat X 3

  • 2H Swing X 20
  • Merkin X 20
  • Thruster X 10
  • Clean X 8/S

10 Burpees

Set 2 – repeat X 3

  • Alternating Swings X 20
  • Flutter Press X 20
  • Teabag Squat X 10
  • Snatch X 5/S

10 Burpees

Set 3 – repeat X 3

  • 1H Swing X 10/S
  • Two Hand OH Press X 10
  • High Pull X 8/S
  • Russian Twist X 10

10 Burpees

Swing/Merkin Ladder

Start at 2 each, increase by 2 until 20, then back down

10 Burpees

Pass Out in Truck




This was a rehashed CoronaWorkout from the first week when we all thought that Zoom was fun.  Now, Zoom isn’t fun anymore.  In fact, I’d rather eat a jar of premixed Peanut Butter and Jelly than attend another videoconference.  Or perhaps down an entire bag of Dum Dums that are only root beer and cream soda flavored.

On that note, I heard there was a big virtual conference last week with all of the Charlotte TrueFarghovialient employees where everyone realized that everyone else was a Vice President and some tempers (virtually) flared.  I’m not sure how accurate any of this is. Remember when times were easier and you had to read shampoo bottles on the toilet instead of your smartphone?  How I long for those days.

Anyway, this workout abused me like Joey Chestnut’s bathroom on the 5th of July.  It will melt your face.  Stone Cold has completed it 100 times and just look at him.  He was all twitterpated last night when I told him what was coming – I don’t think he slept a wink but somehow he showed up without a hair out of place.

Lois is a fount of 80s trivia knowledge.  He knows things about obscure songs, TV shows, and movies that he shouldn’t; or maybe we should?  Start talking bout some Mama’s Family, Steve Gutenburg & Michael Winslow, or the “Take On Me” video and he’s right in there with some KNOW-LEDGE.  He is also persuasive, once convincing his nephew that the Bishopville, SC Lizard Man was real.  This is all true.

I’m not really sure what else happened out there.  I blacked out momentarily during the SDCOT, which was fun.  Boondock started calling me Grandpa and I think he just finished the walk home.

Stay safe out there and keep posting.  Check in on those guys who have disappeared.


PS – 6AM workouts are lame.  Stop it.



your friend, Horsehead











Phase 1


Orange Whip, EE, Puddin Pop, Cottontail, Geraldo, Stone Cold, Horsehead (QIC)

7 mangy Kashykkian moofmilkers busted out of the Phase 1 gate right as it opened at 530.

The Thang:

  • Run to Library, the long way – warmup around back
  • Crazy 8s in the parking lot – run a figure 8 pattern with burpees in the middle and Merkins/Squats at the ends. Count down the burpees each time for 8 laps.
  • Bear Crawl down the brick walkway
  • 10/10/10s X3 on the bricks – derkins, step ups, nugget dippers
  • Suicides along the disgusting dumpsters – how are these so nasty with the restaurants closed?
  • Run to start – sprints by the railroad tracks, winner/flesh anchor calls Mary each time


This backblast is a product of peer pressure, from people who didn’t even post to this.  I was planning to kick my feet up and eat some of this imported bat jerky I just got in the mail from Ali Baba, but I suppose I can multitask.  Might as well join the other 99% of folks “working at home” this Friday.

You know what I hate?  No, not road cyclists and craft beer – that’s a given.  I‘m talking bout Zoom.  I hate me some Zoom.  It combines the worst aspects of a poor quality phone call and an awkward in-person meeting.  We tried a few Zoom workouts in April, and I suppose they met a need, but I am Zoooooomed out and can’t handle any more of this nonsense.  They were  funny though.  Turkey Leg looked like he was trapped in a Turkish Prison, Hoover had some sort of Exercise Apnea that overwhelmed the microphone, some random dude worked out with a kettlebell in his kitchen, and Cottontail’s garage looked like something from the Red Green show.  It was fun for about a week.  Time to move on.

We had a good time out in the real world this morning.  Followed all of the rulez and everything.  Cottontail came in all the way from Frog Pond to work out with us.  So did one of Puddin Pops farts.  Stone Cold had on some brand new shoes that he was awful proud of.  He got quite pale(r) when I threatened the mud, but we kept our powder dry.  EE told us about the caravan of food trucks patrolling his neighborhood that he’s too cheap to order from, but I expected no less from a man who chooses Grizzly over Kodiak.  Orange Whip has been huffing mold spores and was delusional.  All he would say was “My name is Larry, this is my brother Darryl and this is my other brother Darryl” over and over.  Oh, and I almost forgot Geraldo.  I don’t think he ever left from last week though.  He’s been working out continuously since April 1st.  Somebody told him that if he worked out for 30 days straight he could make Vice President at one of the banks in town.

Speaking of Geraldo, he tells me that DREAD himself is coming to Q The Rock tomorrow.  Tell you what, I’m ready for some F3 again.  I just ordered 7 of the Starter Kits.  For $25, it’s a real bargain.  I’m going to reboot myself and only speak in F3 jargon for the rest of May.  AYE BROTHER!  Let’s sharpen some iron!


So, lets’ get those starter kits on order and get back at it boys.  We’ve got a long summer ahead of us.






Stone Cold, Geraldo, Cottonmouth, Cottontail, Slide Rule, Turkey Leg, TR (hacker), Horsehead (VQIC)





  • SSH X 20
  • IW X 20
  • Air Squat X 10
  • Windmill X 10

10 burpees

Set 1 – repeat X 3

  • 2H Swing X 20
  • Merkin X 20
  • Goblet Squat X 10
  • Lawnmower X 10/S

10 Burpees

Set 2 – repeat X 3

  • 2H Swing X 20
  • Full Sit-up X 15
  • Lunge X 8/L
  • Clean & Press X 8/S

10 Burpees

Set 3 – repeat X 3

  • Snatch X 8/S
  • Thruster X 10
  • Flutter Press X 10/L
  • 1H Swing X 10/S

10 Burpees

Swing/Snatch/Merkin ladder up to 10 – time killer / smoker

10 Burpees



If you would have asked me a couple of weeks ago if I would video myself exercising in the driveway so that folks could watch online I would have stepped away quickly without breaking eye contact.  That’s where we ended up this morning though.  And you know what; it was about as weird as I thought it would be.

I set up a Zoom account and did a little testing.  The camera needs to be at the right angle.  iPad in a folding chair did the trick.  You also need a little lighting, but not too much.  I used a shop light but some of the guys were in lighted garages.  Mine has cars in it.

I don’t think these Vorkouts will vork very well with much (or any) running involved, but maybe someone more creative than myself will find a way.  I suppose we could duct tape an iPhone to Turkey Leg and see what happens.  Then we can all post on Strava something like “EZ 16 miler with TL” at the end.  Or maybe we’ll Velcro one to Gloss’s back hair and see what a day in the life of the Trifusenik is like. Workout in the clouds with Hoover or take a ride in the TR Beardcam.  The opportunities are endless.  Don’t even get me started on the Runstopper tightphone experience.

Anyway, here’s what happened this morning.

  • Cottontail joined from his remote fortress with one of his 2.0s. They both had on those Rambo survival knives that you get from the flea market with the fishing line and matches inside of the handle.
  • Cottonmouth appeared to be in some sort of fancy home gym so I’m not sure why he even bothered with us. He kept pressing this thing he called the Lunk Alarm, but it was really just one of those Staples Easy Buttons.  We just pretended we didn’t see him.  It was awkward.
  • Turkey Leg is in a Turkish prison, and is begging for help in Turkey code. We need an interpreter who speaks gobble.  Maybe that lady from the Airplane movie can help.
  • Geraldo was getting after it, or at least moving around on the screen and making lots of breathing noises.
  • I’m not even sure that Stone Cold was working out . I think he was sitting on his couch eating some eggs. He says that he got real sweaty though, which is pretty nasty.  Pray for his wife and family.
  • TR hacked into the workout from his car, while driving, only to capture a screenshot of my nose hairs.  I would have probably done the same thing.

None of the above is probably true, or maybe all of it is.  You guys have read these before, so don’t think a virtual workout changes anything.

Hopefully, we’ll be back at it soon. I can’t wait for some summer workouts.  I’m ready to circle up at RockZero and sprint across the huge parking lot like Fat Axl Rose in jorts when the whistle blows in Paradise City.  Sitting at home all day reading articles about millennials complaining that they can’t get their CBD infused Kombucha is just making things worse.  Also, I need a haircut.   I’m growing a natural mullet that’s more suitable for Redneck Hockey with a frozen Bubbaburger puck than my esteemed profession.  I’m in the market for a used Flowbee, but I’m a little nervous about my giant eyebrows getting caught up in the blades, or possibly stalling out the motor.

I’ve got more problems, but you guys are too important to me to waste your time with them.  Take care of your families and keep each other accountable in these upcoming weeks.  We all need it.



Until we meet again,





R.I.P. Area51


People who experienced this:

Geraldo, Levi, iHop, Glock, Boerewors, Mr. Magoo,  Alf, Runstopper, Wojo, Beaver, Ductwork, Elsa, Mailman, O Tannenbaum, Horsehead


15 men of valor and curiosity posted for a potentially once in a lifetime leap-day RockZero extravaganza.  The next opportunity for a Feb 29th RockZero will be in the year 2048, so mark your calendars.  I’m already signed up to Q for those of you who will still be around.





  • Warmup run and COP, including some smooooth imperial walkers
  • 2 rounds of Mega Giant Starfish across campus – merkins, HTH, squats, & pax choice at the corners w/ burpee center
  • Tree suicides in the parking lot of pain and grievances – merkins, peter parkers, humpers
  • Jacobs ladder on the hill of dehydrated turds– burpees and jump squats
  • 3 sets of hotbox 10/20/30s – derkins, little Haze, LBC – run to the trash can each time
  • Around 4 miles – not Chad approved





After a somewhat awful Friday at work, I needed this one.  There really is no better remedy for a case of the grumpies than to fully smoke yourself Qing a workout.  Had I not signed up, I would probably still be lying in the sack, enveloped in farts.  Thanks for coming out guys.

This workout seemed longer than a CVS receipt.  I kept looking at the watch, and we still had a lot of chicken left on the bone every time I checked.  Speaking of watches, O Tannenbaum spent most of coffeteria talking about how much he loves collecting watches, even his collector’s edition Casio G Shock that he uses exclusively for being late to EVERY SINGLE WORKOUT.  We thought he had mended his ways this AM when he was actually there to hear his first F3 disclaimer ever, but he eventually fessed up to being 2 mins late for the 630 pre run.

No way to top that unless you are Hoover, who somehow overslept by 2 hours.  You know what though, the big guy probably needed the sleep after running around with backpacks full of lead and cinder blocks strapped to himself all week.

Runstopper likes his post-workout coffee in a reusable, sustainable mug with a wisp of cinnamon and nutmeg and just an ever-so-gentle drizzle of flannel.  He also saves water by omitting shorts from the laundry load and rocking the exposed Spanx.  The rest of us contribute to saving the environment by each driving individual vehicles to Starbucks and drinking out of paper cups.

Missed Spackler and his aromas today.  I think he and Bounce come as a BOGO package deal.  I hear they are off having a final showdown – Adams Tight Lies vs. The Orilimar Tri Metal.

Alf crushed us all.  I heard he had a pushup contest with Superman last weekend, loser had to wear their underwear on the outside of their pants.



Until 2048,




PS. Better read this quick, before it gets #Waxhawed right off of the front page.


Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?

Pax:  Fault Line, Lex, Cottontail, Spack, Puddin, Christmas, Horsehead (Q)



Where is my John Wayne
Where is my prairie song
Where is my happy ending
Where have all the cowboys gone


7 for Kevlar, beating the Gummy over/under odds from last night.  The count did not include Gummy, however, who had more important things to do.



Run around

Warm up COP

Giant Starfish with 5 burpee center.

  • L1 – Leg circuit at the benches
  • L2 – Core ciruit around the medians
  • L3 – Merkin circuit on the big hill

Repeato a few times

7s on the big hill – Merkins and Jump Squats

Mary while ½ the pax run to the big rock and back.



 As I mentioned earlier, this workout appears to be hanging on for dear life.

  • Like a last-minute bathroom booger before a big meeting.
  • Like the last mystery gel-filled pieces of a Whitman’s Sampler.
  • Like that backgammon set that you keep around because it looks “classy” but doesn’t even have Checkers on the flip side.
  • Like that Pumpkin Spice White Claw that you have in the crisper.
  • Like that Gingham Pinafore that you know you will not ever  be able to squeeze your giant rump into but you keep around because it matches those fabulous black pumps you got at Marti and Liz.
  • Like Puddin’s gray shirt


Anyway, I think you get the point.  It’s still hanging around.  What’s different between Kevlar and the list above?  Kevlar can be awesome again.   With apologies to Puddin’s shirt, none of that other stuff has a chance.  Attendance is actually trending upward, but we haven’t even hit the worst winter weather yet.  Let’s hope for a turnaround.  Show up.


From this morning, just a few observations:

The Total Body Fitness Circuit was rehashed from a previous workout that only had 3 in attendance.  It was too good for that, so we revived it.  Cottontail has already mailed out a handwritten thank you letter, although with baby #14 on the way I’m not sure how he has time to do anything else.

Puddin Pop always brings the fun.  Sometimes it’s hard to decipher what he’s saying through the miasma that he is enveloped in, but I believe that most of his comments were about pre, post, and during bowel movement activities.  I tried to take notes, but ran out of toilet paper.


Spackler admitted that he considered Header’s workout at Joust but posted Kevlar for the commentary and the backblast.  We all know what really happened that time Header tried to use the FBC Lottie Moon collection plate as a Frisbee over there – total disaster.

Did you know that James Best was in several Andy Griffith episodes before he went on to play Roscoe on the Dukes of Hazzard?  He played rising country music star Jim Lindsey, who somehow managed to get a screaming electric guitar sound out of an unplugged acoustic that he barely touched.  Guess what his real first name is?  Jewel.  He was also a black belt in karate, which helps with a first name like that.  Denver Pyle (Uncle Jesse) was also in Mayberry for a while as the Darling family Patriarch.

This backblast is going to make the Hangers On list soon, so we’ll end it here.

Post Kevlar in 2020.  Make Kevlar Great Again







Christmas with the Easter Bunny

BB on my iPhone. Got 5 mins.

Christmas, Cottontail and Horsehead for a fun filled 45 mins at Kevlar this am.

Giant Starfish around campus – kept moving for 45 mins.

Christmas led the way. CT expecting baby #14. Wow.